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Black Friday tale of woe. Advice?

viva

Veteran

I have a 22-year-old daughter ready to graduate from college. In YLF terms, I would call her a "mod princess." She loves dresses and is also eclectic in her styling -- mixes vintage with trendy, JCrew with Soho. She is tall (5'10") and slim and really likes to dress up.
Her very short Christmas list this year included "a cape coat," and she sent a picture of one as an idea http://tinyurl.com/mfxlqfh.
While shopping with my sister-in-law on BF, we went to three major department stores and found not a single cape coat. I checked online and found only one, a lovely Maje coat at Nordstrom. Then, we happened upon a Maje store and they had the coat there and I bought it. It's gorgeous -- the kind of thing that, if she likes it, she could wear for YEARS. It was on sale and FINAL sale at that. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was feeling Christmas pressure and Black Friday and wanting to do something special for my daughter and ALL OF THAT, so I bought it. Even on sale it was very pricey for me. http://tinyurl.com/l3a5nvn. It was just a moment of insanity.
Then, back home, I found the original cape she sent me the picture from on ebay. $20 from Hong Kong. I ordered that too. In the closeup ebay pictures it looks pretty much like a $20 cape.
So....what is the best way to give these to her? Do I give her both? I am stumped. If she does not love the Maje coat I will sell it somewhere. I know I will lose money but I hope to regain some of it through consignment or ebay.
Any words of wisdom?
(I both love and loathe Christmas. I love giving gifts but can give myself an ulcer with worry I will disappoint.)
Thank you.

Shopping

26 replies

Latest reply was from Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

Parsley

Veteran

Oh, Viva, I wish our kids had any idea the lengths we go to please them!

That Maje cape looks fabulous, and I can't imagine that she wouldn't like it. Don't fret- you're giving her a beautiful gift, and with love.

LACeleste

Veteran

Oh Christmas! Such a stressful time but it brings out such inspiring generosity in many. I have my fingers crossed that she loves the gorgeous quality Maje cape. Just wanted to say you are a great Mom to work so hard to make Christmas magic! I hope it all works out.

MsMary

Veteran

I say give her to gorgeous Maje cape on Christmas. I can't imagine she won't love it. And if for some reason it's not right, tell her it's all fine, no harm, no foul, and whip out the eBay coat.

MsMary

Veteran

And I don't think this is a tale of woe at all. I think this is a tale full of win!

Greyscale

Veteran

That is a beautiful, beautiful coat and makes me almost want to buy one myself. I hope your daughter loves it - I'm sure she'll recognize the quality - but if not, I'm sure you could sell it on ebay. Or maybe to me!

Holidays really are stressful.

And I'm impressed that your daughter is so adventurous with style. When I was 22 I was just barely starting to find my own style, and I was nowhere near confident enough to wear dramatic statement pieces.

viva

Veteran

Greyscale (I wish I knew everyone's real name!) -- I agree with you about her style. She is definitely selective in where she is adventurous, but she is also the kind of girl who is fine being overdressed, and I love that about her. I think it is how she has come to terms with always being the tallest girl in the room. Might as well stand out!
I will let you know if I have a lovely cape to sell on Dec 26. If I do, it will be a great deal.

MsMary

Veteran

You are reminding me that when I was just your daughter's age, my mom bought me a similar cape in black velvet, and I wore it for years and years until it finally fell apart. I wish I still had it!

KikiG

Veteran

Give her both. I can think of lots of times it is a good idea to leave the nicer coat at home and wear the washable one instead.

I would have loved a cape coat at that age and I would have worn it to shreds.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Exactly what Mary said! The Maje coat is purely gorgeous and really shines through as a special and thoughtful Christmas gift. The other one would be a backup in case that one doesn't fit, IMO.

Oh, and if she doesn't need a backup, maybe try the Ebay one for yourself as an inexpensive experimental wardrobe item?

unfrumped

Veteran

May as well give! There's a good chance she will use it and wear it lots for years as her signature item, and even if only for a few years, with great enjoyment. Then SHE can sell it on e-bay!

Aleta

Viva, don't worry, the cape is absolutely fabulous, I am sure that she will love it, you are a very thoughtful Mum!

carter

Veteran

Give her the Maje cape...for so many reasons.

1. She's 22 and about to graduate (exactly like my daughter), and she'll be living and supporting herself as a full-fledged adult very soon. She likely won't be able to afford much more than a $20 anything for quite awhile.
2. I think, that as a mother, one of the things we can teach our girls is that clothing shouldn't be disposable. A wonderful quality piece like the Maje will get her attention simply because the quality will be so far superior to everything else in her wardrobe.
3. To me, gift-giving isn't just about giving someone something they'll like. It's about giving someone something they would never give themselves. Whether it's expensive or not, it doesn't matter.
4. Over the past 30 years, my stepmom has done this for me. I'm 50, and she still manages to find one very special something each years that just knocks me over. I have everything she's ever given me...exquisite handbags, beautiful coats, extraordinary jewelry, and I still love and wear it all.

Just my two cents, but I think your gift to her this year is far more of a life gift than it is a Christmas present.

merwoman

Veteran

Oh I feel your dilemma. DD is 25 and very fussy. We all want so much for our children to be delighted Christmas morning no matter their age.I'd go with what everyone else is saying the Maje cape is the one to go with.

JG

I'd give her both with the thought that the Hong Kong coat is just what she asked for and the hope that the Maje is what she never knew she always wanted. Surely she'd be delighted with at least one of them!

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

Every word you write about your daughter warms my heart, and I can easily see how much you love her and want to make her happy. I'm that way myself, and I'm sure we all are sharing similar thoughts and feelings when we are out to please our loved ones. I'd give her the Maje, and keep the other as a backup. She will never forget that you did this for her, no matter if it suits her or not.

viva

Veteran

Thanks Ingunn, and everyone. She is a wonderful young woman and I just love her to bits ... and while I want her also to jump for joy when she sees the Maje, I also realize it may take some time for her to realize the value of it. I just have to decide if I hold the cheap cape aside or give her both -- some good arguments here on both sides -- but I am definitely going to give her the Maje and hope she loves it. I know it will look amazing on her, whether with a dress or with her coated skinny jeans.

Thank you all for being so supportive. You're such a great group, and I feel much better about this already.

Thistle

Veteran

What Carter said.

On a side note, when I first started work, I bought a very expensive coat. Granted, I got it almost 70% off, but it was still the most expensive clothing purchase I had ever made in my life. I absolutely loved it at the store, and it is one of the few impulse purchases I have ever made based on a gut feeling of love.

I still have it *cough* 15 years later. I still love it. And it still looks amazing. I think she will love it.

rebekahphoto

Veteran

I think you should certainly giver her the Maje cape! It is beautiful and elegant, and is such an interesting piece. It is so lovely that you have given such care to select a gift for her, I know I always appreciated the gifts from my mom, and sometimes she knew even better than I how a quality piece would find a place of love in my wardrobe! lucky girl

DonnaF

Veteran

I think you should give her the Maje but also at least let her examine the $20 cape and discuss the differences. I'd love to pet the Maje!

My DD wants a puffer vest so yesterday I ordered six (6) in the hopes that she would like at least one. I was about to run out to Uniqlo and buy another one, two, or three but concluded I couldn't make the 30 day return window so I will go there next week and hope they still have a decent selection in her size. Life and my money is too short to give her something she won't wear.

peacechick

Veteran

Wow what awesome mums you are to put so much effort in finding the right item! Christmas in my family is very casual, we usually do small novelty gifts. Viva, your daughter sounds sensible in that she gave you a $20 cape to buy. She must have known it doesn't cost a lot. Would she be thrilled that you went so far above the bar? I bet so, and keep it for many years too.

Von

Veteran

Give her the good quality cape. She can wear it now, retire it when they're out of style and bring it back a few years from now and it will still be a great piece. I think it's fun now, and will be a nice addition to a professional wardrobe that she can keep a long time.

karymk

Veteran

Giving her both will take away the specialness of the Maje! Don't do it! She will love it and you can slyly just make the ebay cape disappear.

gryffin

Veteran

Viva - that is a beautiful story. There is nothing more wonderful than giving someone exactly what they want. I personally would give both. First, I would give her the $20 cape she asked for. I am sure she'll just be thrilled you went to all the trouble to find what she was looking for. Then, I would start to make little noises, the "you look so adorable but something is not quite perfect" kind, vanish and reappear with the Maje cape. Watch as child freaks out with delight. I think both capes have a place. Sometimes you really don't want to wear your "best" coat(club, game, somewhere it could get stolen etc). But now she has a back up which she can wear to death, no sorrow only joy to have, and she has something magnificent and well made which will give her years of joy. I think it's perfect and what you did was so special. She will remember this holiday and all the trouble you went to to find the perfect give forever. That will be the most precious gift of all!! Kudos!!

Jjsloane

Veteran

How sweet that you did this for your DD. It reminds me of my father who asked what I wanted one year and I told him "pink sweater". He bought me 5. Love.
Give them both to her. I'm sure she would not be expecting the Maje, but would be overwhelmed to receive it. Having a backup is a good thing. She's young and will have occasions for both. Wear the ebay one to parties etc.. where she won't be upset if something happens to it and the Maje one when she has full control of it. It's also a lesson on treating your possessions with respect.

Mochi

Veteran

OMG that Maje coat is gorgeous. She will be treasuring it for years to come. You are so generous.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Give her the Maje. It is something she will probably always keep. She probably picked out the eBay one because she felt it was affordable, never dreaming you would get her something so gorgeous and high-end.