I’ve been a bit sporadic on the forum for about 10 days now
and I feel like I can now share why. We had a very frightening experience with
my MIL on Monday, February 24th.

My son was recently promoted in his company so has changed
from working an evening shift of 4:00 – midnight, to now working full time
days. This now meant my MIL was alone all day. We’ve been working on getting Home Care into place but unfortunately, she doesn’t qualify at this stage for full time day care. We have Victoria Life Line in the home for her and we make sure she puts on the pendant when we leave for work in the morning but often when she has a nap, she takes off the pendant and doesn’t remember to put it back on (I can’t even begin to tell you the places we have found that pendant when we get home!).

She’s also not eating much during the day while we’re gone so I’ve gotten into the habit of making her a lunch when I make mine for work – no big deal to make two servings I figure. I also make her breakfast before we leave. But again, we often arrived home from work to find the lunch still sitting in the refrigerator because she does not remember that it is there. So it’s tea and toast during the day because it’s what she can remember to make.

We finally managed to convince her that she should no longer drive for both her safety and the safety of others. Unfortunately this means she is in the house all day – not healthy for anyone.

It’s so hard because what can you do – we both have to work and do not have positions where we can take a paid leave of absence to care for my MIL. And unpaid is out of the question.

Anyway, back to the frightening experience. We arrived home from work on the Monday and walked in the back door and instantly found the house freezing cold – you could see your breath in the house. When we got up
from the back door landing, we saw that the front door was wide open. Both my kitty cats were sitting just inside the front door staring out. But my MIL was
nowhere in the house to be found.

Both DH and I took off outside, each of us heading a different way down our street. We searched about 6 city blocks and my husband ended up finding her wandering down a back lane. She had walked to the corner store to get cigarettes and then couldn’t remember her way home nor the address she lived at. She didn’t realize she had not only not locked the house, but had
left the doors wide open.Given our winter temperatures, she very easily could have perished out there.

We were now in crisis mode and concerned for my MIL’s health and safety, as well as that of our home. My husband put together a conference call with his siblings (all of whom live here and have been completely absent in assisting with his mom’s care). In the end, my SIL, who retired a few months ago, stepped in to say she would take my MIL into her home since there is someone there all the time so no more worries about being left alone. The Home Care assistance, when it comes through, will be at my SIL’s home instead.

My MIL was not happy with this suggestion but when DH and I explained it to her with the utmost emphasis on what was best for her, she realized it made sense. So she moved out last weekend and everyone has been adjusting.

We (as in hubby, son and I) have had many mixed emotions about this turn of events. We are trying not to feel like we failed my MIL. We have some guilt that our circumstances did not allow one of us to be home full time. But this is the reality of our lives at this stage and we really did all that we could. And that look of happiness a few of you have mentioned on my WIW posts in the last couple of days is actually that of relief – I don’t need to be afraid all day of how my MIL is doing and whether or not she is safe.