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Best Style Lessons to Teach Kids?

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

I've been thinking about this for a while, so would love your input.

What do you think are the very best style lessons we can teach our kids?

OR

What do you wish you'd been taught as a child?

OR

Do you think this is something best learned by observing?

I really want to be on the ball with this one for my girls.

At the moment I'm focusing on modesty - E is quite tall for her weight, so most dresses that fit her are like long tops - so she has quite a leggings collection now!

And also individuality - G thinks all girls should wear girls colours and only wear skirts/dresses so often tells E and I that she doesn't like what we are wearing because we aren't real girls LOL So we talk often about how different people like different things etc!

Over to you!!!

General

18 replies

Latest reply was from Mamapicklejuice

Becky

Veteran

I've thought about this topic in regards to my own daughters, Theresa. One thing my mom did do well (though she has next to no interest in style) was guide us toward colors that were flattering with our personal coloring. I struggle to balance between letting my daughters express their individuality and wanting them to look "put together." I do try to compliment them when they've chosen a combination that really works (my DD7 is a whiz at layering already), and I allow them to choose what types of clothing we buy for them (my DD5 wears primarily dresses and only rarely jeans). I try to provide feedback on why certain types of footwear/clothing may not be practical for a certain activity. My girls think I'm a big meanie because I refuse to allow them to wear flip-flops (thongs) anywhere but to the pool. I'm still working this one out, so I'll look forward to the other responses!

Late Bloomer

(website)

It sounds like you are off to a great start! It's that balance between individuality while still dressing appropriately that you are already helping them find. I think you kind of teach it as you go with discussions like you are already having.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I think the best thing to do is just keep dialog going. I'm constantly talking to my kids about fashion and style- both mine and theirs. My daughter likes to watch me try things on, and I will comment on why I like or dislike things- it gets her thinking. If I don't like something that my kids choose, I try to keep the negative to myself and find a positive to comment instead. Of course, there are some things that I just can't ignore and have to put my foot down on, but in general they are both really developing nice styles. My son has taken to straightening his hair and wearing a tie most days (with his black skinny jeans, Converse and a funky shirt). The other day we went to Forever 21 and my daughter bought herself an outfit for my SIL's wedding- this lace skirt:
http://www.forever21.com/produ.....pgcount=25
with a pretty purple blouse, and this sequined vest:
http://www.forever21.com/produ.....howBACK=OK
with some studded leggings. It's funky, but appropriate to the venue and modest, so I am thrilled. My son wants a vest to wear (which is something that I have been suggesting to him for some time) to the wedding.
I totally hear you on the modesty issue. My dd is also quite tall for her age, and she's sort of in between JR/kids and adult sizes. She has danced for years, and she likes the aesthetic of dancewear so I am trying to drill into her that dancewear is not appropriate for wear outside the studio.

Melody

By example, I hope I'm teaching my children, 7 yo dd & 5 yo ds, to take pride in their appearance and to make the effort to be presentable when they go out into the world.

I am trying to teach my children to take care of their clothes. My daughter especially plays very rough on the playground and often comes home stained with pulls, rips, & tears. When we pick out her clothes for the day and she wants to wear a dress with tights to school, I remind her she'll need to be mindful when she plays and most often we'll choose something else. Little boys' clothes seem to withstand playground wear much better.

Finally, I agree it's important to instill modesty early. So often little girls shorts', scooters, & skirts are so, so short. My husband teaches 6th grade and we find that mothers who allow their young daughters to wear these cute little shortie outfits usually allow their pre-teens and teens to continue the trend when it's no longer cute, but bordering on obscene. My daughter seems to be learning this lesson well as she insists on pairing leggings with *everything*!

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

I learned modesty and dressing to show respect for others and yourself quite early, and I am passing those lessons on to my children.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What a fab thread! Love hearing the wisdom from Mums

I taught Jasmine and Rosie to wear red because it brings out their shiny coats, noses and eyes. They also enjoy being well groomed because then - they receive extra cuddles from those around them, which in turn makes them extra happy.

I'm grateful that my Mum instilled the discipline in me to *always* be well turned out (even when I went horse riding and was mucking up stables) and lady-like. Also to never swear, which I still don't do today.

Christie

Angie, I like your mum's lessons. I wish I'd learned to dress well no matter the situation. (I also learned not to swear! I've never heard my mom swear.) Your girls are so cute!

My mom taught me modesty, and I am teaching that to my daughter. My daughter, age 8, loves leggings and doesn't like anything that shows her midriff.

Another lesson my mom taught me was letting me dress myself and do my own hair at a very young age. She said by doing this that I was able to put together good outfits younger than other girls whose mothers dressed them. So I let my daughter dress herself from age 2. She is doing pretty well, with her pattern mixing and boho layers.

She just learned to put her hair in a bun for ballet!

I like the tips to help with finding best colors and also treating clothes well.

mamaKate

Veteran

to the teenage girl regarding modesty: It's much more of a tease to leave something (or a lot of things) to the imagination!

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

awww some lovely tips here and I have really enjoyed reading from those of you who have older girls! At 6 & 4, we really are only just touching on some of the things you guys have been dealing with for a while.

I think its interesting too how different each child can be - G is only 4, but has an eye for colours combo's etc, is very concerned with being well dressed, and only wears boy short undies, whereas 6yr old E will just put anything on as long as its comfy, doesn't care if she doesn't brush her hair, and only wear's normal undies!

(Actually Angie, I think you and Georgie would get along fabulously - she strikes me as a mini you some days with her very specific styling!)

I'm expecting E to be much harder work than G when it comes to all of this LOL And I can guarantee that my children will NEVER be allowed out of the house wearing the skimpy things I wore as a teen

rute

Veteran

I think we don't need to say much! They learn to do what they see. Acts are better than words!
Mine was always a tomboy who loved to wore sweat pants and t-shirts to the school, never liked pink!
I never told her anything, but now at 12 she is changing, Still avoids pink but love to see her making her outfits, skinnies, flats, she thinks of the accessories and like me she always thinks a lot of matching colors

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Mom taught me two key things that I'm grateful for to this day -- the importance of proper fit regardless of size, and the absolute necessity of a properly fitted bra. She took me to a bra boutique for a fitting as soon as I needed something larger than a training bra, saying my back would thank her for this when I was older. My back is right on board, and so are all my tops.
She also taught me that all clothes are not created equal and are sometimes suited to very specific body types. I remember being crushed at age 14 when she wouldn't let me buy the same dress as a very slender, willowy, rectangular-bodied friend of mine. She explained that the item that made Sophie look like a million bucks wasn't suited to my bustier frame, and wound up helping me choose a dress that I loved even more.

Irene

Veteran

I don't have any children yet lol But I agree with the individuality, style and practicality points. I teach little children (3-10) and I remember two years ago there were these little girls (4-5), their moms were quite posh and very fashionable and all that (maybe TOO fashionable, sometimes I had the feeling that they cared more for themselves than for their girls) and the children wore skinny jeans, ballet flats, tight tops, all very cute but, I don't know, I was wearing the same type of clothes and was 20!! It's like kids don't dress like kids anymore.
As for modesty, I don't quite agree. Modesty in a kid is sort of weird. My mom used to buy me shorts (quite short shorts) and short skirts and short tops in summer because it was hot and the less I wore, the comfier I felt (I guess). But as soon as I turned into a 'woman', that is, I developed boobs and hips, she started with the modesty thing. Never too modest as to look like a nun, but, you know, she found some skirts actually too short. So I don't think a girl will keep wearing wide belts instead of skirts when she realizes guys look her in a different, more perverted way (which is what happened to me), unless she actually enjoys that, but that'd be another story.

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

This has been a really interesting topic to read as someone expecting a child.

My mother was always very good at helping with problems as they arose. For example as a teen I had really bad acne and she was really good about taking me to see a derm or paying for me to have facials. She was also understanding about me needing to shave my legs and wax for swimming and waterpolo.

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

Airin I have to disagree with the modesty thing...

As a teenager I was completely oblivious to other peoples reactions to my outfits - I distinctly remember, at 17, once going shopping in an outfit that was nothing more than linen hot pants and a matching bikini top... at the time I had no idea, but I'm sure now that I was attracting inappropriate gazes... (This was just one example... I lived in a very hot climate... I had lots of skimpy clothes...)

I wouldn't have dressed like that in public if I had a) any form of parental guidance/input, or b) had any idea what would have been going through the minds of anyone who witnessed it. It was the peak of summer, I was hot, so that's what I wore...

I had absolutely no intention or desire to attract that sort of attention.

So I think educating our kids on modesty is essential because not all of them will develop that by themselves in time - I did have a very sheltered life, so whilst I was always quite mature for my age, I was never worldly... and I have no doubt that some more guidance wouldn't have gone astray at all.

But then, this also comes as part of actually interacting with our kids and keeping that dialogue open...

And I have to say, I want to adopt quite a lot of your mum's!!!

Keep the lessons learned coming - I'm writing a list LOL!!!

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Express yourself!

Jill

(website)

this is a great topic! i have a son (12) and two daughters (8, 6). i think teaching your kids by example and teaching them to be confident will help with their personal style (and SO many things!). i am passionate about fashion and always take time to *get dressed* every day. it wears off on them - whether they realize it or not

most days, i pick out my daughters' clothes (time saver), but i have days where i let them pick so they can develop their own style. on those days, i don't offer "unsolicited advice"

on days when my kids need to get dressed up, i often select two or three things and let them pick between them. they love having the options and then they also get the sense of having selected something on their own. but yet, i'm providing guidance on what is appropriate (and flattering).

i think it's important to provide guidance on what styles look best as their bodies develop. the most important thing is for them to feel really good about themselves so so they feel confident.

the fact that you are thinking about this already for your girls, probably means you've got a good start on helping them develop their own sense of style! keep it up

Irene

Veteran

I can see your point. Some teenagers may not know what's going on, especially if we are discussing some time ago. But nowadays, a teenage girl wearing a miniskirt and a tight top knows perfectly well what's going on and the sort of gazes that will attract. And even I, who was VERY innocent, knew what would happen. I've been approached at the age of what, fifteen?, by (very) old men on the street and have been told quite weird stuff, even with my parents being around (my mum actually answered back with some sort of insult). So I knew perfectly well that what I wore would attract or not people's glares. I felt self-conscious about skirts, for instance, because at the age of 13 I was already aware that the kids at school would notice if I wore one (girls used to wear jeans in the 200- so it was strange when a girl wore a skirt and everybody noticed). I think what teenage girls should understand is that they have to value themselves for more than their bodies, in the sense that they don't have to show EVERYTHING in order to get someone's attention, but that there are more important things. Because what I see nowadays are teenage girls half-naked eventhough it's cold and it's just for the sake of showing off and not because they don't care about clothes/style/modesty. I believe they actually omit modesty on purpose.

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

airin - that's exactly why modesty needs to be taught. Because some teens do know what's going on...but they cannot handle the repercussions at that age. Modesty needs to be taught hand in hand with respect for yourself and for others.