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Being noticed

BrieN

Veteran

It is finally warm enough to wear some of my newer purchases that I've made since joining YLF. It has been fun to go out with friends with my new outfits but I am finding it very disconcerting to be out in public alone as I am being noticed by people I don't know. its like I have the confidence to get dressed but not to be noticed. Comments and complements have been nice and positive but geeze I have to admit it was easier to slink down the aisle in black workout gear. It makes me feel like I have to have the outfit perfect -- and I know I don't.

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from RobinF

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I love that you are wearing brighter clothing and getting compliments. I understand it can be a little unnerving, but as long as none of them is inappropriate, I say smile and say thank you. You are lightening someone else's day-how wonderful. Try and not slip into anything about your outfits not being perfect-it is so easy to be hard on ourselves, and to expect too much. I'd venture to guess that most of us don't feel like we dress perfect, I just hope more days than not I dress/present myself better than I used to.

Aziraphale

Veteran

As long as it's not creepy attention, compliments from strangers are a good thing. It is well-meant. I'd take it for what it is and say thank you! The confidence will come, I'm sure.

Anonymous

I agree with Aziraphale. As long as it's not creepy, it's a good thing. Smile and say thank you. That's all you need to do.

Chris987

Veteran

Agree with previous posts, people who randomly hand out compliments to strangers are usually just being nice and hoping to brighten your day. (Unless creepy of course). Just smile and say thanks and take it in the spirit in which it was intended!

Anonymous

Hmm....I often go around more dressy than a lot of people in my village and I'm not sure whether I get noticed or not...mind you I never had a clue when I was young if boys noticed or fancied me...lol! I could never read the signs!!

What I'm saying is, though, that it perhaps just all seems a bit new to you and you'll get used to it over time and your confidence will come. And I would go ahead and enjoy any compliments that come your way

BrieN

Veteran

Aziraphale, BC, and Chris987 -- definitely not creepy comments. I guess that's the upside of being over 50 although I was never someone noticed like that. All the comments were from kind women.

Barbara Diane, Aziraphale and Diane G -- I am hoping that "easy" confidence will come...

I have to practice the simple thank you. The funny thing is I love giving out compliments to others.

Part of it is the non-verbal thing, where someone is definitely looking at your shoes (or something); the other day I had a sales person start at my feet and look me up and down. I'm starting to realize that it makes me feel like it's high school (and not in a good way). Perhaps I will just imagine that they are all on YLF and that they are making a kind appraisal and not a judgmental one.

rabbit

Veteran

I echo that it is likely that you will get used to it and confidence will come. It took me a little while to adjust when I started dressing intentionally and getting compliments out and about (usually from women). I'm also someone who will focus in on someone's shoes or something if they look interesting, in much the way I'd notice an interesting flower in a garden. Sometimes people will ask where you got something, as I might ask about someone wearing something that's a HEWI I've been looking out for, or some great item I've not seen around.

It's well meant, and it's no deeper than that. I just smile and say thanks when it happens and I don't feel self-conscious anymore.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

As the others have said. It's meant in a positive way, usually -- and if it is not, chances are the commenters are not people whose opinions really matter to you.

So if you suspect that it is truly meant in a nasty way (very, very rare, in my experience -- once high school has ended, that is!) then perhaps asking yourself: Do I really respect this person's opinion? is the way to defuse it.

Often if people stare and don't comment they are trying to work up the courage to ask you where you got something or how you figure out how to put your look together so well!

Beth Ann

Veteran

If it makes you uncomfortable to think of drawing attention to yourself, you might consider that expressing yourself through your clothing can encourage others to express themselves, too. Seeing a woman -- particularly one who isn't a model with a blog -- looking confident can be inspiring!

Anonymous

Think of the alternative. My neice who is in her early 50's and is sporting red hair and a fit body, complains that she's becoming invisible.

rachylou

Veteran

Well... It DOES take energy to deal with people even when they're being nice. One has to master the art of getting away while being appreciative. Lol.

Gigi

Veteran

I know the feeling. I'm uncomfortable with being noticed, and it's really a change to accept attention! I think that you just need a bit of an adjustment period. Ever since I started paying attention to fashion, I've gotten a lot of compliments, and the more compliments I get, the more willing I am to try something new and be even more visible. I feel a lot more comfortable standing out now.

harmonica

Veteran

I know the feeling! Even after four years on YLF and a lot more style confidence (far from perfect!!!), I sometimes don't want to get noticed. Mostly, these days I'm stressed out or exhausted.

Smile, say thank you and save it on your confidence account. I'm sure you'll adjust to the attention.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I felt the same way when I started on YLF. I'm shy and an introvert. Not an attention seeker at all. Suddenly a lot of compliments coming from people I knew and random strangers. I even got the reputation among my coworkers as being a "fashionista". And my style is somewhat distinctive (matchy matchy girly girly) so it does kind of grab attention even though I still consider myself shy and introverted and not an attention seeker! However, now I've gotten used to it (and more used to giving out compliments to others myself). It really does make your day when someone says something nice to you! Just say thanks and smile. Funny thing is, now if I wear something nice and I don't get any positive comments from anyone, it makes me wonder what was wrong with the outfit, LOL! Fake it till you make it...be glad that others are noticing the positive change in your outward appearance and trust that you will develop the inner confidence in your own style to match!

Here's a thread I posted about the same topic back when I was a YLF newbie, the responses may be helpful:

http://goldenpig.lookfab.com/p.....s-blend-in

BrieN

Veteran

I had a good think about this last night, and it appears that I have a lot of baggage!! It's all fun and games trying things on at home and experimenting with new trends, but it's another thing stepping outside as a 50 year old who is trying new-to-her styles and silhouettes. It would be helpful if my town were just a little more fashion forward, as I feel like I have to explain that my pants are *meant* to be frayed at the bottom. But I have recognized that emotion as fear, and that's not one I like to spend a lot of time coddling. This is meant to be fun, right? And I love the frayed edges

I appreciate everyone's thoughts here. Rabbit: I always admire other people's shoes and I like your analogy of a flower in a garden, as that's exactly what I do when I am staring. Suz I have often been the person trying to figure out how to approach someone to ask where they got something. I just have to get used to the tables turning. Beth Ann - I may look confident on the outside but it's coupled with an internal pressure that I have to get it perfect, which is absolutely ridiculous as 6 months ago I looked like a ragamuffin 60% of the time and didn't pay much bother. I like the idea of inspiring someone else though, even with my flaws. Joy interesting how this feeling would be reversed - how she was likely used to being noticed and less now; I can't imagine it. rachylou - ha to getting away while being appreciative. I'm like a deer in the headlights. Gigi, Harmonica, and Goldenpig: thank you for sharing your similar experiences; I find them encouraging. If I saw you all on the street I'd think "ooooh, lovely" or "she's got a nice style" or something. I guess it helps to know the confidence on the outside doesn't have to be matched all the time by the confidence inside.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think that when we try something new, we're a bit hyper-aware of any attention. I know that's been true for me. We are more likely to notice people noticing. In my experience, this kind of heightened self-consciousness fades as you adapt and get more comfortable with the new style(s) you are wearing. It has also been my experience that compliments are almost always sincere and given in good intent. I am one of those people who likes to compliment a stranger on the street on their great shoes/jacket/hair, and it always seems to be well-received.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I will never forget the first time I wore white jeans. I mean, wore them out of the house.

How hard could this be, I thought. Angie wears them all the time! And they're jeans, after all. And I wear regular jeans. I mean, really....

Ooops!! Walking down the street I felt like everybody was staring in a disapproving way at my thighs, which for their part were flopping around like beached whales! Oh, how hard it was to hold my head high and keep going...

It took about five outings in those jeans before I began to feel used to it. Same for a few other more noticeable items in my closet. I still tend to prefer neutrals a lot of the time, and when I do wear a bright colour it will usually draw attention to a part of me that I'm not self-conscious about (e.g. a bright bag or shoes, or maybe a top or scarf).

But I wear my white jeans with pride these days, and just yesterday a woman passing me on the street, dressed in the usual mishmash of blacks and tans, said, with envy, "Oh, you look so fresh and summery!"

Helena

Veteran

Brie, I suspect you are a generous soul from what you've written ... Consider when you just smile and say "thank you" you are not only supporting yourself but giving other women permission to accept kind compliments too!

Kim

Veteran

Haven't read all the comments, but did get to the part where you said you were over 50. (Me too!)

I wonder if people are wowed by the fact that a woman of a certain age (in THEIR town) can have a very updated sense of style and pull it off nicely. That would be worth a comment, and you should be pleased.

You are showing the youngers that we older ladies still have it too...Bravo!!

Anonymous

I was a bit taken aback when people started complimenting me. As my outfits became more and more consistently stylish, I seemed to become easier to take a compliment, and be more confident.

When I first started wearing heels on a day-to-day basis, I felt a bit like Suz did in her white jeans.

I also think you are definitely hyper-aware of your "good" clothes when you first start your style journey, as Janet mentions.

BrieN

Veteran

Suz: I love your tale of the white jeans and had to chuckle at the line "How hard could this be, I thought." This trying something new and daring (whatever your definition of daring) is a lot harder than I would have imagined; I will continue to think about why, but I have an inkling that it has something to do with those voices in my head that I keep un-friending but keep coming back like some trojan horse email spam.

torontogirl and Kim: thank you for your kindness. I haven't really thought about how my effort might influence someone else, as I am still in the 2in x 2inch mental box I've drawn for myself, but am hoping that I'm not serving as a cautionary tale!

smittie and Janet: yes. I am absolutely hyper-aware and it's uncomfortable. And then paired with my tendency to be a bit self-critical it kind of becomes the opposite of fun. But there is no turning back now; you kind YLFers have shown me that you've gotten over this feeling of vulnerability and heightened self-appraisal. You all do look fabulous and like people who are ready to face the world on their terms, and that's the end goal.

Kim

Veteran

My first real experience with stepping out of my comfort zone was with over the knee boots. At 52 I had never even owned a pair. I bought them, I loved them, and they sat in my closet for a while because I thought..."Does this look like I'm trying too hard?"...(to what??? LOL)

Anyway, I decided to wear them out JUST to the grocery store, and see how I felt about them after that. I could donate them if I didn't love how I felt, but I couldn't just donate them without even trying...

I wore them out. The world continued to spin on it's axis and nothing bad happened! LOL As a matter of fact, I got what you did...SEVERAL compliments on my boots. I had NEVER had a stranger comment on my appearance befpre, and so specifically! Once I got over that, I wore those boots alot that year, and learned that I was just a deserving as anyone else of being noticed and complimented. After all, I do it to others, why not me?

You'll get used to it! And it actually becomes fun!

rabbit

Veteran

Kim's strategy of quick grocery or drug store trips is one I use a lot with a 'new' look. A short trip can let you know if it's uncomfortable or something awkward happens with the getting in and out of the car, and primes the pump for me feeling more psychologically comfortable to wear the item or outfit out for longer.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Nothing to it but to continually do it. I used to be the same way. I still am sometimes. It is a fear that I am sure will never go away. That is why most of my post or out and about have me in sunglasses they make me feel like a superhero. While all the time I'm clark kent. I live out loud but it can be exhausting. So I go into hibernation mode it helps me to recover.

rabbit

Veteran

Ledonna makes a really good point, sunglasses as armour!

RobinF

Veteran

Interesting. I am also one who doesn't want to stand out so even though I like fashion and dressing nice I tend to tone it down. It's one of the reasons I might buy something really "in" that I love but not wear it for a year or two until I have seen it around enough to be comfortable. I don't think I do this consciously, it just doesn't feel good to me right away. I think I need to push myself a little more. I like the grocery store idea, then I'm not committed to a whole day before I know how it feels.