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Being different

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

There have been a couple of comments lately at my office regarding my style/outfits that have really got me thinking – not in a bad way, just a curious way.

My boss and another co-worker dress very similarly and showed up to the office yesterday dressed nearly identical. They were laughing and saying how this kept happening and then my boss said “at least it never happens with Shannon ‘cause she dresses so differently”. Then later on, my boss came back from a whirlwind lunch hour shopping trip and was telling me what she had bought and said “I saw a top that would have been perfect for you ‘cause it was so different”. At the end of the day as we were locking up the office, my boss then commented on my lace jacket saying it was lovely and that I sure have been dressing “differently the last couple of years”.

Let me clarify that yes, my style has changed dramatically since joining YLF and I am far more adventurous and creative than I ever have been. I definitely stick out among the much more conversative and dare I say predictable clothing choices of the other ladies in my office.

How do you perceive the word “different” in this context? Is it a compliment or an insult – or is it just an observation?

For the record, it didn’t bother me at all. In fact I am happy to not be like everyone else. I’m just curious what you think.

And I have to say that only through YLF have I learned to be comfortable enough with myself to appreciate being "different" - so thanks to Angie and all of you for helping me get there

General

46 replies

Latest reply was from Transcona Shannon

Sona

Veteran

A comment ( or several comments) like those does make one pause. But then as my Mom always says " It is better to be looked over than overlooked". I live by that mantra! You have great style and are not a lemming. I would take those comments as praise of the highest order! ( I think they are secretly jealous).

Anonymous

I would definitely say that the comments were a compliment and I agree with Sona, perhaps a teensy bit jealous too. I hope I start to get comments like that after a while of being YLFed.!

Diana

Veteran

I definitely take it as a compliment. The highest one, perhaps, even if it was not meant that way. The goal of my style is to be different, though, unique, creative, etc, and I am afraid of being forgettable and overlooked.

Marlene

Veteran

I've had those comments as well and I take it in the spirit it was intended! For example, my mom said to me: a new boutique opened downtown. It has lots of quirky, designer-y things in it...Really different stuff. You'd like it.

I think it means that you have your OWN definite style. I take it as a good thing!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I can totally related. I find that most of the people I know have no clue about dressing or fashion and that the slightest departure from what they consider "normal" is going to be all over their radar as "different." Like a semi-tuck. Or a moto style jacket. Or even (gasp) rolling one's pants to a "certain length". lol. I'll never forget the comments the first few times I wore a jacket that was cropped over a longer top. My gosh, you would think I was breaking some critical social law!

I guess people feel like they need to say something to acknowledge others efforts (rather it's in fashion or something else). But when it comes to fashion I kind of think most people simply don't have a clue how to judge or give a valid opinion, so they end up using awkward phrases like "different" instead of admitting to us and to themselves rather they actually like or don't like something. And why.

It's just one more of life's little challenges I guess. Trying to dress they way we want to express ourselves and trying to deal with the people who see this as some sort of departure from what is considered "normal".

I know one thing - I see "normal" all the time and it isn't so much fun to look at for me.

Thistle

Veteran

I think it is a compliment, granted a bit of a backhanded one.

You are the peacock amongst the peahens!

Your style and grace stand out rather than just fade into the mainstream. That may intimidate others, but when you think about it, do you really want that to be you? You are an artist, and you are the canvas. It takes a lot more energy, time, and resources to express yourself rather than grab for the same safe outfit everyone else wears

MNsara

Veteran

Oh, a good lesson to choose words more wisely!

Everything sounds like they intended it as a compliment and an observation that your style IS different from the way they dress. And there's absolutely no evidence they meant it any other way.

BUT the word itself has been used in a less complimentary ways too. BUT (again) there's no reason to think they're being backhanded. Your style is fresh and fun and energetic and interesting and not always predictable! So, they used a generic word.

I always think it's funny when someone else thinks they know my taste - like your co-workers pointing out a top you'd like. Usually the item reflects just ONE characteristic they noticed I wear. But rarely do they really get me. (and then again, I return so much, I apparently rarely get myself!)

Jjsloane

Veteran

Most likely it was an observation and that the different was in comparing your new fashion to your old fashion which obviously are not the same - ergo "different". I do not think it was meant as different in compared to everyone else. Definitely take it as a compliment. People are afraid of change and your transformation may have them a little nervous (and envious). You're right to stay true to yourself and be proud.

DeniseP

Your style is unique and suits you!
Glad you've reached a place where you're okay with being "different" from others. For myself, that requires confidence in knowing what I like and who I am. In fact, I have to live with myself!

What others say and think about me is none of my business...

Anonymous

I'd take it as an observation and a compliment in that the one saying you look different is saying that they don't have the courage to branch out and embrace the new like you are doing but wish they did.
Like you, I get comments about dressing differently from the norm. The ones that bother me are when I'm told that I'm dressing young. However, I think they just mean stylish or attempting new styles. Colored jeans and faux fur vests may be pushing it although I now see more of my peers rocking
red or even mint jeans just as they did skirts when someone started showing up in them.
You are probably an inspiration but, if they are competitive, they may feel you are so far ahead that they can't get there.

Parsley

Veteran

I would definitely take it as a compliment!
She's recognizing that you have your own unique style, so I'd say you've achieved a goal that most of us here are striving toward.

Joy- when people say you're dressing young, I would translate that to "up-to-date", or "with it"!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Compliment all the way! How fab that your KILLER DIFFERENT style was noticed

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Funny, the different (haha) connotations of the word "different."

In my family, we take "different" as a compliment, however it was originally meant. Because we enjoy being a bit different.

I do think it was probably a compliment, an observation, and perhaps a bit of wistful envy rolled into one.

It's funny...I dress "differently" too -- most of my artist friends either:

1. Do not care about dress and appearance at all (or seem not to) and wear any old thing.

2. Dress extremely funky or rocker/chic. One of those who is older than I am is very arty-lady eclectic in her dress.

My outfits are too intentional-looking for the first set, and not cool enough (or too trendy vs. eclectic) for the second set. So the first group probably sees me as vain and a clothes horse, and the second group sees me as conservative and uptight!

Whatever. I feel as if dressing in what makes me feel good is the only way to go, and they will get used to it, the better I get at doing it.

So that eventually, they won't be saying my style is "different". They'll be saying, my style is ME.

Which may be what they actually mean with that word, anyway.

Peri

Veteran

Since you are one of the fabs I'd like to emulate, I'm sure it's a compliment. If you stand out, it's in a good way.

Marley

Veteran

I think these comments sound like observations and compliments - nothing more than that. It sounds to me as though they recognize and appreciate your style - and maybe (who knows?) are a little envious? Also, it sounds as though they do enjoy fashion since they notice how each other dresses and how you dress - and they go shopping over their noon hour! Ya' gotta' love that! For what its worth, I get these kinds of comments all the time - just the other day I had on my BIGgest pair of BF jeans and two different people told me that my jeans were too big - and someone else asked my how much weight I had lost. (I haven't lost any!) So . . . I think its just what is to be expected when you dress a little bit more creatively and spike up your outfits with your own personality! BTW - I LOVE you "different" kind of dressing!

Susie

Veteran

I would take it as an observation- after all, as you said, you DO dress differently than you used to. I do think If it were meant as a compliment, I believe it would be stated as such, "it never happens with Shannon because she dresses so stylishly, like that beautiful lace jacket."

Not to be paranoid but I think in a work setting, being called out as "different" may give me pause.

Right or wrong, many managers prefer those that are similar to themselves. If there comes a time for a special project or a promotion, would the boss tend to favor the coworker who was most like her? Of course skills and abilities are much more important that our style. I know it's a reach; it just struck me that she said 'different' three separate times.

unfrumped

Veteran

I think it can definitely be a compliment and most likely is, but a lot of that would depend on the position one is in at work. A junior executive-in-training might want to know more about what drives such comments in order to see if her dress choices were aligned with her career goals. And then the old, consider the source. Office politics sometimes means we can't rely on random comments as constructive feedback, the way you might trust a true mentor.

I think YLF'ers give great feedback generally, but I'd have to say it's fashion-based and fashion-forward and not as geared toward conservative work environments--though I do think folks can give excellent advice on that when one outlines the parameters and goals. Meaning, not sticking out much due to how one dresses is sometimes a very important goal. It's kind of a self-fulfilling bias on the forum--I don't see much posting of corporate, conservative outfits and it may be because they are not as exciting--look! I'm wearing new gold studs today with my charcoal suit ! (I'm kidding there, and I don't have pierced ears). Actually I think it is just that work dress codes are more relaxed and so we see more business casual and smart casual than what I think of as formal business wear. Or that people post more of their trendy outfits than FFBO's.

I understand the mantra "be true to yourself," but it is not universally good advice for career dressing if taken to an extreme. Instead it might mean, within certain dress codes and expectations, there is a way to be yourself, but you might still be constrained in some ways. And then if you feel too constrained, you might need a different job! It kinda depends on whether one buys into clothing as a media for communication, which is dynamic and includes the reactions of those around you, and may not be what you expected or intended. So it is not simple free "expression".

Well, this sounds quite dull and pedantic, and perhaps tangential and doesn't really answer your question!

Mona

Veteran

Definitely a compliment, Shannon! I go through the same thing where I work too. Since joining YLF, my style has evolved a lot and I dress up differently than every body else at work. I get suprprised looks sometimes (hello, golden top) but nobody has ever commented on my style ever.

christieanne

Veteran

I think your boss was giving you a compliment. She just did so awkwardly and is very lucky to have a strong, self-confident employe such as you on the receiving end. She probably meant to say "of course it isn't as stylish or fashionable as something you would wear".
Your sartorial sense is perfect for you Shannon - three cheers for continuing to mix it up, try new things and keep honing that killer style.

kkards

Veteran

next time it comes up, maybe you should ask her. i know in my office, looking a little different is ok, looking a lot different is often interpeted as you don't fit in with the corporate culture. now, i do work for a large company, so there is a lot of room between looking a little different and looking a lot different. but when i started here, the organization was very small, and it was very noticable when someone's look was out of sync with the rest of the teams.

DonnaF

Veteran

I think your boss meant that you dress with *flare* and are willing to take sartorial risks more than the environmental norm. Perhaps you shared a (black) rut pre-YLF? And now, you may have found your groove but will never be in a rut!

I'm so glad and relieved that you did not take the *different* comment as an insult. Now, if you had kept that hairy/furry vest and worn it all the time as your signature piece I might think otherwise. . . .

catgirl

Veteran

Embrace it, girl! Three times in a short period is kind of weird, but I think most people just don't know how to express themselves and I think it sounds like she admires your spunk and taste, even if it's not hers.

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

I agree, it sounds like a compliment! You certainly deserve it.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

Hello "Different Twin"!!! I'm here to embrace you and CELEBRATE you and all of us here. Really, she means this as a compliment in her own "different" way of communicating. She's stuck on that word, but I truly think she admires you for what you CAN do in fashion and which she apparently can't, or hasn't attempted to do.

Also, isn't it interesting (that would be a better word...that you dress in an interesting way), that even when she's on her lunch hour and shopping, she's shopping vicariously for you. Hehe. That means that you are having a subconscious influence on her. Love it.

I, too, have changed my style since finding Angie and the YLF forum and I am so grateful to be different. ^_^

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Fantastic thoughts and feedback ladies - thank you

I think Susie hit upon what my concerns were - if it had only been mentioned once that I dress differently, I probably wouldn't have even noticed. But to bring it up three times in one day is what got me thinking.

Unfrumped's comments provide great discussion as well. Being true to yourself is indeed a good thing but needs to be somewhat tempered in the workplace.

I'm fortunate in that my work environment, although not creative in the true sense (it's healthcare after all!), does not have a strict corporate dress code. I have in the past when wearing something quite different and borderline office acceptable, outright asked my boss if what I'm wearing is ok (i.e. my BF jeans on Casual Friday).

Suz - love your comment "So that eventually, they won't be saying my style is "different". They'll be saying, my style is ME. " Maybe that's what we are ALL working towards.

It seems most of you are seeing these comments as positive and complimentary so I'm going to go with that

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Donna - just saw your comment about the gorilla vest - lol! That would have pushed the entire office over the edge I'm sure!

Vicki - you sure know how to make a girl feel good And I couldn't agree more - I am thankful every day when I get dressed that I found Angie and all of you and am having fun with fashion.

rachylou

Veteran

I think "different" here is an observation and a comment on how your boss feels about it. She's enjoying it, but is not perfectly comfortable with it. Sameness is, I take it, a part of her survival strategy - as it is for a lot of people (dare I say, most). Of course, that has its own dangers too, when it comes to social survival. You have to be careful not to come off as a stalker or uninspired.

I mean, clothes normally declare intent. Lots of people dress differently to declare hostility to their own tribe. I think one's social safety, when it comes to dressing uniquely, depends on how open you are to sharing your interest. Whether you let people in. I'm actually a groupie, so I welcome the nervous laughs and the ribbing. I give permission for people to be entertained by my outfits (as opposed to threatening them with my sartorial wonders). People will come back to themselves and say things like, "But no, I really like your strung-out girl boots. They're great party shoes."

On a verbal level in my social milieu, the way to insult someone with the word different is to say, "she's a little bit different."

But on the other hand, for example, my mother insults things by saying, "that's not very original, is it?"

What fascinates me most is how little a difference it takes to make people nervous. Like pattern on your shoes, instead of on your blouse.

Anonymous

It's all good, because you want to be different, right? That's exactly what you're going for and I doubt it's going to hurt your career. I've had to change the way I think about comments like this. I love the way Tim Gunn responded when told him he looked, "so, ummm, starchy". He replied, "Thank you! I am starched!"

fashionista926

There is such a stigma with work attire and I think thats silly. Thats awesome that they have been noticing your "different" style. They are probably jealous (in a good way) that they never thought to express themselves through the clothing. Next time tell them to come join this awesome community so they don't have to show up to work wearing something similar to another worker. Take it as a compliment and be proud you have your own style.

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