So I restarted my no-buy challenge on the first. I kept finding good deals on sweaters just before and after Christmas, so I set myself a hard deadline of the new year to ensure warmth yet still attempt my no-buy. For every 6 months I successfully don't buy, I will be rewarding myself with a new tattoo, and maybe one splurge (or "investment" item). As a recovering addict, I've substituted shopping for the mood & mind altering substances of the past, and I really need to just stop and sit with myself for a while instead of constantly distracting myself from any uncomfortable emotions. I also need to concentrate on paying down the credit card debt I incurred while we were building our house, and a no-buy will definitely help.

Because I need a job to pay down said credit card debt, I am allowing myself to replace any work clothes I destroy or wear out (or size out of, as I need to get serious about my gym membership too LOL).

I also had a weird thing happen to me at work recently. Some background: I now work for a regional grocery store chain (with uniform requirements, hence the exception to the no-buy). I'm in their produce department, and I cut up clamshells of fruit and trays of veggies (I'm the one who chops up broccoli and asparagus for you, and builds "kits" for things like pot roasts, fajitas, and etcetera). I work in a kitchen style prep area, and I tend to get a bit messy. I clean my tabletop & cutting boards as I go, but I tend to forget to keep the floor swept along the way. My manager slipped on a piece of pineapple recently, and had a polite talk with me about keeping the floor clean so my older co-workers don't slip, fall, and break a bone. Which was a fair request, and I felt bad for almost killing my manager. I apologized and noted that I am messy, to which he replied "you DO get a bit messy" with a sly smile. My snarky side promptly told my manager that "creativity is messy".

People, i stewed in that interaction for days and days and days. Like, this rolled around in my mind way more than it probably should have. I grew up with a mom who was a bit OCD about cleaning the house. I never let my home stay dirty or cluttered for long. Well, I thought about how "creativity is messy", and I thought about it some more; then I mulled it over for a while, and mulled it over some more....

I came to the conclusion that I want to be messy more often. Lately, we've had a regular "thing" here every Friday, and I love the sense of community as lots of people are piled in my kitchen helping each other cook. I will gladly clean up WHATEVER mess someone else makes if they're cooking for me: you cook it and I'll clean it is my new mantra LOL

Since I got clean (sober), I have dropped a lot of habits I once had. This is a good thing, overall; however, I dropped some good habits, too. I used to enjoy music, and creating (crochet and such), and gatherings over food in my home. I used to do a lot with aromatherapy, candles, crystals, and other new age type practices. In my recovery (sobriety), I've mostly quashed all of my past, out of fear that it would derail my 12-step program-even the good parts. I've finally allowed myself to start truly grieving the loss of the good things, and truly missing some of the things I used to do.

I've decided that I want to be messy more often, because creativity is messy. This will start with my wardrobe and no-buy. If I am not buying new clothes/shoes/accessories, I will be in a position to be more creative with my current collection of things to wear.

Goals:
* get creative with my wardrobe to continue to refine my personal style. I definitely feel drawn to minimalism (a la Helmut Lang, COS, etc), but I still want to incorporate a dystopian feel or RATE aesthetic; probably with a very tight color palette of my usual neutral faves, with more light tones to counteract the heavy blackness of my work uniform
* experiment with hair. I got a haircut that I can style sleek and polished or "a little bit filthy and outta control", now I need to start actually doing stuff with this new cut
* experiment more with makeup, just NOT 5 minutes before I'm supposed to walk out my door to head to work (yes, I've made that mistake frequently over the last 6-8 weeks)
* wear the "good stuff" more often. I have that fabulous Celine Edge bag that I've started carrying, and it's made me want to wear the "good" clothes more often. I aim to wear more of the light colored pants and tops on my off-work days, because life is too short to NOT wear the light colored or more expensive garments. I spent money on them because they spoke to me, but they can't speak much when they're locked in an armoire. NOT wearing them is a waste of money and time.
* engage my senses more. I want to create an environment in my home that appeals to all of the senses: obviously, the visual is important, but I also want to burn more incense and play more music. I want my home to envelop me in things that feel slightly sensual and calming.
* not really style related, but included here. For reasons. fashintern will be glad to hear that writing more is on my goals list for 2019. I bought a lined-paper journal to simply write in, and one unlined one that will allow for pictures or other mementos with some writing to document why the items are keep-worthy.
* I also recently switched up my scent. I had been wearing Pi by Givenchy pour homme for years. Because I love it; it smells so good that it often makes me weak in the knees. And DH doesn't wear scent, because he is weird LOL. I asked Santa to bring me some Acqua di Gio (pour homme, because it's my 2nd favorite men's scent and DH doesn't wear scent because he's weird LOL), and I'm loving the crispness of it for now. I'd like to go see what other men's scent makes me weak in the knees.

If you're still with me after all the navel-gazing, thank you. I look forward to this style journey with you guys as my companions, and I look forward to watching your style journeys this year. Thank you, each and every one, for the beauty and grace you bring to this forum; it has definitely enhanced my life in ways I don't always fully comprehend but never fail to appreciate.