Back from Costa Rica--fashion shock - YouLookFab Forum

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Back from Costa Rica--fashion shock

Adelfa

Veteran

I got back yesterday from three weeks in Costa Rica doing Spanish immersion. DD said I couldn't tell you all much ahead of time, for security reasons. I follow her safety recommendations when I can in the fond hope, extremely fond and hopeful, that when I make some to her she will heed them!!!

I had a wonderful time. I also had a wonderful time planning my capsule ahead of time. Some of it worked and some of it didn't and I enjoyed planning my posts about that while I was there.

However I find myself a bit shell shocked. Even though Costa Rica is an affluent country by Latin American standards, it's still quite poor by ours. I was living with host families, up close and personal with the extreme simplicity of their houses, furnishings, wardrobes....

The 10 year old boy at my first host family told me with evident pride that he owned a soccer ball. I didn't fully understand till I took a walk around the local plaza and saw little boys practicing their ball handling skills with water bottles.

My families' homes had no clutter. They just didn't own enough to make clutter.

I know I'm not the first person to spend time in a poor country. Not the first to feel first world guilt. But I'm feeling it nonetheless. Wondering what's the right place for fashion in my life! Feeling diffident about posting until I've sorted out at least a bit of this.

Have you ever gone through this? What did you do, and what was the result? Thanks for listening.

General

17 replies

Latest reply was from Adelfa

Anonymous

Hey there Adelfa,

I completely understand what you experienced, as I having been going through a similar situation myself. In June last year, DH and I moved to the Philippines from Australia and although I knew it would be different, nothing could have prevented the initial shock.

One example I can give you is this: at Christmas last year, the company DH works for gave all employees a food hamper full of what I would consider basic, long life items (canned fruit, pasta, spaghetti sauce, etc). The reasoning behind it is to ensure that the person's family will not go without a good meal on Christmas Day. This almost broke my heart (and still does), because that is the reality here. I felt guilty accepting the hamper because I thought it could have gone to someone who really needed it. However, the ramifications of not accepting it could have been much worse - to cause offence and suggest you are above them.

The biggest things that I have learned/observed so far are:

There is a a greater appreciation and importance of family and friends compared to home.
Although I wouldn't have considered myself materialistic, there are many things I have that I can survive without.
Generally speaking, the people I have come to know here are pretty happy with their circumstances. They work hard to earn a living for their families and they are proud of that.

It has taken me a while to process the lifestyle differences here and I do still feel guilty or materialistic from time to time. But I am using this amazing opportunity to think about and be thankful for my own blessings. We will be heading back to Australia at the end of June for good and I know I will go back a changed person - in a positive way.

I think that it's totally okay for you to still have a place for fashion in your life. Dressing for yourself is not something to be ashamed of, or feel guilty about. Rather, it is the opposite - embrace it and be thankful you have the freedom and ability to do it.

Go and hug your DD and tell her how much you love her. Talk to her about how you feel and see what she says. Clearly she is keen to give you advice (I giggled reading the first part of your post) and she might have a unique perspective on it.

In short, it's okay to feel how you do, but don't let it take over your head too much because then you will miss all of the wonderful things in your life.

Hope this helps!
xox

ManidipaM

Veteran

Total agreement with Stephabee.

Rather than facing this dilemma when I travel, I sort of encounter it each day I leave my apartment and go out on the streets. Children begging at the traffic lights, who will never see a schoolroom, for whom a bus ride would be an adrenaline-pumping adventure; young mothers shifting bricks and cements to feed themselves so that they can feed their baby---or having to buy dubious liquids for a baby they can't feed themselves (buying formula is outside their wildest dreams); adults who have given up hope of a better tomorrow...

Not just fashion, I find myself questioning so much of my supposedly non-materialistic 'basic/minimalism-leaning' existence. Each day. And each day's end I make my peace with it. I acknowledge my serendipity and have gratitude for it. I try and acknowledge the plenty I have by valuing it, minimizing waste and excess and duplication. I try to step more lightly on the earth, in the forlorn hope that the resources will stretch a little further by the time we get to a time where such poverty is an alien notion. And meanwhile I try to enjoy my relative 'wealth' responsibly, with the fewest possible hurts.

Ascetic, strict 'needs-only' living is for those more saintly than me. I enjoy my frills---my garden, my kitchen, my wardrobe, my bookshelves... But I try not to go too overboard; I try not to shut my eyes or forget... I try to pass a little of my luck and leisure, my material treasures on...

Greek Goddess

I am finding almost the opposite..I have lived in Greece for 19 years and for the last three years the austerity has been biting deep. Old people are having to do without medicine as they no longer have the money to buy it and the health service is penniless. Many have been eating out of the bins outside the supermarket this winter in order to survive. I know many who are working 60 hour weeks who have not been paid for the last eighteen months.

I am planning to leave to move to Thailand to teach. I have been sent links to information sites and I am absolutely stunned at what I see. Huge shopping malls that I thought only existed in places like Dubai. Swimming pools I could only dream of and schools and Universities the like of which I have never seen. I have no doubt there are poor people there as well, but the austerity here is becoming unbearable for most. I am leaving before they take what little I have left and leave me penniless as well.

Greek Goddess

I am only taking very basic things with me and I am giving the rest to people in the village who need clothes and items more than I do.

Anonymous

Hi Adelfa,

Your post is very honest and I can tell you are really grateful for what you have. I have lived at all income levels, from way below the poverty line ( there was a point in time when my mom cold only secure one meal at the time, without knowing what or when the next meal was going to be) , to a quite comfortable lifestyle.... and I have been through the cycle twice already, at age 38, darn it, no wonder why I feel older, chuckle. From it I can tell you that the saddest thing to see, when you are "down", is to see ungratefulness. No one does resent you, or want you to stop enjoying your conforts. Also, the people with less are still proud of whatever little they have and they don't want you to feel sorry. They do find happiness within their limited means, it is just a different kind of happiness.
I think the best learning experience you can take out of it, is to never take anything for granted and to be thankful for what life has given you.
Costa Rica is quite beautiful and a safe country. I think they still do not have armed police, right?
I hope you had time to enjoy the beauty of their natural resources. I have heard the forest and beaches are amazing.

Anonymous

I lived in Central America for 8 years, and that's the way it is there. Costa Rica is the most well-off country in Central America, too. Surprisingly, the people seem happy there.

Thistle

Veteran

I am not really sure what to say.

I was in Mumbai at one point for work. And while our hosts tried very hard for us not to see the worst parts of the city, our 5 star hotel overlooked what I would consider a slum. I learned it wasn't.

The "tent" cities. The beggers. The children in the streets. Everything felt so overwhelming, so alien, and really put into perspective poverty. And when I tried to explain it to people back in the US, unless they had been there themselves, I knew they didn't understand any more than I did before I went there. I grew up poor in the US, but that was by US standards, and I didn't really truly understand the difference until that trip.

To help recruit and keep the best employees, my company brings in 2 meals a day for the employees and lets them take home anything left at the end of the day. I didn't understand what a big deal this was before actually being there.

Yet, I have to say, the people there were the nicest, kindest, and most welcoming of any place I have ever been.

Gaylene

Veteran

It just takes stepping outside of your own world to put a great many things in perspective and to start questioning your own attitude towards "things".

For me, Manidipa put it best when she says to make peace with our good fortune by being grateful for the plenty which characterizes most of our daily existence. And GG's comment is a good reminder that circumstances can change quite readily and that our wealth is always relative to what is happening outside our doors.

Connecting this discussion to fashion, I think that it's a good idea to pause every now and again to realize that clothing has a use beyond our collective interest in wearing trends and looking "stylish". For a great many people, looking good has less to do with being fashionable than with staying warm and comfortable along with looking clean, neat, and presentable--something that too often gets lost in our desire to "rock an outfit" or demonstrate our creativity. I sometimes wonder if that's the real reason why others can be scornful of attempts to dress differently or wear more fashion-forward outfits.

rachylou

Veteran

I know it can be a shock for Westerners to leave the Western World. There are so many dots that a person just never connects. Like, do you know if pineapples grow on trees or in the ground? And there are so many things we think of as essential and basic, which aren't. Like "the grid." Electric lights, showers, etc. There are special provisions in the law to get everyone telephones and t.v., for example, because these are considered so basic. I would argue that these things are relatively basic because of the way our society works.

In our society, our tests for rich or poor, the cues we rely on to identify rich or poor, aren't quite that. What we test for is access privilege to the output produced by our massively organized society, of which there is excess. There's no question as to whether there's anything to be had. We definitely have stuff.

I think it's important to stop and think because my da was from a third world country. Important to ask ourselves questions as to whether we see things clearly. Questions like, are the clutter-free homes poor or are these people living a more efficient, sustainable existence? If every kid has their own ball to play with alone, is there such a thing as soccer? Do you have anything that gives you as much pleasure and pride as the one soccer ball, or is the value of things in your life diluted? Who would survive if the grid went down, you or them? If you don't let people make and sell clothes, what will you let them do?

Anonymous

If you want to connect Central America to fashion, I can confidently say (after living down there for 8 years plus being married to someone from down there) that the people dress far less casually than they do here in the States. Even the maids wear dresses and nice shoes while riding the bus or walking to their places of employment, after which they change into their work clothes. They change back into their dresses and nice shoes (we're talking heeled pumps for the most part--no matter how far they have to walk) when they finish their day of housework and go back home.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh hey, at lunch time I was listening to the radio and Fresh Air was interviewing a girl who wrote a book called Overdressed. Maybe this has been discussed on the forum already? But it traces the whole lifecycle of clothing - from clothing manufacturing to what happens after you donate old items.

Considering more, from an environmental standpoint, I'm thinking more upcycling locally is a fair idea. From an economic justice standpoint, I'm thinking we need to expand access to what is already here locally. This latter is really because I work in a production bakery. Everyone puts in a full day's work of skilled, relatively physical labor and doesn't make enough on the one job to get by. It's not really emotionally valuable to people compared to the work of a doctor. And I might add, I can't think of a doctor I know who could hack 300 loaves per day of edible bread on a regular, ongoing basis.

Last thought: I wonder what Americans spend their money on these days. Food and clothes have dropped off the radar, to a tiny fraction of income. I'm thinking it's all going towards rent/mortgage and healthcare premiums.

Ariadne

Veteran

I felt the same way after travelling in Central America (and doing volunteer work waaaaaay off the 'tourist track' in Guatemala - wow, that was an experience), so I really appreciate and understand where you're coming from. I love all the wise and insightful posts on this thread.

Adelfa

Veteran

Thank you all for your beautiful, insightful, heartfelt posts. I've been so rude not to respond before now--honestly the whole topic was still so painful that I didn't want to face it.

It occurred to me that this is not the first time I've been in a developing country--I lived in one until I was seven years old. At that age I went from being a privileged gringa abroad, to being "poor for the US" here, and getting my clothes from the missionary barrel at church. So I think there's a pretty intense backstory to my strong reaction to living in Costa Rica for three weeks.

Several of you talked about gratitude: stephabee, Manidipa, Zapotee, Gaylene.

I agree that is the best place to start. It's so stingy to feel guilt but not gratitude. I feel that gratitude may help lead me where I want to go in terms of thinking about all this, but guilt never will.

And stephabee, I too saw how important family and friends were to the Ticos (nickname for Costa Ricans). They seemed more connected and more forgiving. And they knew how to share what they had!

Manidipa, I love the idea of thoughtfully minimizing waste and duplication as a way of acknowledging that resources are limited and we want them to stretch far enough for everyone.

GG, the situation in Greece seems so dire. Good for you for taking action. I will be so interested to hear your perspective on Thailand.

Zapotee, there is a special tragedy in not being grateful for what one has, isn't there? And yes, I got to go ziplining through the rain forest, and I spent a week at the beach and saw monkeys and a coati and a macaw.... I think I saw guns on the police, but Costa Rica has no army.

Thistle, what an incredible experience! It makes me sad just to read your description. And then your experience on coming home... so true, how could anyone grasp it without seeing it?

Gaylene, I was struck by the ten-year-old in my host family explaining how he dresses for church. Long pants, a short sleeved button-up shirt, and his hair strictly brushed back. And I'd seen Grandma spending a lot of time with the iron on the dining room table. Not about style, but a very strong sense of what's appropriate. Little sister's school uniform was freshly ironed every morning.

Rachylou, so many good thoughts. So good to question what we have vs what we actually need, or the value of being able to make 300 loaves of *edible* bread. And of course. I was wondering how to pare down enough to make clutter irrelevant!

Ruth, I saw that too. The women wore heels and were very pulled together. As I indicated, people had special clothes for church.

Ariadne, thanks for understanding!

If you've read this far, thanks again for the thoughtful and compassionate posts. They really helped!

Isabel

Veteran

Adelfa, your post reminded me of the time that I got back from an island in the Azores with no plumbing, outhouses, no teeth, no doctors.....very few pieces of clothing and people without shoes. Some of these people were family members of mine. I spent 6 weeks there and was shell shocked just landing at Logan airport. The next day I found myself in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. I just stood there, staring and overwhelmed. Then I noticed a couple just as dumbfounded as I was. I approached them. They were missionaries who had just returned from 8 years in a small village somewhere in Africa. We were overwhelmed by the cereal aisle ! We actually talked for a while and then chuckled.

What you have doesn't take away from them. In fact, their lack of things and deep joy for what they do have, should give us hope. I think that sometimes it is more our fear of losing the things that we have and thinking that we couldn't handle it.

Anyway, I can't add anything more insightful than what the others have added. ( PS, I felt the same way after returning from 14 days in the Amazon and meeting indigenous people. But I think that they felt bad for me and my stressed out life...I happened to speak a version of the same language and it was magnificent to speak with them. They had something that we don't have much in this country : a beautiful and strong community. They thought I was the one living in "spiritual" poverty. )

sarah

Veteran

Rachy- I heard some of that interview, too. But couldn't remember enough detail to add it to Inge's links list. Maybe you want to?

Thanks for all of your perspectives on this thread. It's making me think, which I really appreciate.

deb

Veteran

Adelfa, I totally understand where you are coming from. When I was 20, I lived in Korea for a year when it was still considered a third world country. The home I lived in was 12 ft X 12 ft one room home. It was surrounded by concrete walls with glass shards sticking out the tot to keep the 'slicky boys' from stealing our belongings. The bathroom was a comunal hole in the ground, and I pumpen water from the comunal well. There were no tourists so no begging took place. The government would not allow that anyway. I learned so much in that year! To appreciate everything we have here, to ignore all of the complainers, to cherish everyone I meet. The folks there did not know they were poor. I was called a 'round eye', and when I ventured out by bus to the countryside, my long blond hair was fondeled, first by children then by the old women. A translater told me they had never seen blond hair. The experience changed my life forever. It is my belief that all young people should experience this to appreciate the place where they live.

Adelfa

Veteran

Isabel, that is a very challenging thought: that people with less make us scared that we could lose what we have. I think you are right.

Sarah, there is a lot to think about, isn't there? I so value being with you all who are also thinking.

Deb, I could make a mantra out of what you're saying:

appreciate/ignore/cherish

Yes!