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Back and Begging

JennyK (NC)

Oh Ladies. It seems I only show up here once every 6 months or so to weep and complain and to beg for help. I do come on and read more often than that but I haven't felt like I've had much to contribute in the last couple of years. So here I am again, begging for help.

I've gained about 30 pounds in the last two years and NOTHING fits me. I'm sort of freaking out because I have a whole closet full of fall and winter clothing and there is very, very little that I can squeeze into. I don't have one single pair of jeans I can wear. At the beginning of summer I broke down and bought a pair of boyfriend style cuffed mid-calf length jeans. I've worn them virtually every day since then.

I am trying hard to lose weight but as we all know, it's harder to get it off than it is to get it on! I have a wonderful opportunity to take a weekend away with my husband at the end of this month. It will be the first time we've been away overnight together since the twins were born 3.5 years ago! I'm excited but now very stressed out because I just don't have anything to wear. We'll be in the mountains in Asheville, North Carolina. We'll be attending a reception one evening and then having casual time for two days. I am going to have to break down and buy something to wear to the reception and also one smart casual outfit. I am sure I can be ok with one dress or something stylish and a notch above casual, one pair of decent looking jeans, and two tops. I have shoes I can wear.

We're in a particular money crunch this month but I do have $300 of gift cards for Talbot's. I don't think that would be my first choice of a store but that's what I have.

I've gone from having a very hourglass shape (and I never ever felt comfortable surrendering my waistline, as some of you might remember!) to being quite a bit more pear-shaped. My formerly large bosom seems huge and matronly to me now. I'm not sure how to dress myself (despite having read everything Angie's ever written about shape!). I need to take a deep breath and go to Talbots this weekend and maybe next to get a few things. I'm afraid it's going to be a miserable, emotional experience.

One positive is that I have wonderful, supportive, specialty-store bras that put my boobs where I want them to be!

OK. I don't know whether I have a specific question. Suggestions for Talbot's items would be great. General commiseration is welcome. My style has always been "bombshell" but I'm not feeling very bombshellish at the moment. Something above "sweatpants mom" would be good. I just turned 45. Ack! I'd like to look sophisticated and like I am an appropriate wife for someone in my husband's position (this is a work/conference trip for him and the reception is important).

Thanks friends

Dressing

23 replies

Latest reply was from tulle

minimalist

Veteran

Oh, Jenny. Your post resounds with me on so many factors. (Minus the 3.5 year olds.)

Hurray for the right bras!

How are you feeling about your hair? If it needs improvement, can you make space in your budget for a great cut/color?

Off to look at Talbots ...

p.s. can you box up all the clothes that don't fit?

JennyK (NC)

I'm not super thrilled with my hair but I do have an appointment about a week before we go. I am back to dark blonde hair with lighter highlights and have it cut to just above shoulder length, no bangs.
Oh - and I'm guessing I'm around a size 14 or so. I'm 5'9 and 175lb at the moment.

minimalist

Veteran

Looking at your blog to get a better idea of your style. Do you feel more like pants or skirts these days?

cjh

(website)

Veteran

I'm guessing you will be able to rely on the store assistants to give you great advice and help fitting just the right things. The quality should be great, so that is a huge plus. Go ahead and spend the whole card and you can probably get a small capsule that will take you pretty far. Take along any of your current shoes, scarves or favorite jewelry that you can incorporate into fall - that might be a starting point for the store assistants to build on.

Joy

Veteran

Jenny, I so remember having toddlers and needing to dress for DH 's events with no time, money, or a clue how to start shopping. I find the SA's at our Talbots pushy like they just need to sell me as much as possible and give bad feedback. I hope that yours are better, but don 't let them talk you onto something you know is wrong for you.
I'd go for fluid skinny jeans, not distressed, and a beautiful flowing top, maybe with a half tuck. For a dress, look at Angie's guidelines for Pretty Pears. My sister is a pear shape and looks great in dresses with a flared skirt. Don 't forget skirts with a pretty top. I found that my outfits were most often seen top only with the rest below table, so put my money into tops or jackets, maybe a scarf or jewelry. A plain Target bottom would not be noticed much. When you are being introduced to someone, you are probably right beside them, so they are seeing your top half. Good luck.

April

Veteran

In my experience, JennyK, you can get some excellent basic pieces at Talbots. What you may *not* find there are standout pieces, unless your idea of standing out is to blend in.

Talbots broke my heart when they ditched the stunning, glamorous vibe they briefly flirted with a few years back and reverted to their old-school preppy look.

But they cannot be beat for size variety, color options, and quality, so it's always worth a browse over there.

minimalist

Veteran

Brainstorming. Any high-end consignment boutiques near you? The Eileen Fisher (ack!) pieces I bought from consignment have been workhorses, and cost a minute fraction of new retail.
http://www.city-data.com/forum.....tores.html

My experience with Talbot's SAs mirrors Joy's. Hope yours are better.

Meredith

Veteran

Jenny, I'm sure everyone here will help you get sorted! I'm going to offer suggestions, but do take what I say with a grain of salt because I'm still figuring things out myself!

First and foremost, I suspect Ashville will be chilly this time of year, so make sure whatever you choose will sufficiently comfortable for the temperature.

When I'm feeling like a pear I usually opt for a slightly flared or A-line skirt or dress. Pencil skirts can work, it just depends on the cut and the material. If you are really self-conscious about your bust, you might want to consider separates so that you can pick a top that makes you feel confident. My mom has a very large chest and I know she sometimes struggles to find dresses that flatter. There do seem to be pretty a-line dress options if they will work for you. For some reason I can't collect it as a find, but this looks pretty: http://www.talbots.com/online/.....electedCon

For your casual look I would want to know what type of shoes you are bringing to help determine a jean style and then work up from there.

Italian Flannel Modern Flared Skirt

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Damask Jacquard Pencil Skirt

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thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

I would buy a few Talbots basics with an eye to possibly taking them in later if they are beloved. Talbots clothing is very classic & decent quality and generally not hard at all to 'untalbotsify' with some edgier accessories. But commit to buy something that fits you properly & makes you feel beautiful right now: this weekend, this day, this moment!

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Full disclosure: I gained about 20 lbs this past winter throughout a real emotional roller coaster of a job search. I cheered myself up and filled my down time and waiting time by baking extra desserts for friends & family, and making elaborate multi course dinners. I'm still working it off.

Elly

Veteran

Hmm -- I like this dress, slimming and could be worn this winter dressed up or down, the wrap top in a color would be fab on you, straight leg jeans are always a good bet and a black pair may look more dressy, and with your bust a cardi buttoned over a tank might let you adjust your level of "v".

Blocked Houndstooth Ponte Dress

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Talbots Merino Feather-Print Charming Cardigan

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Slimming Signature Black Straight-Leg Jeans

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Platinum Jersey Ruched Wrap Top

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carter

Veteran

I've been pleasantly surprised by the past two Talbots catalogs. I'm confident you'll find some great things. I agree about the pushy saleswomen. Can you take a friend or your husband for an honest no-push opinion? It would be great if you could find a dress that not only works for this event, but also for holiday parties and dinners...possible? For the casual side, I'm loving the long over lean options with skinnies, leggings, ponte pants and tunic length tops and sweaters.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Welcome back sweet, Jenny. Have you been for a recent professional bra fitting? And how do you feel about your hair style.

Sarah A

Veteran

Welcome back Jenny! I think you can find some basics at Talbots that will serve you well. I just tried on a navy and magenta cape there the other day (which is no where to be found on their website) that felt very fashion forward, a double layer merino blend that would be perfect this time of year (I live in WNC about 45 min from the 'ville)

Our store is advertising 25% off all fall items right now too.

I don't know if you have visited AVL before (I lived there for many years) and it is an anything goes kind of place fashion-wise so definitely don't feel like you need to dress any particular way for the town--just dress for yourself and your own happiness during your casual time

[At the Biltmore Estate it is will be more dressy than AVL in general.]

If you are a scarf gal I always find bringing a few and a couple jewelry options on a trip is an easy to make 2 tops look like 5 outfits. I'm with Joy, Target bottoms will be great (and not noticeable) putting you money in tops is the way to go.

If you want an restaurant recommendations etc feel welcome to PM me. I hope you have a fantastic trip

JennyK (NC)

I am really long-winded.... Can't help myself. I'll take a deep breath and....

Amy - you looked at my blog. LOLOL I have no idea who that woman is but it couldn't possibly be me! Or at least I can barely remember looking like that.

In the past I have generally preferred skirts but they aren't very practical in my current stage of life. I think if I had one that was really versatile I could use it for other occasions.

CJH - the idea of taking along scarves/jewelry/shoes is brilliant! Fantastic idea. I will definitely do that.

Joy - What are fluid skinny jeans? I tend to think of the two as mutually exclusive.

I'm not too worried about pushy SA's. I worked in retail many moons ago and a couple of the places had stiff sales goals. There was indeed a lot of pressure to tell every woman that she was ***gorgeous*** in anything she tried on. I couldn't do it. I didn't last long in those jobs! But I can sniff it out and withstand it. The upper half philosophy is a very good one. I'd rather draw attention to my upper half anyway!

Meredith - yes Asheville will be chilly. It's prime fall leaves viewing too! Dresses have always been a bit of a challenge because of my bust, but I love them. That said, tops and skirts are way more versatile right now.

Thimbleina - I was concerned about the idea of buying clothes now when I'm working on my weight but you are totally right. Taking in quality clothes is a good use of money!

Elly - that wrap top is fabulous! It is just my style, although in the past I would have wanted it much lower cut - LOLOL. It's online only and I'm going to order it now. oops. It's very popular. Nothing available in my size at the moment!

Carter - I so wish I had someone who could go with me! Hubby would be terrified to give me an honest opinion. hahaha but I'm not someone who eschews honest feedback! I'm just going to have to do dressing room pics I guess! I like the idea of tunics over slim bottoms. I've not had much success with that in the past, as I don't usually find tunics that are the right length. They either fail to cover my bottom or are look like an unflattering dress. But I'm open.

Thanks for the welcome back Angie - It's been about 6 months since my last bra fitting but I think what I have is serving me well. I know where I want the girls to be and they're there. And I'm ok with the hair. I'm getting it done again the week before we leave. And I have stuck to my vow of not buying anything I don't feel fab in... I've done that by not buying anything!

Sarah - Hi fellow NCer! I've been to AVL many times and love it there. I live in Hillsborough, just west of Durham. We won't be at Biltmore this time. We'll be staying at Grove Park Inn. The idea of showing up there in my ratty old worn-every-day-for-months capris makes my blood run cold!

Sarah A

Veteran

Yeah you know and love Asheville then! You are so right, ratty capri's wouldnt work at all for a conf at the Grove Park. I am sure you will have a lovely trip!

Elly

Veteran

Jenny--- the sizing issue might change--- in the last 4 days it has been in and out of every size and color, so if you are really interested check a couple times.

Anonymous

Jenny, the good thing about having the Talbots gift cards is that you can get well-made bottoms that fit a non-stick thin figure (unlike J. Crew and Theory). You and I are pretty much the same height/size, so I know of what i speak. I go there for trousers and skirts that fit properly. Once you have those, you can fill in with some current/trendy pieces from anywhere. Even though the store can skew frumpy, they do classic pieces extremely well. A black pencil skirt never fails.

I know you don't feel like your old bombshell self (I totally get that) and that will make it emotionally hard to shop. But, remember this is only temporary and you will be back to your old size at some point. Hang in there!!

minimalist

Veteran

How's shopping going?

JennyK (NC)

Hi Amy - it went ok, actually! I have been running ragged the past week, and haven't had time to take pictures of my loot. I keep telling myself I'll get to it in just a few.... But I do need K/R advice on at least one thing. I haven't disappeared
This outfit actually only shows one new item: The cardi. The shirt I had, the jeans are a pair of maternity jeans I'd never gotten rid of, and the scarf is one I inherited from my grandmother. The shoes are my slippers LOL but I wore this with black flat boots. I love the cardi and can't wait for it to get colder! I wore it out today and had to take it off because it got so warm outside.

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Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Jenny! Great to see you here again!
I just wanted to comiserate. I am currently at an all-time high for weight, a fact that had me in a giant style rut for months. Only in the past couple of weeks have I decided to get my act together, suck it up and buy clothes that fit again. And let me tell you, today's trends do wonders to dispell the psychological stress of shopping for this reason!! The more fluid fits are absolutely great. It's now possible to camouflage yourself while still dressing at the height of fashion. Under those conditions, the additional comfort is just a bonus! So don't feel that you're sacrificing your old bombshell style - you're just updating your look to be fresh, current and modern. Like any style-savvy woman would.
This may be a good time to use Angie's capsule approach to dressing/shopping. Pick a colour pallet, decide on a few key pieces you can mix and match, and you're set for ages. Especially if that colour pallet happens to coincide with some of the accessories you own already.
Re. Joy's point of fluid skinny jeans - she means jeans that are just a little slouchier as opposed to the ones that look/feel painted on. I know Angie has taken to buying her skinnies in a size up from her usual one to achieve this look. Someone else suggested straight legs, which I find always work perfectly for me as they allows for maximum versatility in top silhouettes and shoes.
Do tell us all about your new purchases, and most importantly let us know how the trip goes!

tulle

Veteran

Hi Jenny! Clearly, you've touched a nerve; most of us have felt the way you are feeling. But how lucky that you have those gift cards! I see that Talbots is having a big sale. I hope that you will try the Crosshatch Pattern faux-wrap dress. It had great reviews, and could be the only dress you need in the near future. I'd also consider the Cozy Shawl Collar Cardigan in your most flattering color, then add a new pair of comfortable, flattering jeans and, if possible, a pair of slim pants that coordinate with the cardigan. A couple of tops (one in an interesting--maybe animal--print) and you might get a travel wardrobe (and post-travel basics) for the cost of those cards. Be gentle with yourself, and good luck.

tulle

Veteran

Oh, somehow I missed the pictures of you, sorry. Jenny, I don't know where you're keeping that extra 30 pounds--you look really good in that cardi--maybe you should invest in a couple more? Some dark-wash jeans are in order, probably, and do you have any boots that make you feel cool? (I find that adding a couple of inches to my height via boot heels is a sort of magic de-frumping remedy.) Again, good luck!