Attention-phobia - YouLookFab Forum

A couple of days ago, I went with a coworker/friend over lunch to run an errand. I was wearing dress and it was a really warm day, so it was my first day of the year sporting bare legs. Not a lot of other women were doing the same, I noticed. Anyway, the dress wasn't really short...however it had a tendency to creep up a bit while I walked (see picture).

On the way there, he (coworker friend) looked at me and said "look at you, girl, you're turning heads. All these people must think I'm a lucky guy!"

Suddenly I got REALLY uncomfortable. Not because of him or what he said...but because of the fact that people were all *looking* at me. I was pretty oblivious to it until he pointed it out, and once I became aware of it it really freaked me out.

It makes no sense to me because in theory I do want people to appreciate it when I put in the effort--yet when they do apparently it makes me uncomfortable. I'm pretty reserved and don't really enjoy being the center of attention so I guess it's just not my thing--yet I guess I do dress in an attention-getting way. Does anyone else struggle with this?

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14 years ago

taylor

Veteran

Maya...this is so me!!
I do my very best to look my best.. I will strut confidently thinking ~no one~ is actually looking....until someone compliments me and I am always so thrown I melt into the wall or start to stand behind my husband like a small child and become incredibly shy...I have no answer for you as to why we are like this...Even my husband laughs when I get a compliment with him...he says " You say thank you and then just shrink away flustered and embarrassed" I dunno:)

MNsara

It is a cute dress and you look great in it, so I'm not at all surprised people would notice

But I agree that it's hard to receive compliments (in words or looks) with ease. . .

Diana

This happens to me all the time too. I hate being the center of attention, and had to actually train myself to respond to compliments gracefully.

I am also distinctly less uncomfortable with female attention than male attention...a woman telling me I look nice feels flattering, whereas a man telling me the same thing makes me want to run away. Unfortunately it's not always possible to get one without the other.

I have also been thinking a lot about weddings lately, and you know how many women cant wait to have their wedding? I kind if dread the entire concept - because it's like an entire day of being the center of attention... Shudder.

rosee

Don't know if it's age-related, but I used to be more like that until I reached my late 30s. Now, I'm more unaffected by any attention that I get, though I still prefer to be the observer than the observed.

Lavinia

Active Member

Yes! Though I like to look put-together and enjoy dressing up I do not like attention particularly from strangers. I don't mind my BF or someone close to me saying something nice about my appearance but I get intimidated if I catch glances from strangers (especially men). I think that with me it has to do with confidence though.

krishnidoux

It is not easy to accept change, even when it is positive. The same way, it is not easy to accept compliments and attention from others. It actually takes some work!

For instance you may prepare in advance by thinking, if I genuinely complimented someone, what response would I like to get - or not?

"Thank you."
"Thanks, nice of you to say."
"Thank you, you know it makes me feel good that you say this."
"Thank you, I make (/today I made) an effort to look good and I'm happy you noticed it."
"I know, thanks."
"Gee, I was starting to wonder when someone would notice!"
"Finally!"
"Really? You mean it? I mean, aren't you saying this just out of kindness?"
"OK what are you about to ask me?"
"I hope you're joking?"
"(...)"
(Shudders, looks down and turns away)

This is not bad attention your getting. You are young and you have great legs: it is not out of line to go hose/leggings -free, especially if the weather justifies it.

But it you continue to feel uncomfortable, or self-conscious then don't force yourself to go bare legs! The most important thing is that you feel like a million bucks, and that in itself will give you all the confidence you need.

Cheers!

Scarlet

What if you think of it as a power? You are drawing people to you. It must be good for something. In any case I love that outfit.

ETA: I dreaded my own wedding for exactly the same reason, and so did my sister. Not everyone craves the spotlight.

kellygirl

Maya, I have attention phobia as well. I think that's one reason I'm drawn to such casual looks.

@Diana: Your post made me laugh. I was one of those brides than dreaded the wedding. I would have been happy to elope : )

(website)

I feel that way, too! I like looking nice, but I don't like feeling... conspicuous, maybe, is the best way to put it.

Aziraphale

I think a lot of us like to look stylish, but we don't care for unwanted sexual attention. That's the problem when you suddenly become aware that your short skirt is creeping up; you wonder if you're attracting THOSE sorts of glances.

Maya

Hmm, I was thinking about this some more. I think Elisabeth came close. I was very aware of the fact that few other women were wearing dresses, let alone bare legs, so I think I was just really conspicuous that day. Perhaps if it were the height of summer and more women were sporting bare legs and skirts or dresses, I would have blended in more instead of sticking out for having so much bare skin on display compared to everyone else.

I think it bothered me more that I was aware that the skirt was creeping up and it actually wasn't my outfit that was grabbing attention--it was ME. My coworkers comment all the time on what I am wearing and I'm ok with that...but I guess being aware of being bare-legged and skirt-creepy made me feel that it wasn't the clothes but my body and it made me feel a little creeped out. Hmm.

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