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Ask Angie & YLF Friends Dressing post Mastectomy

Anonymous

Being relatively new to forum ( couple of months) I checked archives but either didn’t see or missed it. So I am hoping for general help and guidance.
I have a friend that recently had a bilateral mastectomy. I have been her support system because of having partials myself. Physically she is great.
Emotional we are going slow ( fortunately my nursing background is handy)
Today she asked if I could help her with her wardrobe in coming weeks.
We both sew so we can modify some stuff she currently owns until we can do shopping in June ( our schedules are crazy busy so shopping has to be delayed) . Finances in shopping will be a concern also. We also figure if we don’t find store bought we may have to sew tops from our respective material stashes.
I know some tricks already but could use more. Hiring a stylist ( ideal) is out for both financially and emotionally for her.
As she is a pear with a good size midsection I refreshed guidelines in the archives. She has opted for no reconstruction or prosthetics.
YLF Friends and ANGIE are a treasure trove of great info so I hope you can help me help her with style ideas, pictures and guidelines.
Thank you.

Oh and she is way more casual in her style than I am- not a classic so much as sporty boho??

Update- title changed at terrific suggestion of THE CAT . Adding “ dressing Post Mastectomy “ will allow others to zero in on post for all YLF Friends’ great suggestions if needed in future.

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from

Ledonna N.

Veteran

As my style is all over the place I am to be of no help but to root you on from the side lines. I think maybe the one piece of advise in building a wardrobe is to not stress over it. have fun grab some wine and make it an fun experience. See what she has that she loves in her closet already and start with color and patters or textures that may suit her.

Much love and luck I will be following your progress.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, you are a dear friend and I am sending best wishes for your friend’s continued recovery and good health. One of my BFFs just got news that her breast cancer has returned on the other side from her original round — surgery is next week and she’s figuring out her game plan as far as partial reconstruction, etc. It’s a hard road for sure. I’m glad your friend has your help and support.

I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of advice on the style front with this sort of thing. I’m sure other wiser Fabbers will chime in with good advice. Just wanted to offer my best wishes.

Anonymous

LEDONNA- omg you are a mind reader- when she asked me I told her we would start by going through her closet and finding all her “love” pieces and seeing how they can be tailored to fit. Yes wine will help- lol.
Thanks
JANET- I wish your friend well and speedy recovery too. It is wonderful she has you also. A sisterhood of necessity.
Thanks to both for your support of me when you both have people who are depending on you too. Thank goodness for the YLF Friendship sisterhood.

Sydney

I'm not going to be of much help as I decided on reconstruction. During the decision process I did a lot of reading and learning to wear scarves came up a lot to add some volume to the breast/chest area. Also, there is an excellent website called breastcancer.org and I think they have a discussion thread (or multiple) on this topic in their discussion forum, including tailoring existing clothes.

Your friend is lucky to have you help her with this. Good luck!

Anonymous

SYDNEY- thank you- yes I have been on that , leave me breastless site too as well as others . Visited them when I looked for me , some long before her journey started. Some are better than others and when it’s only yourself it’s one thing- quite another when you feel sense of responsibility for dear friend looking/ feeling their best. Thank goodness we sew.

jussie

Veteran

Sorry your friend is having a hard time. I’m wondering weather structured jackets might help to give some volume around the shoulder chest area. Also maybe piling on the necklaces? Even large statement earrings might be a nice way to draw the attention upwards. I also think higher necklines can work well for those who are flat chested.
I wish you the best of luck helping your friend get sorted. A functional wardrobe will be an important part of her daily routine.

Anonymous

JUSSIE- sometimes you have to be careful with structure eg beware of darts or princess seaming but will leave no stone unturned as per ANGIE.
Gathering at neck and shoulders camouflage. ruffles, some prints, embellishments and Current sleeve trends are helpful to “distract”.
She did mention that we would have to go through her jewelry and scarf collection- those, men’s denim jacket and sweaters have been her go to items but now that we are moving to warm weather it gets trickier. Less opportunity to cover up.
Functional- Yes! .....that was an issue for her before surgery- LOL. I will do my best but not sure I can work miracle on that front. Amazing how opposites can attract in friendships-eh.
Thanks

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I have a couple of Coobie bras that I like because they’re stretchy and seamless. Apparently they are popular among breast cancer patients too for that reason— less skin irritation. Also they have pockets so inserts or padding can be added if desired.

Anonymous

Thanks JESSI- I will put that on the list to check out. Also Anaono- she is dreading that the most so more option the better.

Anonymous

I have no experience except being small busted in a boobolicious world.
To that end I would avoid knit and clingy fabrics on top and opt for wovens with no cling. Summer is hard because revealing clothing is so everywhere. High necked sleeveless tops, especially with some neck detail like a narrow pussy bow or gathering. Play with fabrics and clothes you have to drape her in good light to find which colors make her glow and, especially her best neutrals. Play with hair and makeup. Do things to enhance the joy of living...does not need to cost money. A walk in a park or art gallery, a new hobby or doing something creative. Visit small towns in your area and explore their attractions. Finding a way to help others, maybe even more recent breast cancer patients might help her when she is ready, starting a blog of her journey, adopting a shelter pet, or just helping out in an animal shelter to give loving attention.
Thank you for being a true friend their fir her in a distressing time.

Colette

Veteran

You are such an amazing friend. I don’t have advice to offer just good wishes for you and your friend!

Carla

Veteran

I'm thinking that large patterns could work and gathers, ruching, and pleats. A soft bralette or cami under might be nice and possibly a necessary barrier if surgical scars are sensitive.

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Suz

(website)

Veteran

You are such a kind friend to help in this way. What a gift.

I have not gone through this personally, but my mother had a mastectomy and opted against reconstruction. She was quite small busted to begin with and also around 80 at the time and she felt she could still look stylish. Which turned out to be true. But there were issues she had not expected. The texture of clothing items became even more important to her, and the weight (heavy was not good). Also her internal thermometer seemed to change. She went from being hot all the time to often feeling chilly. I don't know if that was hormonal or what. She had some lingering post-op and phantom pain in the lymph node area also -- even long after the surgery -- and this sometimes affected clothing choices. She didn't want anything binding in that area.

She liked wearing soft silk tanks and camisoles that I bought her. They felt nice against her skin in all weather. She also liked necklaces, but had to be careful they didn't swing too much and bump around. She wore collared shirts extremely well, and jackets and classic twinsets with high necks. That does not sound great for a boho style, but in general, anything with a higher neckline will help.

Anonymous

JOY- all great ideas- thank you-yes playing in both her closet and shopping is planned- will have to balance her getting tired vs her getting “pissed off”- the shopping stamina gene seems to bypass all my friends- lol. We have to do more fun stuff once she feels better in clothes. Omg she already has a rescue center at home. Her beloved pets got her ( and me) through this. They are gems!

Colette- thank you but she is the amazing one. It is I who am the lucky one.

RUNCARLA- those picks are FANTASTIC- thank you. They are everything my research tells me to look for- thank you so much. The only one I would see her balking on is 7- but then she might prove me wrong- lol.
I bet she would love others. 2 thumbs up.

SUZ- we both talk temp tolerance and scar / phantom pain and laugh over itsy bittsy spider. Crazy but it got her moving. I agree that foundation garments will be biggest challenge in short term. Hopefully with camis and checking JESSI’s bra pick will make it easier. I used sports bras but she was not a fan. I though twin set too but agree it’s a wild pick- hey- ANGIE says never say never- she might surprise me. Thanks for heads up on swinging jewelry- I wear scarves so I didn’t know. Thanks for all great suggestions about what worked for your Mom

krishnidoux

Veteran

I just want to say, what a kind, caring, thoughtful friend you are. She is very lucky to have you in her life, especially in this potentially scary moment, a trying moment (in every sense of the term!). Because I imagine a lot of it will be trials and errors in the process... but also some great discoveries I'm sure. Thank you for sharing this experience. Hugs to you both.

Anonymous

Sending your friend strength, courage, and well wishes.

celia

Veteran

Your friend is brave and very lucky to have you as a friend.
I have no experience on this kind of situation but the first thing I thought about is weight and softness of fabric.
I really like Runcarla options in terms of tops, and everyone has great ideas.
Wishing all the best for both of you.

kkards

Veteran

No fashion advice, Just wanted to say how wonderful you are for helping your friend...and how wonderful it is that YLF is helping you.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I also have no advice this but wanted to comment on how lucky your friend is to have such a caring friend as you. Hugs to you both!
Don't hesitate to use this forum and post pictures to seek more personalized advice and help. Our bodies are so different that it is hard to advice on something without seeing how the clothes fit. It may feel a bit scary at first to post pictures but this is the most friendly place in the world and I am sure you would feel comfortable posting the pictures very soon.
Good luck wit your quest!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

efbgen, you are a thoughtful and gracious person, and I love that. Thank you for being their for your friend. I'm sorry that she has to go through this, and you too. Wishing your friend strength and support, which I know she will get from you.

Such great ideas and wisdom here already, and I'll add my two cents:

A cleansing closet closet edit and review, is first on the list. Keep all the items that fit and spark joy. Pass on the rest.

Know that your friend has the right to change her mind at any time about adding what we call "chicken fillets" or a padded bra. It's not a prosthetic, but just a little contouring, IYKWIM. Some Nordstrom departments have a separate division that can help out with this. Speak to the lingerie manager. Not at all essential, and just an option I am putting on the table.

I have a client who had a full mastectomy and did not have reconstructive surgery. She chose to keep her chest flat, and is very athletic and toned. Visually, her flat chest works well with her body type. She wears fluid tops, structured and fluid jackets, flowing cardigans, flouncy tops with frilly chests, and lots of scarves. Nothing too fitted. Shift dresses work too.

Architectural draping is very effective. Carla is on the right track.

I'm here if you need me at any time to help with the fashion and style part of this all, and much love to you. xo

The Cat

Veteran

I'll link to some articles written by Imogen Lamport of insideoutstyleblog.com where you and your friend hopefully can pick up some useful tips:
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....reast.html
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....rgery.html
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....easts.html
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....etage.html
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....-body.html
https://insideoutstyleblog.com.....uller.html

These articles might also be of interest to others who are looking for tips on how to dress if you have small or no breasts.

Best wishes for your friend. And what a wonderful friend YOU are!

May I suggest that you change the subject of this forum post to something including "mastectomy", "breasts", or the like? That would make it easier to find it again later.

rachylou

Veteran

Trinny Woodall of the original What Not To Wear comes to mind. She was the ‘breast obsessed’ one, because she was very flat chested. When she looks like she has breasts, she’s wearing the chicken filets. They (Trinny and Susannah) would always say it’s easier to wear clothes when you’re flat... you can do those designer looks from plunging necklines to big time layering. Anyways, lots of visuals and ideas when you google Trinny.

Joyce B

Veteran

The only thing I can add is not to totally rule out the padded bras and the prosthetics since she may want to try them at least occasionally. On the wardrobe analysis, I agree to keep what brings joy but also what is practical as the latter may be a workhorse, at least in the beginning, until the body changes settle. Also, what brings joy now may not feel the same later on.
You and your friend are lucky to sew well.
Efbgen, your friend is lucky to have you (it probably works the other way, too) and to have such wonderful support.
My best wishes for a prompt recovery for your friend and for continued good health for both of you.

Anonymous

KRISH- Yes- trial and error- even though she is not a trial and error kind of shopper-lol
STERLING, CELIA & KKARDS- thank you and yes the YLF Friends are so supportive and helpful- I am sooo grateful to all of you - you have no idea.
SVETA- Yes I will definitely take pictures so that she can see herself better- whether she will let me post any- I have a feeling not.
ANGIE- I changed heading as per CAT's great suggestion, but since there is little in archives- maybe you could do a blog post-please.There are so many women that choose different surgical options and they can all create potential fashion nightmares.
She knows we are starting with closet purge- donate, pitch and sewing modifications.. I got an eye roll and an OK so it's a go-LOL
While she is anti- prosthetics someone in our knitting-crochet group made her sets of "Knit Knockers" .https://www.knittedknockers.org/
( a lift bra and partial KKs I made is what I use)
Even though our nearest Nordstrom is a drive- I told her a day trip is in order because I know others who have been helped there- they were great!
I loved RC's picks too. Sounds like you picked similar for your client.
Will keep you posted as we progress- it will be a slow process I know (both schedule wise and her state of mind and recovery)
Thank you.
CAT- I have Imogene on my feedly but didn't get to see if she covered the topic yet- so thank you for shortening that process for me. I pointed out your suggestion to ANGIE and hope she does a blog post.
RACHY- I remember them from their show- I will have to look at pictures for ideas- thanks
JOYCE- Yes she is a great woman and an amazing friend- so I think I am the luck one. And yes-I think she may have to consider prosthetic for bathing suit since the knit knocker won't work in water.

Thank you so much one and all- Your are all my support and educators as I travel with path with my GF. I am eternally grateful to you all.