Ask Angie: I don't know what to do with my hair??

Sita101

So I'm kind of a tomboy. I play a lot of sports and am always jumping around. All my friends know that and some mean guys at school call me gender confused and stuff that really lowers my self esteem.

I don't like having long hair (it's actually a chic bob but to me that is still long). I have been thinking about getting a pixie cut but I'm afraid I'll look like a boy because I usually dress in shorts and a t shirt or baggy shirts and never wear any make up.

I'm not sure whether I should or shouldn't but I really want one...i don't like my hair the way it is.

I'm not sure what I want to do with my hair

12 years ago

General

6 replies

Latest reply was from ClaraT

T-Rex

Veteran

I hope you don't mind me jumping in before Angie gets a chance.

When you mention guys at school being mean, I assume that you are pretty young. And I don't mean that in a bad way...or that you don't know your own mind. You obviously *do* know your own mind, which is wonderful. You just need a little more self confidence to stay true to your own style sensibilities.

For the most part, young men don't know squat about fashion, style, cut, proportion, or anything else. There are a few that do, but they aren't likely to make comments to you about how cool they think your hair looks. So I say to just ignore the comments from the mean boys. Some of them probably have secret crushes on you, but they are too scared to admit it, so they go along with the meanies just to save face.

If you truly wish to feminize your style to go along with your new potential haircut, there are ways to do it that won't compromise your basic tomboy style. And once you get your hair cut, you may feel like changing up your wardrobe anyway, just to keep the excitement of change rolling along.

I haven't been around the blog long enough to get a handle on more than a few of the other members' style preferences. But you may want to look at Rae. She has a short haircut and a tomboy style, but she can also look feminine and fantastic at the same time. You may be able to get some ideas from her.

http://youlookfab.com/member/rae/

Annagybe is another blogger who appears to have a tomboy base to her style, but with plenty of fashion forward touches. You may want to look at her posts and pics for some ideas. Her hair isn't pixy short, but her sense of style may be something that you can emulate to a degree.

http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/profile/annagybe

I know there are others, so look around. And I'm sure someone will comment later in this thread with more suggestions.

Honing your personal style takes time, so be patient. In the meantime, remember that school doesn't last forever. Before you know it, you will be in the world of adults, where you will have a little more freedom to pick and choose the people you spend time with. The people in your adult life will also be more mature, and hopefully more able to appreciate you for who you are. So hang in there. Be the best you that you can be, and know that the people who make fun of you are too shallow to find anything better to talk about with each other.

12 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

T-Rex has given you a lovely response!

I'm a pixie wearer from WAY back (say, the age of 6). And my style, while not "tomboy" is definitely androgynous. I love my short hair and would never go back to longer hair again.

It can be tough sometimes to buck the trends. I did get comments about the short hair (negative) from some guys, when I was young. But other guys really loved it.

Anyway...just to give you a heads up. Angie is SUPER busy right now with clients for the next few days, so she may not get a chance to check in. So please know that if she doesn't answer you here, it is not because she is intentionally ignoring your question. She's just run off her feet at the moment.

One thing that might help her (and the rest of us) is visuals. If you can post a photo via photobucket or flickr or similar, we'll have a better sense of your face shape, proportions, etc.

Or if you want to wait a week or so, if you post enough comments on others' threads, you will become an "active member" and then you will have direct photo posting privileges here.

Changing your hair is a big decision, but it can usher in a new style evolution, and it is lots of fun!

12 years ago

Anonymous

You do you.

Trust me, I realize this advice is especially hard to take when you're in the high school/college fishbowl. My last act of high school rebellion was getting my first pixie cut 2 days before graduation because I think part of me was too scared to do it before.

Those boys who make comments about you being gender-confused? They truly are not worth your attention. Chances are, you could go to the ends of the earth to be more their "type" (whatever that is), and they'd still find a reason to pick you apart. These types of guys typically have a very, very narrow definition of beauty. It's sad, really. Luckily, there are plenty of people in this world who will recognize your unique beauty and won't care if you're a girly-girl, a tomboy, or somewhere in between. And if you ask me, being a tomboy is pretty powerful stuff and is completely beautiful in its own right. Two of the most beautiful women I know have pixie cuts and don't wear a bit of makeup. They're beautiful because of their strength and confidence, because of how they treat their friends and because they also happen to be funny and brilliant. Everything else - clothing, accessories, what-have-you - enhances what's already there and is uniquely 'them.'

OK, off my soapbox, which hopefully isn't a giant cliche.

Have you considered taking "baby steps" toward a pixie? A short-ish layered haircut is a good way to step your toes in the water and figure out whether you like the care/maintenance of shorter hair before you go full-on pixie. As someone who's been in that middle ground lots of times, be prepared to visit your hairdresser often (5-6 weeks) in order to have less daily maintenance. I'll try to dig up some haircut pictures for you. Short hair is a lot of fun. My hair is currently mid-neck -- the longest it's been in five years -- and I'm itching for a cute, short cut again.

12 years ago

T-Rex

Veteran

To Sita101,

One more (not so) short comment...

The people who are secure in their own gender, regardless of whether if falls on the stereotypically girl side, the stereotypically boy side, or somewhere in between, are the *least likely* to make fun of someone else for their gender. These mean boys are insecure in their own masculinity, and they are taking it out on you. That doesn't mean they are gay, or transgender, or anything like that. It just means that they believe things like gender are either one of two extremes, and if you don't fit into one of the extreme areas...well...you must be confused. And if they have ever experience confusion in that area, it makes them more likely to try to "police" others into picking a narrow category and then staying inside it. That is just plain silly. These boys haven't lived or experienced enough to realize that most things, such as gender, aren't binary. We are all a wonderful, mixed jumble of this and that, and that is what makes each of us unique and interesting.

I hope I haven't repeated myself too much. And, if you do get the pixie, we would love before and after pictures. I love pixie cuts on others, but have never gone that short yet. You never know, you may inspire others in your school, or even others on this blog, to take the plunge and do something radically different for a change.

And to Suz....thanks!

12 years ago

Sita101

Active Member

Thanks a lot guys
And yes I just turned 14

I don't really care what anybody thinks of me, it's just that sometimes the teasing gets a bit too much..that's all...

Thanks again

12 years ago

ClaraT

Veteran

Lots of good advice/thoughts above. I have a long history of short hair, and my experience is that yes, if I have a shorter, more masculine cut, I look quite boyish/androgenous unless I fem my look with more girly details (lip color or a shirt that looks like a girl shirt). That is ok with me, but something to think about. A short cut can also be playful by adding color (like pink or purple bits). It doesn't have to be permanent color.
Do some google image searches for short hair styles for girls to get some ideas of what different styles look like (both for inspiration and to figure out what you dont want). Good luck.

12 years ago

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