Tassajara - it really distresses me when I hear stories like this. WHY are women catty to each other? We shouldn't be. But, I do think it changes as you grow older, so hang in there.
Nicole, I loved your post!! Where to start... I think I need to number:
1) Men starting to clean up their acts: high-five sister!! My DH may prefer vintage preppy clothes, but he takes care of his physique, gets regular haircuts, and spends time on a skin-care routine. I may have told this story before... if I did, I apologize... but here goes:
We were in Miami and it was too cold and windy to hang on the beach. We spent an afternoon drinking at a bar with street-side view ... parade of tourists walking by. We played this game. Every time an attractive woman walked by, I'd give him a quarter. Every time an attractive man walked by, he'd give me a quarter. We both had to agree that the person walking by was attractive. Well, by the end of an hour or so, his pile of quarters was overflowing and I had a pitiful pile!!
Now maybe we were being catty ourselves, but the point was, women take care of themselves and men don't. My pile of quarters were all men who were in their 20s.
2) "Go ahead and look at MY wife" .... awwww, your hubby is a total sweetheart, isn't he? I don't think that's bringing woman back 100 years... I think that is thoroughly romantic.
3) Your best friend and being mistaken as a couple: my friend from waaayyy back in 7th grade - she and I learned long ago when out and about to hold hands and act like we were a couple if we didn't want attention of men. She learned that trick in europe as an exchange student: apparently (I don't know if this is the case anymore) two women hold hands as a signal to men that they do not want to be approached. It worked back in high school/college here in the US, and like a charm, though I think for different reasons.....
*Unfortunately* .... men today would probably cat-call even louder!!
"May you live in interesting times"
