Wow, what an interesting discussion! Timely, as I've been wracking my closet, trying to figure out what to wear for my birthday dinner later this week. One dress I'm considering is very body-conscious, and sleeveless. I was considering what shoes would not be overly sexy (yet still sexy) and how I might add an outer layer to feel a bit more covered-up... all so I don't look like I'm "trying too hard." My main self-consciousness, however, is in not wanting to appear "big" -- and sometimes that means aiming for a silhouette that downplays my hips and therefore makes me appear less curvy.

I've been an hourglass ever since I was 14, and I have never felt like I've gotten unreasonable unwanted attention because of it, or felt like I'm being judged for letting my shape show. I don't ever recall any rude remarks, and I'm awestruck that any of you have been subjected to such a thing. People can be so rude, and I'm betting the root of it is jealousy.

Please, don't let these people infect your self-image! Wear what you like and what makes you look and feel great!

I'm a fairly well-proportioned hourglass, but I do sometimes feel self-conscious about showing off my curves. I am comfortable wearing a close-fitting dress from time to time, but I shy away from belts and tucked-in looks as they seem to accentuate my curves....and interestingly I'm not really comfortable with that. Before middle-age I used to be more of a rectangle so I think I'm still adjusting to actually BEING an hourglass!

I tend to save my "hourglassy" looks for special occasions when others will also be dressed up so I don't feel like I'm standing out. I do honor completely those ladies who embrace their curves and tuck and belt with abandon....it's just not within this hourglass's comfort zone!

I'm a small busted hourglass-pear hybrid, but I feel this when I wear sheaths, since I have a fairly small waist-hip ratio (I always thought I had a higher WHR because I measured at my hipbone right below my waist, but that's nowhere near my actual widest part, which is lower down) and sheaths, especially belted, really show that off. That automatically makes me feel like I'm "very dressed" up, and because of that I'll actually wear A-line dresses or fit-and-flare dresses far more casually even if their fabrications are nicer. Since I'm small busted, these types of dresses come off more as "cute" on me than "sexy", though I can see for a large busted woman, these would also be in the "sexy" category.

Denise, the woman who made those comments to you was clearly jealous of you. Your attire was entirely appropriate.

Wow, your "friend" was beyond rude. Denise, your outfit is lovely and appropriate.

I will now translate your friends' words into normalese: "Denise, how dare you show up to this party looking good? Don't you know it's your job to be ashamed of your natural beauty as a sign of solidarity with other women? You're supposed to project insecurity with your appearance so that I can feel good about myself."

I'm a small busted short waisted hourglass (and I think I have pearish tendencies). I love wearing fitted clothes (when I can find them) but I only wear them outside work. When I wear fitted tops to work, I'll wear a drapey cardigan on top so I still look like I have a figure but it's not quite as "out there". This is just my personal choice though and it's not because it's inappopriate, it's because the very few jerks who'll "look" don't deserve the privilege of seeing me.

I find this tendency of people to be catty terribly upseting. I'm quite a hourglass ( not very curvy IMO) but I have large bust ( same size as my hips actually ) and had it since 15. Yes, some people, including a boy in my electric devices class comment. He said : you come here all dressed up like it's a catwalk. I was wearing a skirt and top. I was upset a few days then one of my female coleagues in the same class said : don't worry about him, you body is what it is, you don't have to downplay it to make him comfortable. So I moved on.
My mom always encouraged me to show off my figure. She would cut all my skirts to a flattering length ( above the knee), helped me choose nice heels, told me to stand straight and don't hide my boobs. She told me I should't be afraid of cleavage ( of course , reasonably cut) or showing my legs and waist. "You are there anyway for the world to see and judge, and it's better to say you are sexy than unkempt".
In the work field I learn to own it. I wear sheaths and pencil skirts with fitting tops and heels. I also wear rockerish things like exposed zippers and leather jackets. But I'm quite confrontational and don't mind answering the stray catty comment the way it deserves. My lack of courage is to wear something romantic/frilly as I don't want the oh you're a cute girly girly kind of sympathy. I err on the powerful, not boho . But sometimes I rock a full-skirt and that should be nobody's business.

Di, I love your conclusion: "says who?". Says it all!

Thanks you Di this is very interesting conversation. As a busty hourglass I spend a lot of time trying to create an alternate silhouette. I am very conscious of drawing attention to my bust. I had one occasion where a 'friend' commented that she felt a top I was wearing (fitted, but not tight and I was completely covered) was 'inappropriate'. I was a bit taken aback but I figured what am I going to do? I have a naturally large bust! My challenge has been more about avoiding looking 'frumpy' as some lines and shapes on a large busted hourglass can look very matronly...but with trail and error, and some wonderful examples from YLF Im getting there. As long as you are happy and you feel you look appropriate then please try not to mind what others might say, those comments are usually coming from a place of insecurity.

I'm an hourglass, but a very straight one...so that's not a problem. But I think no matter what you're shape is there will be people who make rude/intrusive comments...I think you should try to ignore them!

Denise, we are body doubles. I totally get it.

I can go from elegant to vulgar is 3.4 seconds flat. I just try not to wear anything too low, too tight, or too short......or at least to only pick one assuming I'm not going to work!

I'm a very petite pear-y hourglass or hourglass-y pear. I can't say that I've gotten many blatantly rude comments like you have, Di, and i wonder if a lot of that has to do with being large busted (which I am not). I have often encountered the more subtle comments about what I'm wearing, that i'm dressed up or dressed nicely even if I'm just wearing a cotton t-shirt and skirt.

One friend would often comment that I dressed very sexy when going out and that's why guys approach me. I don't feel that I dress overly sexy at all. I wear fitted clothing, especially to show my waist, because that is what flatters my figure. Others might wear short skirts or shorts to show off long slim legs or low cut tops to show off cleavage and I say more power to them, I think that every woman should dress to flatter her own figure.

Recently I wore a very form-fitted dress for a special occasion and a friend told me later that my "hips looked so huge." That really hurt my feelings because I liked the way I looked in the dress. Incidentally, this friend has a large chest and no hips, and she often shows (lots of) cleavage). Sometimes it bothers me that a large chest is seen as sexy but hips and bums should be "reduced" with exercise and clothing choices (but that's an entirely different topic).

I used to be very self conscious about my curvy lower half, but for the most part i appreciate my body now. It doesn't mean that others comments can't hurt, though...

bran888, I am demoting your "friend" to "frenemy" status.

I felt the same way! It's difficult to dress an hourglass, I see people comment "oh.. hourglass.. how lucky" but the fit is difficult for us because everything we put on seems too sexy.
One of my best dicovers here at YLF is to hide my waist.. yes, at first I tought that was crazy, I would look enormous, but the true is that dresses like the ones on the photos bellow minimizes all my curves and I feel even slimmer!

haha Alicat, she's actually a very close friend. She often tells me that I look great, but she truly didn't like the dress and me showing off my "hippiness". I feel that many women feel that way, that large hips are not a positive.

Thanks for the show of solidarity Di!

Neva brings up a good point about whether the ethnicity of a man or woman effects their perceptions of body type and shape. I tend to attract a lot of "positive" attention from black men, hispanic men, and native american men when I am out. On the other hand, I am rarely approached or given a complement or asked for a dance by white men or asian men. I have had both make rude comments about how I am not "thin" enough for them, even when I weighed 130 pounds-- probably because at that weight I am still at least a DD and a size six pants.

While it feels good to have men appreciate my body, I often receive negativity from other women, as though they resent me for looking "white" and attracting the men I do or having the curves I do. I find even my friends can get tense over this. For that reason, I often don't go out dressed the way they do (looking to attract attention).

Okay, bran888, sounds like you realize it's her issue, not yours--look how far hippiness has taken JLo and Kim Kardashian!

I am from the South, so I've been known to respond to an inappropriate comment with a beaming "Bless your heart, you're so precious!" which leaves the commenter speechless, typically.

hehe I like that response Shakira has done wonders for my self esteem since she is also petite and has hips

For all of us with hips, here's Lucille Clifton reading her poem "Homage to My Hips":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMChVe6IKsw

I don't worry about looking slutty, but I worry about drawing too much attention to my figure either at work or around family (sigh). I use Rute's solution, which she brilliantly demonstrates. I am actually trying to get over this hang-up though because I think it is self-imposed and a bit silly. I liked Anya's comment a lot. I actually didn't consciously realize I cloak my figure day-to-day until CocoLion pointed something out to me on one of my WIWs. And by the way, Denise, you look positively lovely in that outfit. I think you should enjoy your figure and not trouble yourself with catty comments. I know, easier said that done, but still. I don't worry about any of these things though when I am going out with my DH. I enjoy wearing a fitted dress to go out, no issues.

I'm not an hour-glass... I'm a pear with the typical "black girl booty" and I experience this often. I do think it can be a cultural thing... I've generally been the only or one of maybe two or three black people in an office... and even at my slimmest (around 110 lbs), if I wear a pencil skirt that other white women in my office might also wear, it will look like I'm being "sexy." Right now, I'm around 135 lbs and my bottom half feels out of control to me... which means I'm very self conscious in practically anything that doesn't have an A line...

For me, and I hate to think of this as a ethnicity thing but it feels that way, it's not so much that women say catty things to me exactly, but that guys seem to get a certain impression... like because I'm a black woman with a luscious bottom, I'm ASKING for attention that I'm NOT asking for... ironically, it's only when I'm heavier that I get much extra attention from most black men because they tend to see my normal weight as very skinny...

Anyway, I've gotten to the point that if I feel good in it, I refuse to pay any attention to catty or extreme comments. I say thank you with a smile and it confuses them! lol

This is going to sound very straight-forward, but there is no other way to say this....a person's fundamental body shape is determined by genetics not diet! I am naturally an hourglass by genetic design. when I was younger (puberty until mid-twenties) i was a slim hourglass body measurements being 34DD-20-30. During this time is when I felt my most self conscious. I personally felt that I did not have the curves to fill out body hugging wear. I also received the majority of my outside critiques. Everything from "needing to put on a few pounds" to "you'e built like a white girl", this being an insult due to the emphasis in African american male culture focused on ample backsides. Keep in mind also that these comments were coming from other African Americans. Present day, I am still an hourglass measurements being 38DD-30-43. Now in the African american community I have the "coveted" figure (ample backside and hips with slim waist). The few disparaging comments I have received have been sort of off hand "it must be nice to not worry about weight" or "j.lo better watch out" with these comments coming om non African Americans. Luckily for me I am petty self confident lol. But it is perplexing to me that 1) an individual finds it okay to say such things & 2) not once during any of these interactions was my actual health (mental, physical or emotional) a concern.

Neva, you bring up a really sad point - that your actual health and well being was not the primary focus. My bff struggled with bulimea for a long time when we were studying. At her lowest time ever, she was showered with compliments, for being so slim...granted, nobody knew what she was going through, but it reminded me how focussed we can be on the ideal of body size. Its good to helicopter back and take in a broader view sometimes.

I have been sitting on the sidelines, reading with interest. I've never EVER heard anyone accuse a woman of liking to "show off" her body... so strange to me, especially since I grew up around some catty girls in elementary and high school. More the norm was, "you SHOULD show off your X"... even if the advice wasn't really warranted. o_0

Maybe it is a weird Orange County thing where wearing form-fitting and revealing clothes is considered the norm?

In any case, I'm sickened to hear that so many of you have had negative remarks about this! It's amazing what a combination of jealousy and poor upbringing can do - who raised these people to be so rude??

I think a whole culture has developed where people are encouraged to comment
on others' looks. The websites where people ask to be rated, the Fug Girls, who wore it better. All of this stuff once unthinkable.

Hugs to anyone who needs it! People can be cruel and mean and you kind of just need to learn how to shrug it off. I don't think there's anything wrong with being sexy (as long as it's classy sexy not street walker obviously) This post makes me think of the show "Mad Men" cause i've been watching it recently and there's a character who is an hourglass figure, seems to so far dress conservatively but still has major sex appeal. Rock it ladies!

Nicole- later on in the show, she gets told that she looks like she is "walking around the office waiting to be raped"- despite the fact that she never shows cleavage, her upper arms, or wears a skirt shorter than the top of her knee.

chewyspaghetti - i'm only on episode 8 or so but from what i can tell that's kind of just how all the men seem to act in this show? @_@ I have a hard time with it sometimes.

I'm an hourglass, and a busty one at that, but I have to say I am never worried about looking too sexy. I wear garments that accent the waist, and often wear tops that are quite fitted, but it is what it is. Women who aren't as endowed as I am in the bust wear the same tops of the same snugness, so I just refuse to worry that some people will look at me differently because I'm busty. Even when I wear a baggy top I'm clearly busty, so it's not like I can hide it (and I don't believe I should). I used to stress about my bust size and I am so much happier now that I don't.

I just had an epiphany regarding this issue. I tried on a dress to get a dear friend's opinion because I felt like it drew too much attention to my chest (I'm a busty hourglass). I wore a cami, and there was no cleavage, but it was fitted. Anyway, I asked her if it drew too much attention to that area, and she responded, "Yes, you can see that you have breasts, but I don't think there's anything wrong with your chest." It was a weird moment for me because I've been self-conscious about my chest since I was 9, and it's rarely occurred to me that "there's nothing wrong" with my chest.

I have been on the receiving end of unkind comments - directly to me or accidentally overheard - and I definitely think people tend to judge hourglasses as trying to look "sexy" even in modest clothing.

oy, what an interesting thread! and i agree with the many wise comments in it! i've got the typical sexpot bod - with the addition of wide shoulders, a blessing because they make it easier to downplay my bust in professional type situations.

crwilson, i want to talk about an epiphany of my own that i had years ago. as a teenager and into my twenties i dressed very modestly - i had this idea that i didn't want to provoke undue reactions in other people, especially men. but around 30 or so, i started realizing that a) i got reactions no matter HOW i dressed b) why can't i just wear what other people wear, like tank tops when it's 100F? c) it's not my place to be responsible for other people's feelings and thoughts d) if i followed this thinking to it's logical end i would never leave the house except in something like a burkha - which is not good.

so i stopped trying to 'cover up' all the time. and the world continued to turn on it's axis i still get those 'show off' type of comments, but it's just how i'm built. i got my figure (and some of my neuroses about it) from my mom, who deliberately gained a lot of weight to avoid unwanted attention about it. as a result, in her retirement she is facing a lot of health issues that limit what she is able to do. that is such a shame.....and it makes me feel so angry about these types of attitudes.

neva, you make SUCH an important point - the main reason to be concerned with another person's body is their HEALTH. and no one should have to hide because someone somewhere thinks they don't look good enough or that they look too good. what b.s. (pardon the vulgarity!). and the idea that the correct response to someone feeling a person is too sexy-looking is for the sexy thing to get covered up is dangerous. i make it a point to challenge that idea whenever i can. if a person is having an uncomfortable reaction to another person's body, the problem is in the first person's head and may be remedied by thought and honest contemplation.

i also have found that different ehtnicities/cultures do seem to have different beauty and sexy standards. i'm more popular with the mexican farm worker than with the caucasian manager, as a rule. but, as we know, rules are made to be broken we all have bodies, why not honor them and treat them with respect as the amazing gifts they are!!! steph

Oh my gosh! I have been lurking on YLF for a long time and I finally had to register just so I could post to this thread!

On all the style guides I've ever seen hourglass is supposed to be the "lucky" body type, as in "lucky you, you have an hourglass figure and you can wear anything!" Uh...not true. It's just as difficult to dress this body type correctly -- in a way that looks balanced and flattering. And it's way hard to dress it in a way that doesn't look vulgar or too sexy. I have the most difficult time finding stuff that looks good on me. Whenever I go into a department store I feel so badly for the workers...I will take in dozens of garments to my dressing room and I can just feel them drooling over the huge commission they expect to make off me, but I end up buying maybe one or two things because NOTHING FITS RIGHT. If hourglass is supposed to be the "lucky" body type, then why am I always so unlucky in dressing rooms?! It's enough to make me pull out my hair.

I am sure a big part of the problem is my bust...I have a very full bust, size 34F. I have to buy all my tops and dresses in a size 12 or 14 to fit my bust and have them tailored down to fit my waist and hips, which are more like an 8 - 10. It's good to wear tailored clothes anyway, but the added expense is frustrating. I don't look huge on top; I look very balanced and "classic" hourglass, but the discrepancy in clothing sizes is obnoxious.

It is nearly impossible to find fitted clothing that doesn't look TOO fitted, that my boobs don't hang out of, etc. Darts in cute tops and seams hit really weird on my bust. So frustrating.

And like so many others in this thread, I am so annoyed by people commenting on how "sexy" I look when I'm not going for "sexy!" It's great to look sexy if you're going out on a date or going to a casual get-together, but I don't want to give the impression that I'm a sex kitten when I go in for a job interview or when I'm at work or at a funeral or whatever! And it's hard to "un-sexy" an hourglass figure without going full-on grandma-style frumpy.

Man, it's frustrating. But I have to say, being a busty hourglass has made shopping fun for me, once I learned to look at it like a game...like a hunt! Shopping is exciting now because I am on the prowl for the PERFECT garment...one I can take to my tailor and have altered to look nice on me with just the right amount of sexy. I definitely can't buy just any cute new top or dress...I have to really get creative ,try it on, visualize what it will look like when it's styled right and altered.

It did take me several years to look at shopping this way instead of being totally annoyed by it.

Glad I'm not alone!