I’m a big believer in getting outside, even for 5 minutes, even for 2, and focusing on breath, fresh air, sun or wind or. ....Focus in something-tree, building, sounds, If that’s not enough and it’s possible bare feet on grass, or earth, or.,,
And when DH was in the hospital and I was going back and forth, healing music.

@Runcarla - wish could heal alt things.

@ Jane - you are helping with listening. That makes a difference.

@ Joy - It's just me and my husband, and of course my mother who lives 20 minutes away. Her big thing is my childhood home which she does not want to sell off, but it's just too big for her and she knows she can't maintain it any longer. But, she doesn't want to move either. Of course we've asked her to move in with us, but she refuses to move to the city and I refuse to move back to the suburbs. So she stays, using the fact the house is paid off, and it's just too expensive to buy or rent something smaller. She has enough money so that's not the problem. Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure something out.

@Barbara Diane - I hope I find that peace somehow. And Thank you.

I really like the podcast "This is 50: The Sheri + Nancy Show." It's all about midlife and it's positive and funny (and realistic).

https://thepillarlife.com/sheri-nancy-show/

It’s sorta interesting. Life is full of moments like this. I saw a thing on tv, a dating thing for 50+ people called Silver something. I didn’t know the colour silver was for 50 yr olds. I have to rethink my life now, lol. I thought I’d get to wear a red hat and purple dress at 50? I think the feeling is just a sign, that it’s time for a life-plan check in. Like the yearly check in for your long-term investments. I mean, I don’t know about other people, but I also had several mid-youth crises... so I think it’s a way of life...

citygirldc, sometimes I remind myself that at least I'm not in a fox hole with bullets whizzing by my head, or some other nightmare scenario being experienced right now by someone who just happened to land somewhere else. Most of my problems looked at from a different angle are opportunities many people would love to have.

It makes me sad to think that you're sad.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, working hard and yet not feeling much satisfaction. I try to apply maybe so/maybe not thinking when I can. It's a (supposedly) Zen Buddhist story that my mom told me years ago and that has made me see my role in things differently.




You are not alone, but I can tell you are a strong person and you will make it through! ❤️

I go online often to forget my problems, I rarely feel like I can talk to anyone in person these days and trust they won’t judge me.

I’m in my thirties, and during my life I have experienced physical, mental, and sexual abuse. Growing up I was one of those people always teased by classmates and never popular. I have health issues and also suffer from severe social anxiety, panic attacks, and comprehension issues in certain areas. My family is unsupportive and is part of why I developed my severe anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve lost people I thought were friends because they couldn’t sympathize about my problems and saw me as someone not worth being around.

@Flytigresse - I'll have to check it out. Thanks.

@rachylou - mid-youth??? Oh I've so been there too. I feel this one is a bit different. But life goes on and I'll have to deal.

@Isabel - Thank you for your kind words but please don't be sad for me. Sometimes I just need a friendly ear to talk to and for people not to judge me. I know my problems may be small compared to others, and I do thank God that I'm better off than most, but it doesn't mean they hurt any less. I'll try your method and see what happens.

@Jess - I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. I'm glad we can listen and help out if we can. It goes to show you we are not alone.

So, currently in China, my VPN is blocked (do not use NordVPN, it’s crap), anyways somehow YLF isn’t blocked.
I turned 47 earlier this month (doing the math, wow two weeks ago). This should be a big fun trip. But there’s all sorts of stuff happening at home and with my family. I’m trying to help the best I can (mobile bill is going to be astronomical), but with time difference and Dad’s bad hearing...
I now realize that this will the last big trip I can do for quite a while, as I really have to focus on Dad when I get back.
At the Summer Palace they had a temple section where you could be a red ribbon or a small hanging plaque to make a wish on for the coming year. I paid 20 yuan for the plaque and said I want to get married. Honestly it’s kinda a joke, because realistically it ain’t going to happen. Even while writing and trying to find a place on the racks... I was mostly laughing. I don’t be in manifesting your dreams through positive thoughts; working in a trauma hospital makes you morbid.
I don’t have children, my friends that have them are drifting away. As are the coupled friends.
I’m tired, a lot. It took all my energy to throw myself a very small, very casual birthday party. Luckily the attendees said they had fun.
It’s hard for me to think of the future...because I see myself just plodding along, same as I ever was.
So yeah it sucks, and I feel ya.
Pictures of the prayer plaques

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

@annagybe - sorry about what you're going through. In a sense, we are in the same boat. Old friends are around but are busy with their children and lives, and new ones are always hard to find and keep. I'm hoping we are all friends in this forum in a way. The good thing is we keep coming back here, so that's a sign that their is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

Anna, hang in their. Things often happen when you least expect them to. With your dad and family, set boundaries. You need to leave time for you.. Plan another trip if it helps you recharge and gives you a new outlook on things. Wishing you the best year ever and belated Happy Birthday to you.

Naz, thank you for your thoughtful words. They mean a lot to me.

Jess, I am so sorry that you have been through so much. I am glad you felt you could share this with the forum.