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Anyone else tired of searching...?

catgirl

Veteran

For the first time ever, I am suddenly feeling overcome and tired of shopping for the items I need. Being choosier now is a new way of life for me. The right jeans, a pair of sandals, a denim shirt... There are so many choices out there, and so many criteria for each item to work for me. I have been SYC for three months, but of course during that time I've been looking around to no avail. The j. crew jacket was a total score, and that was pure luck for Jonesy to point it out!

On the other hand, I'm also tired of my now decimated wardrobe, which I am still purging, and I don't feel I can take a longer break, as I can't go much further without filling a hole or two (shirts to wear under jackets still being the huge one).

Sorry to whine - I just needed to vent for a moment. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Shopping

27 replies

Latest reply was from Carole

Marley

Veteran

I know exactly what you mean Una. And one of the benefits of SYC has been that it has freed me up to Just.Not.Look.For.Anything. - cuz I'm not buying! And I figure it will all be there - or even BETTER stuff will be there once I jump back into the game. However, I am resolving that I will NEVER let it make me crazy again - or anxious - or discouraged, etc. etc.

catgirl

Veteran

Marley, you are a WISE woman. I didn't take a break from looking during SYC because I was purging and thinking of what replacement items I needed. Now that I'm about to give myself permission to buy, I am worn out with looking.

You, on the other hand, seem to have reached some sort of wonderful zen state and I think you will have real success with wherever you go next stylewise.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Yep, I'm kind of worn out from looking, too. I almost want to impose SYC on myself, just to take the pressure of filling holes off my shoulders. Just the word "hole," though, makes me feel like I am really missing something and need to fill it ASAP... I tend to dislike limbo in general. :T

Aida

Veteran

I wasn't being nearly picky enough before so I'm kind of looking forward to upcoming shopping (though not much in my budget right now, already did most of my spring shopping far prior to analysis boo!), especially now that I have a more clear image of what I want to look for 0:) Una, getting your hair done and starting to exercise will probably help infuse you with more energy to start searching again!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Rae, you crack me up.

Wise, Aida.

Una and Marley, it all boils back down to the only fashion and style rule you are not allowed to break. Step back if you are not having fun. Give it a little while, and jump back in when the mood strikes you.

I am probably the pickiest of them all. It's really fun to be picky, actually.

Aunty

Veteran

Oh Una, I do understand. I have nearly screamed because I have a picture in my head of what I want, but it has not been made by any body yet!!

"This to will pass" is all I can come up with.

Big huggs

lynne

Veteran

Absolutely. Another epiphany I had recently was that I didn't "have" to shop or even look at things. I'd get something stuck in my head and pressured myself to hunt it down. Sometimes the hunt is fun, but when it isn't, then it needs to stop. Fashion and style should be fun, not stress making. As much as we all want every outfit to be a 10 every day, chances are that no one is going to die if it isn't.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Yes- very much so!
I have certain items that I have been searching for for over a year and still haven't found the perfect one at the perfect time (ie when I can afford to buy). But in the meantime, I have come into a really nice working wardrobe and a pretty good sense of my style. I guess I wouldn't give up the searching to loose those things.

Queen Mum

Veteran

yes! and this is when I get tempted to settle. I also tend to come home with stuff that isn't on my list the more I'm out hunting for the things that are. Its a balance that I am always trying to strike between shopping for holes and letting whatever tickles my fancy come home with me.

nancylee

Veteran

Alaskagirl, I feel your pain. It is both easier and more difficult to be a picky shopper! I've sometimes waited a year or two before finding the item that meets all my criteria. And I'm sure that sounds like torture to someone who's staring at a purged closet full of wardrobe holes!

Maybe you can pick up a couple cheap "close enough" pieces to fill the most glaring holes in the short term, and then go forward keeping an eye out for the perfect items to replace them. (Almost like letting yourself have a little snack when you're starving before dinner!) This might take the pressure off and allow you to enjoy the search more.

I've also found that a somewhat zen attitude of letting go helps me find the perfect item. Just last Friday I was feeling fatigued and defeated after searching for weeks for a perfect denim dress. I had given up. I was headed out of the mall and back to my car when I looked up and saw my perfect dress in the window of a store I never usually shop in.

I do believe you will find what you want...just maybe not when and where you expect it.

Good luck. Give yourself a little snack!

Barbara

Veteran

Yep, Una, I know exactly what you mean.

I've been searching for leopard flats ever since I lusted after the 2009 Dolce Gabbana resort version - $650 worth. Still looking.

And a short teal trench is still on my list. I'm patient, though and I NEVER settle!

Isabel

Veteran

Yes, yes, yes !!!

Waiting is soooo hard. I have been looking for Cognac boots since I saw them on Caroline Bessette Kennedy ( no joking ). I would like a leather coat. No avail. I would imagine that being "strict" is freeing UNLESS you can't find what you need. I not only look at things to see if they work for me, but if they don't, can I alter them ( seamtress ! ) that will. I have had much success with this.

I like Nancy Lee's suggestions, it these are truly holes, can you have a couple of temporary fill-ins ?

One upshot of not settling is that, if you save the money over the time you are looking, you may find perfect that was out of your range at the start, but is affordable now. But the time I find a pair of cognac boots, I will be able to spend $500K on them : )

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Like Isabel, I've been looking on and off for a leather coat for 10 years. Still don't have one. But . . . I'm okay with that. Apparently this 'hole' isn't a deal breaker for my wardrobe, just an ongoing left out element. I'd like one. Most adult ladies have one. But I don't want one just to have one, I want THE one. And so I'll continue to wait and to hunt
I find that sometimes the floodgates open and 3 or 4 long hunted perfect items turn up all at around the same time. So I have faith someday 'the one' will show up.

Heather

Veteran

I think it all boils down to instant gratification. We all want it 'right now,' even if it isn't perfect or the best or whatever the criteria may be....

We love the rush of something new, something on sale or even free when it isn't perfect.

Don't worry, your perfect items will appear and you will begin having fun again in no time. Don't stress over it, Dear Una!

Shauntelle

(website)

I feel this way often, but I'm trying to take the Zen approach and live with the discomfort... mostly because in the past, whenever I just gave in and bought "whatever" I still felt unhappy... and when you're unhappy with your clothes, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... you never feel good in them.

For instance, last spring I just had a moment and bought several dresses from Ross because I could afford them. There were two that I thought I should return, but hubs liked them and I really felt like I NEEDED something at the time... I still feel bad in those dresses whenever I wear them... and when I did my closet purge the other night, I felt so free when I tucked them in the goodwill pile.

It's hard when you really need stuff... I really understand that... but I think when we feel that much pressure about it, that's when we have to take a step back for a moment so that we're not making emotional decisions instead of thoughtful ones. (At least, that's my current pep talk to myself! LOL)

kellygirl

Veteran

Yes, I have shopping/return fatigue too. Still searching for a few elusive items. I'm thankful that spring is just around the bend so I won't feel the fall/winter gaps so much. I'm looking forward to fewer layers. Perhaps the change in seasons will help you too?

Saretta

(website)

Hi, I'm new around here...can I ask what SYC means?

morethanbeige

Veteran

Yes, AG, I can relate. For me, I go through phases where I think nothing looks right and that I can't find what feels like me and that I don't even know what "me" is. I just need to back off until some sanity returns. I take it too seriously as if there's a "right" way to do it. I love Angie's rule about having fun .

MsMary

Veteran

"SYC" = "shop your closet." I.e. wear what you already have instead of buying new things!

Anonymous

Welcome, Saretta! SYC means Shop Your Closet. Sometimes a group of us for one reason or another will decide not to buy any fashion items for a certain length of time and to use what we have. Each sets up their own rules. It can be a valuable learning experience, a frustration, or both.
After SYCing last fall I thought I'd be out spending like crazy but have learned to be more picky. There are always new fab things to tempt and always great sales. I've SYCed several times over the years and don't remember an item that I was really sorry to miss out on after a few months. The hard part is not having all that instant gratification. I've become willing to spend more for quality.
Una, I'm usually sick of my winter wardrobe by this time and last year's spring/summer stuff is not fresh either. I never seem to mind pulling out the fall/winter things in the fall, but summer things come out looking a little sad. Maybe it's a problem of quality or that hot weather items get laundered more and wear out faster.

Aziraphale

Veteran

lol Saretta, I'm new too, and I had to ask the same question about three days ago!

Una, I feel your pain. I ALWAYS hate shopping for clothes! I love having fabulous new things, though, so you see the problem...

If you are just shopping for things you want, not that you desperately need, I would say step back and forget about it for a while. There's nothing more irritating than looking and looking for a specific item that you just can't find. Good luck!

Saretta

(website)

Ok, thanks for the explanation. Funny thing is that I have actually been trying to focus on SYCing lately...without knowing there was an acronym for it! I have so many clothes but so few decent outfits...how does that happen?

Kristine

Veteran

Totally! I actually don't really enjoy the hunt, only the new clothes. Sometimes I can't understand why the simplest things (dressy flat dark ankle boots for example) are so hard to find. I've probably looked at hundreds, maybe thousands, of pairs.

For many things I'm content to SYC but for footwear in particular it verges on more of a need. This week my feet were aching after three straight days in the same boots. And of course the more you need something the less likely you are to find it.

Beth

Veteran

Ooooh, yes. I know exactly what you mean. My closet is finally purged, but that means there are huge holes in it, making creativity difficult. It also explains why I was so excited last week to finally find the "right" tall boots even though winter is over and they're not exactly the most exciting look around.

Can you use the season change as a stopping point to recharge? Or is that just a way to start a new search list?

sarah

Veteran

Absolutely, Una. I hate shopping - just hate it, because I don't really have time for it, and I'm so picky, and now that I've found YLF it's made me picky in a new way. I've been looking for sandals for weeks now, and feel like I spend endless hours browsing the online stores to no avail. At least I can do it online! I think I'm violating Angie's #1 rule for fashion, though, so maybe it's time to give it a break...

Irene

(website)

I can't do SYC for a long time, especially with season change. And because my shoe and jacket wardrobe is very limited, so housewife-y. I was using the same trench for more than 6 years in a row, and now I'm so tired from it, even I have to keep it for one year more, physically I'm tired from it. Shoes become tired, pants became too small or too washed out, tees become old, stained or frayed.

Carole

Veteran

I needed to read this thread! I just can't seem to stop shopping lately...I need to be more selective, less impulsive, quit looking, stay home and clean my closets (not just my clothes closet), exercise more, focus on something else for a change.