Anyone else losing it over college applications?

gryffin

Anyone else getting slap happy over helping edit and redraft college applications, essays, resumes? This is what was running through my mind on the drive into work today....

Thoughts for the day or what I've learned from the college application process: Please picture my DS - big boy with a big tuba....

1. You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse

2. But your exquisite silk purse can appear to be a sow's ear if not presented properly on his college applications

3. If you present your exquisite silk purse properly to colleges, you hope it will become this year's "IT Bag"

7 years ago

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34 replies

Latest reply was from Laurie

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Good wishes. Take a few deep breaths. This too will pass. Remembering back, the years’ most challenging time was waiting for each daughter to decide where to enroll after her acceptances arrived. THAT was stressful!

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

cjh - thank you! we are hoping for good luck!! Actually the problem is that my son is applying as a performance music major and double majoring in psych. It's all about the music department because it's about the teacher he really wants to study with. So he knows, having taken a lesson with some, exactly where he wants to go, it's now the problem of killing the auditions and getting in!!

7 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

HAHAHAHA.

You crack me up, Gryffin. Good luck.

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Angie - do we think "tubas that bowl" will be "trending?" Will we see musical note tee's and bowling shirts for Fall of 2019? Will "IT Bags" have piston and rotary valve closures and thumb holes?.....I know, I'm losing it....!!

7 years ago

Anonymous

I feel for you! I am glad those days are over, though DD was pretty good with her application and essay (she also proofread her friends' essays).

I highly recommend shopping as therapy!

7 years ago

kerry

Veteran

That is hilariously written. Thanks for the laugh and I’m sure I’ll remember your sage works when years from now I’m helping 8 yo DD with applications! Good luck!

7 years ago

Anonymous

Too bad you are only editing. With your talent for writing...........
Don’t envy parents and students these days. Back in 99 my DD was total package but only wanted 1 school- early decision meant no money. The wait was horrendous.
Now you can be the total package and it still won’t be enough.
Good luck to both you and son.

7 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

So funny! And true.

First of all, this is for those with kids planning on going away to college. Not going to college, going to trade school, going to local junior colleges, serving our country, etc are all valid choices.

For all of those not trying to study with a specific teacher this is what I have learned.

1. There are many wonderful colleges out there. Try to get a great fit for your kid, not necessarily the most prestigious name.
2. If the college isn’t the right fit, they can change schools.
3. Students often love the schools they didn’t have their heart set on.
4. The best essays have their unique voice in them.
5. If necessary bring in help. One of my kids was so over the process but could not see the major problem with one of his essays. When someone else besides us insisted he couldn’t send it in, he listened.
6. The numbers game is rigged and based on fear. Each college wants to show how selective it is by it’s small acceptance rate. So everyone applies to more colleges, the colleges reject more applicants, rinse and repeat.

Senior year can be hard. Pressure, anxiety and stress. Waiting for responses is hard. Having your future up in the air is hard. Having everyone ask you about your college choices, acceptances, etc. is hard. Try to be your kid’s port in the storm. Take time to breathe and get fresh air.

Do not assume everyone else’s kid is going to college. It is better to ask if they know yet what they are doing after high school. That way everything from yes to not yet is an acceptable answer.

Ok. Off my soapbox.

7 years ago

Runcarla

Veteran

Can valve oil be used as a beauty product?

(Wise words Barbara Diane.)

7 years ago

Windchime

Veteran

Gryffin, thanks for the laugh! College application as this year’s IT bag. I can relate to that but don’t think my DS 18 would.

Good luck to your son. Everything will work out as it should, but it’s hard for high school kids to see that.

It’s college application year for us, too. It’s certainly going to be an interesting year!

7 years ago

Pat_P

Active Member

I can relate- we just went through it last year. Lots of anxiety through the process, including dd applying to two schools at the last minute that she'd never even seen. In the end, they were two of the three schools she liked the best and she will be attending one of them next month. So there's a lot to be said for trusting your gut. Good luck as you move through your son's senior year!

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Danusia - thank you. It’s scary but this is taking so much time it’s cut into my internet fashion browsing. If that sacrifice is not love, then I don’t know what is!
Kerry - thank you. You are such a sweetheart. Enjoy age 8! Such a perfect age -so delicious!!
Efbgen- yes that’s exactly it. It’s become so much more competitive. It’s extremely competitive for performance majors because so few spots. But no kid has it easy. Very tough.
Barbara Diane - very wise words!! My son has many friends and their plans are very diverse. As you so insightfully point out, life is all about finding your perfect fit - jobs, passions, spouses. Life is full of surprises and all the better for it!!

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Runcarla - yes exactly. It’s a well kept secret that no oil is as luxe and emollient as valve oil. Except “space filler”. Have you tried it on your cuticles?
Windchime- I have only one word for you “man-bag” ok maybe “murse”. I’m still hoping DS will be trending next fall!!
Best of luck to you and your son!! I hope he finds the perfect fit and here’s hoping we can maintain or sanity and sense of humor!!
Pat - congrats to you and DD!! IKR I agree it will all work out for the best. But from one who reads the last chapter of a book first....it’s a long wait!!

7 years ago

Anonymous

I had heard that the tuba is considered a "rare" instrument and can bring a big college scholarship if they need one. I am amazed that all this is happening during the senior year. My sons had to meet deadlines and make these decisions their junior years. Senior year was too late. This was 15-20 years ago. The summer before the junior year was spent touring colleges and writing those essays as many application deadlines were that fall. If unsure, a good community or junior ( 2-year) college can be a good way to start. The drawback is that most students are locals so no campus life.
I want some valve oil for softer hands and feet.

7 years ago

Style Fan

Veteran

Good luck to your son gryffin. Stressful times indeed. Wise words Barbara Diane. There are many paths in life.

I have written many references letters for students applying to graduate schools (I teach in a graduate program and some of the students go on to Masters and Ph.D. programs). I never ask them if they got in but I am very happy for them when they are accepted. Anxious times.

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Joy - applications are online now. Most of the portals open sept 1 or so. The goal is to be ready to submit when the gate opens. Only then can we access the supplemental music school applications. Auditions are late, the earliest is November and most are January 2019. Tuba is considered a "scholarship instrument." Both merit based and there are, if you can believe it, athletic scholarships for the marching band. I'd be thrilled if he just gets into his top picks, but hey money would be way nice!!

Style Fan - thank you. That's a whole other issue.....recommendations!! Like popping the question at the high school level!! As much as you think or know the teacher loves you, it's always tough to do. That must be very difficult, waiting to hear where your favorite students are going, but being both unable and afraid to ask. Yikes!!

7 years ago

DonnaF

Veteran

For sanity go to collegeconfidential dot com. Especially the parents forum. Avoid the chances forum. IIRC people recommend music auditions at the school vs regional ones. Many kids decide their school based on the cuteness of its squirrels. . .

7 years ago

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Hah! My son hasn't even decided for sure where he wants to apply yet.

7 years ago

Anonymous

Hope it all works out, gryffin! I'm so thankful this isn't a Canadian "thing". My biggest problem (and only involvement ) is paying the tuition , lol.

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Donna - thank you. I've been on collegeconfidential and tubanet and everywhere else I could find. My son is only applying to 7 schools because he will need to audition in person at each. And you are so right, going, meeting the professor, taking a lesson, meeting the kids, seeing the facilities - there is no substitute. We crossed one school off the list after the visit.
Jenn - I think for most kids, as Barbara Diane points out, there are a lot of schools that would be a good fit. For my DS it's all about the relationship with the tuba professor. That needs to be a good fit. That's my big anxiety, every university has a good psych program.
Lisa - thank you. You are a total sweetheart as always. I'm so glad Canadians have college "in perspective." It seriously makes me want to move!! I've been told this is a total american gig, the big freak out! Oh well being type A does not help. Fortunately my son is a huge Type B extrovert......"what ever......."

7 years ago

BrieN

Veteran

I remember the exciting and anxiety provoking days of college applications and acceptances. The performance piece of it adds a layer of cost/complexity/and yes anxiety that the regular admissions process doesn't have. It felt a lot more personal and competitive.

The best piece of advice someone gave me was have your kid apply to a safety school that 1) they could be happy at and has good programs in the subjects they are interested in 2) you can definitely afford and 3) has rolling admissions. And possibly 4) where your child could play the tuba without having to audition for a spot.

That way your family knows early on that your child has a good option--not the one he is dreaming of but a good option.

In our case it helped us immeasurably to know in October that she had a solid "yes" in her back pocket. And when she was slogging through auditions in Jamuary (or whenever they were) it helped keep the anxiety down.

Parents and well-meaning adults start asking your child in November "so where are you going to school next year". Maddening.

These kids continue to change and mature all through senior year, so it can feel a little like chasing a moving target to find a "good fit" school.

Sending you peace!!!

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

BrieN - yes that’s exactly it. I don’t know of any other college applicant group, outside of the arts, where the admission process is so personal. Win or lose, you are personally chosen or rejected. They meet, teach you, looking to see if the potential for that special “bond” is there and it’s all filtered through how good you are. Yes or no, is deeply personal. In regular admissions it’s about the application. But in music or the arts it’s totally about you. The emotional stakes feel higher. On the flip side, no where else do you work one on one with the faculty all four years. You can’t get lost in the music department. Like your house in hogwarts it’s your home.
That’s very astute about the safe school. There is one program which is rolling which does not require audition. Although, as you know, we need to set up a lesson to assess fit. In the end, that’s all I care about for him. If the fit is good he will be happy.
Kudos for getting through it with your daughter!! Many thanks for the sage advice.

7 years ago

Anonymous

I think students apply to CU for the cute bears that climb the trees. One bear toured the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park this week. They probably have the cute squirrels for snacks.

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Joy did you ever see the far side cartoon about “poor squirrel decisions?”

7 years ago

NancyW

Veteran

Gryffin, my husband has been hearing Conservatory auditions for decades. Students there do not always take a lesson with faculty - but he is a string player and does not know if the brass department does things differently. He advises that your son work with his present teacher to make sure that he is using his practice time effectively and that he practice as many hours a day as possible/healthy. He also learned, through his own auditioning, to never look over his shoulder at the 'competition'.Your son should walk in prepared to play his own audition, show that he knows his instrument and that he understands the music he is playing. These are the things that are truly in his hands. If he feels it would help, or if nerves are an issue (thank goodness for the blessed Type Bs) perhaps his teacher can help to arrange a 'mock audition' or an audition coaching with another local player. Good luck to you ALL - as you said - it feels so deeply personal.

7 years ago

Anonymous

Griffin, I love the Far Side but do not remember that cartoon
Gryffin, I lovevyourvwriting and have been there tearing hair out over those college applications. We spent big bucks for out -of -state tuition but all ended well. My father., a true intellectual, always said that if you go away for college go far enough away that you can not come home on weekends. This is wise adivce and means a dependency on campus lif.e. You learn to be your own person. My sons and I chose colleges where we knew no one. It was a test of ability to make new friends. A good thing to realize in life.

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Nancy - thank you for your wise advice. Our music dept recommended taking a lesson. It's a done thing at least with brand and, as you know, good fit with the professor is the most important thing! Also it gives him a chance to form a personal connection and appropriate correspondence with those professors. My son is working with both his teachers, his teacher from middle school till present, and the principal tuba of our state symphony who also teaches at a conservatory and several colleges. They are choosing from the recommended solos/etudes and of course sight reading practice, scales etc. Thank god my son is very confident but it's still stressful. We have private guidance counseling so they will practice the interview part. On the music, my son loves to "perform" as soon as he starts to play he goes into "the zone."

Joy - other than our state school everything is 3.5 to 8 hr away. My son wants to go far enough to feel independent. I did this also and it was an excellent experience. I'm hoping for the 3.5 hr ones since we won't make it to many games (marching band) or concerts if he's 8 hr away. The cartoon dates to the late 80's. Squirrel pancake on the road labeled "poor squirrel decision" - PSD. My college friends spotted it on a dorm door at our 5 yr reunion. We thought it was hilarious. Up there with "bummer of a birth mark" - the target on the animals chest. We still refer to questionable decision making as "PSD's"!

7 years ago

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

College applications period is so stressful for the kids, and it doesn't make it any better that well-meaning people are constantly asking them about it. My daughter did all good efforts on hers, didn't get into the school she most wanted to attend and ended up going to the school I disliked the most on her list (NYU.) And you know what -- it's perfectly fine, she likes it, and is doing well academically and socially. Except for driving to Greenwich Village for college drop off day. That is not so fine. (My next Sunday.)

7 years ago

gryffin

Veteran

Ummlila - I feel your pain. I live in NJ. Driving into NYC is a nightmare. Fortunately my DH is a native new Yorker. They are a different breed of driver. Marching band is high up on the wants list so that pretty much ruled out every big city school. I was not unhappy. I'm just praying he gets a good tuba teacher who is a good fit. The rest is fine. That's my big worry. Glad you daughter likes NYU, academically it's an incredible school with so much international diversity!

7 years ago

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