Any Other Scrooge's??? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Any Other Scrooge's???

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I just have to vent a little bit. It's not even that I hate the holidays themselves, but I am so tired of all of the work involved with it all. My homeschool group goes crazy for holidays- we had a huge party/potluck for Halloween, a big baby shower in November, and now they are planning another party/potluck/BBQ for Christmas. I'm still cleaning up from Thanksgiving. We have been hosting Thanksgiving since we bought our house five years ago- only because if I don't do the big traditional dinner than my parents don't get one. After last year, we dediced that we just can't do it anymore and we could all meet at a restaurant for dinner. Well, Father in Law has a new wife and they decided to come visit for Thanksgiving (they didn't ask- they just announced it). They didn't stay at our house, but at a nearby motel. So, in addition to the Thanksgiving dinner for 14 that I didn't want to host- we had out of town guests for several days. At the end of their visit, new step mother in law announced that they will be coming for Thanksgiving every year. Um.....great. In addition to that, every time I try to buy/do/make something for Christmas- one of the kids sees/finds/figures it out. At this point I am ready to throw their gifts at them and say forget it- I am sleeping ithrough Christmas, and wake me for New years.
Anyone else feeling the stress??

General

14 replies

Latest reply was from medusa

Maya

Veteran

I'm with you Khris, but for different reasons. We are in the middle of a nasty recession. My family is struggling and really tightening the purse strings, and I know other people are too...and yet everywhere I go, every time I open my inbox, all I see is BUY BUY BUY. It's so &$%ing insensitive. I am not at all surprised by it, but I'm still annoyed by it. I'm even more annoyed by all of those people who you know are going on shopping sprees despite not having any money. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I just feel like there is no reward for being responsible, you know? I see everyone else maxing out their credit cards, while I'm not, and yet I am not any better off for it. I have always dismissed those who criticize Christmas for being too commercial as being cynical, but I'm starting to see their point, and feeling inclined to rebel this year.

My dad faces a very high possibility of losing his job next year, at which point his pension and my mom's very humble income will be all we have. I'm trying to convince them to just skip the gift giving this year. I'm perfectly happy to have a gift-free Christmas. I like putting up our tree and making a nice Christmas breakfast. Honestly, there is nothing I really want that will make me happy right now anyway. All I want for Christmas is a JOB, which is the one thing no one else can give me.

Since my only family in this country consists of my parents and brother, and my uncle and his family in California, I have never had to deal with piles of family members but I can imagine how stressful that is, especially when people just just show up. You have my empathy.

What bothers me even more is that when you do express your unhappiness at any of this, you're dismissed as a scrooge or a grinch, blah blah. It's hard to keep up a Christmasy spirit when everyone seems determined to break you down...

Dawn

(website)

I have to say that I'm really avoiding Christmas this year as I'm just not a Christmas person.

Alan and I have agreed not to get each other presents but to give money to a charity group called Kiva. This charity helps entrepreneurs in developing countries to access microfinance to help set up their business ventures. Their website is http://www.kiva.org if anyone wants more information.

In my family, we do Kris Kingle each year so I just have to buy a small present for my brother.

Maya

Veteran

Ooh I like that idea Dawn. If my 'rents are adamant about gifts, I might ask for something charity-related. Good for others, tax deductible for us!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Khris, I don’t mean to chuckle because you have wholeheartedly got my empathy. But reading your thread made me smile because it’s similar to how my late Mum used to feel about Xmas. And there is a part of me that feels exactly the same way you do. Hang in there!

Maya, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. Perhaps something positive happen will happen after all.

Nice one, Dawn. I just told my best friend Lori that she can donate to our favourite charity as gifts for us this year. At Xmas time it’s just Greg and I and the girls at home for a very modest and simple celebration under our very avant-garde tree. Good quality food throughout the day, loads of scented candles, a few gifts for Jasmine and Rosie, and a movie in the afternoon. It’s going to be “Sherlock Holmes” this year and I’m actually looking forward to it.

I will and have already started buying Xmas gifts for a few special people. I like to think that while I still have the means to do so, it keeps the economy going which in the big scheme of things prevents further retrenchments and layoffs.

shiny

Veteran

Aw, poor Khris! Did you at least like your new step-mom-in-law?

I am feeling stressed because in past years I learned the secret is to get xmas shopping done BEFORE t-day. It makes everything so much less stressful. However, this year, I'm only about 1/2 way through the shopping. I am still determined to stay out of the malls - focus will be on online shopping - and shipping; it's worth the extra few $ to have it wrapped and shipped directly. I'm all about minimizing stress so I can enjoy the holidays. Whatever you find stressful - just say no.

Maya, I truly believe (from experience) that it's the bleak Christmases that make you appreciate the true spirit of it all. Maybe not this year - but down the road. Just you wait and see. My suggestion isn't to aim for a completely gift-free xmas though. How about homemade gifts, a single gift per person, or a gift that costs little or zero? It takes more creativity and thought and it captures the meaning without the commercialism.

To that end, I've been reading lately that people report being more satisfied when they spend their money on experiences, rather than things. Meals out, concerts, sporting events, travel, etc. I do think this is very true for me - beyond my passion for fashion, this is how I spend my disposable income. Sometimes I think "I spend all this money with nothing to show for it" but it's just not true. I have the memories. So consider pooling money with your folks and using it to treat everyone to a great meal out or whatever else you might all enjoy. An experience that creates memories. When I think of past xmases, that's what I remember - not the things I received.

Dawn, that is an excellent charity! Highly recommend.

Angie, I love your movie tradition.

Maya

Veteran

I don't find Christmas bleak, just all the extraneous nonsense that comes with it. Christmas should be relaxing and fun, not stressful and full of regrettable situations.

From a personal perspective, there really isn't anything I want. I'll accept anything I get warmly, but the reality is that I don't want anyone spending ANY money at all on gifts just for the sake of gifts. My family won't be in any sort of crisis situation since my dad's pension is quite generous, but it does mean relinquishing a lot of indulgences. I was initially thinking of asking for some basics, like layering pieces or cardigans...just stuff that I need to replace but feel reluctant to. Now I'm even questioning that. Without a job, where am I going to wear all these things to?

I thought about homemade gifts, but even they can get so expensive! Maybe I'm just not creative enough. I thought of crocheting something for everyone, but just the yarn will cost so much.

I agree re: experiences being more valuable than things. That's why I'm not so into the gifting aspect and more into the food-making and decorations-putting-upping.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Shiny I did like my new step mom in law- at least for a spouse for father in law. She seems to be a good match for him, and will probably keep him somewhat in line- he needs that.
Don't laugh, but when the kids were little I used to have my Christmas shopping done before Halloween. I usually have it done before Thanksgiving easily, but this year I have had to put some of it off because there just wasn't any extra money. We keep it pretty simple- gifting only to our three nephews from the extended family, a couple things for special teachers and the kids just get one big gift (which they have already gotten- a Wii) and a stocking. I have managed to pick up several things here and there starting at the end of summer, but still I am not done. I totally agree with you about just saying no to stressful things- I decided not to have dd do the Christmas pagent for dance this year just because of that.

Maya- I hear you. I feel the same way, and I feel like all of these parties for our homeschool group are just as insensitive. We have families who have been out of work for extended periods of time, and I know that some of them cannot afford to donate to these parties/potlucks. And you're right- if I bring that point up, then I am seen as the killjoy.

Dawn- it's nice that you are able to just avoid most of it. Before we were married, I could just sort of hide out and not participate, but kids and extended family don't really allow for that. I tried to get the family to donate to charities one year- it didn't go over so well.

Angie- that is what we used to do before the kids, too. I always really enjoyed our Christmas movie. My son really wants to see Sherlock Holmes- it looks good.

taylor

Veteran

Yep, been there...hosting everything for years.

Misia

Veteran

You know what I say ,take one day at the time,do the best you can,and you know that will all pass,so you don't want to sleep through Christmas.
We all have challenges in life,for me is tough too but for a different reason.I lost my son couple of years ago and Christmas is a specially tough time for me,my husband and my other son.I have changed almost everything about it,to what we used to do before and that helps a bit.But going to the mall at this time and they playing Christmas music,really drives me crazy,so I go less.Do the best you can Khris!

Chris

We simplified in our family a long time back. At first we started putting every adult family members name in a hat and each picking one. Part of the fun was guessing who had your name. Then we switched to people who were coming for dinner bringing a 25-30 dollar gift and playing that gift exchange game where you can steal from each other. Pretty funny with the right group. Now we have gone to no presents for adults (over 21) and pretty simple stuff for kids. Santa can come to their houses, etc. but the rest of us keep it simple.
My mom is even doing potluck for Christmas dinner this year!
We play games and sometimes watch a holiday movie, or just chat.
Very relaxing. As for the occasional party or something - I learned to let go and not try to be perfect. If you are too tired to show up, don't go.
It's harder with kids but maybe you have a neighbor who would store things in garage for you?

Misia

Veteran

I can't believe it - my late son's name is Chris! I do believe in angels!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Yes, I feel like an utter Scrooge this year, we usually have to travel on Christmas day to visit Ben's Grandfather (150 mile round trip) or my parents (300 mile round trip). This is not fair on the kids at all so I have declined all invites this year which has caused a little upset.

Teah is so excited by the prospect of having a 'mas mas tree' that I would hate to see the day ruined for her.

We are planning on having a child friendly Christmas, we will eat what the kids want to eat, even if it is sausage and chips, play with their toys, read their books and sing songs. I intend to shut the world out for 24 hours.

Both Ben and I have a fortnight off work over Christmas so we will visit family on other days.

Ele

(website)

I totally relate to this thread and yes, I feel like a bit of a Scrooge this year. This Christmas will be my first ever that I'm not spending at home with my family (is that pathetic, for a 26-year-old?), as Andrew and I are staying in the UK with his family instead. Out of the 6 Christmases we've had together, he's spent 5 with my family in Canada (we were apart for one), so I'm well aware that this is overdue. Still, the prospect of no snow, no tree, no family has me has me in an utterly un-festive mood.

As for the shopping/presents thing, my sister and I have been *begging* our Mum to scale back the celebrations for years. I'd be happy if we only did stocking stuffers (stockings in the morning is my fave part of the day), and did away with the whole larger-presents-under-the-tree deal. She always makes a big deal, though- it's the only holiday we go all out on, as a family.

Since I haven't worked consistently this year, I'm a bit worried about buying gifts for others, too. I guess in a way it's good that I'm not going home- as then I'd have aunts/uncles/grandparents to worry about. I'm thinking I will probably do homemade, foodie gifts for Andrew's family, but have yet to decide what...

medusa

Veteran

I'm so happy to find this thread.

I dislike Christmas for reasons similar to what Maya brought up - there is a certain way that I feel I'm supposed to behave, and if I don't do it then there's something wrong with me.

I'm glad to hear others having similar reactions.