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Anxiety Vent

Helena

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Hi all, just need to vent some anxiety and I know this is such a safe and supportive space where I can just get this all out of my system in words, which will hopefully give me a little mental space to find some calm! Thank you in advance for letting me do so

So Easter Monday I was cleaning a spill off the floor and not realizing I'd shuffled under the countertop, I stood up quickly and hit my head hard on the corner of the granite. I did not knock myself out but it was enough that I was seeing stars. Most of you know I struggle with "generalized anxiety disorder" and one of my big triggers is a phobia around brain injuries ... so suffice it to say this was enough to trigger a panic attack. Cue supportive husband and sister in law, and I got calmed down and to the ER and was checked out and all was well except for a nasty bump and headache. But my nervous system was really kicked into a bad spiral and I've been pretty keyed up in the weeks since.

Fast forward to yesterday, and driving slowly down a parking lot row, a car suddenly backed out of his spot and hit me (fun fact: driving is another hot button for me *sigh*). I rationally know from where the impact was that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it - he must not have looked at all frankly as he hit towards the back of my car, i.e. I was well on my way across his spot when he backed out - but suffice it to say it was another adrenaline rush, and this morning my hypervigilance has been turned all the way up, and my startle reflex is in rare form.

I've been here before and I know what I need to do - exercise, sleep, meditate & breathe - but I'm feeling discouraged and exhausted from this seemingly endless loop that I think I'll always be dealing with.

I know there are much worse problems people have to face, and I am so blessed and privileged to have medical care available and supportive family to help me. But as my Mom used to say "everyone's toothache is their own" and my toothache is particularly painful just now

Anyways thanks for letting me get that out of my system ... hoping having written it down, my mind might settled down a touch.

Love to everyone that is also having a tough time right now, and love to those feeling good too xoxoxo

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42 replies

Latest reply was from quietloud

catherine

Veteran

Ugh. This cycle is no fun at all, especially when it’s almost impossible to live without driving., and we all have heads/brains as well. Inescapable.
Hopefully a bit of time will help you. Anxiety is no joke.
Sending healing thoughts your way for a peaceful day today.

Helena

Veteran

Catherine, thank you so much xx The uncertainty of life frankly seems like a design flaw to me *sigh* ... deep breaths, deep breaths ... appreciate your kind words.

Sisi

Veteran

Oh poor Helena, I'm sorry ! Do you have a doctor who follows you? Has your doctor ever suggested you some medications? Do you think some psychotherapy could help?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm sorry, Helena. That is NOT fun! I'm glad you feel supported, loved, and have a plan. May you make a swift recovery from this grotty form of toothache.

I empathize greatly with the stress of driving. I hate driving, and avoid it like the plague. I am a nervous driver. I don't use the word "hate" lightly, so there you go. I walk whenever I can, use public transport, or Greg drives. My friends know this about me and are VERY sweet. They always offer to chauffeur me around! That said, I drive when I need to. And manage fine.

Good luck and hang in there! I can hear you calm down already

LJP

Veteran

I hear you Helena, and feel for you very much. I know that understanding and being able to use your personal "therapies" is really important, and it sounds like you have a handle on that. I did wince when I read the "hitting head on the counter" line....I could just feel that one too .

Helena

Veteran

Thank you so much everyone - it's sooo appreciated.

Sisi yes - I do both of those. They definitely help! And for the most part everything is pretty under control. But flare ups still happen, if that makes sense. Medication is tricky - I've always kept it to the absolute minimum, because in my experience I can't blunt anxiety without blunting everything else. A bit of a robbing Peter to pay Paul at a certain point. But definitely essential for me, at least right now!

Angie, thank you for the driving commiseration - I always say I would love driving if it wasn't for other drivers My nemises are merging on the highway and parking lots. And I avoid driving downtown Toronto whenever possible!!

Lisa, thank you so much ... yes that was a doozy. Appreciate the empathy x

Peri

Veteran

Much empathy for you. We really don't have rational control over what triggers us. We can understand intellectually that everything is okay but the trigger response doesn't listen to that...physically it just bypasses thought and puts us right back into the scary place. Seriously not fun. You are doing all the right things and it will pass. Just understand that it is how people work, so try to let go of the "it's nothing, what's wrong with me, other people have it worse, etc" sort of thinking...that just makes it worse. Treat yourself like you would treat a child you love, and it will pass.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ouch! That head bang hurt! Been there! And yes, it is scary. Brain injury is no joke. I'm very glad you were well supported and looked after following that event, and I can easily understand how it would trigger an anxiety response.

Ditto for the car accident. I'm a nervous and reluctant driver also and far prefer walking, transit, and bike where possible -- but it's not always possible and people do the dumbest things! Again, I am glad you have support and some strategies to calm yourself. It sounds as if you have it all well in hand, Maybe in retrospect, you can even take some pride in the fact that you faced it all with such aplomb. I have found that reminding myself of how I have survived similar incidents and got through them can help when I face the (inevitable) next bump in the road.

Also -- maybe you could do something that feels safe and fun? Whether that's playing in your closet, walking in a park, gardening -- whatever works for you. You deserve it.

rachylou

Veteran

My full sympathies. It’s a very physical thing, isn’t it? As a type 1 diabetic, when my blood sugar goes low, my body goes into a complete panic. Many diabetics will over-correct, including me, because it’s a wretched feeling… over-correcting means stuffing your face with any food you can find until the feeling stops… but then you send your blood sugar skyrocketing, a different danger (although slightly safer than being low). You really have to ride it out and that is so tough. It’s nothing you can think your way out of.

Helena

Veteran

Thank you so much Peri - you're so right ... nothing like worrying about worrying!

Suz, thank you so much and great suggestion - I will take a nice walk later; it's such a beautiful day.

Rachy, yes, very much a physical event. I can't relate to being diabetic of course, but I can relate to the cycle you reference because of my ridiculously low blood pressure ... when it drops I can easily inhale a bag of chips to feel normal ... and then quickly coast past normal to bloated and stuffed *facepalm* ...

kerlyn

Veteran

Coming out of lurking mode, just to send my sympathies. I related to so many of your words, Helena. Also dealing with anxiety, driving is a challenge ( completely agree that I would enjoy driving if there were no other drivers around!), and I can feel so revved up after just running a few errands. Health challenges have also heightened my anxiety the last several months. I wish I could offer some solutions, but really I just want to say I truly understand the exhaustion you are feeling. I choked up when I read your words "the uncertainty of life frankly seems like a design flaw to me." I often feel that way, but I couldn't express it so eloquently. Sending good thoughts your way that tomorrow will be brighter!

Echo

Veteran

Helena, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Anxiety is no joke, and it can be debilitating. I am so glad that you have medical care and a supportive community, but it's still hard.

I had an accident (my first - ONLY - accident in 26 years of driving) in September of last year that we just settled last week. It was/is miserable, and I despise being in the car now. I just plain hate it, and the unpredictability of what just happened to you is a big part of it. I wish there were an easy "fix" I could suggest, but I'd be a millionaire if that were the case, so suffice it to say that you're in my thoughts and I am wishing you all the best.

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Helena, I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m glad you have some help and support. Stick with your coping and calming routines. It’s probably helpful that you recognize the challenges. Of course when multiple things go bad at one time, it’s even harder, huh? I find exercise routine is most important to me, to keep functioning as well as possible whenever family issues, social stress and defeating thinking get me down. (I just started with a therapist. Maybe some of my fears and angers will be solved, but at my age, it might be too late.)

Best wishes, and peace to you.

CarolS

Veteran

I'm so sorry, Helena. Those can't be fun feelings -- and certainly not fun experiences. I'm glad to know you have a good support network -- including this one!

Wishing you peace and ease.

Bijou

Veteran

Helena, thinking of you. Our biggest strengths are often the source of our biggest challenges. You have such a lovely nature, demonstrating empathy and sensitivity. You always say and do the perfect thing to assure and comfort others. That heightened sensitivity also means that stressful situations are likely to take a greater toll on you. I am so glad that you have a good support network, allow them to carry the load for you until you feel settled again.

Sending love to you too. xoxox

slim cat

Veteran

So sorry - I'm familiar with anxiety and having some low level "mild" moments from time to time ( breathing slow and trying analyze the reasons sometimes eases mine ).
I chose not to learn how to drive - the mere thought was too much for me.
I'm glad you have the support of the friends and family - just wish I could hug you and tell you how strong you are and courageous!

ChristelJ

Veteran

Oh dear, I hope this difficult phase soon passes and your nervous system is soothed. Life is challenging enough without having to struggle with our own wiring too. I'm glad you turned to the forum so that we can all send you our empathy and virtual hugs.

Dee

Veteran

I hope you're feeling better, glad you have your family's support and love. Anxiety can be so exhausting, I too have to work hard to keep mine at bay.

Interesting to see how many others are feeling more nervous about driving now
This has recently become a new feeling for me as well, I now much prefer that my husband drives whenever its possible.

kkards

Veteran

Grrr…well that’s a lot in a short amount of time. So sorry you are having a hard time. But I do appreciate that you feel comfortable to share with us, thank you.

Anonymous

Hugs! Hope you're starting to feel better now!
I drive a lot and don't mind, but I live in a rural area. Driving in any city bigger than Annapolis gives me extreme stress!

kerry

Veteran

Ugh! The physical, mental and emotional toll of anxiety is exhausting! I don’t suffer from GAD but rather anxiety related to CPTSD so I’m not sure if I have anything helpful to add. What you write here is so clear. You really have a handle on understanding your triggers and how this anxiety/fear response causes a cascade of physical symptoms in your body. This is a big part of it, no? Recognizing and naming what’s going on with you so as to go through it and not attempt to skirt around it? Your characterization of being keyed up, your hypervigilance being turned all the way up and your startle reflex being in rare form is so attuned to self. You are very wise.

Bravo for knowing that the act of putting your words here is a therapy for you. And reading the words of those responding gives a sense of belonging and being seen and heard which is so important for our social well-beings. The only way back to our whole selves is to let our bodies know they’re safe. Work all of your strategies to do that, rinse, repeat.

catherine

Veteran

A tee shirt I saw recently provided some humor, if it’s not too soon.
“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once”.

Helena

Veteran

I can't thank you all enough for the incredible empathy and support - appreciate you all and this community!

Catherine - never too soon for humour in my book! It's one of my primary coping tools I love this shirt!

Kerry, thank you; it's so reassuring to be reminded we're not the only one, isn't it x

suntiger thank you! Driving in the city is the worst!

kkards, thank you so much x

Dee, thank you and hope you are in a good place with it right now. I find a lot of women in particular become more nervous driving as we get older too ... some of my friends that were always very confident have become more tentative. It doesn't help that the volume of traffic, speed and aggressiveness seem to be worse too, although perhaps that's just a perception on my part.

Christie, I'm so grateful

Slim Cat, thank you so much! I get that ... I put it off until I couldn't any longer. I do have a weird counterphobic streak that pushes me to do some of these things too. I can't say I'd be sad though if my living circumstances changed such that I could get around without a car!

Bijou, that almost made me cry - incredibly kind. Thank you so much xox

Carol, thank you so much; it's so appreciated.

cjh, thank you so much. Exercise is so powerful isn't it. Wishing you luck with your own journey ... the process never ends which is frustrating but also means it's never too late! Celebrate your progress best you can!

Echo, I'm so sorry you went through that - it's so scary. Huge hugs and thank you so much for sharing your experience and support.

kerlyn, thank you so much and I'm so sorry that you are dealing with health challenges. Sending healing and peaceful vibes your way. x

If I missed anyone I'm so sorry but I did want to respond to everyone because this is such a kind and powerful thread. Thank you thank you thank you so much everyone for sharing your experiences, wisdom and encouragement. So very grateful for you all! xoxo

RobinF

Veteran

I have been gone and just saw this. So sorry you are going through this (and Ouch!). It does sound like you have some good strategies for coping and knowing what your own triggers are. I have gone through periods of panic attacks so I totally sympathize with you. I found for me it helped to distract myself (start counting something or force myself to think about something else) and they would subside most of the time. Between avoiding the worst triggers and using some coping, I rarely have them these days. I do think it is something always at the back of my mind but has gotten much easier to avoid. Thank you for sharing, hopefully it helped you as well as some others of us here.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Helena, I’m so sorry you’ve been experiencing this! I have a little experience with anxiety attacks (went to the ER in Texas with one, several years ago), and it is absolutely no fun. I am hoping to not repeat that experience — I have no idea what on earth could have triggered it.

My mom had GAD and an assortment of phobias that she coped with her entire life. She didn’t love driving and was agoraphobic so basically would not go anywhere unfamiliar outside of a certain comfortable radius of her home. We weren’t even sure she would make it to our wedding because of her social anxiety (she did, thanks to my sister’s husband chauffeuring her!). Her panic attacks would seemingly have no discernible triggers, but were real and scary. I didn’t understand so much about it all until after she passed away, so I’m afraid I wasn’t always as understanding as I could have been. I tried, and I was really her only support for many years.

It sounds like you have good support and strategies for coping, and I’m so glad of that. I hope things improve!

Oh, as for the accident? My husband is the furthest from an anxious person as can be, but he was rear-ended in his truck a couple of weeks ago, and he still feels nervous and hyperaware of anyone driving behind him. It takes a while for that feeling to subside.

Katerina

Veteran

I am so sorry, sweet Helena, this has happened to you, Sending you big hugs! Feel better soon!

Style Fan

Veteran

I am so sorry, Helena, that you are dealing with this. I can empathize with the driving anxiety. I rarely drive now unless necessary. I had to talk myself down from anxiety attacks on the 400. Not fun!

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Helena, I have complex PTSD and am very familiar with that feeling of having your nervous system all geared up into fight/flight mode with the adrenaline on a hair trigger. I definitely have been there and feel for you being in the thick of it.

I'll echo what Peri said. It sounds like you know your coping tools and are using them and they WILL work to bring you out of the cycle eventually. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, get some extra rest, and don't expect as much out of your taxed system. You extend so much kindness and compassion toward others, be sure to reflect some of that back on yourself.

Irina

Veteran

Sorry to hear, Helena. I also struggle with anxiety and it’s the reason why don’t drive (you know our downtown traffic). Feel better!

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