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Antipodean norms

Sal

Veteran

I wrote this on Deborah's thread and then decided that it would be a highjack

I wanted to a NZ/Australian perspective about wedding dress - having been to many weddings here and four across the Tasman in the beautiful land of Australia.

I find there is a huge range of guest attire at weddings, at times I have seen people in denim (mostly men); men often do not wear a tie. Some men might wear a kilt for fun (my brother in law for one).

For women it can range from suits, to LBD, to summer frocks to cocktail attire, to more edgy architectural looks. It depends on the setting, the location and the family involved. I have been to a wedding where we all stayed in dormitories or tents and bathed in the stream, and the marriage celebrant wore a caftan, through to a couple of beach weddings where many guests were barefoot or wore flip flops, through to marqee weddings, church weddings, garden weddings, winery weddings, school based weddings etc.. I do agree with Deborah that some people can be rather lackadaisical about their dress, and be too casual. Personally I think it is about making an effort to look smart, whatever that means to you; I do feel grown men should have non-denim options....there are plenty at thrift shops.

I haven't been to a lot of weddings lately sadly but I tend to wear dresses, mostly knee to midi length, accessorised as appropriate. I have worn a jumpsuit to a wedding in the past, and even culottes back in about 1992

I think here in Australia and New Zealand we are more relaxed on dress protocols. Often too relaxed. I have never heard people say not to wear white or linen in winter (more do wear it in summer of course but for practical reasons), or not to wear white to a wedding, or that clothes are spring clothes or fall clothes (they are just mid-weight clothes). Churches are also mixed - my Mum in her 70s wears jeans to church. However women do wear hats to the races mostly!!

I would be interested in other perspectives, from NZers/Australians or the clothing norms in any part of the world.

16 replies

Latest reply was from Sal

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I was the person who asked Debs about wedding dress attire in Oz and thank you for your reply, Kiwigal. Great read. I LOVE learning about other cultures.

I haven't been to many weddings in the US, but really - the norms sound very similar based on how I've helped my clients prepare wedding guest outfits - and what I see on the forum. People tend to dress more casually for weddings than I am used to. ALL the weddings I've been to have been dressy or very dressy (and that includes weddings in the US). The dressiest weddings I've been to were in Chicago, followed by Tokyo, Vancouver and Cape Town.

I DO understand that wedding dress codes differ - and I am all for non traditional weddings. If the dress code is casual - by all means dress that way. Our wedding was dressy, and I made that clear on the invitation. If you pitched up in a casual outfit - I'd have been disappointed. And no one did.

As for wearing white and linen to a wedding - had never heard of that until I lived in the US. People wore white to my wedding and I was not in the slightest bit insulted. They dressed up - so I was happy.

Aida

Veteran

Angie, I haven't been to many weddings either but I have gathered that many couples specify a less dressy dresscode because they don't want to put people out since plenty of people do NOT enjoy "dressing up". Of course the location can be a large determining factor. I don't know that I specified anything for ours, but we had a lot of dressy folks; it probably helped that we got married at a place named "Tracy's Castle"

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

HAH. Yes, Aida. Location often determines the dress code. A Castle sounds glorious. We got married in an ancient stone Church, but our reception was in a spiffy location by the sea called the "Jackson Room". People probably would have dressed up anyway - but I had to be sure. *smiling*.

Specifying a less dressy dress code for the reasons you mentioned makes perfect sense. I was not nearly as considerate. *more smiling*

Sal

Veteran

Interesting!

I also like a reason to dress up, and I think many people do. I would also not like to force someone to spend money they did not have on a wedding outfit, so I can understand why people try to keep it casual.

Traditionally, in NZ and England where my ancestors originated, people just wore their best clothes to a wedding, and often to even get married. Weddings now have become so much more elaborate and complicated. My wedding was supposed to be in my parents stunning garden overlooking their lovely farm, with the reception in the marqee. It poured with rain, the marquee flooded (we broke a drought!). I spent hours the day before the wedding mopping the tennis court floor of the marquee, and still remember uncles and aunts putting up shelters to try and shield people from the torrential rain....it did ease off after the ceremony. Lots of fun

E

Veteran

My sister had a formal wedding & wrote 'black tie' on the invitation in the hopes that the guests would at least hit 'cocktail' level, lol. Almost everyone was at least cocktail dressed, many in more formal wear, & it really made the reception a visual treat (held in a beautiful old Spanish-style convent turned art museum). The whole thing just felt more sumptuous. I must admit that I was glad that as a bridesmaid I didn't have to try to figure out what a black tie gown looked like! I haven't been to any other weddings, but I'm keeping my bridesmaid dress to recycle if I have another formal event, so I would just grab that. I actually found wearing an ankle length dress easier than a knee length one; the question of hose goes away & footwear becomes much less of a concern too.

Deborah

Veteran

Kiwigal, great thread! I was in such a grumpy mood I couldn't answer Angie lol. I think you have nailed it. I just don't think there are any rules here. I find weddings a little isolating from a style perspective. I love to dress up and feel sad when people don't. But I also get a little stressed when there is not actual dress code:) Some people go completely over the top (maybe they thought they were going to a night club) and others seem to mistake a wedding for a camping trip! I know.. I am horrible! lol. It seems that "appropriateness' is kind of important to me. I generally play safe with a similar outfit to you Kiwigal, a midi length classically styled dress, and jacket if required by weather.

Helena

Veteran

I find around Toronto, there is such a diversity of culture that it would be hard to generalize. Some weddings are very conservative, some people change into formal evening-wear for the reception, some are urban-cocktail, some are casual. A lot depends on the venue. I generally try to do whatever I think the bride would want!!

I personally love the casualization movement ... I feel like it's clothing-democracy

Brooklyn

Veteran

I do love the Australian dislike of pretension, but I (like Deborah) do sometimes feel dismay that some Australians don't seem to feel a need to dress for occasion. I think a wedding IS a big deal, and the guests should treat it that way, unless the couple involved have made it clear that they want the event to be casual/low key. Obviously the venue plays a role in this. You would expect more casual attire at a beach wedding for example.

This is slight a digression but I went to a funeral once where the woman sitting in church in front of me was wearing a white maxi dress with spaghetti straps and thongs (flip flops). A funeral is a sombre event and she looked like she was dressed for the beach.

Anyhow, I don't think in Australia it is necessary to avoid wearing white to a wedding (women wore white to my wedding) but I would personally avoid wearing a white dress that looked in anyway bridal (eg something with lots of lace). And I think pants and black are totally acceptable. I generally wear a mid length dress and jacket. The sort of thing I would wear to work, unless it is a black tie dress code. In which case I would wear something more evening-ish. I also sometimes wear pants. Some years ago my favourite wedding outfit was black flared pants with a lovely Chinese silk top. Sigh! I only purged that top last week...

anne

Veteran

There's a fair bit of variety. I went to a wedding recently between Asian Australians, and felt quite underdressed in a coral 50's style dress and low heeled sandals -the latter chosen because it was a midday garden location. Notwithstanding that, most of the women were in sky high heels and more fashionable and glitzy dress.

Another recent wedding (where I went only to the ceremony and the afternoon tea) there was a predictable great range in the attendees as per the comments above. I can't even remember what I wore; was too focused on insisting my girls wore dresses!

I certainly have seen some casual wear at times.

Deborah

Veteran

Off tangent,but following on from Brooklyn's comment, we attended a wedding at the Police Academy in Melbourne (the groom was a police officer) and a female guest seated in front of us in the chapel wore a white summer cotton maxi dress. The dress was see through and she was wearing a white thong and little else. Could be me, but it just seemed wrong

Summer

Veteran

Goodness, Kiwigal, you've been to much more interesting weddings than I have!
This is a good read, though, and I love to hear about these cultural and national norms. It's not just that, though, is it? Weddings are so diverse these days that it can be something of a minefield trying to strike the right balance between your own style and the theme of the wedding.
Here in the UK, weddings still tend to lean towards the traditional and formal - those I've attended, anyway. Hats are still in evidence!
My own attitude to weddings (and funerals, for that matter) is that they are occasions to dress formally and smartly - at least, to make some sort of special effort - unless a specific dress code has been mentioned.
I, too, am saddened to see these occasions casualised, but times and attitudes change, I suppose.

Helena

Veteran

Thinking about this more, and to Brooklyn's point, I think there is a big difference between being more casual and being inappropriate ... for example, if someone wore decent dark jeans and a black t-shirt to a funeral, I would probably not bat an eye, because despite their casual look, they would fit in at the funeral ... looking like you are stopping in at the funeral (or wedding) en route to the beach or gym is a whole other issue! Appropriateness is non-negotiable, although I don't doubt that what constitutes "appropriate" is a whole other debate!

Anonymous

I've attended maybe 10 weddings in my life. I've never been asked to wear specific attire. I just wear pearls and a dress, do my hair and makeup, and hope I look half decent.

Mostly, the guys wear suits. Sometimes I see khakis---seems alright to me if, say, the wedding is at a yacht club or golf club. The women wear summery dresses or skirt/top combo with a shawl, shrug, or cardi. Some wear cocktail dresses. Generally, everyone seems to look really nice, from what I can recollect. Weddings seem like a time when people wear more colour, and it kind of makes for nice group wedding pictures.

There was only 1 wedding I went to in the winter. I think I wore dress pants to that one, and my indoor work shoes. I can't remember what others wore -- probably nothing too exceptional. ETA: Now I remember that we had group photos outside, and it was February! I remember now that I was wearing my ski jacket -- it was the only jacket I owned! So, not appropriate, but what am i going to do? Buy a new winter jacket for the wedding? No. That's asking too much.

I've never even noticed if a guest is wearing white, but it seems to me that there's no way a guest would ever overshadow a bride unless the white dress actually looked like a wedding dress!

I guess I'm just happily oblivious!

Anonymous

Most of the weddings I've attended here in Dallas - and other parts of the U.S. come to think of it - are pretty formal, much as smittie describes. Men in suits and women in very nice dresses or cocktail attire, depending on the hour. There was a black tie phase back in the 80s and 90s. Of course, the California cousins do things a little more casually - even the groom wasn't wearing a tie at the last one. But his light colored suit was gorgeous and perfectly tailored - that was definitely a casual chic affair!

We do, however, have a regional variant here known as the "Western wedding". Men wear jeans, women tend to wear skirts or dresses, everyone including the bride wears boots. The venue usually contains hay. There are two preferred looks for the women: a long, full peasanty skirt or at at-or-above-the-knee shift - really the only two silhouettes that work with boots. Or a female guest might wear jeans with a really dressy blouse. If the wedding planner doesn't get too carried away with the theme - I personally don't care to drink my wine from a mason jar the receptions can be a lot of fun.
ETA: wearing white to a wedding here would be NOT be well-received!

unfrumped

Veteran

The love of "outdoor" and farm- or ranch venues for weddings can be both fun and vexing especially in hot climes/months. I think often the bride and groom do help give guidance that dress can be more casual, though still "smart" or making an effort--summery dresses still work--but recently I attended an event where the "parking lot" was basically a field, and it had rained, so there were many muddy ruts. Fortunately we were tipped off so that our DH's or escorts could drop us off, though the men still had to tread carefully. So ladies' footwear and footing is often the biggest hurdle in outfit-creation as we've seen discussed on several what-to-wear posts before. Then after a brief sweltering ceremony, we moved on to a highly air-conditioned venue for the reception! Still, it was fun, as weddings are meant to be, sartorial challenges and all.

I think the bride sometimes may have some vision of the event that does not always take into account the plight of the guests!

Sal

Veteran

Thanks for your input, and sorry not to reply to you all individually, I am having one of those days. I agree with the sentiment here that some guidance is useful for a guest. It can be daunting as a guest if you don't know many others attending. I default to overdressed and am fine with that. DH would prefer under dressed so we can look mis matched at times!!!