Another comment on being overdressed

LoP

Yesterday, we met at Soup Plantation for dinner with a single-dad friend and the kids. It was after work and I was in my work clothes.

Our friend asked why I always looked like I was about to go to a fancy party and added that I make everyone feel under-dressed.

I laughed and said "Somebody has to do the dressing up. Look at the people around you.", and hubby reassured my by saying "That's my wife!".

He is from Germany and always dressed coordinated himself. So I'm not sure why he commented that way. He might even have meant it as a compliment.

I'm not offended, but I'm intrigued if the way I dress might really make people resent themselves. I personally feel good if someone dressed nicely to meet me.

How about you?

14 years ago

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from MNsara

Lynne

Veteran

I feel honoured if someone dresses nicely when we are getting together....maybe this was his strange way of giving a compliment?

14 years ago

Sally

Veteran

Yeah I've recently moved from a very dressy funky city where people often at least turn up to meet you in nice jeans and scarf etc. Now back in my hometown, I met a few sets of friends lately and i was definitely overdressed compared to them. I didn't mind because I enjoy putting on nice clothes to go out for coffee and I didn't feel bad about what they were wearing. But after all this discussion, I could have been offended by them turning up in what they could have been doing their gardening in that morning!

14 years ago

tarzy

Veteran

The SINGLE DAD commented on your outfit????

Interesting. Most men I know don't even notice clothes.

I think YLF may be starting a "well-dressed revolution!" I'm not backing down!

"What do we want?"
"FASHIONABLE OUTFITS!"
"When do we want them?"
"NOW!!!"
"1, 2, 3, 4, check your outfit before you go out the door!"

14 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

Well, you can't dress to please others, IMO. If you're happy and feel good, then that should be a good thing. When people say things like that, I can't help but think that the issue isn't whether your outfit is appropriate for the occasion but whether their outfit is flattering...

14 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

LOL @ Tarzy.

14 years ago

LoP

Veteran

LOL, Tarzy! I'll walk in front of the line with you for any fashion revolution holding a picket that says "Don't be over-stressed be over-dressed!".

14 years ago

Scarlet

Veteran

Ahhhh, German Humor is...impossible to understand? He was probably trying to be funny or pay you a compliment.

14 years ago

Veteran

You keep on fighting the good fight LOP! : )

14 years ago

MsMary

Veteran

Tarzy and LOP, those are awesome! You two are the YLF Head Cheerleaders for sure!!

And LOP, from where I'm sitting your hubby's comment seems like a nice compliment!

14 years ago

LoP

Veteran

MaryK: I agree. I really appreciated my husband's comment.

14 years ago

marianna

Veteran

Sigh.

I also experienced a similar comment recently. We were doing inventory after hours at work and were told we could dress down. Most people showed up in gear type clothes. I showed up in jeans, a blouse, and ballet flats. One of my superior coworkers (dressed in yoga gear) came up to me and said: "You know you were supposed to dress comfortably, right?" I said to her: "This is comfortable for me."

It was a strange comment, especially from a superior... what's uncomfortable about jeans and flats?

Regardless, I would NEVER come to work in gear -- even after hours. Seems totally inappropriate to me.

14 years ago

teri

Veteran

I dress for ME! It makes me feel good when I look nice. Me and 1 other girl are the only ones in the office that really dress up. Others ladies wear jeans and T-shits and tennis shoes. That's just not me.

Even on Friday nights we go to the same mexican restaurant and eat in the bar with other regulars. I've had people say, "You always look so nice, I can't imaging dressing up to come to the bar". I always respond, "I didn't dress up to come here, I've been wearing this since 7am"...lol

14 years ago

MsMary

Veteran

Teri, that's a riot!!

14 years ago

FoolOfATook

Active Member

I love it! A silent revolution, spreading across the globe, one fab outfit at a time!

14 years ago

Jonesy

Veteran

Sometimes I feel like these sorts of comments are really about the other person's insecurity with their own style/put-together-ness. They feel like you are somehow "showing them up," if that makes sense. What can you do but have the conviction to be yourself, and keep on fighting the good fight (as other witty and delightful posters have said here :)?

14 years ago

Veteran

Maybe it's not just insecurity, but also just being unaware of the style world or having blinders on because that person is in some type of rut in their life where he/she is just trying to get through the day.

I remember when my youngest child was three and I was automatically still reaching for a pair of maternity pants (yeah, I know it was BAD people) and it suddenly dawned on me that they were MATERNITY pants and I better start upping my style game. LOL!

So maybe next time someone says something unusual or what you find initially insulting, just try to come up with a response that shows you are having fun with fashion and not trying to make a commentary about today's society. Then maybe that person might be inspired by you instead of feeling insecure.

14 years ago

Isabel

Veteran

I wouldn't be offended either. Maybe I am just naive, but I treat people's questions as questions and not judgements. Passive- aggression drives me batty, I tell you !

So, as I mentioned in another thread, I usually comment by saying, " what an odd/interesting question/observation." I truly want to know what they mean and sometimes it leads to very interesting discussions.

14 years ago

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Ah, somebody placing their insecurity on you, if they are not happy with how your level of dressiness makes them feel it is their problem and not yours. YOU ARE FAB!

14 years ago

Aida

Veteran

Isabel I'm the same as you; I just treat the question as a question, and answer in kind. I enjoy playing oblivious, much less stressful!

As for resentment, it's certainly possible that someone would resent another who always shows up well dressed especially if they themselves aren't. I think it may have a bit to do with personality; my dressing up has inspired some of my friends to try harder as well, but if they had less pleasant personalities (and were less confident people) it could easily have garnered resentment. Dressing well sometimes invokes the idea that one makes more money (regardless of whether they do or not), which can also garner resentment.

14 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

LOP, I think your friend may have been trying to joke with AND compliment you - and you are good to not have had a sense of humour failure

A VERY good Israeli friend of ours (also a bloke) said to me a few years ago while we were shopping in Paris: "Angie you always look so chic, making the rest of us feel under dressed". I responded and said: "Thank you. So make sure you wear a nice shirt and not a tee when we go out tonight!". And we all laughed! It was meant as a compliment.

LOP, you defy your environmental work norm here in the US. Back home you were much more dressed up. Stick to who you are - which is killer fabulous.

14 years ago

Mellllls

Veteran

Out of curiosity, what was he wearing? Was he appropriately dressed? We all know that the US is the epitome of casualness. I think sometimes people don't realize they are dressing too casual, because that is all they see. His comment may of been the result of him realizing this. Not sure if that makes sense.

14 years ago

taylor

Veteran

You just keep knocking them dead with your stellar fashion sense!

14 years ago

LeahJanes

Active Member

I get this all the time. People in the elevator in my building ask me if I am going "somewhere special" all the time. I always tell them that every day is special!

14 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

"2, 4, 6, 8, it's not my fault if you don't look great!"
Lop and Marianna, thumbs up for your handling of a situation that definitely would have felt awkward to me. And Leah, I love your answer too!
Isabel: great approach. That's how I handle all blindness-related questions, mostly because it helps people realize that I'm not offended in the least.

14 years ago

MNsara

Veteran

Oh first it's Tarzy's cheer, and by the time I scroll down I find Michelle's cheer and I'm spitting out my wine - LOL!!

You guys. . . !!

LOP - I think like Jonesy - that with comments like this you have may tapped into someone's feeling that they are dressed too casual (and wish you were too?) Although in his case it may have been a male attempt at recognizing how nicely dressed you were. . .

14 years ago

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