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Another clear out

Jane

Veteran

Every so often I have hugely itchy fingers to have another clear out. Now is that time. Previously, I have not regretted such clear outs. But I am increasingly becoming more and more radical, because I feel as if I haven't room in my head to hold on to the stuff I am thinking of keeping.

Current wrestles in my mind

1. Lovely kabaya / beaded top that my friend bought for me for his wedding in Jakarta. Loved it so much. Wore it to the wedding. Then wore it to 5 black tie events. I don't think I can actually wear it again because it no longer feels fresh.

2. Liberty Scarfs, wool, beautiful selection. But feel bulky on my small frame. Slightly emotional as 'I love Liberty'. But I can't hang on to them.

3. Other scarfs, kind of done with them, unlikely to wear, as they aren't fresh to me.

4. Then, big deal here, lovely patchwork bedspread, that my great aunts made (I never met them). My I have used as a curtain. LOVED IT. But (please forgive me) it is sun damaged - I didn't understand about fading when I put it up. Is up in my study. I love my study, but it needs to have the right energy, and currently doesn't so I am freshening it up.

In all honesty, I never thought I would be in a position where my style thoughts were evolving, and so I thought when i did something years ago, it would be For Life. I now realise that this isn't the case with me.

I am midst clear out so study not quite as neat as it could be.

All wisdom very gratefully received.

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29 replies

Latest reply was from kate

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

There seems to be a theme of freshness and your desire to embrace it running through your description and I think you should run with it. If the curtain/bedspread is very sentimental perhaps you can have a pillow or two made out of the less faded part of the material. The other pieces are beautiful, but pictures from the events hold their magic.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Jane I have been going through such similar feelings! Clearing away almost all my dead parents’ things ( Mum died 20 years ago and Dad 9 years ago) and other clothing from some years ago, you will have seen some of my posts about what I have taken to the vintage consignment store. As far as the quilt, I would not feel guilty. You have used it and loved it for years, and to be brutally honest those great-aunts are no longer around to know, I’m thinking?
I have also surprised myself with our new home about how some of the furniture I chose with great love and excitement in 1991 when we moved in to our first home, I no longer loved for this new home. And that I am 28 years older now, 58 rather than 30, and maybe that’s normal? Just a thought xx

Jane

Veteran

Ahh, Shevia, that is so right. We have lovely photos from the event and we all have very lovely family memories. Having some cushions made would actually be just perfect. I hadn't thought of that (too wrapped up in the guilt).

Yes, Jenni, the great aunts are not around, and then my aunt, kept the quilt in the cupboard for years and I have absolutely loved it. Wise words on the perspectives with which we hold life. I see how my mum and sister, who I love very much, are and I think that I need to be like them may be (or my perception of them).

Jane

Veteran

thank you...I am feeling braver by the minute and may visit my lovely charity shop where they love me

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I love what you said about not having room in your head for all that stuff. My second daughter is becoming a minimalist and while I don’t believe I will ever be that, I can sort of see that it’s exhausting having all these things and remembering why we have them, who they’re from, etc etc etc. And I suppose it’s “first world problems”- it’s only because we are blessed enough to have a stable home that’s not being washed away in a monsoon or blown up by a volcano ( two things I saw on the news tonight) that we can even put any emotional energy into remembering our possessions!

Jane

Veteran

Jenni, you are right, it is 'just stuff' and it is so worthwhile remembering that. We are so blessed.

That said, pretty things make me happy! Just saying!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

The charity shop is waiting for your call!The study is lovely but I agree a make over would be fun.l have re done our study a few times as it is a small room and not too much work and it does revitalise the space.Redecorate for the Jane you are now.I agree with Shevia's idea of cushions if you want sentimental reminders of old textiles but if you are over things why not set them free to a new life with somebody else who will appreciate them.sometimes it's best to go with your gut feelings and not overthink it.I look forward to seeing photos of the study when it's been done!

Katerina

Veteran

I recognize the struggles, Jane. But sometimes, it is time to let go and your feelings are telling you, time for fresh and new. Cushions sound like a great idea. As for the scarves, I am really bad at editing scarves myself. I alaways think like ” they always fit, they don’t take up so much space, what a lovely fabric” etc. etc.
On the other hand, if you are not happy with the size or scale of the scarves on you - let them go. Such things will probably not change.

ChrisM

Veteran

Just in case you need a little extra push: I am a quilter, and I have lovely quilts that I am made, were gifted to me or that I acquired over the years from family members.

Quilts are meant to be used. I like to think that their original purpose was utilitarian-they were a way to use up the bits and pieces left over-“Waste not want not.”

I like to think that when I gift someone one of my quilts, that if I ever see it again it will be the one that is tattered and torn and has been loved and used beyond recognition.

There is no shame in using your aunts quilt as a curtain. And certainly no shame in having some cushions or chair covers made out of it at this point in its existence.

I’m sure your aunt would be so proud that it was used as much as it has been. How many other beautiful quilts sit in cupboards and never see the light of day? What purpose is it to be hidden away?

Good luck in your clean out!

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

We have a few old quilts too and it’s difficult to know what to do with them as they are SO old and frail they can’t really be used! I have taken a few to a fabric historian/preservationist.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I recognize the challenge too! I have been slowly but surely editing my closet and home to gradually suit changing needs and tastes. I applaud your effort! Refreshing spaces and wardrobes is actually quite fun, once you have a bit of direction and momentum, and it sounds like you have that. Well done.

Anonymous

I firmly believe that we don't have to hang on to our "nice things" forever, regardless of who gave them to us and where they came from. Everything has a life span, and when you are craving freshness and clarity, you have to help that along by not keeping things that don't work anymore. I've never understood the whole idea of turning things into cushions or quilts etc either.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I can relate to the “this is me. For life” feeling. Interesting to see you moving on, but of course we all develop.

My sister currently has the log cabin quilt that our great-grandmother (maternal all the way back) made. I didn’t have a place for it, and it apparently suits their vacation cabin in the mountains quite well. I don’t miss it any more than i did when it was rolled up on a shelf at our parents’ house

What are you planning to use in that window now? I’m still puttering with window treatments in the place we moved into in March, just hung up a thermal shade Fri & am glad of it! Of course, there are more attractive curtains that cover it, but the sun blockage is spectacular. I bet a quilt would absorb heat, preventing it from enteting the room, too.

I don’t want to be crude or deprive folks at the charity shop, but if some of those Liberty scarves would like to come to Berlin, I’d love to have them. Message me to discuss shipping & payment.

Carla

Veteran

What ChrisM said. The first quilt I ever made is probably the most loved. It is terribly faded now, and in some places the batting is showing through. It is our beach blanket and has a home in my car as our emergency blanket. I've donated and tossed others. Love, use or pass on.

I don't know about you, but I've been 'gifted' a lot of hand me down furniture over the years as older family downsized or left estates. It impacted the way I felt about my home. There was a bit too much MIL and Mom - and not enough DH and me. When DH and I moved house in 2014, we left a lot of furniture behind - sold or donated. We sold/gave away the last of the inherited furniture at the end of last year before our rec room renovation. At 58 YO I finally have a home that reflects MY tastes!

Roxanna

Veteran

I just sent you a message Jane- would love to take the scarves off your hands of you decide to get rid of them!

Roxanna

Veteran

Also back to add : your post and this thread are really inspiring me. I tend to be a 'hanger on' too - my mum and I are both that way - and things take up emotional space on my brain until I clear them out (like I just did.) Also I have a 'well it's still good, so I'll just keep it ' mentality. This thread is helping me see that that doesn't always have to be the case

Thank you to you and all posters!

Anonymous

Carla’s comment about inherited and “other people’s” furniture is really important , and so true .

Roxanna

Veteran

I will say that I fell this way with Indian sarees. With the craftsmanship that goes into each one, and the fact that they are sometimes handed down, I find it hard to get rid of them. But this post may be the boost I need.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Yes about the furniture, that has been my experience too and like Carla, with this new home we are finally getting our own choices! Any small bits and pieces of my parents’ stuff is now only the stuff I really love. But what a long emotional process. I am also 58 years old!
Neil’s parents are still alive and his mother makes noises about “who will have the lovely Jacobean suite?”. We won’t hurt her feelings but have said to each other that it won’t be us!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am a big fan of keeping a couple of favorite inherited/gift pieces that most appeal to me and letting go of the bulk of those items. I try to put those pieces to good use. But each year, I seem to let go of a couple more. It makes me feel better than I got to use or see them for a while, to be sure I was ready to let go.

Chris987

Veteran

This discussion is so timely for some things I’ve been considering lately. I’ve been thinking that possessions, regardless of where they came from, should make you happy today and if they don’t maybe it’s time to let them go. We get so hung up on thinking about them, moving them around, remembering the memories - that “taking up head space” thing you describe so well Jane. I am as “guilty”’as anyone about this but am lately feeling that too much stuff just pulls you into the past and makes it more difficult to live in the present. The concept of a wardrobe or decorating refresh is a great antidote! My current favorite examples are a shawl and some tiny beaded purses that belonged to my California grandmother who I only got to see in person about a half dozen times. They are not my style and I will never use them or decorate with them. Will I really remember her less if I donate them? Probably not. I guess I have my answer

Thanks for starting this topic Jane, and thanks to all for such great comments.

Jane

Veteran

These are such helpful replies, thank you so much.

I bounced down to the charity shop yesterday with the scarfs, had a lovely warm welcome and my regular chap was delighted as they were short of stuff. Roxanna and FI, I would have loved to have sent them to you. Thank you for offering then a good home.

‘Others people’s furniture’ that is so true Janet and LisaP and Jenni! Well said! Good to have discussed the Jacobean suite.

On the quilts, I feel so much easier. Such wise words, particularly about the scraps, waste not want not, thank you Chris. And RunCarla, that is so true, it has been used and loved.

Anonymous

I am glad you made peace with this decision. Sometimes it is just right to begin a purge. It is especially difficult when sentimental items are involved. I struggled with this issue for years .... especially when jewelry was involved.

Carla

Veteran

Ha! Got a call, from the local mission enquiring if I had anything I wished to donate! They will come by next week to pick up. Just leave bags or boxes on the front porch!

Jane

Veteran

RunCarla send them my way - I’ve got more to give!

Wise words Sterling, jewellery is a tough one.

Roxanna

Veteran

Thank you Jane for starting the thread! Such a wealth of information here - and a good reminder not to feel that you 'should' have to keep something - refreshes are a perfectly good reason to donate something. I'm glad the scarves found themselves a good home!

Anonymous

Good! It's ok that tastes change, and we're not committed to keeping things forever. Someone will love the pretty scarves. Someone will love the hand me down furniture. Its not the same as constant turnover or constant accumulation without passing on the unwanted things.

Tammyb

I get those itchy fingers too! I have not regretted letting things go when I’ve had that feeling. I have a lot of guilt going through the process but once it’s done I feel good.

kate

I can't seem to let go of my grandmother's and great-grandmother's quilts but totally understand if it's time to move on. I get lots of pleasure seeing them being used: one hanging behind a bed, another covering a round table, a small one on a chair back and several on (standing) towel rails...all mostly in bedrooms. Some have pieces of fabric that I can remember my grandmother wearing in her dresses...so, yes, memories.