Some time ago we had quite a discussion on this forum about managing issues/transitions/needs of aging parents. I'd hit a wall with mine, and was so frustrated and worried. For a long time my parents (83, and - yesterday - 92) just refused to talk with me about their thoughts and plans for how they would live well in their elder years. They were refusing to face the fact that they are, in fact, elderly and have changing lifestyle, health, and safety needs. Everyone else was getting old but them! To their absolute credit, they are truly amazing 83 and 92 year olds and have done extremely well until about a year ago. They still live independently, and both still drive. Absolutely no dementia. But, their maladies are compounding, eye sight and hearing are declining, and mobility - esp for Mom - is getting limited due to severe arthritis. I think I've accepted that we will never get them out of their home, but they've also refused all talking of lawn help, cleaning help, and making adjustments in the home for safety.

My Mom had shoulder replacement surgery on Monday, and my husband and I went up for 4 days to help, then my sister arrived on Wed and is still there. It was supposed to be out-patient, but Mom ended up with afib in recovery that did not resolve, so they kept her for 2 nights in the hospital. That was a blessing - it is cruel to expect an 83 year old person to go home just hours after that kind of surgery, even without complications. She was perfectly content to stay, and her pain was well monitored. They've controlled the heart situation with meds. (She went home with instructions for a total of 17 pills through the course of the day, Rx and OTC. It took hours to review this with her, and sort those pills out when she got home.)

When she got released on Wed, my husband re-opened a previously unsuccessful discussion with my dad to allow him to install grab bars in their bathroom. They have a tub to step over! So, so dangerous. It took hours to get my Dad to agree, 3 trips to Lowe's, and my Dad hanging over my husband's shoulder "instructing him" on how to not damage the tile, make a mess, scratch the metal, etc. ( My husband is pretty much a saint.) But, he/we got it done! And that night, as we drove home to Maryland, we got 2 separate texts from them thanking Lou profusely for installing those bars. My sister said there would have been no way to get my Mom in the shower without her being able to hold the bar.

I was also able to secure a lot of the personal information I needed, and got them to sign Personal Representative Designation Forms for me, on record in their health system so I can call their docs, get records, etc. This just scratches the surface of all that needs to be done financially, medically, physically, and emotionally but it was a huge step forward.

The fact that those grab bars are so solid and make them feel safe (and don't look bad at all!), may be the break through we needed. They may trust us more, and realize that they actually are happy and better off with the adjustments we help them make. I'm going back next weekend to clean and cook, and continue to lay eyes on them. It's actually a joy to help when you don't have to fight so much resistance to do it.