AGE APPROPRIATE REVISITED...

Steffi

I have a real hard time with this. In general society dictates what is age appropriate and what is not. I have stated before if you look good wearing it and radiate confidence then most people won't even bat an eye. I live in an area where this really doesn't occur. Of course there are exceptions, you won't see me in a frilly little mini or hot pants. But you will see me in an abercrombie hoodie or certain tops from American Eagle, Free People and Old Navy. I have to confess I shop religiously at Anthropology and yes they do have sales and they are advertised right on their website. I also have a tatoo on my left ankle of a geometric heart and one on my right foot of a lotus which means rebirth. I wouldn't change those for the world. I got my first one when I was 34 and the lotus just last year. I also have a small nose piercing, many women have them here in L.A. I'm 44 but I don't wear twin sets, I don't wear mom jeans, I wear flip flops, wedges, platforms, strappy sandals and ballet flats. Oh and yes low rise jeans, skinny jeans and beat up lucky jeans. I have a very young and trendy hairdo which I have modeled before. I wear unique jewelry from anthropologie and online discount places I can find. I wear eye liner even black at times. I subscribe to the Bobbi Brown natural look although she does use many colors in which I use most of them. I wear long tops and layer them. My favorite dress designers are BCBG and I don't care if it's a baby doll style, it looks good so I wear it. On a more traditional note I love Diane Von Furstenberg, especially her wrap dresses. I could go on and on. I guess I need to see that list of "don'ts" for 30's to 40's. Oh and by the way it is quite popular to date younger men...and not because I'm a cougar. I am in a serious relationship with a wonderful, successful man. That's all I have to say, will at least until I view that list or get some feedback. Until then Here's to being Fabulous and 40+ and owning it and embracing it

16 years ago

General

7 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

shiny

Veteran

Tipping my coffee cup to you in a toast - here's to being 40+ and fabulous! We are about the same age.

Do you have children, Steffi? I have two teenage girls, 14 and 16. They are with me half the time (I share custody with their dad), and they are both 3 inches taller than me. We wear about the same size too (and DD14 and I are built very similarly). But, I hesitate to wear the same styles of clothing as they do - especially when they are with me - because then I look like their sister and not their mom, and that's not who I want to be.

Part of that is me and my own hang-ups: being petite and with a baby face, I have always looked younger than I am - and can still get carded occasionally - even today in my 40s! I am more likely to get carded if I am wearing no make-up and dressed in the abercrombie & fitch or Old Navy stuff. (True story: about 2 years ago, in my pre-YLF days, I was with my DD-then-12 and tried to buy nicotine gum. I got carded - you have to be 18 to buy it. EEK. I didn't have my ID so they would not sell it to me). So my hang-up is that I want to look, if not my actual age, at least in my 30s! Especially since my DH has gray hair. I do not want to be mistaken for his daughter or have people make creepy assumptions about us!

The other part of it is sensitivity to my daughters. I am considered the "cool" mom and we are the house where all the teens hang out. I like having that label. However my girls would feel uncomfortable if I was the mom that dressed like them and that all their male friends wanted to date. (That would creep me out, frankly... even though I've dated men as much as 10 years younger than me. Under 18? No way!) But really, this is more about not wanting my girls to feel like they are competing with me , or getting weirded out because their mom is more of a friend than a mom. Does that make sense?

Now, when the girls *aren't* with me, I am much more apt to go rooting in their closets to borrow their clothes and to have more fun with playful styles, like graphic tee with a vest or blazer and converses and yes even a mini. But when they are with me, I'd like to stick to modern, youthful but not young.... and somehow still age appropriate. I'd like people to be thinking, "Oh she must be the mom; wow she has taken care of herself and looks GREAT for her age." I do not want them thinking, "what, was she 12 when she got pregnant??" (I've actually been asked this - numerous times over the years!!!)

I have probably put way too much thought into this over the years! Curse of the baby face.

16 years ago

Laura

(website)

Veteran

You are blessed with a baby face, Shiny, not cursed

Steffi, we are the same age, and everything you wear sounds just right for your lifestyle, fashion persona, and the city where you live. I wouldn't change a thing, just show us more photos so we can see even more of your fabulous style!

16 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

And I’m toasting right there with you, Steffie! There are plenty of 40 plus year olds on this forum who dress perfectly youthfully and agelessly. Shiny and Laura and excellent examples of lasses who have got it down. In fact we have a 50 plus year old who is amongst our highest fashion risk takers! She is fabulous! Most of my clients are in the 30 to 50 year old bracket and I spend most of my time telling them that they can when they think that they can’t.

By the same token, I do have a picture in my head of items and ensembles that are age-inappropriate. There are greater fashion boundaries as we get older and there is no getting away from it I’m afraid. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t have this perspective :0)

Bring on the pics, Steffie. We'd love to see wonderful you!

16 years ago

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

It's all about finding what works for your body and your personal style/lifestyle. You won't catch me out and about in a hoodie (except to the gym), but then I didn't wear them as a teen, either. Same goes for the low rise jeans. I'm not in my 40's yet, but not too far away. The other day someone asked me if my 13 year old was my brother. I was actually kind of offended- I don't want to look like the big sister! LOL I don't think you have to dress "stuffy" to look like a grown up.

16 years ago

taylor

Veteran

Well I am usually silent on this but here I go.

I have also been a model for hair and fashion, I dress fun , classic and trendy at times. I have 2 grown children and a granddaughter. I am often mistaken for my 24 yr. daughters oldes sister, and people about lose it when they see my husband and I with our granddaugter because they think she is ours.

I am 5'4 and weigh about 103 lbs...I can wear just about anything, from the trendiest trend , to the shortest shorts, to the tightest skirt, I am toned, shapely , and my arms and legs are in great shape. ... I am also 51. ... If that gives you images of someone with grey hair and crocks , I know what you mean ,I see them everyday.

My point is : Just because I CAN wear these things,...doesn't mean I should.I do dress fun and somewhat trendy,or edgy(I am a hairstylist so that gives me a place that is appropriate to do so). But for the most part I dress tailored and classic with a bit of fun.

You will never see me in Doc's, or a graphic tee,or a super short skirt, midriff bareing or in something that would be ....just inappropriate for a woman who is in her 50's no matter how good she looks.

I think this is Angies point. It is all good to be in your 30's 40's and 50's and look great, dress fun, but I can tell you... although I can still pull of the things I wore in my 20's....I am NOT in my 20's. Yes, same size, same shape, but 30 years older.

Angie has seen my photos so she can vouche. I have been critisized most of my life for being too thin...but this is how God made me:) Women seem to hate you for it. Partly why I don't post photos...who wants to see a 0 or00 , when so many struggle here with their weight. I have learned to be ultra sensative to other peoples feelings, because my own have been hurt so many times by total strangers.

Point being , if you look good, and feel good about yourself go ahead and dress however you feel is appropriate, But as you age you become MORE aware of you age...like Shiny has, although she can dress like her daughters...she chooses not to, and that's the point.:)

16 years ago

cciele

Veteran

Here's to over-40 women! I think style is very subjective (obviously); what looks good to one person doesn't look good to another. I've seen older women doing the "mutton dressed as lamb" look, and they think they look good, but I'm not into the look -- for me, anyhow.

I don't think all 40+ women should dress the same. But there's something to be said for adding individuality to a look, however youthful it might be, without trying to look young. Angie has a few posts addressing this, such as:
http://youlookfab.com/2009/04/.....-over-30s/

Sometimes I struggle with this, because, like shiny, I am a young-looking 43 year old. I did marry someone 8 years younger, and most people think I am younger than he is! Anyhow, I know what I was wearing when I was 30 isn't going to work for me now (if only because my body shape has changed dramatically, and so has my lifestyle). So now I am trying to figure out what really works for me, instead of haphazardly buying clothes.

16 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

There is merit in what everyone has said and it’s food for thought.

Taylor, thank you for voicing how you feel. I appreciate that it took courage to write your comment and I applaud that courage. I’m sorry that people have been nasty in the past. Some people can’t help themselves and that’s a shame. Know that we would LOVE to be inspired by your WONDERFUL sense of style because what you say makes perfect sense. We have ALL age groups, body types and sizes covered on this forum and that includes yours! Your hairstyle alone will send us all into orbit! Like Shiny, I love hearing how you abstain from certain looks despite your slim, well toned bodies because it feels age-appropriate to do so. To me, that’s truly stylish and an absolute inspiration.

I have been doing a lot of thinking as to why the age thing is an extremely sensitive issue. Whenever I blog about fashion and style boundaries that are related to age, it gets people fired up. This does not mean that I will stop blogging about this topic – it means I will blog about it more so stay tuned. This is at the heart of my client challenges and a hot topic in of in itself. I am constantly dealing with what is approprate to wear at particular a age and I never stop investigating this question.

At the moment there is no highly effective visual template on what embodies an ageless style from the age of 40 -ish onwards. (Hollywood poses as an unreal backdrop). LOOSELY speaking so bear that in mind, this is how I see age and style though a lifetime:

o Teens – Whatever floats your boat. You get artistic license and get away with anything.

o 20’s – This decade is about style surfing, chasing trends and experimenting with all sorts of items, personas and mixes. The sky is still your limit.

o 30’s – This is when you start to get more set in your ways and acquire a style identity. You begin to develop an eye for silhouette and quality.

o 40’s and beyond – A time to renew one’s style. A time to establish a different look to that sported in your 20’s and early 30’s. Step up the sophistication. Stay in touch with your youthful side, but look grown-up. A time more than ever to look remarkable because you have lived and learned and are a force to be reckoned with. Let that come through in your style. This does not translate into looking matronly, nor does it translate into looking like you did 20 years ago. It’s an ageless personal sense of style that shows that you are spirited, current and cool.

Anyway, the whole question of “I’m 50 but I feel like I’m 25 and look great so I want to dress like a 25 year old” remains hyper sensitive. And while things don’t change over night when you enter a new age decade, it’s imperative to evolve your style along with a changing, and dare I say it - aging body.

16 years ago

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