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Age appropriate dressing again

rachylou

Veteran

Went out with my 70+ mum today and she was "upset" with a woman because she had thought she was young from the back - and then found out she was "old" (i.e. not a teen) from the front. Her hair was very long, barretted with a butterfly clip, crimped, and she was wearing a pretty short rayon dress (but it was demure nonetheless).

Now here's the thing. Her outfit looked a lot like Sarah Jessica Parker 1980, which I guess is having a bit of a revival. Most everyone else of all ages was wearing tunic/skirt over leggings, and my mum was fine with that.

It occurs to me that sometimes things can look too young when they're more out of date - i.e., things from your high school days. Or, that is, maybe it's not wise to relive your youth. You can do other people's youths, just not your own.

Ok. This is today's hypothesis.

Also of course, my mum could have just been being crabby. Her guru told us we were crabby, hypercritical, high performance people. And that he didn't like it. Hahaha.

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Echo

Anonymous

It seems pretty common to see a woman who looks younger from the back than when you see her face.
Are you saying that you agree with the adage that if you wore it before (like when you were younger), you should not wear it again? I struggle with this because the items, when they come back in style, have a comfortable familiarity about them and can be easy to style because you' e done it before.
The challenge is to wear them differently in a way that is hopefully age appropriate.

rachylou

Veteran

I'm thinking maybe I do agree with the adage. I say looked "a lot like", but really the lady was nailing Sarah Jessica Parker. It wasn't a nod to the '80s, or reworking pieces from the '80s. It was really dead-on teen Sarah.

I think you're right, Joy, about changing something up to show you know the decade changed. I think maybe that was the "upsetting" part.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

In the top shelf of my closet I have a pair of jeans from high school. They are grey and pink acid wash, with lacing on both sides of the zipper at the waist, they poof out at the thigh and the taper at the hem. They were completely awesome in the 80's. I will however not wear them again, unless I get invited to an 80's themed party.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I struggle with the wearing it second time around thing. I mean, I have leggings, but am very mindful of not wearing them in a teeny bopper way.

Thistle

Veteran

Hmmm, I never really thought about it. No, I will not wear what I wore in the 80s again. But then, I was a lot more trendy as a teen than an adult.i lived in Seattle bs Wisconsin. I did not have a career,husband or child. Al of these things changed the girl I was to the woman I am, and I just don't feel like those clothes represent where I am now.

That said, I really feel it is up t each person to dress their truth and try not to judge their choices. I may not like their look, but then they probably find me stodgy anyway.

I find it most interesting that she was upset by the youth factor. Our culture constantly tells us it's not okay to behold and we should do anything, pay anything, including injecting poison into our faces to retain our youth. This woman had at least captured part of this in her dress and hair if not in all of her features.

Lantana

Veteran

The very term age appropriate has my hackles rising (but then I like to see people of any age cocking a snoot at societal expectations.)
Here's an example of what I mean: we have a woman in town who is around 70 and wears Barbie clothes: fluffy pink boleros, leopard skin leggings, gold sandals, that kind of thing along with the full on FFMajor blond locks. To me, she looks, hmm, not beautiful, not pretty, not stylish but... remarkable. She is clearly having fun with fashion - in her own fashion - and for all I know sees herself as looking beautiful and pretty and stylish and remarkable to boot.
So I say good on her and three cheers for being totally, happily, joyfully age-inappropriate.

FlorenceFearne

@Lantana - I agree completely. I'd far rather see people being themselves, no matter how quirky, or off-trend, or even "ugly" their choices are, than see them just fade into the wallpaper for fear of what others might think.

Lyn D.

Veteran

As I grow older I applaud those who do stick to their individuality amongst so much pressure to be one of the crowd in every way!
When we are a little insecure about ourselves we tend to be over-critical of others, and there is too much negative energy around us already!

Deborah

Veteran

I am all for women dressing for themselves and wearing what they want when they want and feeling good about it. Having said that I do notice woman of a certain age who look like they haven't recognized that they are no longer living in the decade they are dressing for. To be honest, I don't find it appealing BUT if they are happy then I am happy for them

jayne

Veteran

I find it telling that from the back she totally fooled everyone. Obviously she is totally fit enough to pull it off. Already at my age, we are told to hide our thighs in knee length shorts and our upper arms in 3/4 sleeves because we are less firm than a 20 year old. But I cannot, absolutely cannot tolerate covering myself for ...what, it ain't modesty really.....it is someones else's senstivity to my body..... when it is 30+ out and AC does not exist here! There is balance to be had but I love that we should be and are more and more allowed to dress how we feel comfortable, fun and beautiful. If someone asked for age appropriate guidance then she wants to follow someone else's rules, but if she wants to follow her own then I am all for it!

Sharon

Veteran

Jayne, I think that's a really interesting point. I wonder if the "cover yourself up" mandates for women as they get older are related to the idea that only young people are sexy or sexual? Maybe people finding the juxtaposition of a youthful figure and an older face disconcerting is related to them having to reassess their prejudices around ageing, attractiveness and sexuality?

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I used to work with a woman who was 50+ who had the most amazing body. She had obviously been a real stunner in her youth. The problem was that she was still wearing the exact clothes that she had worn in her 20s and 30s. She looked like she had stepped off the cover of a Fair Lady magazine from 1982. Even if the stuff had come into fashion again, it still looked horribly dated! She could have been a stunning older woman but it looked like she was clinging to a time where she felt young and sexy and it just ended up looking rather sad.

Peri

Veteran

I'm 53 and this is probably my biggest style issue...what am I "allowed" to wear. It just puts one more question on top of the usual ones, and I have a hard enough time with those!

I agree with Jayne...this judgement about covering my arms for instance, because I'm 53 and not a body builder...bah! I'm supposed to be hot so I don't offend some stranger who only wants to see the young and sexy? No way do I care.

But I do care about looking dated...stuck in the past...or the opposite, trying too hard to stay young that I look ridiculous. It is such a difficult, fine line.

And hair too...I know I get the same reaction because my hair is shoulder length and curly. But I really hate short and curly, and short and straight would take a lot of effort. Such a puzzle!

rachylou

Veteran

What I found so interesting was that my mum didn't have any issues with the older people wearing the latest latest in our neck of the woods - tunics and leggings. Everyone pretty much was in this from 3 to 80. It's not about what the girl was wearing or how she looked, but how my mum saw.

It makes me wonder. Makes me think a couple of things. Like maybe, since at this point in time the dividing lines have practically been eradicated, mum is ok with it because the rule doesn't apply. When you are wearing the fashion of today, that is. But her mind applies different rules to older styles.

Or two, mum couldn't find the right words to explain the discomfort. It wasn't that she looked young, but that she was wearing retro.

Or three, she wasn't doing the retro look with enough quirk and individuality to own it. In which case, I wonder if just throwing her shoulders back would have changed my mother's perceptions.

rachylou

Veteran

Maybe I should add she was wearing nylons on a hot day, as another subliminal factor possibly influencing mumsey.

Peri

Veteran

Now I'm curious about your mom's style! Would you say she keeps current and is interested in fashion and dressing well?

If so, she was probably offended by the stuck in the past aspect. The idea that someone is hanging on to their best decade because they can't accept aging. I can almost guarantee she's had to think about that in her own life...we all do...so she may be commenting on this person not handling it well, and hoping that she herself is handling it better.

I can also pretty much say that she probably doesn't get the concept of dressing for irony. I really don't get it, so someone in her 70s likely doesn't either. Seriously, how are clothes ironic? How does a person wear something ironically and another person wear the same thing, but not? It's over my head.

Echo

Veteran

I have to disagree with the idea that if you wore a trend the first time around, you should not wear it again. That results in having NOTHING to wear because everything that is old becomes new again. Skinny leg jeans are not new, nor were bootlegs and flares when they first came roaring back in the 90's. Everything has been done before.

But I guess I am pretty "over" the idea that women should dress "age appropriately", too. Since when is it anyone else's business what any random woman on the street wears? Look the other way. It may be something I would consider dreadful and would never wear, but I don't get to write any rules for other people, and I enjoy variety.

I can't say whether the woman you saw was harkening back to her youth or whether she was trying to be retro, but either way, I don't get anyone being uncomfortable about what she was wearing.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I was your mum (and sometimes I think I might turn into her one day!), the thought would have been something like:

Hm. Another hipster. Why do these hipsters all like 80s Sara---oh snap! She's not a hipster, she just hasn't changed clothes since the 80s!

I think all of the factors are at play here. It's considered a young thing to do to appropriate retro fashions wholesale. It's also less jarring and noticeable to wear old trends in the new way, so your mum may not notice the 80s influences elsewhere. It is also brings much more attention to one's age to pair a retro outfit with a retro face. I don't have any bad feelings about my age, but even I don't want to bust out my 1998 No Doubt outfits.

Gaylene

Veteran

Well, I'm going to be 64 in a couple of weeks and if I held to the adage not to wear anything that I've worn in the past, my wardrobe would take a severe hit. That said, though, I do think a couple of cautions are in order to avoid looking weird when I recycle styles that I wore in previous decades.

First, the current versions are rarely exact copies of their ancestors, so I personally think it's wise to shell out for today's version instead of haunting thrift shops or my attic if I want to recycle a fashion favorite. And I also think it's important to keep the rest of my outfit current; a younger woman may be able to get away with total "look", but, on an older woman, too much just gives off a weird "time warp" effect (like your SJP lady?)

The other issue is that, even if I'm in good shape and look younger than my years, my body is not the same body that I had when I was in my twenties and thirties, to say nothing of how I've changed inside. I have fun looking at pictures of myself in thigh-high boots and mini-skirts, but I now also see a young woman who used her clothing to mask her uncertainties about who she was and where she was going. I admire her grit and determination, but that's not who I am any more. And that's why I think so many of us older women feel uneasy when we see women who are our peers whose appearance hasn't evolved to reflect the confidence and self knowledge that ought to come with age. Aging with a modicum of grace is enough of a challenge without having to carry all that extra baggage from my younger self. Maybe that's why your mother had such negative reaction to that woman, Rachylou?

rachylou

Veteran

What you say has a lot of resonance, Gaylene. When we talk about strangers, we are really talking about ourselves. She's big on dignity and knowing what's happening. Extremely active. In her retirement here, she organizes all the trips at her senior center to get people out and about.

Which brings me to Echo. My mom is long on confidence and self-assurance and, frankly, will bite your head off if you don't stand up and get counted. She was the big boss in her career days (which was slightly unusual, since she's pre-baby boom). She pushed and challenged, and I think still has the habit in retirement.

Peri - my mom is salt-of-the-earth, Sears and LL Bean. But she takes an interest from the sidelines in fashion.

Gaylene

Veteran

Ah, Rachylou, I think your mom sounds like most of the women in my crowd--long on confidence, self-assurance, and more than a bit willing to express our opinions vocally

I know that when I was first starting my career in the late sixties and early seventies, it wasn't always easy to challenge and push the boundries about how a woman "ought" to behave. Getting dressed in the morning was more about projecting an image of confidence, competence, and power than it was about having fun with fashion. The women who dressed for "fun" were wealthy, came from powerful families, or, more commonly, were seen as adjuncts to the men in their world. Dressing was serious business in those days if you wanted an independent career.

I sometimes think that's why your mother and I can be so hypercritical of older women who dress in what seems to us to be an overly youthful style or of young women who opt for an extremely sexy style. It's hard to not interpret those styles as a flashback to an older era where a woman's value rested on her youth and desirability instead of her brains.

I have to keep reminding myself that it's a good thing that most of the women on this forum think that it's nobody's business but their own what they choose to put on their bodies. And that dressing every morning should be about what pleases them, not on how they will be assessed by those around them. It's a much more positive way to look at this whole issue of age appropriate dressing, in my opinion.

Anonymous

I'm with Lantana "The very term age appropriate has my hackles rising".

When shopping for baby clothes the tags say 0 to 6 months, and such. Maybe women's clothing should be labeled the same...50 to 60 years, under 20......

I don't really believe in putting an age on what anyone wears. I do at times dress "younger" than my age. Once I was in a shop and the SA said "love your skirt" and a second woman said "yes, it's so nice to see young ladies wearing skirts again", I turned and smile and she looked shocked and said "oh, or not so young ladies" lol.
I never understand fashion rules. It confuses me to hear "fashion is an expression" and then hear "what was she thinking?!" Other's fashion choices don't always appeal to me but what do I care about what they decide to wear.

Woman worry about hiding giggly upper arms, cellulite, baggy knees etc. when they are older and yet the young of all sizes run around in belly tops and mini skirts and the motto is "love the skin your in". I'm all for it personally but WHY is it "Love the skin your in" for the young ladies and not the old ones.

FlorenceFearne

I've been thinking about this a lot, and here's what I've come up with. We live in a culture that sadly devalues women in general, by asserting the only thing they can offer is youthful looks and sex appeal, which basically makes older women invisible.

So, I feel like there are two different scenarios that appear to be the same thing to an outside observer. Scenario 1, older woman wearing clothing that looks "too young" because she is having difficulty with the idea of aging, and maybe feels desperate to prove she's still young enough to be desirable, or beautiful, or just to merit a second glance at all. Scenario 2, older woman wears the "too young" item simply because she loves it. She doesn't care about an arbitrary age limit; she just wants to be happy. So my guess is that we often see Scenario 2, but mistake it for Scenario 1.

Rachylou, maybe your mum was reacting to that idea of having to try so hard to pretend you're still 20, and felt slightly defensive, as though this woman was telling her she should do the same? Not sure if I'm explaining this as clearly as I'd like...

Echo

Veteran

^ This is very true, and my own mother laments about becoming "invisible". A woman who draws attention to herself by doing anything out of the ordinary in terms of fashion/hair/makeup challenges the status quo and that makes many people uncomfortable. Perhaps this was the reaction your mother was having, rachylou? Although if your mum was a trend-setter herself in terms of being in charge in business at a time when that wasn't common, I am surprised that she would be so bothered by fashion choices she didn't agree with or understand.