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Age appropriate blog

BlondeAmbition

I'm still thinking about the recent blog about age appropriate clothes that sparked so many comments. Most people had the sense to know that many of those things wouldn't be appropriate for any age. But I think many of us felt the list did not make sense with many items. I know I was wounded personally by the suggestion that my ankle bracelet is not classy. I'm 32 but I simply can't give it up!

What about some other items for older women? Like strapless dresses, bikinis, and spaghetti straps? My mother has a knock out body for a 56yr old and she works hard for her toned arms and looks beautiful in her arm baring tops. What do you all think?

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15 replies

Latest reply was from JewelryGirl

Antje

Veteran

Hi BlondeAmbition, two thoughts come to my mind:

1) I think we have had a lively discussion in the comments for the blog entry. I, for instance, respectfully disagree with the list as well, and with many of the specific items, and I stated that in my comment (e.g. I shamelessly wear flip flops in summer myself.) So I hope you don't feel that there is only one viewpoint on this topic. I'm sure you rock your ankle bracelet and that your mom looks great (I personally am not against bikinis at all, though I know that some other women on the forum feel very strongly that noone but a super model should ever wear one. Respectful disagreement again :-))

2) I'm bummed that you are "personally hurt" by the list or the specific mention of the ankle bracelet. A good blogger has a point of view, meaning she (or he) takes a stance on things rather than merely reporting on something. But that doesn't mean this view is prescriptive, or expected to be shared amongst all readers. The great thing about a point of view is that it stimulates a discussion, which is part of what YLF is about.

Angie has a nifty saying: Horses for courses.

Please do remain skeptical, disagree respectfully, and bring in your own point of view and your own style into this community.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Blonde Ambition, I'm sorry you felt wounded and I hope that Antje has made you feel better. (Thanks for your spot on comment, Antje).

At 32, you are still very much “30” , AND there are always exceptions to the rule. My aim with posts like that is to get my readership thinking, which is a GOOD thing. Also, it was not my list – I was reporting on it. But I do have strong opinions and I would not be a professional if I didn’t voice them. Also, there is a fine line between sounding like a snotty opinionated individual, and a credible professional. I take great, GREAT care to remain respectful and be the latter. I feel that I have succeeded by setting the right tone. If this were not the case, YLF would not be the safe and supportive environment that it is. We’d have what’s going on in other forums ( lots of rude, catty comments). YLF is a place where we can peacefully co-exist despite our varying viewpoints. We do not need to agree with each other all the time (but also not argue for the sake of arguing!)

So, do not give up your anklet if you love it. I’ll let others comment on your questions before I come back and give my 2 cents worth.

BlondeAmbition

Oh I wasn't wounded haha, it was meant to be a lighthearted pouting actually. I just think it's interesting that someone might walk past me thinking "What's SHE doing wearing spaghetti straps? Her arms aren't super toned, she's over 30, and who cares if it's 90 degrees? She's not pretty enough, rich enough, young enough, famous enough, or good enough to bare her arms!" There is so much to judge it can feel overwhelming trying to please the general concensus.

Maya

Veteran

BA, I have found a few things that I disagree with either Angie or the greater YLF community on. I haven't had anyone after my head so far

After reading your post, my feeling is that if your 56 year old mother works so hard to maintain that knockout bod, it just seems so unfair for her to have to cover it up, especially when there are so many 25 year olds who are so out of shape and yet can still supposedly get away with more revealing styles. Personally, I'd rather see your mom in a bikini than the countless out-of-shape bods I see every year up and down the New Jersey shoreline. I, like Antje, don't believe that only supermodels can sport a bikini, but I can't understand why most women would want to when they would look so much better in a one-piece. Anyway, I think many of us, including Angie, agreed that 30 is too young of a cutoff point.

Edit: BA, I just saw your second comment, and you have precisely pinpointed why I hate lists like these. They are just negative and make people self-conscious and paranoid.

Anonymous

I think you can disregard Charla's list unless you see something on it that resonates with you personally.
Now to the bikini after the age of late 30's or so. We are a youth oriented culture. This happened long before all of us were born so we inheirited it. There are going to be many very young women wearing bikinis at the beach and people are going to be comparing one to another, human nature. If a woman in late '30's and past can handle that, and feels confidant enough to hold her own she will probably wear a bikini and be happy with the decision.
Spaghetti straps and strapless dresses are a whole different ballgame. A bikini advertises your "stuff". The strapless dress is a style that can be classy on anyone who does not have a need to hide her shoulders.
Ofcourse I am not a pro like Angie and this is all just my opinion which may spark another lively discussion!!

marianne

I know plenty of 50+ olds in great shape with toned arms and all, and while I think they look fine in spaghetti straps on casual occasions, if I saw them wearing formal strapless gowns, I'd feel like they're trying too hard (sorry, I hope no one takes offense!).
I had 2 kids in my early 30s, and when I started rebuilding my wardrobe after the pregnancies, I struggled with the age-appropriate thing because I felt like I need to make a 180 degree turn from what I wore in my 20s. I stopped wearing short shorts and minis, but I never wore any other items on the list. I do still wear t-shirts on casual occasions and I wouldn't hesitate to wear spaghetti straps on a casual hot day. I am also not giving up bikinis - I realize one-piece looks more polished, but I used to spend my summers in a beach town where women of all shapes wore bikinis (not necessarily skimpy version, but 2 pieces anyway), and I don't have a problem with it at all. I just see the beach as something akin to 'engaging in a sport'.
However, I may be excessively concerned about dressing too young, so I always err on the side of conservative. For example, I would have never thought skinny jeans were age-appropriate when they came out, but thanks to YLF I wear them all the time now.

Antje

Veteran

Don't forgot cultural biases, either. Here in the US I myself feel most comfortable in a one-piece. If I still lived in Europe, I might be happily sun bathing in just a bikini bottom (gasp!). Topless bathing is very common in many parts of Europe; it's not as sexualized as it is here and women (and men) feel less inhibited about their bodies (this of course is a generalization and not true in every individual case.)
American culture is indeed very focused on youth, beauty, thinness, toned-ness etc. and bodies are both sexualized and fetishized quite a bit (see the crazy magazine covers about near-anorexic actresses and "how she got her body back 4 weeks after giving birth", the popularity of Botox and plastic surgery etc.) I know I'm influenced by it, too, but I try to remember that aging bodies, chubby tummies, sagging breasts, wrinkled faces etc. are all natural. It's great to try and dress (or undress, in the context of bathing attire) your bodies in the most flattering way that makes you feel confident and attractive, but let's not give in to the notion that everything not "perfect" according to the above media-fabricated ideals needs to be hidden and disguised.
Gee, I guess I had to get this off my chest... I've looked at too many US and In Touch magazine covers at the supermarket I guess

taylor

Veteran

BlondeAmbition,

Please don't feel hurt, I am 51 and I sport a toe ring!! I actually wear alot of things most women my age don't , like your mom,because my shape allows for that (I will post someday whenI am brave).

I do go strapless onece in a great while...my arms are in good shape...but it is rare. I go sleeveless alot. all summer.

I also like ankle braclets, and wear them on vacation...nothing feels like summer like an ankle bracelet in the sand!!

Bikini noooooooooo!!

But like all of us we break the age rules here and there because it makes us feel good to wear something unique to us.

Somethings I won't wear becasue my 24 yr old daughter rocks the look and if I tried I would just look ....well old!!

taylor

Veteran

Antje is so right about culture...most Europeans don't get our obsession with large breasts and this weird face and body issue that Americans seem to have.

The Carribean is a perfect example of this . People tanned from head to toe, looking beautiful ,every shape and size ..boobies everywhere, no one seems to care , or even notice. I think they notice our group..we are the lily white ones in the bathing suits!!:)

Anonymous

As with any fashion, we need to put the focus on our best features and away from what we don't want noticed. Strapless and spaghetti straps call for beautiful skin and neck and shoulders that are not too boney or too well padded and breasts that don't need a lot of support.
To me spaghetti straps are a sweet juvenile look and wider straps seem better on anyone else...anyone old enough to wear a bra.

Maya

Veteran

Antje, I never realized how much American media messes with my head until I went to Europe for an extended stay. While I was there (France), I actually felt--get this--pretty. For the first time in my life (I only had 20 years behind me at the time, but still). There were lots of reasons for this. Just generally speaking, I was far more comfortable in certain situations in France than I was in the same situations in the US. For example, I hate going to bars and clubs in the US, but I had no problem going to French bars or dancing into the wee hours of the morning. It was the same in Sweden though I did not spend as much time there.

I distinctly remember speaking to a friend I met when I was in France, telling me how weird he thought our obsession with blindingly white, pin-straight teeth is. Once he brought that up, I was never able to see perfect teeth the same way again. Once I really started to pay attention to it, I felt that he was right and there was something a bit freakish about it. I am not a fan of wonky yellow teeth, but I am not a fan of bleaching and smattering paste all over your mouth either. I haven't used a whitening product since that conversation, and wouldn't you know it, my teeth are in pretty good shape regardless.

marianne

Antje, I guess it speaks to my growing up outside US that I don't think of the beach as a sexualized place. I agree about youth-obsessed magazine culture. I find it quite disturbing, but I guess it's also a money-generating machine - considering how much people spend on things like plastic surgeries.

NCyogini

One thing that has changed for me since turning 30 is simply a greater appreciation for modesty. I'm not talking about a buttoned-up-to-the-neck modesty, either. But I see too many gals my own age wearing absolutely ridiculous clothing out in the city at night. (I'm talking hot pants, clear plastic platform heels & barely-there tank tops.) I think that an awareness of basic modesty would take care of so many of the fashion issues we see. I think that things such as newsboy caps, ankle bracelets, and strapless tops are pretty innocuous; this sort of thing can work or not, depending on who wears them. What I think more gals need to ask themselves before they walk out of the house is, "is this reasonably modest and appropriate?". I can get past a toe ring- I don't really care; when I can see a gal's bum & g-string poking out of her jeans, well, that's when it's clear something has gone terribly wrong.

Just my .02.

BlondeAmbition

I have also noticed a big difference between US and Europe. I spend a few months every year in greece and girls there are completely obsessed with fitness. The summer season there is long so they prepare themselves for up to 5-6 months of beach going. They also don't overdo jewlery and accessories. The younger a woman is the less accessories she will have. Maybe a bracelet or earings, and a purse. An abundance of scarves, jewelry, pantyhose, belts, etc signals maturity. Strange right?

JewelryGirl

I've not read all the comments on here but just had to leave one myself. I see MANY women with anklets on. I think they can look very nice, fun, and sporty. It all depends if you have nice ankles/legs that your drawing attention to & what you are wearing it with. I myself have a little larger ankle & don't want to draw attention there so I don't wear one. As I stated in my comment on the bog that day, I wear a toe-ring & that's listed as a no-no as well. Just like anything else I think - these are guidelines & none of us are perfect and follow all the rules all the time. Some things I'm really finicky about & others I'm not. Personal preference I guess. What a boring world it would be if we all looked alike!