Addicted to Shopping, 6 months reflection - YouLookFab Forum

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Addicted to Shopping, 6 months reflection

Anonymous

I think I just need a confession or unloading.

I have been tracking purchases since around Christmas 2014 (but I am too scared to actually do the math and see total expenditures).

Does not count things returned or donated:

Jewelry: 8 items, mostly costume and one "real" piece. 3 pairs earrings, one bracelet (note to self, I don't wear them - stop buying them), 4 necklaces. Shoot...I forgot about the stuff I bought in Korea, so add two more necklaces and another pair of earrings. 11 items total.

Accessories: 2 purses (haven't used one at all, ordered online and its too large for me, too late to return), 3 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of sunglasses, 1 wallet. 7 items total.

Gear/Essentials: 17 items spanning from underpinnings, a sleep shirt, puffy coat, workout clothes, camping/hiking clothes and beach stuff.

Clothes: 37 items. I had a few interviews, so I picked up a business capsule - which does not get much wear, but hopefully will in the near future. I also discovered navy and am having a love affair with the color - its become my black (12 pieces). Picked up more dresses and skirts than I can wear IRL, but I looooove dresses. I struggle with buying for my fantasy life still. I also am focusing on changing out a lot of my poly/synthetic stuff for natural fabrics in my regular clothes capsule, with the caveat that they must be easy to clean.

72 Items in 6 months. That's a lot. It's too much.

What is even more surprising is my friend's comments upon seeing my closet for the first time, "Wow, you have so few clothes, is this everything? And it works for your? I should clean out my closet...".

Then I think guiltily over the three garbage bags of perfectly fine clothing in the garage waiting to be donated. Its just not the most flattering, not the right colors, not in my current taste, etc. My tastes have really refined over the past two years to were I almost have a defined style/aesthetic, for the first time in my life.

I don't have a total count, but my closet has to be at least 1/4 the size it used to be. I really don't mind wearing the same stuff over and over again, and find I naturally do. I think I have most of the holes filled and need to really think about SYC. Maybe I can try for 30 days, small chunks?

/rambling

Shopping

26 replies

Latest reply was from Suz

viva

Veteran

Ack - wish I had the time to reply. Have to run to a meeting but this post hit me right between the eyes. YES. I hear you, sistah. More later.

tulle

Veteran

Give yourself credit for figuring out exactly what you like and need, and whittling your wardrobe down to those! Sure, shop your closet for a month or so--if nothing else, it will show exactly what you might still be missing. Several YLFers have shopping their closets this month, and showing the resulting outfits, and they've been great. Good luck!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry you're struggling with this so much, but I'm glad you posted. My first reaction - but then it always is - is that the numbers aren't that crazy - just looking at my tracking document for this year, I bought 30-40 pieces per season in winter and spring, both. But of course, it's not primarily about the numbers; it's about the fact that it bothers you and you feel out of control.

Do you think that making your wardrobe smaller has meant that you actually need to shop more often to replace things that wear out? Along the same lines, do you think that tracking your shopping habits makes you more liable to spend, along the lines of how when you track your calories sometimes you binge more? I have definitely found that paradoxically, sometimes taking a step back from my tracking and relaxing lets me be more mindful and make better choices in the long run.

cobalt

I'm no expert, but to me it sounds like this shopping spurt has helped you get close to (or even achieve) a well-equipped closet that reflects your personal style. That's no easy task, and you're to be commended for that. I think it's also commendable that you can identify certain items that you likely won't wear (eg, bracelets) so that you'll avoid purchasing them in the future. I share your guilt at passing on "perfectly fine" items, even when I know they're not perfectly fine for MY needs. And I think you should disregard your friend's comments -- what's important is that the size of your wardrobe works for you, just you, and it sounds like it does. I guess what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up too much. Is SYC a good idea? Maybe -- not as penance, but as an opportunity to integrate your new purchases into your day to day life. Good luck, and be good to yourself!

Anonymous

@Laura - The smaller wardrobe isn't making me wear through my clothes quicker, really. In fact, I have been taking much better care of my stuff as I whittle things down. I hang almost everything to dry now, mend things when needed, and am hardcore about treating spills/stains/grease marks (when before, I would just figure it wasn't worth the hassle and dump it).

Also, funny you mention calories, because I am struggling with that right now, too. I am within normal BMI, but I am at my heaviest and have not been very successful with losing any extra fluff to get back to "comfortable". I think I did buy more new clothes b/c of the extra weight, swapping out slimmer fitting shirts for more slouchy/oversized ones.

@tulle - I am trying to get better about tracking what I actually wear. I always start and then taper off. I have been doing well for about a month, so maybe a SYC month while tracking will give me a pretty good idea of what I truly wear.

I did a "Konmari" on the closet this last weekend, even though I have already gotten rid of a lot, and tried on everything. I have those items that do not spark joy in the garage, awaiting a trip to Goodwill.

viva

Veteran

I'm a terrible tracker -- and in fact have no real interest in tracking my wears at all; nothing sounds more joy-killing to me, frankly -- but I'm great at occasional bouts of
self-loathing for purchases and purges. I am not shocked by any of your
numbers.

If you did the KonMari recently, you should really feel GOOD about the clothing waiting to be hauled off, and GREAT about the smaller wardrobe that is filled with joy-sparking clothing.

Anonymous

yeah, I can relate too - and like Vivian, felt this hit a little too close to home. WHY can't I get my #*@t together with shopping and picking out clothes?? I don't have a ton of stuff either, and in fact am often jolted when I read what other members have in their closets .....thinking maybe I do need more or DIFFERENT clothes because I never have what I want to wear. I feel like my body is changing so much and so dramatically that my fall-back looks don't work anymore. I have no idea what to buy, what to look for, and what will be flattering - but spending hours in front of a mirror trying on clothes is so unappealing I can't tell you. So - sorry for whining here - I'll be reading this with interest.

deb

Veteran

I think we all go through a spending spurt at first. Then slow down to evaluate where we stand. You may be in this evaluation period. You are Alberto look and feel good while thinking about your next step. Maybe it is time to just smile and thank your closet because it is prepared to take care of you.

Astrid

Veteran

I've been shopping rather a lot too, despite deciding a few times to go on SYC. I just don't think it works for me, I do better just shopping the budget. Although I'm hopefull that it will get less when I have a better basis together I can work from. No good tips, but maybe all this shopping might just have been necessary to get you to the point where you are now. Maybe do one in one out from now on?

Dee

Veteran

I'm one of the ladies on SYC this month. I didn't count numbers, but I shopped quite a bit over the last few months due to some lingering winter weight gain as well as updating my wardrobe to my new city after moving in the fall. The shopping was great and while I do have a few regrets of things that were "ok" but I'm not reaching for often, mostly I am happy with what I got. And what I had that still fit.

The question is, now that you have a wardrobe that is of a size and style that you like, do you feel the need to keep shopping at the same rate? If you keep shopping, why?

SYC has shown me that I have most of what I need day to day as well as a few holes I may try to fill. I'm only planning to stay on for the month but several ladies are staying on for the whole summer, so you'll have some support if you want/need it.

Sal

Veteran

Ok, you have done the counting and got over that hump. It sounds like you have mostly made wise purchases with quality items. We all do have bursts of shopping followed by quieter patches.

One idea is to take a total break (30 days/6 weeks) from new additions. Or decide that if you get a craving for something decide to think about it for a week/two weeks and then if you really need it to go and purchase it. Often that itch goes away after a day or two. Write down any real holes and at the end of the break you can start looking to fill those.

I over purchase when I decide I need, for example, flat black shoes. I don't own a pair and could definitely wear them. However I have black flat ankle boots, black ankle boots with heels, and two pairs of black work heels. So how often would these new flats really be needed....or even worn when I have four black footwear options. There are a couple of outfits that might be slightly better with black flats, but it is very marginal. So I have just decided to do without....that is my thought process anyway.

Don't beat yourself up about the past, that can't be changed. Enjoy and wear the heck out of your lovely new items!

crutcher

Veteran

There must be something in the air just now that causes one to reflect on shopping habits and heydoIreallyneedthis?...I am in this frame of mind just now as I have organized and summerized my clothes...I really don't need/want/desire ANYTHING else...I have a perfect (for me) wardrobe...I am definitely SYC...maybe even through NAS...This has gotton serious if I am considering bypassing NAS...smile...

Anonymous

Thanks for all your advise/commiseration, Fabbers!

The question is, now that you have a wardrobe that is of a size and style that you like, do you feel the need to keep shopping at the same rate? If you keep shopping, why?

Good question! I do still want to keep shopping. I think it is multifaceted: fashion/style blogs make me curious to try new items and silhouettes as I am trying to find my "style", FOMO (I hate that the fashion cycle makes something available for a couple of months and then never again and I don't want to miss out on an item that meets my specifications). and the big one - boredom. I online shop a lot at work when I have downtime. It is a terrible habit and one I am trying to break.

In order to decrease my FOMO, I am trying to learn how to sew, so I can make those perfect finds when they aren't available and not feel pressured to buy when they are available. But, I have a long road to go!

I have been really enjoying some of my new purchases, like a pair of Paige Jeans that I had a stylist help me pick out - worn 8 times in the last 3 weeks!

They are by far my most expensive pair of jeans EVER but I am thinking about having them altered, they are a 9, but would totally be a 10 if they were a bit more tapered at the ankle so I wouldn't have to fuss so much to keep them tucked into my favorite booties.

Paige Denim 'Skyline' Skinny Jeans (Mona)

$179.00 $107.40

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DonnaF

Veteran

Ummm, I wouldn't count 72 things. Call it *Girl Math*, but I don't count underwear and gear unless it is splurge-y or something. Yes, those 37 items of clothing count, and I would probably count the bags and shoes as well; not sure about the sunnies and wallet. So IMHO you're not doing too badly. How's that for enabling?

Confession: I'd planned to really cut down on my shopping in 2015 but I seem to be going in the opposite direction and found myself buying a LOT of sandals, tank tops, and the like and it doesn't get hot much where I live. Maybe I intuited something? My mom passed away last week, and she lived in hot climate with poor air conditioning in her house. I will be going there four or five times per week for the indefinite future so those tanks and sandals will be getting more use than I could have ever envisioned.

Anonymous

I am you: I spent a ton, threw out a ton, and now have quite a small wardrobe. (I love having a small wardrobe. I want to wear every piece at least once every two weeks.)

The disturbing part is that I started my capsule wardrobe 2 years ago, and I'm throwing out stuff that I added last year that I thought was perfect and wasn't. That's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to buy only the things you love and hang onto them.

Anyway, as far as numbers go, I dropped around $3500 this year. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. I don't advise it.
I bought a lot of big ticket items like outerwear, shoes, and bags.

Brooklyn

Veteran

I agree with cobalt - the numbers don't seem too bad to me, as long as it is within your budget and you are honing your style. I also feel guilty about donating new or near new pieces but I try to remind myself about the many purchases that I wear to death. In fashion there are some mistakes but also many victories! Your Paige jeans for instance. I am trying now to keep a list of things that didn't work for me and why to try to avoid the same errors. It sounds like you are doing the same. I won't be tracking numbers anytime soon (I am with viva on that) but I certainly don't think you are alone. So try not to be too hard on yourself.

Anonymous

Oh Donna! Your logic cracks me up! I am so sorry to hear about your Mother; my sympathies.

I wouldn't count my underwear, but I only buy a certain underwear (made in USA) and happen to cost about $30/pair and barely ever go on sale - so I count them.

Also, sunnies were a high-end splurge, totally unnecessary, since I already have one nice pair, but I wanted to upgrade to polarized.

Additionally, I could have bought a regular plain ol' wallet, but I have been carrying around the same ratty old leather man wallet for 8 years and wanted a new and special piece, so I got a cute little Kate Spade piece which was also a splurge.

I got the Nordies sale flyer today! I am super digging the greens and the Americana/Western flair. Part of my style descriptors, with the help of the YLF crew, is classic casual country estate, which in my mind is a mix of "french chic"/classic, military, boho, safari, equestrian, and sleek western.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Do you enjoy remixing? I sometimes, when I feel the urge to shop, go into favorite places specifically for inspiration, not purchasing. I observe the colors, proportions and silhouettes and imagine ways to recreate them in my closet. I also watch for accessories, and will occasionally give myself a challenge to wear an item -- clothing or accessory in three ways that week. It's fun, and it keeps things fresh.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Re the browsing when bored or as a reward, I'm no psychologist, but when I've wanted to change my own behavior it's worked much better for me to figure out what I can replace something with, rather than fixating on what I don't want to do/do less. So what's a fun, brief reward that you can use rather than online browsing? Or, decide on a day or two a week you let yourself browse, or an amount of time, and then the rest of the time do something else.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I like Laura's thinking on habit changing. I have everything I need at this point. No real wardrobe holes. Yet I'm in this habit of continual looking and shopping, as a hobby or relaxation mode. I've gotten better with the warm weather since my reward for work is 'go outside for a little walk in the sunshine' as opposed to 'find the best new sweater shape.'

Since fashion / shopping is my relaxation, I don't do tracking or counting, except keeping some ideas as to what I'm wearing. My closet got a bit messy during a heavy work period lately and I was displeased to have bought two perfectly good tops and then forgotten them for a month.

Anonymous

This has been a fascinating post! Like smittie, I vowed to go minimalist and project 33 etc and really pare my closet down. I want to have just a few absolutely perfect pieces and wear them all the time. It hasn't worked . I'm not sure what's going on, or where all the perfect clothes are but I suspect that ideal is not that easy to achieve. I want to hire someone to "fix" this for me.

Anonymous

I think you guys are really onto something re: replacing habits. Instead of shopping, I would prefer to spend that time improving my sewing skills. Since I do most of my shopping online, at work (shhhh....don't tell the boss), it makes it hard to figure out how to hone my craft. I do sometimes look at sewing blogs during those slow times, but reading about sewing without being able to do it is sort of frustrating.

Maybe I can bring in some fabric scraps and work on hand sewing, since I am always struggling with how to do certain stitches! Oh my, you ladies are geniuses! I can practice stitches and hand hem to my heart's content rather than shopping! Too bad youtube is blocked at work, as some stitches are easier for me to visualize rather than read about and then trying to duplicate.

@Lisap - I did do a few rounds of P333 and really loved it. It was pretty easy for me to do after following the Vivienne Files method, very intuitive. I do struggle with good enough items and "perfect" items and feel I spend a lot of time upgrading a lot of what I own. I think we all struggle to figure out what is "perfect" and how to achieve it. I think I need to focus on JFE...I think that is the right acronym.

Anonymous

Also, interesting sidebar - even though I suck at sewing, reading about and learning has taught me a lot about clothing construction. This has heightened my awareness of things available and has made me a pickier consumer.

I check seams, linings, buttons, whether or not it is cut on grain - I sort of make myself laugh when asking salesmen about the fabrication of jeans, but then I realize, it makes me a conscious consumer, buying the best quality I can afford.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I am not expert on shopping. My wardrobe numbers are far more than what my real lifestyle should ideally require, and I hear what you and LisaP are saying.

I do add things to my closet seasonally and get rid of things that no longer work for me. I have given away brand new tops, shirts, handbags and shoes. Often my body went through a 'little' change and the perfect fit became imperfect. Somehow I never feel guilty when I give away things to those who will value them more than I did. I often remind myself that I don't have to compel myself to love something I really don't only because I already spent money on it.

It's great that your style is now refined and wardrobe pared down. Give yourself some credit!

Lisap, I am often amazed at how some people look absolutely amazing in the simplest of outfits and wear it with such aplomb. I wish I could do that too....but somehow it hasn't worked. Where are all the good clothes?!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Surprisingly, I changed my bad habit of browsing online stores more often than I should by joining YLF :D. But I think I already know why it works---even if I love what you guys are wearing, it either doesn't get shipped to India or is too expensive with the shipping. So I don't browse stores when I love something one of you is sporting... I suspect it'd be a whole different ball game if I could.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Maneera, me, too -- I browse YLF instead of online shopping! But YLF offers its own temptations to shop at times...hence the "lemmingitis" that hits us occasionally.

I do think it's good to track and count -- even though it goes against my own grain to do it. I found it a helpful exercise when I did it last winter. It taught me not just what I was wearing (I actually knew that) -- but fine points about WHY -- and that in turn led me to some clearer ideas about what might make me happier in future. This makes for smarter shopping, if not less shopping -- similar to the way your sewing skill improvement has taught you to ask smart questions.

I shopped like a maniac last year. I really do not want to count all the stuff I bought. It was crazy. I mean, I did count once or twice but conveniently do not recall the number.

But then, here's what happened next: I did not shop at ALL for five months. Except for long underwear and one pair of sale jeans, and only because they were a HEWI in that cut/colour.

What's more, I didn't miss shopping a bit. I enjoyed wearing my clothes during that time, and paying attention to other interests.

I just did a post Christmas count of my own to compare to your numbers. I've bought less -- but if my wardrobe had not been in pretty good shape already, I am pretty sure I'd have bought as much.

Based on the current size of my wardrobe, ideally, I'd like to stick to about 20 items a season -- from style refreshers to essentials replacements to upgrades. But some seasons I'll need more. And some seasons I won't be able to afford 20. And others, I'll need less. Or I won't like anything on offer.

I think one lesson for all of us is that wardrobes are not fixed. There is no "perfect." Our closets will always be in flux and that's okay.

If we determine:

How much we feel it is okay to turn over each season, ethically -- not pushing ourselves toward some ideal that is completely unrealistic for us, but doing our best to be mindful....
How and where we will source our new things...
How to dispose of old things that are not worn out in a way that benefits (or at least does not unduly hurt) others...
How to make peace with ourselves if a purchase doesn't work out...
How to enjoy the clothes we have and wear the heck out of them....

...then I think we're doing pretty darned well.