A thankyou and an update - YouLookFab Forum

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A thankyou and an update

anne

Veteran

I wanted to say thank you to the forum for some great threads recently, particularly on the general and off topic tabs. I have found them thought provoking and have often been writing responses in my head. Recently, since I started working full time, I have much less YLF time and in particular writing time (since I can read it on my phone, but I find writing more than a sentence hard without a keyboard) I'm afraid therefore that most of these "responses" never make it to the forum. I've also been guilty of not getting back to threads as quick as I'd like.

Now for the update. I'm facing a few sartorial challenges at the moment, which I'll get to, but they should be seen against the background of having made some big strides in getting a work wardrobe together, and a much better lounge/ casual capsule too.

Challenge #1 I have started cycling to work. I LOVE it - the exercise, the money saving, being outdoors and the feeling of going downhill. I am having to take my work clothes to work on a back pack so mostly going for not crushable. My hair is a bit affected too, and am mostly just wearing it in a low pony tail. I know we have discussed cycling commuting fashion
before, but I'd love to hear more from others

Challenge #2 I am pretty much out of my clothing budget. I go Jul to Jun and I think I have already spent it all. And my job finishes in July so I may have little money for the second half of the year too. I think I can get a few things with vouchers, any birthday money I may receive or using my "spending money" and I think I'll need to, as I have stuff wearing out, particularly my workout gear.

Challenge #3 Although I am happy enough with my bit work clothing (and I have to be content with it, since I can't get any more), I do feel I am looking my a bit invisible. Maybe I am just feeling that way because my office is full of gorgeous clever professionals in their 20's! Having a haircut would be an obvious thing to do, but I am trying to grow it long. Maybe I need to style it differently?

Love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!

General

28 replies

Latest reply was from Max

kkards

Veteran

anne-i also work with a large number of 20's….what is it about how they dress and/or present themselves that you admire? what it is about them that is making you feel invisible? before you make any changes, it would help to define what you think is missing.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anne, I love that you are now biking to work! That's terrific. Getting outdoors is key! And how wonderful that you have built your work wardrobe to a good place.

I think kKards gives good advice -- maybe thinking first about what you admire about the younger women would be a good place to start. But, you know, Angie's never wrong -- hair, specs, underwear....those go a huge way!!

Anonymous

How super that you can bike to work! Do you have another job lined up after this one ends?

I think kkards has a great starting point -- why do you feel invisible?

Alassë

Veteran

Congratulations on making bicycle commuting work!

anne

Veteran

Ceit - I don't have another job lined up. The one I have is a maternity leave cover. I'll start looking seriously after April (when I'll be covering for my boss for a month)
Wow I had to think hard about the other questions but here goes
I am not sure, now you guys have called me on it, that invisible was the right word. I think I really meant middle aged!! I think the other issue is that I have such low contrast colouring. And that is especially evident at the moment, as I am wearing contacts instead of glasses, in order to wear non prescription sunnies for the bike ride.
One thing I have decided on is to get my lashes and brows tinted. I never know how to make up my eyebrows and so don 't do them, and my mascara ends up under my eyes after lunchbreak workouts

i don't always look that bad though - here is a picture I just got sent from one of our work Christmas parties - my hair isn't great (the main street of our city, which I had just walked through, is a wind tunnel) but apart from that I am pretty happy with it

Suz "hair, specs, underwear...."
I think I am fine for underwear and specs (when wearing). Hair is in that awkward stage when growing out so I think I need to style it better - and would appreciate tips. I am not very adept at blow drying - I tried using a curling wand recently for a family do, and liked the results, but I may not have time to do that in the mornings before work in the gym changerooms.

As for the young ladies at work - well most of what they have I can't have - young skin, more disposable income, the ability to wear really high heels. I just need to work out how to be a better looking version of myself within the limitations and choices I have.

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Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Anne you don't look one bit invisible in that picture - you look terrific! I think the key for you is to find your favorite combinations, that make you feel visible and good, and repeat them and duplicate them.

anne

Veteran

Thanks Shevia - I agree - I was pleasantly pleased by the picture. 2 things though - I was wearing darker lipstick and a party dress - not what I usually wear to the office.
I do truly like my wardrobe choices and repeat them all the time - there is just something else missing - I think it is hair and makeup

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Great to see you again, Anne. You look fab in that red top and red specs!
I admire your riding to work. I've often fantasized about doing that, but I've been too daunted by the challenges you've mentioned here, re: clothes and hair! As long as you're carrying your clothes and changing at work, why not carry your specs and change out of contacts as well? And while your budget is constrained, I'd say make the most of your accessories. Dig out scarves, belts, pieces of jewelry that you haven't worn in a while to see how you can refresh the work clothes you have.
Your hair is so pretty--it looks silky and fine. There may be a styling product you could spray in, turning your head upside down, and revive it with a little volume on top after the helmet is off. Then you could wear it down and behind your ears as an alternative to a low ponytail. Or there's a cool contraption to make a kind of twist out of a pony. I'll see if I can find a link.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Here's a link to the ponytail thing. My niece got one as a gift recently, and it's so neat--it really works.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ....._s=lpo-top

Linda

Anne, I am a young(ish?) retiree, and have been dealing with the "invisibility" problem a while, now. I think it can sometimes be, from being at a distinctly different life-stage than others, that can make us feel more not-of-the-group. I also think that sometimes careers and job situations seem to be much more significant. Twentysomethings have a lot of career focus, I think. As I found that my focus was more on volunteer work and less on getting-and-achieving in terms of The Job, I noticed it was sometimes harder to converse, or hard to old people's attention.

At all events, kudos for noticing the "all-one-tone" kind of appearance issues. It took me ages to realize that was what was making me feel pallid! I agree with others, you look terrific, and I'm pretty sure if you look terrific for a party, that makes a big impression on your coworkers and how they perceive you!

anne

Veteran

Wow - that looks fun and inexpensive too!

Changing out of my contacts is probably not so easy I am afraid - I use disposables so that would mean using 2 sets a day. Anyway I am going to get prescription sunnies soon, so it is a temporary problem, I've just realised. I would like to learn how to look better without glasses anyway - DH prefers me without glasses, possibly because I didn't wear them when we first knew each other, and I don't treat him to no glasses me very often!

Some sort of volumizing spray sounds good. As does your advice re accessories (something I have to remember to pack to take with me!)

anne

Veteran

Thanks for your wisdom Linda (we were writing at the same time before)

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anne, you look so pretty and happy in that photo!

I can absolutely identify with your concerns about fading into the woodwork....low contrast colouring can really have that effect on us at times.

Getting your brows and lashes done is a great idea. I do get my brows done a couple of times a year. But I warn you -- in my case at least -- it does not last. I would like to do touch-ups myself but haven't tried that yet. In the meantime, I use MAC's "Fling" eyebrow pencil which is very very light taupe brown. It works and looks pretty natural if done carefully. I also wear mascara daily and it does not come off in workouts or after and does not end up under my eyes. The one I currently use is the Clinique http://www.clinique.com/produc.....index.tmpl

It comes off with warm water. So it doesn't come off in the rain. It is hypoallergenic and safe with contacts.

I am unable to wear either my glasses or my contacts for a full day. (Glasses always hurt after half a day or so, plus I don't have prescription sunnies, and my contacts don't give me perfect vision plus they sometimes dry out.) So....my compromise is to wear each for part of each day. I have noticed that I like my glasses (which, like yours, are relatively darker and give some definition to my face) when I am wearing darker colours and/or bold contrast items. I like my contacts better when I am wearing lower contrast outfits. Or doing fitness things. I quite like the options now.

Jeanie

Veteran

It's great to hear that you are biking to work! You look so good in that red. That would be a great signature color for you. If you are biking that may limit your hair styles at work. Maybe go for a messy bun and amped up eyes or I can see you doing a Carolyn Bessette look (see pic) with neutral eyes and a red lip and some sleek clothes. You could get a makeup consult...some places are free. You are so beautiful and young and not invisible at all!

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Beth Ann

Veteran

I'm a girl who loves her bike, so I think you'll find your spirits lifted by moving to and from work under your own steam. Brava!

As for work, is there any chance another job at the same company will open up? If not, could you network through your current coworkers?

I have dark lashes and brows, but I swear by lash gel (in my case, clear, but it comes in color) and a lash curler to open up the eyes.

Greyscale

Veteran

Depending on your helmet and your hair, you could try putting your hair in a very high ponytail under the helmet. Then undo it and shake it out when you're done riding. Magic volume!

I just got on my bike for the first time in almost a year! It's so much fun.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Anne, I would put the dwindling outlay towards first replacements with subtle upgrades built in... colour, pattern, texture, whatever boosts your mood and energy. Remaining pin money is best spent on makeup and hair accessories, perhaps. So ponytails can be dressed up with a trendier barette or you could add a few interesting clips.

Have you ever tried clear mascara? I used to swear by it on hot and humid days because everything else would just melt and puddle in my dark circles. It does make the lashes seem longer/lusher and stand out more even without colour.

You know, from recent WUWs I recall, you are doing great.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Hi Anne. I do a lot of reading here too, so IKWYM!
I was thinking about maybe some new shoes if you have a Rivers store in your area? They are advertising a huge clearance at the moment, and maybe you could carry them in your backpack or even leave at work for daytime wear?
Also remember that in 20 years or so you will think back and realise that you are actually at the perfect age NOW- the twenty-something's are way more insecure and would definately consider you a stylish and confident co-worker.

kkards

Veteran

anne, sorry i didn't have time to get back to this post until this morning. i wonder if you asked the 20's is they would feel that they have what you don't. i think they would probably say that you have what they want --a husband and children, a figure that most over 20's would envy….remember the grass is always greener on the other side.

lyn67

Veteran

OMG Anne, the pictie with the red dress and the dark frame specs is uber gorgeous! Nobody would tell you are middle aged??? Are you???:-)

But I can so relate about the low contrast features, as I also have them -and always wondering about invisibility myself, too. See what others are saying, but from my own business I can tell you that adding a bit high contrast in clothing will also do the trick. I invented (and even posted recently about) black for my personal bit of edge and visibility:-). Some YLF members, Angie included aproved, and so I consider it can be a good start for you, too.

anne

Veteran

Thanks for all the lovely comments. As for my age - I am nearing a significant birthday but I am younger than Lyn67! I have a few wrinkles around the eyes that aren't visible in the photo.
Suz - something went "click" with your comment about warm water - it isn't the gym that makes my mascara come off - it is the shower afterwards! Thanks for the makeup recs

Jeanie - red is definitely already one of my signature colours. Thanks for the suggestions - I loved the look of Carolyn Bessette and I can do buns. I don't usually wear eye makeup apart from mascara because I have very dark eyelids naturally (and under eye circles) and I do like red lipstick, though I am concerned about getting it on my teeth

Beth Ann - not that much chance of getting continuing work in my current place, but networking is a possiblity. And a job was advertised yesterday elsewhere that I would be well suited for, and is located very conveniently for my family and for DH, and is permanent. The competition may be fierce though! Anyway hopefully I'll find something - unemployment isn't nearly so bad over here.
You and Mani both suggested the lash gel - I am going to have to look into this (of course you are both dark haired, which may tip that in your favour - but is worth a try)

Greyscale - I am pretty sure a high pony tail wouldn't fit under my helmet

Lyn D - Rivers is a good suggestion.
Thanks (and to Khards too) for pointing out all the benefits of being older - you are quite right - I am very happy with my family etc and wouldn't want to return to the uncertain years of my early 20's. (not that I was glamorous then, or had anything like the life of the highflyers I work for!)

Lyn 67 - I just went over and checked out your great edgy looks - I like high contrast too

Mani I totally agree with "replacements with subtle upgrades built in... colour, pattern, texture, whatever boosts your mood and energy" - I think I have been buying like that for the last year or so. And can I count the new sports socks I bought yesterday (3 for $10)? I find exercising with holey socks quite uncomfortable!

Jeanie

Veteran

Anne, you might like Clinique Chubby Sticks. They are a tinted lip balm and don't tend to rub off on your teeth because they are very sheer. There are also lipsticks that stain your lips and don't rub off like Maybeline Superstay. I find these a bit drying but they definitely don't come off. If you lean toward a more natural look I would try the Chubby sticks. I've seen lots of love for them here.

Nomad

@Anne, You look absolutely lovely in that picture! Agree with all that red is definitely your color.

Jeanie's suggestion of Clinique's Chubby Sticks (which I also quite like) reminded me of another Clinique product you might want to try: Almost Lipstick in Black Honey ( http://www.sephora.com/almost-.....kuId=70680 ). I keep it at my desk at work for when I want to look a little more polished and contrasty. The texture is halfway between a lip balm and a lipstick, and despite the terrifyingly dark color in the tube, it's pretty universally flattering and it looks quite natural when it's actually on (more layers = darker, if you want). It also doesn't look odd as it fades or rubs off through the day, which is my biggest lipstick fear.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Well done on the biking to work. It's extra effort but worth it, both for your physical fitness and for the planet! My husband bikes in every day and it's really far (takes him an hour) but he's in deadly shape. For someone who works in front of a computer all day, six days a week, that's an achievement. He started a year and a half ago and hasn't looked back.

As far as the hair, you can still have cool hair while you're growing it out -- but it does help to have regular tiny trims to reshape.

anne

Veteran

Thanks for the encouragement. Wow - your husband is riding nearly twice as long as I am! Glad he is getting results. I feel like my legs night be getting more toned already.

As for the hair - I think you are right and I have a feeling it is time for a trim!

Carla

Veteran

The bike to work and the mid-day workout are the cause of all my hair woes! I've gone for a short crop and let it dry naturally curly, or do the shortest time under the dryer. (So unprofessional to go to work with wet hair! ugh!). I've got a cool collection of cycling gear, including the padded shorts. I find Lycra lasts forever. Some of my stuff is 10+ years old! Talk about PPW!

When my hair was longer, really just a stubby ponytail I did the styles below. Mostly #2 (without a flower, for work, natch!).

The idea of a bright slick of red lippy is cool, and would balance a low contrast eye. Often style magazines feature a smokey made-up eye with neutral lips, or a bight lip with nearly bare eyes. For your colouring, the Caroline Bessette Kennedy copy cat is inspired. Kudos to Jeanie for the suggestion. And make red your 'signature' colour.

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Lynne

Veteran

Oh, Anne, I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way! It's a huge hurdle to re-enter the workforce, and I imagine the legal environment is full of glam co-workers. I love the idea of eyelash and eyebrow tinting, I think your blue eyes are amazing and one of your most beautiful features. And lip colour is always a great boost!

I am sure you are valued and respected member of staff, and your contribution and skills are greatly appreciated. Kudos for cycling.....nothing beats the glow of exersize and fresh air :).

Max

Anne,
Everyone has given you great advice. Good for you on the bike! Red is definitely your color. And, you have something that the newbies don't have: your experience. Plus, you have your looks, a youthful appearance, and you are in good physical shape. On your eye make-up: I just discovered the staying power of L'Oreal's Paris Colour Riche eyeshadow. In one compact, you get four shades that complement each other. And, the back of the compact shows you how to apply each shade which you will want to practice at home with your own make-up brushes before trying this at work. If you are able to do your eyes after your shower, I find that using the Colour Riche shade over skin moisturizer or foundation followed by the suggested shade for the eyeliner and then taking an eyeliner pencil over the shadow eyeliner keeps the liner on all day.

You've embraced the idea for a hair trim and I like the hair styles suggested by Runcarla. Finally, I find thrift stores to be great places to shop and extend my wardrobe and accessory dollars. I've even found items with the tags still attached. Take care