A spinoff on feeling frumpy - YouLookFab Forum

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A spinoff on feeling frumpy

catgirl

Veteran

I've been a bit out of sorts with my style and trying to pin it down. What I like hasn't changed much (see my pins for endless repetition - leather, boots, coats, black, grey, distressed...) . As I said in another post, I don't think my style is evolving, at least not willingly. But what I can wear daily has changed. I need to be 100% comfortable and not necessarily dressed up, but not in my idea of fun casual either.

And this is causing me to doubt myself. As discussed in the sister thread, I will feel okay, and then next to someone dressed differently (say, more feminine, or more sporty, or whatever) I will feel too __________ (insert contrasting word here - stark, fussy, whatever) that makes me feel frumpy and out of sorts. And this is despite loving my comfy items.

Does anyone else feel like their style conscience gets contrary on them?

Dressing

32 replies

Latest reply was from Lyn D.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm not sure I'm feeling any particular way in relation to others around me. But I have been feeling ho-hum in my day to day dressing. Maybe it's the change of season shift that hits us a few times a year and leaves many of us floundering for a couple weeks before we re grasp what we do for that season. I am also not really chomping at the bit for a cool new look. I feel like I'm just coasting and not super enthused in general honestly. (I mean, I love a few of my new acquisitions, but overall, picking out of my closet is a lackluster experience as of late)

ironkurtin

Veteran

Maybe I'm too much of an egoist but I am typically very sure I am the best-dressed person in any room. And when I'm not, I love to admire.

Deborah

Veteran

IK you are gorgeous! Una, I feel a little arrogant saying it but in my world I am also often better dressed than others around me (in my mind anyway) but it's very rare for me to have a negative reaction to what I am wearing based on what others are wearing around me. Im not saying it hasn't happened to me at all but it's rare. Pinpointing the how and why would be very useful, but I understand it's not easy. It sounds like even tho you like/love your items, you may be compromising on how you like to wear them due to your work requirements. Do you think you might need to find ways to add more of you to your work outfits?

Dee

Veteran

I'm usually pretty happy with what I'm wearing, but I definitely feel like this sometimes. It's usually someone who has a very different style than I do, and often one I can't/won't really wear. I remind myself that it's like comparing apples and oranges - what I'm wearing might not work for them either. So I try to admire and not get caught up in it, although occasionally I end up trying on something totally unrealistic for my body type/lifestyle next time I go shopping and then letting it go.

Deborah

Veteran

Actually, how are you feeling generally at the moment? Thinking on this more, I can feel a touch like this when I am tired, when my hair needs a cut and/or colour or I haven't kept up with some of my grooming type routines, like tidying my eyebrows etc. Suprisingly when I address these things I will feel quite fab again.

catgirl

Veteran

Good point Deborah... I'm exhausted. A coworker is out and I am covering two schedules starting at 6 am. I have been flinging on whatever is comfortable and leaving in the dark. I need to plan outfits for a full week in advance and be willing to put them on! You are wise indeed.

Deborah

Veteran

Ah yes 'exhaustion'... the affliction of working mums (in and out of the home) everywhere!

Gaylene

Veteran

While we might still be drawn to a particular look, that doesn't mean that actually wearing it will still evoke the same feelings within us now as it did when we were in a different time and place in our lives. I don't think it has as much to do with fashion, or with what other people are wearing, as it does with my changing perception of myself.

shiny

Veteran

I swear Bloomingdale's and the like have hired shoppers walking around dressed to perfection, just to make me feel frumpy so I am compelled to buy their expensive stuff. Sometimes it works ... often it backfires and makes me feel like i need to leave and head to less frou-frou stores.

Una, as I said before on the other thread, you might try viewing this from a philosophical lens. When there is comparison it's two opposites coming together in any present moment to make up a whole. So you could view this as you deliberately assuming a negative view of your own self, because you are in awe of how lovely the other appears. In other words, every time you find yourself contrasting and falling short, it's because you recognize the other half of the whole in that moment. It's a shift of perspective, but when I can manage it, it helps me immensely. I cannot always manage it though -- stress, lack of sleep, and hormones can get the better of me.

Otherwise, what Dee said!!!! YES!

And Deborah too; in fact, tomorrow I am getting my hair cut & eyebrows done. Feeling shabby not fabby lately!

Neel

Veteran

I agree with Deborah. I feel frumpy in between haircuts, tweezing eyebrows etc. But now I also focus on other skills by maintaining a wish list. I call it "things I want to do before I die". It includes some crazy (for me) things like getting a pixie cut, bungee jumping, learning to swim (!!) Etc! The sense of pride I achieve when I work towards each goal is immense. Nothing feels better!

When I feel good about myself, I usually feel fab all the time, no matter how killer the person standing next to me looks! But this is a skill that I have mastered in the last 3 years (I was a messy dump before that). Learning to romance your mirror is the hardest life lesson I have learnt. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

Do you think learning a new skill, language ..... Or anything beyond fashion will help you feel better about yourself? Sometimes the answer lies outside the box.

catgirl

Veteran

I'm not feeling particularly bad about myself - just kind of at a standstill with style and not sure what to do about it. Probably need sleep!

Beth Ann

Veteran

Lost my post! Arrgh!

I think Deborah has hit upon something important. Fatigue and stress can erode self-confidence and resilience so quickly! We also live in a world that makes comparison hard to avoid and peaceful contentment hard to find!

You've had massive change this year, and I think you've been on a real growth curve, learning to keep a bit of your signature style in an environment with a more specific dress code.

And yes, I feel this way. Particularly when body-image issues lurk beneath the surface. I'm working on it, especially since I have a daughter who is watching me closely!

catgirl

Veteran

And thank you all for reminding me. Sometimes I hold myself to standards that just aren't possible. I know you all can relate to that!

Neel

Veteran

Sorry that I wrote that long irrelevant story then. Lol! I was linking your previous post on the other thread with this one!

Shopping might be the answer then

Sharon

Veteran

I wonder if some of this can be about novelty, also. Sometimes I will buy a new piece and feel absolutely gorgeous every time I put it on for the first little while. After that, I still really like it and feel good in it, but the magic of novelty has faded. When I see someone looking stylish and put-together in an outfit that is novel to me, I perceive their outfit as the epitome of chic because I have become habituated to my own fabulousness (LOL). I wonder if feeling "you" and being comfortable has become so much part of how your wardrobe functions that you have forgotten that you also look amazing and unique and beautiful?

Gigi

Veteran

Sharon, you are so funny with the "fabulousness" comment! But you have such a good point. We live in our own bodies 24 hours a day, so we can get really numbed to our own beauty and individuality. But others don't see us that way. They are not as bored with us as we are with ourselves. :^)

And Una, I think that some sleep will fix your style lethargy.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Hm, yes, it sounds like the ol' tired are painting things in a bad light. It may also be, too, that while your personal style isn't evolving, your work style may still be in genesis.

lyn67

Veteran

I can so relate Una, but loved Shinny's perspective a lot! Thanx for sharing, it can be really helpful!

Anonymous

Yes!! Yes, I do.

I know I am dressed well, but whenever I compare myself to others at parties or at work, I feel as if I am lacking. I have no solution, but will read your thread carefully for suggestions from others.

BTW, you are one of my YLF fashion icons. I watch carefully what you wear and I always think you look great!!!!!!!! I may not have time to comment, but I always look.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Sharon and Mo said! The long, long winter (sick to death of all my things, and feeling completely habituated to my own "fabulousness" sometimes makes me feel this way when I see anyone wearing anything that is even remotely appropriate for somewhat warmer weather! Like, um....footwear that is not a snow boot.

But yeah, it sounds as if you are exhausted and have other stuff on your mind. A little rest, a little grooming, and your style mojo will return.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I echo the others who have mentioned exhaustion and the long winter. When I am over tired, I tend to be indecisive which then leads me to question the decisions I finally did make, if that makes sense.

And usually by now, no matter how much I like my clothes, I am so sick of wearing my winter stuff that I'm about ready to burn it.

You've also mentioned a bit lately about some body issues (and boy, can I relate to that!). That can always mess with our heads a bit.

Know that you are BEAUTIFUL Una and your style is absolutely 100% still fabulous! You've had a lot of change and a lot of stress in the last year. Don't be so hard on yourself

Anonymous

Like others have said, I am often more dressy than others around me too, but feelings I do sometimes get are seeing different styles that I wish I could dress more like and I think they look fab. It's then that some doubts can creep in about my current style. I have very eclectic tastes so I get these feelings a lot. Yet I gravitate back to my usual, I wouldn't mind a style tweek though. On the subject of tiredness and hair, eyebrows, or other similar things for making us feel less than fab, I totally get that. I was grouchy as hell and hated all my clothes at the same time, till I got my hair done and till my bruised rib got better.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Una, as Debs mentioned, fatigue and Winter have their roles to play in all of this. You are after solving the causes of these feelings, and not quick fixes.

I'm back to suggesting activities to help your mind centre, planing FFBOs at night and over the weekend to wear during the week, and getting more sleep. Also, you might be a little over UWP. Give shopping a rest until your head is clearer on the subject.

We are here to support you as and when you need it. xo

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

i think what you describe is a very common feeling that we all share from time to time. FWIW, you are one of my fashion heroes, even though our styles seem to have little in common. I admire your edge and cool attitude. You better believe that this is how you come across to me

I liked Angie's advice. Focus on other things for a little, and your fashion joy will return.

JAileen

Veteran

Just yesterday I was talking with a friend about how we feel suddenly energized to do things, and be more active. In our cases we've both been working in our gardens. I think the change was caused by the stronger sunlight. Of course we had sunlight during winter, but it was thin and lifeless. Suddenly it is brighter and it has made us both want to get outside, and do something.

I wonder if it's the winter season that has affected you?

viva

Veteran

One more vote for this dreadfully long winter season. I think it's causing even the most optimistic and centered individuals to feel doubts.

Peri

Veteran

This is such a fascinating thread to read, especially combined with the other one. I think it is so universal to feel this way on occasion...to compare and come up lacking. I like what Shiny said, and I think this is that math term...Zero Sum Game?

I shouldn't be talking about math, I know so little about it. I think it is about a traditional kind of game or sport, where one person wins and one person loses...plus and minus taking us back to zero. Most games are like this, so the concept is completely ingrained in all of us and almost impossible to shake. I remember when my friend's daughters were little and one was crying that the other one was prettier. My friend said "you can both be pretty".

How well that registered is anyone's guess, but the concept is one of my coming thank yous to YLF. There are many different ways to be pretty. We see someone looking pretty in a way that is different from our way, and we jump to the conclusion that we are not pretty because that other person is. She wins, therefore I lose. We just have to keep refusing to play Zero Sum...reject it every time it comes up.

Also so true about the hilarious "getting used to our own fabulousness". It's why I can't do my Christmas shopping early. We are wired to be restless I guess. Spring is coming soon and we can all change clothes. When it is 100 and humid I will be crying for winter! Una, you are beautiful and someone I admire. Get some sleep!

catgirl

Veteran

Peri, I couldn't agree more! There is always enough love and kindness and beauty to go around. One person's beaty or style doesn't reduce another's.

It's more what Mo said in her new post. I'm just not up to mustering my usual standards... too tired to make the effort, but somehow not too tired to care about how that makes me feel. It's an in-between place mentally. Perhaps it is the season too, which is whatever you call between winter and spring. "Blech"?

Peri

Veteran

Whatever it is, it's going around! What do sports people do to get out of a slump?

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