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A Moment

Thistle

Veteran

Earlier this week, my beautiful and amazing three year old lifts up her shirt, rounds out her tummy and proudly proclaims what a big round tummy she has. I stopped in my tracks, and of all of the things that were running through my mind, I stopped myself and told her she had a beautiful tummy.

She grinned and went back to playing.

I am embarrassed by my pause, but in the end, I think I did okay. It just makes me realize how young girls can be when they could first start to hear and internalize body negativity. It's something that ahs been on my mind since, and I hope I can handle it better in the future.

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17 replies

Latest reply was from donnat

AviaMariah

Veteran

What matters is how you handled it which was perfectly. Long may they stay innocent of our culture's crazy notions of the perfect body. My 2 1/2 DD is a skinny stick yet still has a rounded tummy. I often look at her and wonder who in the world decided a belly wasn't a good thing.

unfrumped

Veteran

Yes, and not only negativity per se, but also just making something more important in either direction than is needed, as a lot of times we over-think what is going on in the child-brain, when they just had a moment's thought and are just interacting with the world and are on to the next big adventure in a nanosecond. So just saying, yeah, cool ! may be all that is needed.

Echo

Veteran

Thistle, you handled it perfectly. It is ADULTS who automatically have negative things running through their heads in regards to tummies, not children, and you did not give her any negative thoughts. I wonder how often body image issues begin when a parent, unable to think outside their own box, answers something like, "Oh, honey, it's not very big and you can't even see it with your shirt down!" instead. At that moment, a child learns that a tummy might not be a good thing. You didn't burden her with any of that, so BRAVO.

Eliza

Veteran

So good to see them celebrate themselves. You were spot on, Thistle. All parents have moments of extra joy that kids can't read our minds. Mine are adults and I'm still glad at times.

Debbie

Veteran

You did great!

deb

Veteran

I think you handled it very well.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thistle, you handled it perfectly!! Reflecting on your own reaction was the right thing to do, and she left feeling great about herself (and so she should.) I remember thinking that my round kid belly was like a great drum. Until, yeah, I had that idea squelched out of me...

abc

Veteran

Ha. And I try to take it with a grain of salt when my 2 and 3 year olds say mommy has a big tummy! Lol kids speak the unfiltered truth. So there you go.

Kudos for your self awareness and resolve for next time.

Deborah

Veteran

Great response and such lovely encouragement for your little one. It's a tough gig being a mum and having to think about all the correct messages we need to send to our kids. My DS 12 is very body conscious at the moment and often asks me if he is fat!! He is not:) But he is not reed thin either and some nasty kids at school have been teasing him. We are working hard to instill a positive body attitude.

Adelfa

Veteran

I tried so hard not to pass on some of the negative body image thoughts that I learned in my home. I know I definitely did not pass on all of them! Recently my poor mother, who has dieted herself down to skin and bone (at 80) kept saying that Princess Charlotte was fat. I marveled that this is how I grew up. Thistle, I believe that one by one we are helping out daughters, our sons, and our society to be more healthy about bodies. Even as we still work to recover from the wrong things we have learned.

Summer

Veteran

They keep us on our toes don't they, Thistle? You handled this brilliantly - and bless her!

Daria

My almost 3 y.o. is very proud of her tummy!
However, my two girls are built very differently (the oldest is very skinny) and I can see it might become an issue in the future.

MrsK

I think you did great! I struggle with the same thing. My daughter is 3, and her ballet teacher starts every class with a group cheer: "I am strong! I am brave! I am beautiful, on the inside and out!" I love that, and it's inspired me in our daily lives to try to pair any comments about bodies with a comment reinforcing outer beauty but also a positive comment about the function of whatever body part is being discussed. For example, for the tummy you could say "Your tummy is beautiful! And it does such a good job of holding all the food you eat to help you grow big and strong!". Legs help you run so fast; strong arms give such wonderful hugs; your beautiful smile brings happiness to mommy's heart; etc.

Aziraphale

Veteran

What are you talking about? You handled that perfectly.

It's true what you say about the messages we give our kids, though. You are right to think carefully about it. I have a daughter too, and I try to be mindful of the things I say and do in regard to body shape -- not just to her, but about myself. I look at the women I admire and realize that they almost never even comment on their own bodies, let alone complain about them. So I try to do that, too. A girl should never hear her mother say a negative thing about her own body. My own mother would never have dreamed about saying a negative thing about my physical appearance, but she complained about her own body incessantly -- "my flat hair, my saddlebags, I've gained so much weight" and so on. I definitely internalized that as a young woman.

In Western culture, we talk too much about bodies anyway. It gets boring.

Thistle

Veteran

Thanks for the encouragement. Yeah, kids are hard. I have no experience with little boys, but man, it starts early with little girls!

I am really glad she liked My Little Ponies. I am hoping Bratz and the like isn't even a thing by the time she gets there . . .

Lyn D.

Veteran

She has a beautiful Mum too!

donnat

Veteran

Sounds like you did great!