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A little rant...

Tanya

Veteran

In preparation for my trip to NM, I was going to take a bunch of photos of my nicer (cocktail and such) dresses to ask you help me pick a few to pack for all of the romantic dinners and such we have planned. Alas, most of them don't fit me anymore, I can hardly zip them!

I was very, very lucky for about 14 years ( age 15-29) to have my weight be extremely stable, it fluctuated a pound up or down at most. However, the past year and half, I have gained about 6 lb due to various factors: extreme stress in grad school, too little or no sleep, irregular meals, no more ballroom dancing (used to that at least 10 hours a week), maybe hitting the infamous 30 mark. Either way, it is what it is, and there's nothing I can do about that now, well at least not till I graduate.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about my weight or anything like that. Even tough I liked my old weight better, this new one I am sort of OK with. The trouble is that it's enough of a gain to cause issues with clothing, especially special occasion type that I wear so rarely.

So what shall I do with all the pretty cocktail dresses that are too small now? Hold on to them in hope that I might fit into them later at some point or get rid of them as not to have them depress me even more? They are all ( about 5 of them) silk or silk chiffon, in nice cuts that are pretty timeless with some interesting details, none of them are trendy or anything like that. None of them was cheap. I am especially sad about my favorite black silk chiffon cress, which is one-shoulder with asymmetric ruffles. *Big sigh*

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16 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

I always keep a few things that are either too small or too big for me just in case my weight randomly changes. Sometimes i go back and realize i haven't worn that size for years and it's probably safe to say that i'm never going to or if i do i won't want to anymore.

So i would say keep a couple of your favorites just in case and be done with the rest?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You are perfect just the way you are.

Your goal is to dress for the present day. I do not encourage holding onto items that do not fit. I have no doubt your cocktail dresses are beautiful. Therefore, my suggestion is to box up these dresses and keep them as sentimental pieces away from the rest of your clothes. If they never fit again, halleluiah! You get to buy new bombshell pieces. If they happen to fit at some point, you’ll have padded your credit card. Sound like a plan?

Jenniferblue

Tanya, Since you love these dresses so much you might want to try having them let out a little bit to see you through. The fabrics might be a little
difficult to work on it's true but wedding and prom dresses made from beautiful and delicate fabrics are often let out or taken in. I'd bring all of them to the
seamstress and get advice, especially if you adore the dresses. It doesn't seem like six pounds should result in a huge alteration. If we're willing to take things in a little for perfect fit, shouldn't we be willing to let them out a little? I agree that keeping pieces to the point of them depressing you isn't good for you. Worth considering. J. B.

christie

Tanya, your weight gain might be do to age, but I think that those pressures of grad school or any lifestyle changes can definitely make those digits on the scale creep up. I'm sure once you are more settled into a routine, you will also see your weight settle into its happy place. I agree with Angie that you put the dresses away for awhile. If your happy weight is a little heavier, then maybe in a few years you won't feel so bad about getting rid of the dresses. If they fit again, all the better. You will just depress yourself if you constantly worry about it, so I think out of sight, out of mind with the dresses.

I read an interview or article about a doctor at harvard who is an epidemiologist and studies long-term health trends related to food/nutrition, and he said that the commonly held belief that one will necessarily gain weight as he or she ages is not true at all. What happens is that as we age, we tend to stop being as active, and we also tend to eat more. For the most part, he argues, our weight should vary little from what we weigh when we are 21 or 22. We do have certain metabolic changes, and we may or may not have to work a little harder at 50 than at 20 to maintain that weight, but the weight gain isn't a probability. In other words, your weight gain may be due to age, but it probably is environmental factors, and when those factors change back to being "normal" for you, your weight will probably do so as well.

That's just his theory, though. I am not an expert on that.

Taffy

Maybe you could find a designer consignment shop for a few, and keep a few?

shiny

Veteran

Tanya, you look fabulous at the weight you are right now. Please don't let 6 measly pounds depress you and get you down. Six pounds is not a lot - heck, depending on where you are in your cycle, it could just be temporary water weight!!

I am pre-menopausal (according to my doctor) and every few months I get a cycle that is all out of whack. My weight shoots up as my body seems to fill with fluid everywhere, and my belly balloons up to monstrous proportions, making me look 4-5 months pregnant! This is happening right now to me, of all the luck.... I am getting on a plane later and NONE of my pants zip up right now! I'll be shrunk down back to normal in a day or two but it sucks because I have no idea what to wear on the plane tonight.

I have read the same theory Christie mentioned, and I mostly agree with it, except that I do think one's body shape can change with childbirth and menopause - even if you do stay just as active and fit. That is the case with me: after having my two children my mid-section never recovered, even though I became *more* fit than ever in the years following.

I was terribly inactive as a teen/early adult; it caught up to me in my 20s and I became very overweight. After having children, I learned to love running and I would be in the gym lifting heavy weights 5x a week... I eventually got back to my high school weight, but better, because I was very fit. My body fat % got down very low and I had a lot of muscle. However, I never regained my 23 inch waist. Only a tummy tuck would do that, and I have no interest in plastic surgery.

Since you are in a very stressful time of life, and you were so active in the past, I suspect it's highly likely at some point in the future when you are in a different place this weight will come off easily and those dresses will fit you again. So I agree with Angie - pack them away for now. Then go buy yourself a bombshell dress for your trip.

For years and years, I kept a pair of slacks I wore at my very first job post-college, back when I had a 23 inch waist. They were high-waisted pants (this was the 80s). I'd take it out every now and then to see if I could fit back into them. It never happened - the hips and thighs were fine but I just couldn't zip them all the way up cuz my waist forever after childbirth will just not get down any less than 25 inches! Eventually I let these go, but I am glad I saved them because with all the vanity sizing going on it was good to have them around for comparison!

I have also saved a few classic dresses from those days. I can zip them up now, but they are too young of a look for me now that I'm in my 40s. They fit my DD's perfectly though. So I am glad I held on to them, for that reason.

For my high school prom, I wore my mother's prom dress! It was totally retro, but I loved it.

Regarding the age thing: don't dread your 30th. The 30s are just fine, and besides, it means you are only 10 years away from your 40s.... and the 40s are just awesome, so far they are the best decade ever.

Tanya

Veteran

Thank you for all the kind comments everyone. Shiny, if I get to look at least half as good as you do in my 40s, then bring them on

I think I will just have them all dry-cleaned and box them, as some of you suggested. The alterations might be an interesting thing to try, but maybe later. The fabrics are really sensitive and some dresses have really complicated construction, e.g. ruched silk chiffon bodice with diagonal ruffles, so the alterations, even if possible, may add up to one or two new dresses. Speaking of a new one, I can not afford one right now, and I wouldn't really have time to look for a perfect one anyway, since I'm leaving in 6 days. I'll have to do with some other jersey ones that still fit due to the stretchy material, but are a notch down in dressiness.

As for the weight, I'll see what happens once I'm done with school, and then maybe take some action. Right now I have other things to worry about. I hope I will not gain any more though, maybe I should start thinking on cutting down my chocolate intake

Dani

Veteran

Sorry about the dresses, Tanya. Your plan sounds great. Don't let weight get you down. I know easier said than done, but we are so hard on ourselves and compare our bodies to unrealistic models (even if you have a healthy body image, it's still in the back of your mind...or mine anyway...that clothes don't hang on a real person the way they do on a model). Don't deprive yourself of things that make you happy, just eat them in moderation. Everything works in balance, and I'm one of the worst chocoholics around You'll still look fab in your jersey dresses, just add accessories like you normally do and you'll be set!

Anonymous

Sorry to hear that you are not feeling the best about yourself right at this point. I agree with the thought that it is probably a water weight gain that is so typical.
Mostly I'd just like to say that variations in weight like you are experiencing just happen over a woman's life and are to be expected. You could try the dress on again next week and feel different.
Interesting that you and Shiney both are feeling this way right before a big trip. Maybe it is stress related.
Also it is because you are so well fitted in your dresses that you are feeling this way. If you wore sack dresses you wouldn't notice this small change.

judy

Veteran

I'm glad you are not stressing too much about "weight gain", Tanya! Even when weight stays constant, it does seem to get redistributed differently! You'll gain and lose, and let go of many, many clothes, and also, lifestyles! Embrace change, move on...if the clothes are sentimental or you can't let them go easily, just set them aside. Maybe someone smaller who needs them will walk into your life unexpectedly. My sister and I trade clothes as we have oscilllated in weight 10 to fifteen pounds (both ways, each of us) over the years ( I have other sisters but we aren't the same style). I love what Angie said, it hit the nail on the head..."you are perfect just the way you are". Wearing THAT attitude is what feels so good. You deserve new clothes that reflect that attitude and fit your perfect body now.

Nicole

Veteran

Tanya, a lot happens to our bodies when we hit that 30 year mark, and I'm finding that as I near 40 (in 6 months!) I'm actually changing for the better. (go figure) I did not read thru this thread, so maybe someone has already suggested this..but have you taken at least your favorite dress to a seamstress to see if it can be altered to fit. You may need more than a tailor, a true seamstress can add panels in inconspicuous places. Just a thought...

ps....you have the dream figure--I hope you keep it all in perspective!

Julia

Tanya, I understand your frustration. We are our own worst critics. I'd definitely pack them away and keep them as sentimental pieces. I still have some of my dresses that I had before I was pregnant and hopefully one day my daughter would find them useful.

Sihaya

Veteran

I have to say that I lived in denial for a long time and just hung on to the old pieces but after many many years and lots of persuasion from Angie, I realized that not only was I not going to get back to my pre-kids body but that even if I did, the older clothes are outdated now. If I do find myself in the happy situation of having lost lots of weight, I can go shopping for new stuff. So I boxed up the sentimental pieces and then got rid of the rest.

Alecia

Veteran

First, this is my first post after reading the blog and forum for a while. It's probably good to get out there since it seems a bit unfair to be able to get to know all of you while skulking around unseen. In any case, I couldn't resist a post on this topic.

I recently had a similiar conundrum. I started powerlifting training and have had quite a bit of rapid change in my body. (I am quite ambivalent about it because I'm very proud of how strong I am and love my body's newly discovered tautness but hate to see the numbers in my clothes creep up. I fit in smaller sizes when I was squishy. It's the psychological manifestation of the divergence between society's expectations of femaleness and the physical reality of being strong. Anyway, I could go on and on but it's a topic for another forum.) I hated to get rid of my clothes because a lot of them were practically brand new. I turned 30 this year and, in recognition of that milestone, have been trying to up my style quotient. A lot of these clothes were additions to my wardrobe with that in mind.

My solution, a clothing swap. This weekend I invited my girlfriends over to swap clothes. We had SO much fun! Everyone brought stuff they didn't want anymore/didn't fit. It was my first swap and I wasn't sure how it would go. But before you knew it, there were 7 girls in a frenzy of trying on clothes, eating and gossiping.

There were so many upsides! It was great for me to see the clothes I love leave with people that I love. Those clothes will still be in my life, just in a bit of a different way. It gave everyone some freedom to push their style limits a bit since we weren't spending any money. It was such a great time. In fact, the girls are already asking when we'll have another. Everyone left with something new to them so we all had an infusion into our wardrobes while also getting rid of the stuff that was taking up space. (The stuff that didn't get claimed - and there's A LOT - is going to be donated to a charity.)

Now I'm totally sold on the clothing swap.

Tanya

Veteran

Thank you all for all the kind words!

I have been aware of this wight gain for about a year, it manifested mainly in the pant fit, but since I have been updating my day wardrobe pretty regularly, I haven't really mourned a lot any of the older things, I have been donating tons of items. But I guess it's different with the evening clothes, since I wear them so rarely, I like to get at least some use out of them.

This is the first time in my life that this is happening to me, so it takes some getting used too. I guess I was really spoiled by having my weight fixed for 14 years. And the gain is permanent, it's not a water retainment issue, tough it varies anywhere between 4 and 7 lb.

Alecia, welcome to the forum! I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do. I envy you on your physical strength, I was and always will be pretty mushy. The idea of the clothing swap is great, but it won't work for me now for multiple reasons.
I have very few female friends of similar size, all but one really, and I already gave her most of my stuff that did not fit anymore, and the rest got donated. So I already got rid of almost everything that does not fit ( or I even don't like anymore), other than these couple of nice dresses.

I managed to find a very old photo of my favorite black dress, back from NYE 2004 and before the weight gain. Here it is ( and good bye to it ):
http://s300.photobucket.com/al.....CF0014.jpg

Well, the dresses are getting boxed. And I'd like to thank you all once again for being so supportive and understanding.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Good strategy Tanya and welcome Alecia.

Such a pretty romantic ruffle dress. So Lavin! No worries my dear, there is more of you to love. More beautiful you.