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A little epiphany - too late for me, of course...

catgirl

Veteran

I posted in MNsara's thread here that it's been easier for me to get rid of old closet orphans or compromise items as I've collected a set of more expensive favorites. This led me to the realization that for me the purging has been backwards - I don't feel comfortable getting rid of things until other items have been in place for a while. For example, the ruffley black skirt that many of you felt was no longer me - hung onto it for a long time not because I needed it while seeking a replacement, but because I was too insecure to let go of something familiar until I'd moved on with newer items.

Anyone else relate to this? I fear it's a form of hoarding... but at least I'm getting rid of things exponentially at this point!

General

16 replies

Latest reply was from Jenava

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Totally, Una. I have a really difficult time purging, especially because I've made a hard break a few times and really regretted it later. Once bitten, twice shy and all. I have to put things in a holding pen for a good long time before I let them go. And I feel much, much better if I have other, similar items I love. I hold onto the *dumbest* things too, like stupid graphic tees.

That said, I've been doing a lot of purging lately. I'm trying to get rid of some dead weight and just do general house sprucing so it's been a little easier lately for whatever reason. For instance, I had a bunch of Bon Apetite magazines that I was holding on to. I have finally sat down and started going through them. I am hanging onto a few here and there with recipes I love but letting the ones go that have been sitting on a shelf untouched literally for years. It's been hard because I always think that I'd like to make such and such recipe but...! Same with clothes. "Oh, maybe I could use that when I'm cleaning or doing dirty work with the animals," or "Well, gee it's a nice piece and maybe I will wear it again..." Ugh.

Meh. I have too much stuff and am forcing myself to get rid of the clutter. I have probably donated at least 3 contractor size trash bags full of clothes in the last month and a half. I'm also FINALLY hanging artwork and photos up on the walls. We've lived in this house since 2007!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Hell yes. I still have the best of my "classic" work clothes &nd struggling with them to boot. I said on your sweater thread that I think you've invented a new term "backward purging". Useful concept.

anne

Veteran

Yes I do absolutely!! For instance my denim skirt, one of my first YLF purchases, is now 4 years old. a little worn and in that fly front pattern that gives me much more of a tummy. I'd like to replace it but until I find the right one, it is still very useful and gets worn at least once a fortnight.

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Indeed, I think this is why I *still* have a hugely overstuffed wardrobe full of things that aren't really right. My body just doesn't fit well into many of the things that are available to me, so I've been struggling to replace ok-ish items with good items, and in the meantime holding on to all of the ok-ish ones. When I finally figure out my style goals and find decent items to replace the meh stuff I think it will be much easier to let it go.

Raisin

Veteran

I was sort of like that at first too Una. If I had only one skirt and I didn't wear it, well I still held onto it because I hadn't found one I liked. It's only recently that I realized it doesn't matter because I wasn't wearing it anyway, so I let those items go. And now, I'm much more aware of the pieces I need to keep a lookout for.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Same experience as RunnerRae here. The unworn skirt hung in the back of my closet was actually preventing me from looking for a decent one. With this in mind, it is easier to purge.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I understand, and I do this too. I really relate to Andrea's post! I was eyeing the three white nearly identical crisp button-front shirts in my closet and trying to decide if the 5-year-old Tahari one can go, because I have a newer BR one and also the BB one (although the BB open collar style restricts how I can wear it). I put it in the donate bag, only to waffle and wonder if I should dig it out again in case I want to wear it when the BR shirt is in the wash! Oh, and don't get me started on how many black tees one woman can own. I buy a new one and hang on to the old ones in case I end up not liking the new one as much!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Una, I need you to shop for me, and meanwhile, I can come over and purge for you, okay?

Purging is pretty easy for me and I tend not to hold onto anything I'm not actively wearing or enjoying...in fact, with my 4 season climate, I am at serious risk of purging things that I THINK I'm not wearing....when really, I'm not wearing them because they're bad or I dislike them, but because it is the wrong season. Yeah....crazy...I know. This is why I have to rotate my spring/summer stuff to another closet in fall/winter. I want only the clothes I am actively wearing in my closet at one time.

The only area where I'm a backwards purger is for "events" - stuff like fancy outfits that I don't normally wear. There, I hang onto any old thing that I have used in the past, because I never really have anything great...this is a capsule I seriously have to look at more carefully.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I can completely relate to this - and then I make my own problems by going thrifting and adding even more items that I end up purging.

I'm also finding, like you, that once I add a better quality/more expensive piece it's much easier to let go. Once I got my Danier black leather blazer and realized how much I loved wearing it, I got rid of two black blazers in my closet that I wasn't wearing because they were ill fitting and kind of cheap.

But I don't think you have a form of hoarding Una - just maybe a little bit of insecurity

kkards

Veteran

i'm horrible about purging. l keep thinking, i'm not wearing it now because "fill in the blank", but i may need to next week, next year. it had need 10 years since i worked in an office that required a suit, but until earlier this year, i was holding on to some, just in case. forget that they would have been so out of date, i'm not even sure that they would have fit.
but for the past year, i have been trying really hard to let things go. i have gotten much better, and am actually planning to take some sweaters that i no longer wear to local thrift store today.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yes, I do this with imperfect items that I am still wearing until their replacements come along. But I don't do this with unworn items just hanging around. If it's not being worn, I'm much more likely to give it the heave ho, maybe it doesn't even need a replacement.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I'm usually pretty brutal with a purge, but I totally do this with emotional items - things I bought with others, or wore someplace really fun. It is easier now that I have pictures.

Overall, purging is becoming harder, too, now that I'm putting more thought and $ into my purchases. Part of the whole growing attached process, I guess. I totally understand where you are coming from on this, and I don't think it's a sign of hoarding, unless holding onto the stuff is hurting you in some way.

lynne

Veteran

I know exactly what you mean. I don't think its a sign of hoarding, its just trying to be prepared.

ironkurtin

Veteran

I am a ruthless purger. I want stuff OUT OUT OUT.

I can count on one hand the things I missed when they were gone, and TBH they probably wouldn't have done what I wanted anyway.

However... I do keep an assortment of special use items on hand. Like dressy clothes - interview suit, funeral wear, wedding attire. I seldom wear these but I am happy to have them when I need them. The bummer with these is when your body changes, and mine has a lot the past 3 years, the items may not fit the way you want. So it's good to try them on and then ditch and replace them every year or so.

ManidipaM

Veteran

I can completely relate to this, Una---after all, half a loaf is better than no bread, right?Even if it's the stalest loaf at the grocer's :-/

I too seem to do this the more since going overboard with the purge a few times, and then finding that in my haste to prune the imperfect, I've left myself with too few functional options.

Then again, I can also go to the opposite extreme than krishnidoux mentions---the fact that the imperfect exists in my closet already prevents me from hunting for the perfect sometimes! It feels...wasteful? until I've worn it OUT---but since I don't actually wear it that much because of its imperfections, I *don't* seem to wear it out. Argh!

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I'm exactly like IK. I purge as soon as I've decided on a new style direction, or if I try something old on or wear something and don't love it then it goes right into the swap pile! Last night it was a pair of grey combat boots. But, I do still have a cream wool wrap skirt from Armani that I bought in college - about 4 sizes too small now, but still a beautiful classic and extremely well made. Maybe someday if I have a daughter I'll pass it on to her. My mother is "borrowing" it ATM but she's under strict orders not to pass on when she's tired of it!