Friendship Over Fashion...

ALeigh

Hi everyone! I need sort of advice to do with a friend that relates to fashion.

Basically she's in the neighboring dorm to me and is the absolute stereotypical farm girl. Complete with a wardrobe almost entirely made from brotherly hand-me-downs.

Recently she's started getting into fashion, asking me for advice which is great but having not developed her own sense of style or body image she quickly fall s in love with every second internet trend - everything from fur boots to minibags and mismatched earrings. It's lovely, and I really want to help but I don't want to come off wrong or mean!

Do you think as a friend I need to learn to tell her when something looks bad or is out of date? Or weird? On one hand I really want her to find her own style and form her own opinions but then I'll see her falling head-overheels with neon multipatterned dungarees with mustard trims from some market and I really don't know what to say! It doesn't help that she gets all embarrassed over feeling like she doesn't know much - it's why she hopped on the internet for fashion and faux pas in the first place.

tl;Dr,: should I tell my fashionably inexperienced friend what is and isn't good or should I let her figure it out herself?

9 years ago

General

11 replies

Latest reply was from Gigi

rachylou

Veteran

So first, I hope she's not spending her textbook money on clothes (!!) Second, I'd walk the line. If I hated something, I'd say *I* don't like it and why, and I'd take a long moment to consider the possibilities beforehand. I think I'd be using of a lot of I Don't Knows and Maybes. Because here's also the deal, if she doesn't know her style, I also wouldn't know her style. You need something real to go off of. And then you have to try things on for the final word.

Also, I don't care to reign people in, in terms of clothes. I don't need others to look a certain way to fit in or save them ridicule. Who knows? The experiment may lead them somewhere incredible...

9 years ago

rabbit

Veteran

For me (and I definitely went there lol) part of the process of finding your style after being pretty isolated from fashion is trying out a bunch of things in a wide variety of looks and making mistakes. Hopefully not expensive ones

People learn in different ways, if she is interested in fashion maybe you could mention some particular fashion blogs you like that have outfit photos because that can be really helpful to get an idea of what is current (versus just looking at what is sold in stores or people walking around are wearing, which is all over the map).

I wouldn't offer feedback unasked except genuine positive feedback if something looks good on her. If she asks, and an item or outfit doesn't seem to be working, I'd always suggest an alternative and explain why the alternative might work better with the outfit, where it will be worn, her coloring etc.

If she asks for feedback when shopping you could ask her what outfits she envisions making with a new piece, and help her reflect on whether it's likely to be versatile and useful or not. The thing about her process of discovering a style is you don't yet know what she will eventually like, and it could be very different from you, so I'd mostly listen to her and get an idea what she is drawn to and help her find things or suggest things in that vein. One person's 'weird' is another person's 'cool'.

If you aren't going to wear crazy clothes and take fashion risks, and try out and then drop trends and look back and say 'what was I thinking' in college, when are you going to?

ETA: basically what rachylou said

9 years ago

BrieN

Veteran

great advice above...

I would also:
1) ask her if she can find a name for her style as folks do here on YLF (urban pretty or modern classic or....). She can play around with it, but it should get her thinking.

2) I wouldn't comment on her choice of clothing but only on how they fit. Too big, too small, if it's hanging wrong. Maybe explain a little about her body type, but lightly. "with your nice long neck that turtleneck looks great.." kind of thing.

9 years ago

Anonymous

Would it help to introduce her to Pinterest and suggest that she pin looks that she really likes to show you what appeals to her?
You might also have her start with neutrals and outfits of only neutrals.

9 years ago

Anonymous

She's like a kid in a candy shop right now, since she's new to the fashion world. Let her play in the clothes for a while, giving your opinion if she asks for it. This is the time for fun and experimentation! Reining her in would be raining on her parade.

9 years ago

Laurie

Veteran

Lots of good ideas already - love the suggestions.

I would follow the Forum protocol -always positive. Say something really nice, like "you have the most beautiful smile and I would kill for your....legs/curves/curly hair/pick one.....have you thought about trying those jeans in a size bigger/smaller/shorter/a more flattering color. You looked amazing that blouse/jacket/those other jeans last week but this is not the best look I've seen you wear"

One thing I always tell people about YLF is that no one ever offers constructive criticism without first saying something that is so nice, usually about a trait that is independent of fashion, like a smile. It makes the rest of it less negative, and more credible.

Oh - and only if she asks for your opinion!

9 years ago

Kim

Veteran

If she wants your help, I'd offer it by helping HER figure out her fashion moniker. Modern Classic, Boho, Hippie, Tomboy, Elegant, (a mix of some or more?) What is she trying to say with her clothes? What kind of person does she want the world to see her as, judging by her clothing, (before she ever speaks a word).

It might be revealing to both of you! LOL

Once she's got a better handle on what she wants her clothes to say, you can help her by saying "I saw this really great "Modern Classic Tomboy"(that's me btw) look on Pinterest! I thought you could probably rock it! Do you want to see? I'll bet you already have some/most of the pieces!" Stay super positive, it's an exciting time for the young lady, and we already have enough negative things in our lives, we don't need fashion to be one!

And also, basically what Rachylou said! LOL

9 years ago

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

I'm with Rabbit. I think you've got to make some mistakes before you figure it out, and that trying everything is an important part of learning what you like and what looks good on you. Give her more compliments for the good looks than the so-so ones, but be supportive always.

9 years ago

shedev

Veteran

Start with proportions and dressing for body type.

9 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Lost of thoughts, not necessary in the best order:

I might tell her there is information you could show her, and ask her if she is interested. Let her know that she doesn't have to follow any of it, but it might be useful. Then she can decide yes or no.

Ask her if she wants help figuring out how to put a wardrobe together so that she can mix and match and have clothes for different occasions.

I like what Kim and shedev said. Also, ask her if she had a goal, like just have fun for the year, or have clothes that will work over more than one year. That she can pick from trends she sees. And to show you if there are any styles she's seen that she likes.

You could teach her about color. For example, to hold up colors to her face and see which ones look better than others.

And if you love a color, but it isn't your best, try it in small doses, etc.

That there are options for wardrobe colors like all neutrals, neutrals with high contrast, neutrals with one color, neutrals with more than one color, all colors no neutrals, etc. And different ways to use prints.

That if she figures out a few basic things it would help her figure out what works best for her. Maybe she wants to be wild and all over the place.

Maybe she should go shopping without money to try things on, then think about them overnight, and then go back to buy.

9 years ago

Gigi

Veteran

This is tricky. I think in general your friend just needs to play around with what she sees. I find that fashion is such an experiential thing. She may get some of the crazier things out of her system in several months and get a clearer idea of where she wants to head.

One thing you could try is, if she asks your opinion and you say that you don't care for something for such-and-such a reason, ask her what she likes about the piece, what attracted her to it. If she says she likes the bright colors, for instance, maybe you could point to something else that is more on-trend but still has the characteristics she loves. But all in all, I would just offer advice only when she asks you, because she really just has to jump in and get her feet wet to figure out her style.

9 years ago

Category