IMO, fleece-lined tights, boots, and a midi skirt are just as warm as pants. My opinion.

My two cents on the "are pants appropriate/too casual" question -- IMO if men will be in pants, then it is acceptable for women to wear pants at a similar level of dressiness.

Rachylou, I don't have any advice on attire, but I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your aunt. It's nice that you will be able to attend in honor of her memory.

A black pants suit is always appropriate IMO. If anything it might be TOO formal depending on the situation but nobody would call it disrespectful.

I am so sorry for your loss.l am sure that what would matter most to your auntie is that you show up to her remembrance not what you are wearing but l get that you don’t want to be insensitive to surviving relatives.l think asking for her to be remembered at mass is a a lovely idea.

Rachy,
I didn't add my condolences - I'm sorry.

I also agree that dark pants are ok. And your idea of a pink shirt under the dark sweater.

What can you do with families, right? Someone is always going to get bent about something.

You made me laugh, Carol.

You’re right, Diana. I’m trying to walk a fine line.

And Sloper… getting bent is a sport with my fam, lawdy. Lol.

Thank you Firecracker, Cardiff girl.

Sorry for your loss Rachy! No advice whatsoever but to go with your heart.

I’m so sorry you lost a favorite aunt.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd go with a dark colour & maybe a hint of pink, to avoid offending someone with red. We just had the Double Ninth Festival here & the paper bags we burnt were mostly pink.

If she was Catholic though, then there probably won't be any burning of paper money/ cars/ houses etc. Just mentioning it because pink seems to be the 'safer' shade of red (since pink is just 'light red' in Chinese).

A puffer or warm layers will help to keep it more casual whilst also being practical.

That’s very interesting, Zaeobi. I’d never heard the phrase Double Ninth Festival until just now… only vague things about an ‘autumn quing ming.’ *Sigh.* You see what I mean… I’m going to go with a little bit of pink maybe… it’s funny tho, I may have to explain pink is ‘light red.’ My ‘Chinese community’ is getting on two hundred years away from the motherland…

Ok, I went with pink blouse, black Theory pants and all white flowers - and my auntie’s favorite pastries. That was the right choice. Thank you all so much for letting me bounce my situation off you. Modernity and mixed cultures—tricky.

You look elegant. How’d you get so tall? And where are the pastries? I hope the ritual, improvised as it was, was helpful to those in attendance as a point of closure.

Lol, SF — hold the camera low

That looks and sounds perfect, Rachy. I hope things stayed reasonably harmonious/not weird on the family front.

perfect, of course bringing pastries probably didn't hurt

great outfit, I am sure your auntie would have appreciated the pastries. Mixed cultures are always a minefield, that's part of their beauty!

Your outfit worked out perfectly, Rachy. WELL DONE. Pastries welcome too...

It sounds like you should give yourself a big pat on the back for navigating this difficult situation so well. You look just right and kept warm. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you will miss her.

So sorry for your loss Rachy. X

I'm sorry to hear your beloved aunt died; I think your attire is perfectly suited to the gathering and I'm sure the pastries were appreciated.

Sorry for your loss, Rachy. Your outfit is perfect and even the oddest of people don’t object to pastries. Nice thinking there.

Bijou - what a lovely thing for your mom to do. Thinking of kangaroo-friendly flowers!

Looks like a perfect outfit for the sad occasion. I am sure that pastries were more than welcome.

Hope this isn’t too indelicate of me, but look what I came across—made for a Chinese octogenarian’s funeral. https://www.desigual.com/de_DE/21WWVF082000.html
But it still needs pastries.

Actually, that would have fit right in, SF…

Well done for getting through it - appropriately dressed! Hope the pastries went down a 'treat' too (pun intended)

I hadn't heard the phrase either - like you, it was just 'tomb sweeping' in the spring & going to 'bai saan' for 'Ching Ming' sometime around the 'Mid-Autumn' Festival (which is complete baloney btw - it's still 25C & humid over here, lol). Don't forget the Hungry Ghost 'Festival' over the summer too - except that one is where people try to *avoid* death, so the kids stay inside (in fear of kidnapping)?

Anyway, all this to say that I'm in a similar situation to you - having to Google most stuff because I don't know what will be expected as 'common knowledge' at family gatherings & what people will scoff at doing because that's 'old fashioned' now. Argh lol...

Haha, Zaeobi… you should see my family try to get a Chinese meal. Modern cooking has arrived and we get a lot of scoffing from restaurants… lol

I’m sorry I missed this thread Rachy. I’ve had a bad week and am only catching up now. I’m very sorry for your loss. You look lovely. Respectfully elegant.

Haha I always found it fascinating how different diaspora cling to certain habits from their previous time in the homeland, but not others. (Un)luckily for me, my parents were incredibly strict in insisting we follow ALL aspects our 'culture' as kids - only for us to finally visit & find my cousins 'back home' making fun of me for doing things in such a stodgily traditional way. The irony!

Anyway all of this to say that none of us have these things figured out, don't worry lol