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5 adjectives to describe my style

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Yesterday s post about describing one s desired style in 5 adjectives was a really fun read but I found that I am unable to reconcile my DESIRED style with my ACTUAL style and Angie suggested posting on the forum to get help.I realise with out actually seeing me in a variety of outfits this might be difficult.In my fantasy life I m very elegantly dressed in silk blouses ,dresses,skirts,heels ,discreet jewellery in modern shapes HOWEVER in real life I m usually in machine washable clothes ,flat heels ,trousers quite often jeans.I love colours,quite happy to try new shapes and like to stay current if not slavishly following fashion.I also sew,knit a bit and am quite fond of charity shopping(I think it’s called thrifting in America).I don’t like overly fussy clothes,a good cut always grabs my eye as does a lovely colour.One of the other reasons I might be finding this difficult is good old cliched English reticence.I find myself either being terribly flippant about things as a defence mechanism which is why I didn’t come up with a style moniker on the site ,I felt it could have been perceived as mocking which is the last thing I would want to do,or I feel all hot and sweaty ,as I do now typing this,for drawing attention to myself which is a terribly un-British thing to do!Wow ,this has turned into a therapy session,time to stop.Any comments welcome especially if you can enlighten me on how to define my style.

22 replies

Latest reply was from Cardiff girl

Sisi

Veteran

I am curious to see what the YLF wisdom will tell you. We could be twins, Cardiff - I aspire to a certain style (chic, elegant) and then dress in the opposite one (casual, practical).

rachylou

Veteran

That all sounds very classic, but from your love of colour and your sunnies post - neat, unfussy and pretty is what I see

Helena

Veteran

Cardiff girl, I can totally relate - I was raised by British/Irish parents and drawing attention is the last thing I generally try to do (chattiness on forum notwithstanding ). That in itself might be part of your style - "understated", "appropriate", or "traditional" come to mind to capture that tendency.

I think Rachylou's adjectives sounds perfect for you. The nice thing about having five is that there is room for both your current and aspirational style. Why not allow yourself one adjective for your 'dream self', as it might inspire you to bring some of that into your day-to-day style, even in small ways?

How about: Neat, unfussy, pretty, appropriate, and elegant?

SarahD8

Veteran

Cardiff girl, I have to say I found your post utterly charming. I can relate to that reticence/self-consciousness about style. I also relate to some of your style dilemmas (some stuff I'm drawn to is a bit outside what is practical for my lifestyle, also the love of charity/thrift shopping).

The description that came to mind when reading your post was "un-done classic." I don't mean un-done in a negative, loopy way -- just, a bit relaxed, if that makes sense.

It's a bit hard for me to say more without seeing visuals. But I wonder if you might be able to find versions of your fantasy style that would work better for your lifestyle. Like, a low block heel pump, that could be worn with dark-wash jeans and look very elegant but be quite practical. Do you have any items like that in your closet, that seem to express your fantasy style while also being practical? If you could identify them, and figure out why they work/what they have in common, that could be a way forward.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Dearest, Cardiff girl. I'm Dutch, grew up in British HK in a Euro household, had a half Indonesian Mum, married a British South African, and have family in London who I visit regularly. I have been to Britain more times than I can count. Now I live in the US. I can relate to your feelings.

Thank you for being open and brave. It's good to be self-aware. Perhaps keep thinking about these exercises as lighthearted and fun, more like a game than anything else, and not take it too seriously. Laugh at yourself - (I certainly laugh at my ridiculous self at times). Ultimately these style exercises are suppose to be helpful, which they have been for clients, forum members, and me. In the big scheme of things, fashion and style is not at the top of the list. But it can be an enjoyable hobby and escapism, a confidence-boosting thing, and pander to a love for fashion and the visual. Or, you can bypass these excercises completely. It's all good.

Back to the disconnect between reality and your aspiring style. I think most of us are faced with some degree of that challenge. But making the best of it is best, IYKWIM. You can also choose not to be practical, which is your fashion and style right!

If staying realistic and practical about your lifestyle is important, here are my suggestions:

Don't give up The Glam. Explore what that means, and incorporate it into your casual life. We can do that together if you like.

You can wear dresses casually. You can even wear dressier dresses with sneakers and tough boots these days.

So for the moment: Colourful, Relaxed, Glam, Subtle, Charming, Current

As a first stab, style moniker: Relaxed Glam

Throw it out the window if you think it's codswallup. All just or fun

RobinF

Veteran

I can totally relate to what you said! The first time I posted a WIW I was so nervous! I think it's that attention thing. But everyone here is really nice and non-judgemental. I am also having a hard time separating my desired style with my actual.

kkards

Veteran

reading your desired style...these are the words that come to mind...

put together, structured, tailored

do I have the right feel?....

I'm guessing if you looked at what you actually wear, those would fit as well, its just that they are more casual and easy care....

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Based on your Sunnies post I would say you are being awfully hard on yourself! You look stylish, current, and so fun in those photos! Pretty, fresh, and full of spunk. Charming, as Angie said.

I completely relate to what you say about the difference between aspiration and real style. My own aspirational is much dressier than most of my daily outfits. If I am giving a presentation or going into the big city, I dress closer to my aspirations, but in my own small city, working mostly from home (except on teaching days or my days as a student) I am mostly in jeans and pullovers.

It took me a couple of years, but I feel as if I have mostly found a way to feel good and "stylishly myself" in this uniform, if that makes sense, rather than like a holdover from my own teenage years, approximately 100 years ago. Keeping the jeans capsule very current helps, as does adding polish elsewhere -- jewellery, scarves, other accessories. Great footwear (however defined) -- and this must include very practical lug soled boots for me. And, as Angie also said, if you find casual dresses, you can also wear those. I found a good winter one this year and it has been a godsend.

None of that helps you find your moniker, but it will come.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Ahh ladies thank you so much for your kind words,l am genuinely touched by each of your responses.
Sisi-it’s good to know that I have a twin fashionista out there!
rachylou-I love your suggestions ,especially pretty.What girl doesn’t want to be called pretty,thank you.
Torontogirl-I have an Irish parent too,I think that’s where our chattiness comes from!Thank you for your suggestions,especially elegant which I like a lot.
Sarah D8-funnily enough I was just eyeing up a block heeled Mary Jane shoe by Boden .You ve given me some really good ideas on how to glam up practically as it were .
Angie-thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply in the length that you have and for your words of support.I really like the moniker relaxed glam even if I feel that I fall short of this currently,I feel it’s something positive to keep in mind when shopping.As for the style descriptors they are all good so I’m going to let all this advice sink in for a day or two then see what still feels like a good fit.
RobinF-It seems to be a common problem doesn’t it ?the gap between desires and reality in fashion.Hopefully awareness will bring solutions.
Kkards-You are right that I love tailoring,I just don’t have the lifestyle to wear it!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Not ignoring you Suz ,your post came in after mine .I am very interested to read what you have to say as having seen your photo posts I have thought that you have pretty much cracked this problem.You manage to look dressed up but in casual rather than formal clothing.That s a skill to which I aspire.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Of course, Cardiff Girl. Let it sink in and take your time. I'm ready to take the next fun step with you when you are. Or we can yak about something else entirely. I'm very chatty too... but not Irish!

jussie

Veteran

Haha yep I also have a big gap between aspiration and reality. I get around this by putting on a beautiful outfit at least a couple of times a week then the rest of the time I do “modern classic” which is a bit more functional and quick to throw together.
Don’t be shy- I’m just new to ylf and everyone here is so kind and encouraging.
Best of luck on the journey.

Amy Isabella

Veteran

I can TOTALLY relate to everything you said regarding aspirational style vs real style. I have been "lurking" on the forum for a while 'thanks' to my own English reticence....... For what it's worth, I echo Suz (only she put it so much more succinctly than I ever could).

I have found lots of inspiration here from Angie as well as MANY stylish ladies who are so generous in sharing their style journey, particularly Suz, Mirjana, Tanya, Torontogirl, Smittie and Janet. So thank you ladies.

I hope one day I will be as brave as you Cardiff Girl.

Amy Isabella

Veteran

Oops, I forgot to give a mention to Brooklyn and Griffin also!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Jussie-yes everyone on YLF is lovely aren’t t they.
Amy Isabella-damn our stiff upper lips!Hope to see you soon on the forum.

Mainelady

Veteran

Cardiff Girl I applaud your bravery and want to say that you have come to the right place to ask questions, give things a try and find help and support.
I can relate to much of what you have written. For many years I bought clothes that I loved and planned to wear “someday” or to some event. They hung in the closet and it made me happy to see them, but IRL I didn’t have many chances to wear them. My fantasy life vs my real life. I learned a lot of expensive lessons, but I learned. I could copy and paste Suz’s comment about adding polish everywhere. IRL I teach first grade and live on the coast, in an area that is a popular destination for outdoor recreation. Even during the summer when I am on vacation, most people are wearing casual clothing and gear of some sort.
We have a cabin in the mountains at another popular destination, It is even more casual there. When I wear my Casual New England Bling there I look more dressed up than everyone, except the lovely owner of a home boutique store. I found myself dressing down when we would head in to town, but it didn’t make me happy. At my age I gotta be me. Of course I am still on a path of discovery. I am enjoying the journey and getting lots of encouragement from the fabbers at YLF. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

Lynn

Veteran

Cardiff Girl, I also want to applaud your bravery in posting this. I totally get the not wanting to draw attention to oneself. I have been reading the forum for a number of year and just now started posting and still feel a bit nervous when I do. But it has been great, this such a welcoming and accepting community.

I think many who love fashion struggle with the fantasy vs real life dilemma. Certainly it is has been true for me. When I was working I wore wash and wear clothing that it would not pain me if it got ruined (I worked with children). Yet I love beautiful textiles and artisan clothing. Even now that I am retired I am struggling with how to integrate these into my very casual lifestyle.

Mainelady- I really related to what you said and need to adapt your attitude

Lynn

Veteran

Just found this link on another thread and thought you might enjoy it.
https://bridgetteraes.com/2015.....a-pantrum/

Sheila

Veteran

Can I just say that I absolutely adore this thread! Nothing to contribute, really, but it is so lovely to read!!! You all are so beautiful and kind to each other...very inspiring.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Mainelady-thank you for your kind comments and for sharing some of your own style dilemmas.It s comforting to know that I m not alone in being a dress up girl in a dress down world.
Lynn-Thank you for your thoughtful words and for the link,I m not sure I ve ever had a pantrum but my 14year certainly has so this made me smile.
Sheila-yes we are really lucky aren’t we to have found such a supportive space .Nice to hear from you.

tulle

Veteran

Oh, Cardiff girl, you are not alone! That attraction to an elegance completely impractical for one's day-to-day existence can really get in the way of devising a useful wardrobe strategy, as I know too well. And attempting to describe one's essence to the world? Scary! And difficult possibly because that essence has many elements--too many to reduce comfortably to a few words. I haven't managed to do it myself. But here's my advice to you, for what it's worth: As you are already comfortable with thrift shopping, use it boldly to experiment with what you love, crave, aren't sure about, etc. I have found thrifting to be a very useful laboratory for personal style; successes are fun, and failures are instructive and not terribly costly. A silk blouse bought at charity prices can easily go under a day-to-day pullover, and a second-hand fur jacket or fine wool trousers will keep you as warm as a parka and jeans. This lack of "preciousness" is very liberating. I find it a useful way to bring my actual style of dressing a bit closer to that desired luxury and elegance. Have fun with it!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Tulle -oh you are so right about thrift shopping,good advice and wise words indeed.