4 months into my new fabness challenge - YouLookFab Forum

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4 months into my new fabness challenge

Scarlet

Veteran

I am 4 months pregnant, and although I know I really don’t look any different here, believe it or not, almost nothing I own actually fits anymore. I am dressing to accommodate my belly, bust, and mysteriously expanded shoulders. I find it very awkward because actual maternity clothing seems ridiculous when I am still so small. I haven’t quite got my head around it.
I am having a really hard time getting out of the house every morning as I try on likely looking item after item that just doesn’t work. I have been pretty dysfunctional about the dressing challenge up until now, but as the options slim, something must be done. I bought two new tops, featured in the photos below with the 2 bottoms that still fit, and I would like some feedback on these.

(1 + 2) These two pairs of jeans ride so low under my belly that they are still comfortable. I bought this coral top and white scarf yesterday thinking it would all go together. I probably wouldn’t buy this top normally, but the length, volume, and elastic waist on the bottom seemed like a good idea, as well as the bare shoulders. Although to be honest, I am not proud of my shoulders and arms. They look so scrawny and pale to me. That’s why I bought the scarf--to cover up a little. I am thinking to buy a bra in a coral/red color to work with the straps. I am not convinced of the color of this top on me, but it does goes with the denim, and I think it's not awful on me?

(3) I bought this tunic in Paris. I really like it but would appreciate styling ideas. My jewelry here clearly is not that on. These jeans are closed with a hair-elastic, which works since the top is so long. Sounds so classy

I wrote a background post to describe some of my “issues” with making this adjustment here:

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....background

I am trying to motivate myself to try for some more shopping today. I bought a pair of maternity jeans from H&M that are surprisingly non-awful, especially to a team riveting rear-sider addicted to premium denim. However the big over-the-belly panel seems a bit much for now, and if I roll it down it’s all lumpy under anything but loose clothes, and with loose clothes I may as well wear my hair elastics. Although the zipper can dig in sometimes... I thought I might look for another pair of super-low rise jeans and a dress today.

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Dressing

31 replies

Latest reply was from Inge

Inge

(website)

Congratulations Scarlet!!

I really like both your new tops, and FWIW I've always thought you have gorgeous arms! But if you'd rather not show them, I love the top as is and I love it just as much with your denim jacket, cognac leather jacket and with the scarf.

I've read both your posts, and although I don't have children, I can completely understand that it takes time to adjust, and that it can be challenging to find your style groove again with a quickly changing body.

I like the idea of another pair of low-rise jeans and a dress.
Zara also has lots of looser fitting tunics and blouses in stores right now. Sometimes sizing up gives you a little more room in the shoulders without making the tops look too big everywhere else. Perhaps that could help with your shoulder "issue"?
e.g.
http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs.....T%2BBLOUSE

How about leggings or ponte-knit pants for the transitional period until you really need maternity jeans? They would work splendidly with longer tunics or short dresses and all your fabulous boots and ankle boots, Scarlet? You can add blazers, leather jackets, denim jackets for an extra layer.

Do you know Isabella Oliver? They have both maternity and regular clothes, and I remember that Patience had a few of their gorgeous pieces when she was pregnant.
http://www.isabellaoliver.com/.....ewall=true

This section on their website seems to have lots of tips:
http://www.isabellaoliver.com/world/

Inge

(website)

Oh I forgot to mention: a while ago Patience wrote a couple of very helpful and thoughtful posts about how to dress during and after pregnancy, I'll copy/paste them here for you:

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....bella-band

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ster-style

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ester-tips

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ster-style

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....mium-denim

http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....g-to-nurse

And an online shopping tip:
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....y-shopping

I hope this helps a little.

Astrid

Veteran

I posted some links in your other thread, I just wanted to comment on your outfits. I agree with Inge, I really like both tops and I think that your shoulders and arms look great! I like the coral on you, and with the denim and the white. I think a red/coral bra to go with it would be nice. I love the pattern and color of the tunic, but I think that your jewelry is a bit too small and disappears next to the busy pattern. Maybe something bolder? As for the hair elastic, I've done that myself last week and I'm definitely not pregnant. You really look great!

Claudia

Veteran

Congratulations, Scarlet! You don't look challenged, just fab.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Oh Scarlet, I could not be more delighted for you and Mr S!

Your outfits look smashing, I also agree that your arms and shoulders are wonderful (delicate rather than scrawny) and are perfect for the style of top you are wearing. With regards to your tunic, how do you feel about adding a dnim waistcoat?

I also understand how difficult it is to dress at this stage in your pregancy, your body has already changed so much and yet maternity wear is not flattering yet. I found light weight knit dress with ankle boots a very comfortable look.

With regards to your maternity jeans, you may find the type with adjustable tab waists easier at this point. They sit underneath your bump and do not resemble maternity jeans at all.
http://www.next.co.uk/g688s2#415204g68

Good luck!

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Scarlet, congratulations! This is the most wonderful and mysterious thing a woman can experience in her life but also a very challenging time.
First of all I don't see anything scrawny or pale here -just beautiful delicate shoulders and arms.
Even though it is not visible in the belly yet your body goes through a lot of changes already so it is a challenge to dress it. How about wearing more dresses now ? They are more forgiving than jeans on weight fluctuations and also cooler in summer heat.

Anonymous

Congratulations to you and your husband, what exciting and wonderful news!!!!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Congrats! You look fantastic, and I like your new pieces very much, they look perfect for taking your pregnancy through the summer months.

anne

Veteran

Scarlet, congratulations on the big news!! I hope you will soon adjust to the changes.

I can understand the stage you are in. At least with my last 2 I couldn't fit my normal trousers way before the 1st trimestre was over.

I bought some maternity jeans in a similar style to the second pictured at the bottom of this page http://www.queenbee.com.au/con.....;pageID=66
and wore them from 11 weeks til months after baby 3. They were so comfortable, I wished I hadn't spent my first 2 pregnancies wearing huge ill-fitting borrowed jeans!

The other thing I loved in that inbetween stage the fabric bengaline. I bought a skirt and pants in this, heavy woven but stretch fab and wore them until about 7 months, and then for ages post baby. After the baby they were great at creating a waistline. I bought items with wide high pull on waistbands and didn't buy maternity - just one size up from my regular size.
http://www.portmans.com.au/pants/work/3035
I hope this fabric is available in Germany!

You are looking great, BTW!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Congratulations, Scarlet! What wonderful news.

You look terrific in these photos and I think your new tops, while different shapes than you have worn in the past, compliment your boho style really beautifully and will work well.

I understand about "baring arms." I sometimes worry about this myself - I have noticed that certain styles seem worse. A sleeveless top with a collar (or scarf) typically works better than one without. And loose underarm area is particularly bad - although unfortunately, if your shoulders are stretching you might need it - not to mention that in the heat tight fitting underarms or sleeves can be awful.

I love your clever jeans trick with the elastic! And I think you'll find, moving forward, that some of the miracle fabrics and jerseys might be your friend.

i'm thinking you might take inspiration from some of Una's tunic with jeans looks. Many of those outfits would work for a pregnant woman (and look uber cool in the process!) Also, as an IT, she has the shoulder issue!

You are looking wonderful!!

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

"...mysteriously expanded shoulders..."

heehee, now you know why so many maternity tops have those puffy shoulders!!!!

i posted in your other thread, but wanted to say you look great! that coral is lovely on you, a red bra would be awesome too.

Other posters mentioned dresses and i have to agree. I've never had kids, but have had massive, quick and dramatic body changes due to medical treatment. Dresses that fall out from the shoulders, in really floaty, drapey fabrics are comfy, flattering, and very easy to wear in many many different shapes. And these days there're so many different styles out there - could be worth a look.

Have fun, you look amazing! steph

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You look just the same and as gorgeous as ever! These outfits are all 10s and very YOU.

Congrats, again!

Alecia

Veteran

Scarlet, congratulations! I have baby fever right now because a good family friend just had a baby. I like living vicariously through her.

When I was pregnant, I got a bunch of easy jersey dresses. (bcbg brand mostly) They weren't maternity. They fit me through late in my 2nd trimester.

Being pregnant was oddly freeing in terms of style. It gave me license to try things I wouldn't otherwise. Maybe because it seemed temporary or because I didn't have time to languish over my style choices since clothes only fit for so long. In any case, I love the place I am in my style journey now.

You look incredible despite the challenges pregnancy provides for dressing.

Jewell

Veteran

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!

I'm right there with ya. I've found dressing for this period of my life to be quite a challenge. My usual body-type guidelines just don't apply right now. As others have mentioned, I've found dresses (especially in jersey knits) to be comfortable and flattering. I love the outfits you've posted. I think the colors look great on you!!

The scarf is lovely, but it hides the great top you're wearing underneath. I'd like to suggest tying it differently. Someone posted a link some months back about how to tie a bulky, oversized scarf. I think this is the right video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nGPERiPEl8

sarah

Veteran

Scarlet, I have to run around all afternoon - I'm going to come back and write more later, but just wanted to pop in and say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SOOOO excited for you, and I cannot believe how totally fabulous you look. More about that soon.

Debora

Veteran

Scarlet! What wonderful news! You are positively glowing and I couldn't be happier for you. You make a very stylish mother-to-be!

Scarlet

Veteran

Yay, Inge, that is exactly what I need (for someone to tell me concretely what to do) and I think you are so right on track for me. I kept your advice in mind today--bought that Zara top, actually! I wouldn’t have tried it on by myself--I just get overwhelmed in Zara after 5 minutes and leave--but it has a cool slinky pajama vibe, and the fit is just right for now. I will style it and post soon.

Astrid, thanks for the advice. I think you are right about the jewelry. I did pick up a red bra today that I think will go nicely. I need to buy new ones anyway, so it’s a good start. I have used that elastic trick once in awhile myself previously, when it was one of those days

Anne, thanks for the detailed tips. Those jeans look like just what I need.

Suz, thanks as well for the detailed response. I am off to check Una’s outfits.

Steph, thanks again! On an abstract level it’s actually fascinating all the things that change and trying to figure out why.

Angie, thanks for chiming in on these. Your opinion means a lot to me. Thanks so much for being here.

Alecia, that’s a great idea. I remember that BCBG did great dresses and I think there is actually a boutique here. I know what you mean about the freedom, that is the positive side of it. To some extent I am forced to try new things, and by their nature the phases can’t last that long, so it is actually a great time to experiment. Thanks for the positive outlook.

Jewell, I didn’t know! Congratulations to you! Thanks for the tip about tying the scarf. I am checking it out.

Sarah, you know (well you probably don’t, but as a stylish scientist with a family) I really look up to you. Thanks so much for your kind words.

To all, I feel a little sheepish, but thank you for reassuring me about my arms. It’s something I have always been sensitive about and although I am usually more in the body-loving camp, lately I am really insecure :oP I have to say that given the amount of shapelessness involved in pregnancy dressing it feels good to show shape somewhere. Between this and the other thread this morning, my attitude is totally turned around. I bought several things this weekend I am excited to show you, and I really feel like I can do this and still feel like me. Thank you so much.

Anonymous

These outfits looks perfectly Scarlet! I can't sense any body change at all yet (though I know what it's like to feel it and be *off* somehow). You have gorgeous arms, and I agree that you should show off whatever bits you feel good about. Any exposed skin, like at the neckline/decollete area will draw the eye there and away from the areas you feel awkward about. Rest assured though, nothing here *looks* awkward at ALL!

Meredith1953

Veteran

You look beautiful in both the blouses! They are wonderful colors and your arms are amazing! I wish I had arms like that! Congratulations on your pregnancy and future addition to your family.

christieanne

Veteran

I commented on your other thread but wanted to chime in that your current solutions look so great and I would not have recognized any physical changes had you not pointed it out. Getting used to waist surrendering styles is hard for many of us in many cases (and for a variety of reasons) so just take it bit by bit.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Congratulations Scarlet! This is the first I'm hearing of your pregnancy. I think you look great, I especially love the way the distressed jeans look on you, so as long as the hair elastic works, why not? I like the elasticized bottom look on you, it reins in some of the volume and I think if you find more tops like these you should snap them up. The new purple top is very pretty, maybe stack some bracelets to keep with the Boho theme and show off your lovely wrists. (At first I thought, wear a long pendant but that might be uncomfortable for baby to have a pendant knocking on her/him!)

Aziraphale

Veteran

The only formula that worked for me was low-rise pants (I did the elastic trick at first, too!) and longish, loose-ish tops. Vee neck styles seemed to work the best.

Not all maternity pants have a massive belly panel. I think they make ones now that have a 4" band of elastic that goes all the way around. They're very comfy, and look fine with a longish top even in early pregnancy, when your belly is not obviously popping out. The mid-stage you're in now is the most awkward, because your uterus has grown a lot and is pushing your guts up and out of the way, which makes your waist disappear and your pants not fit without actually making you look pregnant. Trust me, by five months, once your belly is clearly distended by the growing baby, finding clothes that work will be much easier -- that is, until the last month, when even your biggest clothes will probably not fit, you can't breathe, eat or pee normally, and any fear of labour/delivery that you might have will be obliterated by your intense desire to get that thing OUTTA THERE.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

You look great and congratulations! I agree that once you take on a more obviously pregnant shape some of these issues will start to resolve themselves. Everyone is different and carries their pregnancy differently so don't let the know it alls get to you. Best wishes!

Jjsloane

Veteran

Congratulations. I think you look amazing here. Have you tried the elastic trick with your pants? It's like a figure eight around the button and through button hole and then around button. It obviously needs to be covered by a tunic or longer top, but it will allow you to wear non-maternity a bit more.
I read your other thread and am so sorry for the lack of moral support from your family. This is a wonderful time and I hope you are able to really enjoy it. The first one is nerve-wracking and magical all at once. Whatever you do - I recommend you do NOT read "what to Expect when you're expecting". I found it all too negative and baby-apocalyptic.
I found early pregnancy difficult for dressing since I didn't tell anyone early and I just felt fat. I did buy some things a size up to get by (also helped after baby)
I was able to buy some non-maternity "Tall" tops. I also loved the Japanese weekend OK waist pants very comfy for most of my pregnancy and post partum. There is a time when only the full panel will work, but don't rush it (although it's horrifyingly unglamorous when exposed, at a point it feels wonderfully supportive to wear)

sarah

Veteran

Scarlet, that is very sweet of you to say, really. I haven't read all the comments, so forgive me if I'm repeating what others have said. I found that 16-20 weeks was almost the hardest for dressing, because I didn't fit into my "real" clothes, and I wasn't yet big enough for maternity clothes. But honestly, I can't believe how totally fab you look - I have a feeling you're going to be one of those tiny cuter-than-all-get-out pregnant women, by the looks of it. I ended up buying a couple of inexpensive pairs of pants at Target in a size up to make it thru that time until I was in proper maternity clothes. And maternity clothes are WAY cuter now than when I was pregnant, even 6 years ago. Do you have Old Navy or Target in Germany? Those were great stores for finding inexpensive maternity clothes. Just keep wearing your killer ankle boots, scarves, necklaces, etc, and you'll make it through in style. And try to ignore your mom, OK? Just remember, you're eventually going to end up with 1/2 again as much blood volume, not to mention all the other fluids that you'll retain, and no wonder you'll gain way more weight than just a baby's worth.

Now, about your job, etc. I really feel for your situation - I know that being a woman scientist in the hierarchical German system is a whole different beast than being a woman scientist in the US. I'm so glad that your boss is being supportive, and kudos to you and your lab for setting up a safe place in the lab for you! That is GREAT news. I'm so glad that you husband is on your side, as it sounds like you've got some challenges ahead with your in-laws, and arranging for childcare, etc., etc. Do you get the same great maternity leave that women do in Scandinavia and the UK? I don't know much about the system there.

Anyway, I've sort of rambled on here, but I'm just so happy for you. *hugs* to you, Scarlet!

Jonesy

Veteran

SCARLET!! I cannot believe you've buried this fab news with such a nondescript subject heading for your post!! Congratulations!! I have been running around all day (the SO is out of town so I am single-moming it this weekend) so I am just sitting down for a little YLF time.

You look amazing in these pics! Truly. You have so many fab scarves and booties--just throw on some comfy leggings, leans, or maternity denims and a tunic, and accessorize with your usual stuff, and you are going to be so stylin' and fabulous.

When I was pregnant 14 and 11 years ago, the clothing options were pretty limited and there was no online shopping. I remember the early weeks as being pretty hard, because I was so tired and crabby and also desperate to show so I could feel pregnant, rather than just tired, crabby, and bloated :). I remember I wore a lot of Eileen Fisher and CP Shades (does anyone remember the latter? a lot like Eileen Fisher)--lots of loose drapey stuff and pants or skirts with elastic waistbands. I also wore loose dresses. Now I would think that leans or leggings in a size or two larger than your usual size would be easy to come by and perfectly versatile, especially with your killer style.

I saw your other thread too, about your family stuff and the general climate in Germany. Being pregnant is such a Rorschach test--people react and see what they want to see. It brings out all sorts of crazy stuff in other people, especially family members. There is all kinds of insanity wrapped up in others' perceptions of being pregnant and having a baby. It's easier said than done, but you have to keep reminding yourself of this ("It's not me, it's them. This has nothing to do with me or my body or my baby or my relationship with my partner--it's all *their* stuff").

I am so happy to hear that your boss is being so great about it. It can be so challenging to be a scientist and a woman and pregnant, sadly! I had both of my kids during my PhD program, and I can guess that many people wondered if I would even finish my degree. Of course I did, and everything worked out just fine :). A competent, wonderful SO is key, obviously, and pro-family work policies and support at work don't hurt either!

I also know what you mean about the climate being paranoid or negative re. babies and pregnancy in general. I was not pregnant in Germany, obviously, but my SO's family is culturally very uneasy about talking about the baby, naming it, buying anything for it, until s/he is born, in order not to "jinx" it or somehow bring bad luck. We did have a shower and everything, but there was definitely this aura of foreboding that lingered until.....well, it's still around :)...Just lots of worrying and fussing over stuff. I agree with Jeanne about avoiding certain hyper-paranoid, freaked out books like "What to expect when you're expecting."

Okay, I will stop now! A super hearty congratulations to you! I am thrilled for you.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Wow Scarlet, you look great--I would never have suspected you were pregnant. Love those flowy tops and the colors look lovely on you. Your arms look great, not scrawny at all.

I've somehow gained about 5 lb recently and I can certainly sympathize with the tight pants, LOL!

Can't wait to see your little bump develop and watch the progression of your WIW's! Keep posting!

cheryl

Veteran

Congratulations. You look great!

Scarlet

Veteran

CocoLion, I am really feeling the bangle trend right now. I need to find some more.

Elisabeth, maybe that is why there seems to be a double lump--an underbump and an over bump that are slowly converging in the middle. I didn’t really think about some organs being pushed upward. Got to get me some diagrams.

Jjsloane, I have heard that book is terrible. I am staying away as I am the kind of person who will fixate on these things and worry about them. What’s the point? There is so little you can control anyway. Maybe it’s funny to say, but it’s really reassuring to hear that a lot of people went through this, I don’t feel pregnant, I just feel fat stage. I feel bad confessing to it, but I think I am only just starting to transition out of that phase.

Sarah, thanks so much for the boost. We don’t have those stores here, but at least my sister, even if she can’t keep her mouth shut when she should, is the kind of person who will happily pick up some things and send them to me, so I think I will tip her to start cruising Target. My birthday is coming up anyway. We do get really great maternity leave here, but it becomes a double-edged sword. Legally I can take up to 3 years at home, but obviously that makes hiring young women a liability if you are not running a big operation that can flexibly handle these absences. DH also has the right to paternal leave, so that is very positive. Actually women are not allowed to work in the 6 weeks prior to delivery. This has struck me as odd--kind of hard to imagine from an American work-aholic perspective, but maybe as I become enormous and boat-like it will make more sense to me? I guess it must be nice to have some pressure off and work up some internal reserves prior to birth and nursing. I am kind of imagining I will be doing what work I can from home during that time though.

Jonesy, thanks for your super sweet note. I have to say that in addition to my boss several of my colleagues offered right away to help me out by doing things I can’t do myself for safety reasons or whatever, which was really nice. Fortunately unlike in the U.S. I can rely on technicians here to do things for me, so I don’t feel like I am stealing other people’s time too much. The approach of your SO’s family is ringing bells. The concept of baby showers is totally foreign and viewed with suspicion and trepidation here (as well as by other countries in the neighborhood, I think) due to the fear of jinxing things.

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