2020 Style Resolution - documenting it before I over think it :D - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

2020 Style Resolution - documenting it before I over think it :D

Helena

Veteran

Hi all,

With lots of analyses and 2020 plans popping up in the forum, I wanted to jot down my 2020 resolution, because as many of you know, I will think "simple" into "complicated" in 2 seconds flat.

So, my 2020 resolution is (to quote Angie): MILK MY STYLE.

Back story: Actually a number of different threads let to this, but the culmination was at an event a client of mine took me to this fall. It was a day of seminars and talks by various coaches and self-improvement gurus, under the banner of one very famous such person. (I'm not naming names because I don't want to knock anyone who is a fan - that's not what I'm trying to get at at all).

I am a person who obsesses over self-improvement, personal growth, introspection, etc. These are all healthy things, but not the way I currently do them. It becomes an endless quest to find what's wrong with me and fix it, with little room for self-acceptance or contentment. It struck me so clearly on that day, that the coaching industry (like any industry) thrives on people feeling they don't have enough of what's being sold them. Therefore, it's not enough to have a business, it has to be BIGGER! It's not enough to be healthy, you need HUGE GOALS to pursue and crush! Honestly, I just ran out of energy for it this year. Enough (for me, for now).

So - I know my style. I bought plenty this year. I know I will buy some stuff next year. I know I will get rid of some stuff next year. I know there'll be some duds and some successes. Some that are right in line with my "classic polished ease" goals, and some that are outliers. My plan is to just go with it and be true to myself, knowing that "myself" is not a super-tight and cohesive psychological profile of a person, but an actual person with consistencies and contradictions. And maybe let it be enough for a year, rather than constantly looking for flaws to fix.

[Sidenote: my other related resolution is - no self-improvement books this year! Novels, biographies, etc. instead]

Pray for me friends - ironically enough, this will be my biggest challenge yet!

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from Bijou

kerry

Veteran

TG! I relate sooo much to this post. Last year when my stepdad died at the end of 2018, I decided 2019 would be the year of status quo. No growing, just maintaining. It’s even hard to write this almost a year into this resolution and it makes me know that I need another year of it! I’m an introspective, gerbilling-in-my-head sort of human being. Those around me have told that I think too much about things (and that I’m too sensitive). I hold the belief that the unexamined life is not worth living but I’m no longer sure if that belief serves me as well as it should/could.

I’m also in a profession that hales the life-long learner (I’m a teacher). This is part of why I love this profession. I love learning! But being a student of human nature, I often turn the lens onto myself searching for what needs to be improved, fixed, changed, enlightened and evolved. It’s gruelling and exhausting!

But how to frame this resolution as not another part of me to be fixed (my introspection)? I think that’s where I went wrong for 2019. I need to figure out how not to make it a denial of a big part of me but rather somehow a celebration where, at the same time, I don’t spiral into incessant inventorying of flaws and fixing.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Self awareness is the first step to growth and from what I can see TG ,you have that in spades.Nice people like yourself,in my experience,are always more questioning of themselves than the people who really need to question their behaviour,ironically.I do know that unfortunately for many the level of insight that you display only comes to them
with a serious illness or other such major life event which puts everything else in perspective.You are young,you are gorgeous and you are loved ,let this be enough and enjoy your life every day ,l wish you all the very best for 2020.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

P.s. do you like my new profile picture?

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Relax into your style—you’ve got this! Maybe there are other areas where you want to grow this year, but this one is doing well!

Helena

Veteran

Kerry, hugs to a kindred spirit! And, with my mom's death earlier this year, yes, holding the status quo together is certainly enough of a challenge on it's own ... that's definitely part of it. I read a book called "When Breath Becomes Air" where the autobiographer flips the script and says "The unlived life is not worth examining". The trick, as is so often the case, seems to be finding the right balance between the two!

CG, your posts made me cry - and then laugh. You are such a kind soul and I'm so glad you are part of YLF! Thank you so much. And yes, I LOVE your new avatar

FI, thank you so much for your encouragement!

notsaf

Veteran

What a great goal! Happy to follow along a cheer you on in 2020!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Best style goal yet.

And actually -- if I may say so -- from an outsider's perspective, I would say you are already approaching this goal. When I compare the TG who joined the forum to the one who posts this year, you have come a billion miles towards self-acceptance and relaxing into it!

As CG and Kerry said, there is nothing like a serious loss to get us into a reflective mode and that is as it should be -- to everything there is a season, and a season of deep loss is necessarily a season of remembrance and sifting. But going with "good enough" in a year of grief is an incredibly sensible gift to give yourself. Huge kudos for recognizing it.

Kerry said: "But how to frame this resolution as not another part of me to be fixed (my introspection)? I think that’s where I went wrong for 2019. I need to figure out how not to make it a denial of a big part of me but rather somehow a celebration where, at the same time, I don’t spiral into incessant inventorying of flaws and fixing."

TorontoGirl to the rescue!! Here's where Helena's love of reflection and taking stock might just provide a key -- or at least it has for me. Several years ago she recommended a little book called Your Best Year Yet. First, let me put this in context. For most of my life I was not just indifferent to New Year's Resolutions and similar -- but actually opposed to them. Anyway, for some reason I picked up the book at Helena's recommendation, and answering its questions has now become a yearly reflective ritual for me and I am here to tell you, I sound like a convert of some kind -- but those darn questions, if you take them seriously, just plain work!

One of the questions includes figuring out what your negative paradigm for the previous year was (what were you telling yourself about the goals you failed to meet?) And then invites you to come up with a positive paradigm for the year ahead. In other words, the goal is precisely to put it in those positive terms you are talking about, Kerry.

Might not work for everyone, but if this is an issue, it's worth a look!

Another advantage? For someone like me, who can also at times get mired in rumination, doing this helps me to compartmentalize. I do a weekly and a monthly reflection as well as the yearly (you can do quarterly, too, if you like) -- and this stops me from feeling like I have to be doing it all the time.

nemosmom

Veteran

What a beautifully written introspection, TG!

Ya know, it feels like almost daily we are inundated with messages from all around us that we are not enough, we don't have enough, we haven't tried hard enough, or that the way everyone else is doing is somehow the better way. I want to believe that the intention behind these kind of messages is meant to be uplifting or encouraging, but many times it has the opposite effect. Instead of becoming better, we end up beating ourselves up, getting depressed, going broke, etc.

You are amazing, just the way you are. I am excited to cheer you on in the new year! xx

rachylou

Veteran

Agreed: best goal yet

And so true. I realise that my closet hit a nice equilibrium three years ago, but for two of them, I continued to look for something ‘more.’

karen13

Veteran

Here is to acceptance and self love! Such a thoughtful message, TG! It definitely resonates with me. You show so much wisdom, I know you’ve got this!

SarahD8

Veteran

Well. This is wonderful. I don't know what else to add!

I think your introspection and analytical nature are great, and add so much to the forum. I also think you can be too hard on yourself -- and I say that with love and without the intention of suggesting you need to "work on" or "fix" anything. Simply an observation that from an outsider's perspective, you are doing great!

I like your "classic, polished, ease" mantra. What if the "ease" part of it is not just about clothes, but about attitude -- a sense of ease about your wardrobe and style. (Because, again, you are doing great!)

I think I might need that book Suz mentions...

Bennett

Veteran

Yes, so many industries are fueled by creating self-doubt. Or at the least, fanning the flicker of self-doubt that resides in every human being. How remarkable for you to suddenly receive such clarity of insight at an event that was designed to have the exact opposite effect on its participants. Bravo and well done!

I don't want the car I SHOULD want, I don't want the job I SHOULD want, I don't want the house I SHOULD want, I don't even want the Christmas gifts I SHOULD want. I'm only happy when I follow my own path, choosing what works for me; what matters to my family.

Truthfully, as much as I look forward to engaging in the YLF community every day and would LOVE to meet in person- I purposely minimize my own exposure to opinions in regards to how I chose to dress myself. I will probably never post an outfit photo since I know how easily I can start obsessively second-guessing my choices when I ask for opinions. It's fun to see and compliment and learn from the YLFers who are more bulletproof than me, so here I am in my own way!

Helena

Veteran

Going to answer better later but just a note to say thanks and to whatever extent I've grown style wise or otherwise, you've all been a very valued part of that journey xoxox

slim cat

Veteran

I love your posts - always interesting, insightful and often with great pictures . Lovely responses from everyone. I'm so glad that after years of just reading the blog I finally joined the YLF forum. Best wishes to you at this part of journey ( love your goals ).

smittie

Veteran

Hahaha! This was so funny, and I can relate to the part about always wanting something better, always wanting something bigger.

Here’s my case: I got really interested in pottery this year, and instead of thinking, “oh I’ll take a throwing class” I was like, “I’m going to buy a table, all the equipment and do a craft fair in 2020!”.

I know myself well enough not to go full-throttle right away, and after a few weeks, the idea has settled a little bit, and I’m just going to take the pottery class.

I think I just don’t know how to have fun, or something Nothing is fun unless it’s work! Goals goals goals!

^ I’m finally growing out of this mentality, btw. I guess I’m getting old!
I just want to travel with the kids and do crafts

Anyway, with respect to fashion and style: I think aim a couple of years behind you. I’m still having a hard time accepting my innate love of jeans and t-shirts. Shorts and t-shirts. Basic, basics. People say to me “oh you look good!”, but do I actually?!? I don’t know. No clue really.

A big YES to “no self help”

smittie

Veteran

I will pray for you Helena.

Roxanna

Veteran

AMEN, sister. As one who is also always on a quest to be better, do better, learn more, I am also saying this year: enough. And that will translate into my style as well. I bought a lot this fall and winter and I’m happy with my wardrobe. My goal for 2020 is to wear it

Helena

Veteran

Roxanna, woohoo!! Team enough and team wear high five!

Smittie, YES - my SIL made that comment recently - can't anyone just have a hobby? Why does everything have to be a hobby that is then Instagrammed and modified and made into a successful lifestyle empire?!? Exaggeration of course, but really ... enjoy the pottery class. And thanks for the prayers xx

Slimcat, thank you!

Bennett, yes - sometimes a break is needed, no matter how wonderful the group - just because, if one is prone to overthinking or overanalysis, even positive discussion can trigger this habit. And thanks for the kind words!

Sarah, thank you, and I love this. I think that will be my 'word of the year' for 2020 - ease. And I am going to work through those exercises this afternoon ... I thought I might get my whole fam to consider them actually!

Karen,Rachy, Nemos, notsaf thank you guys! xo

Suz, you were one of my first mentors on this forum, and one of the absolute best! Thank you for years of patient and kind encouragement and advice xoxo

****group hug****

Sal

Veteran

Love this post Helena!

You are enough - your style is enough.

Helena

Veteran

Thank you Sal xx

Funny side story - at yoga this morning, the teacher wanted us to choose a mantra for living our best life ... I chose "I'm fine" lol!! I don't think that's what she had in mind but there you go ha!!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

"I'm fine." I love it!!

And thank you for your kind words. YLF is a pay it forward kind of place -- lots of people mentored me and now you are mentoring people!

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

This is such a good resolution! I talk a lot on Instagram (hi, I'm an Instagram addict) about wanting to have that perfect capsule wardrobe and design magazine decor and a neatly-labeled pantry. I just love feeling like I have everything organized and under control, but life is always messier than it looks in photos and spreadsheets.

And I so relate to what smittie posted. I seriously decided to take a dance class to get out of the house when my son was a toddler, and ended up in a semi-professional troupe, performing at festivals and teaching classes. WHAT?! I didn't even want that.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I so appreciate this post and all the comments Helena! I wish we could all meet for coffee sometime. Anyway, yes. As they say, stop and smell the roses. Just the regular rose, not the prize winning breed that had to be imported and grown under a sun lamp. (I made that up but it probably exists.)

Helena

Veteran

Oh my gosh Jaime, how amazing would that be!! It's going to happen one day *fingers crossed*

Heart you all! xx

Bijou

Veteran

I awoke to this post and wow - it is so true. Why do we do this to ourselves??? I love the mantra "I'll be fine". This is not about giving up, Cardiff Girl said it so well and fab new profile picture. This is acceptance that no matter what the outcome is, it is part of life and we move onwards.

As for the hobby turned into something far bigger than that, yes I can relate to that too. I love your style goals and attitude and have taken notes. Please count me in the YLF coffee club!