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WIW: wedding guest

MuseumGal

Veteran

I'm concluding a 2 week trip to CA (East Bay), including a lovely wedding celebration of an old and dear friend. Although my packing ended up being a bit of a disaster (not entirely my fault, plans got changed at the last minute), I'm pretty happy with what I put together for the wedding.

1) Rehearsal dinner: a column of black (black skinnies, black linen tank, black mules) and a blue patterned scarf as a cover up.

2) The wedding: navy blue ponte dress with lace neck/shoulders, bronze wedge sandals, and another blue scarf as a cover up. I ended up putting a flower from the table in my hair.

I really like both these ensembles but I don't think I would be comfortable wearing them back in OK. They are both just a little too ... well ... (I hate to say it) exotic. What do you rural types think? Would I get stares in the rural towns you know?

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23 replies

Latest reply was from pil

Alana in Canada

(website)

Veteran

Oh I love them! Both outfits. I think the first would be fine with a more conventional topper--like a jean jacket or something--and the second one, too, but I don't live in a rural area, so I really shouldn't say.
Where did you find that lovely dress? I need something just like that for a wedding I am going to. (Though I have no time to buy it, lol! Still.)

MuseumGal

Veteran

Thanks Alana! I found that dress at the last minute for $10 at Ross! The brand is intriguing threads, which I've never before heard of.

Alana in Canada

(website)

Veteran

Thank you for letting me know! I wish I had an updated passport--we will be in Vancouver next week--and apparently there's a store only 40 miles away! I just did a quick google search and it doesn't seem that Intriguing Threads is a line carried by retail outlets here...though I may be looking incorrectly. Still, it is a gorgeous dress on you! Good find!

Dee

Veteran

Love your dress in #2 - the lace detail is fab! I can't comment in whether they'd be too exotic for your everyday life, but at the same time, if you feel great in them, maybe it's worth wearing anyway?

Debbie

Veteran

I live in Sa Antonio and these looks would be fine here. If you love it and feel fab in it them you should wear both outfit because you look great.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

You look lovely in both outfits! I bet they would go over just fine anywhere, for a special occasion; they seem classic and elegant to me.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I never would have guessed that dress was $10! I am impressed, it looks like you paid a lot more. I think both of these outfits are perfect CA East Bay looks as they have an easy arty vibe. Because I live in the CA mountains (just 2 hrs from the East Bay) with strong Boho, arty, and sporty natural/outdoorsy styles, perhaps my small town perspective doesn't count. Still, I don't see anything about these outfits that is too exotic. If you want to make the outfits a bit more classic, perhaps you could sub the printed shawls for cardigans, that might tone down the arty exotic look a bit.

Momo

Veteran

Wow! Love these outfits. You look beautiful .

kkards

Veteran

now, i admit, i'm not from a rural small town, but i see nothing exotic about these outfits. what, exactly, do you think make them so?

BTW, i think you look great.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Wow. I love outfit #1. So arty and elegant. PLEASE wear it back home. You look effortlessly chic.

Archer

Veteran

Ditto. Outfit is perfect on you- doesn't compete. It just highlights your colouring and shining vibe.

MuseumGal

Veteran

Thanks for the boosts all. Here's the thing. I wore a similar navy dress and the same blue paisley scarf as in the second set of photos, paired with brown knee high boots and my brown suede Nehru jacket to a university function with my husband about about 2 years ago (attached below). People kept asking him who was that exotic lady! I guess I just need to get over the fact that what seems to most of the world to be only slight boho or arty is just going to be perceived as exotic and I will get stared at. The scarves are my favorite parts of the outfits, swapping them out for a blazer or cardigan would be lovely and classic but they wouldn't make me as happy. I guess the fact is that if I want to dress in a way that makes me happy, I need to put up with being stared at and considered exotic. I know this exotic business seems ridiculous, but trust me, it's a real issue for me given the combination of where I live and my coloring/background.

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Anonymous

Love them both! Seriously can't believe that dress was $10. And like how the simplicity of the clothes really set off the beautiful scarves in both cases.

I'm really a bad person to judge what fits in in rural areas (when I'm there, I always semi-tried to blend in, felt overdressed anyway, then realized I'd never quite blend in even if I tried harder), but neither of these seems head-turningly extreme to me. I wonder if trying something similar with scarves in lower-constrast patterns or solids that sort of blend in with the rest of your outfit might make you feel more comfortable, though?

Edit: I got distracted while posting and missed your last post. Just wanted to say, in a small way, I relate to how you feel. My husband's family is in the rural midwest and, when I go to visit them, I can feel a little conspicuous even though my coloring and clothing style entirely blend in where I usually am. But, anyway, that sucks that you feel uncomfortable when you're just dressing like yourself.

Alana in Canada

(website)

Veteran

You know, Museumgirl, there should always be one person who blazes the trail. Maybe that's not you--but it could be. I think you have the chops for it. You look. So Good.

Sona

Veteran

Really like outfit #2. Exotic is cool!

rachylou

Veteran

Look how gorgeous you are!

And I imagine they are exotic for OK. They'd be exotic for the suburbs here - you wouldn't get tailed in stores, but people would come up and tell you how brave you must be to live in Oakland, lol.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

These are both terrific outfits. #1 is stunning on you. Your dark hair really adds to the look, bringing it extra power and cohesion. Love it.

The dress is an AMAZING buy for $10. Or any $$.

You know, I live in a town with some boho influence, so these would not be considered exotic here. "Arty" maybe, but not exotic.

In fact, where I live (and in the circles I move) it is probably considered more exotic to dress in modern classics. Seriously! Especially if you are doing so on the dressy end. The minute you casualize with denim, that helps (and you can get away with quite a lot). But modern classic without denim tends to read "uptight" or "businessy" (even if it is not even remotely what most people would consider business attire) and so on.

Since I'm a mostly modern classic dresser with a fairly minimalist style, my "trick" is the obvious one: wear a piece of denim and whatever else I like. This seems to fool people and reduces the comments about being "so dressed up." At least to an extent.

I am wondering if you could do something similar. Pick the element that seems most ubiquitous and "regular" where you live, be it denim or whatever. And, on those days when you just can't take another "exotic" comment, but you equally cannot stand the prospect of looking or dressing like everyone around you, wear your boho pieces along with that.

Then, on the days you are feeling stronger, go all out boho/ arty. Just DO it. And yup, you will get those "exotic" comments. Until you don't any more. People will get used to the way you look and dress. And will forget that they ever wondered about it.

Or, if they don't, at least you will get used to it.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Well, I'm an Indiana girl who's lived in Los Angeles, NJ (10 miles from NYC), Kansas, and.....Oklahoma, all before Chicago.

Now, Indiana and Kansas were University towns, and Lawrence was a weird mix of crunchy and preppy. When I was in Oklahoma, I lived in Tulsa. I would completely wear ensemble one to the magnificent Cherry Street farmer's market, and the second to a Tulsa Opera party. I loved Tulsa, but it is not at all like the rest of Oklahoma. The suburbs of Chicago are more conservative in dress. Sigh.

As a former Pastor's wife, (still have the man, he just changed jobs) I implore you to strut your suff! You will free some other ranch wife who so badly wants to let her boho flag fly!

BTW --- I love the shape your skinnies give to your legs --- flattering and dresses things up a bit. I also like the way the strappy shoes echo the open neck detail..........and the flower! You're ready for Carmen. Perhaps you're truly Carmenesque (as I glide off singing the Habanera).

Thistle

Veteran

Love #1! The dress in #2 has lovely lace detailing.

The suburbs of Milwaukee are a pretty conservative bunch,so I hear ya. Still, I think both would totally work here for the right occasion.

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

1. Some people don't know how to give compliments.
2. Some people just need to say backwards compliments to feel better about themselves.
I decided to make neither of their problems my problem. And to spend no energy trying to figure out which problem they had. Although "exotic" probably falls under #1.

On the fringes of an academic community, the sartorial standards are so low that any effort is worth remarking upon, usually negatively as the slobs want to reinforce the norm. ("Oh you dressed UP" as a guilt trip. Yep, you didn't, and pointing it out proves your lack of class.) I used to plead to no avail with the faculty to dress nicely on graduation to show respect to the parents who paid the bills.

One thought to really confuse them in a fun way: cowboy boots. That last outfit you showed would be awesome with cowboy boots. No one in OK can diss a pair of boots, no matter how flamboyant. Sadly, I can't wear them. I think they'd look awesome with outfit #2 too.

DonnaF

Veteran

I love both outfits, but I live in the East Bay, so what do I know? The second outfit looks a little exotic/ethnic in a GOOD way, so wear it with PRIDE! [And we just finished Pride Week out here. DD called today to say she was so disappointed that Chicago's Pride Parade didn't have any naked men, so I get you that some parts of the country are more conservative than others.]

You don't work in Corporate America so IMHO that should be freeing in terms of what you wear. Unless you're doing field research and need to blend in. But you're an archeologist and not an anthropologist, right? My sense is that you would rather feel comfortably you rather than wear a *costume*, right?
Your style is a bit boho, but not OTT boho IYKWIM, and a boho look is relatively mainstream; I mean they sell boho looks at Nordstrom!

If I ever go to Oklahoma (to visit my brother-in-law), I guess I will stand out and look exotic cuz I'm Asian. And maybe I'd wear my silver jacket and silver shoes and scandalize everyone.

abc

Veteran

I'm from rural MO so I get what you mean (though I've been away many years). I'm sure the folks back home would think of you/your dressing as exotic. I agree with the others. Do what makes you happy. Life is too short otherwise.

pil

Veteran

I hope you will wear and feel fabulous in both. You look wonderful.