the top half seems at odds with the bottom half. the bottom is ready for work, while the uoper half just wants to have fun. i think wearing pants will make a more cohesive polished casual look. even just swapping edgier shoes and opaques may work.

srly, just get the pants.

so glad you didn't get any of the shoes. the last one had potential tho.

Jenava, XOXOX. I think you are right about the skinny/stovepipes. Angie said the same thing. I guess I'm a slow learner!

Kappy, I just wanted to cry when I read that you have been laughed at because of your size! That's horrible! I wish I could go shopping with you; I'd take care of those idiots! Thank you for understanding. But I'm sorry you had to experience that. As for shoes in general I think the answer for me is to find a regular shoe that happens to be comfortable, instead of wearing a *comfort shoe*. That way my *old* hair won't be bookended by an *old* shoe, until I have to, of course. I am amazed at how the women on YLF (young or just young looking) can make a comfort shoe look so stylish. And how some of the older gals even make them look edgy-cool. Alas, I am not one of them. I tend to shy away from a masculine shoe too. I don't know why, buy they don't fly on me. That's funny that you had a pair of the same shoes. And here I thought all heels were less frumpy than all flats. Perhaps not. If I'm going to be in pain to wear a heel, it had better be super-fab!

Shevia, you are such a sweetheat (and on Valentine's Day, no less!) I can't believe the lady at the cosmetics counter! The last time I went there (a good 10+ years ago) I was offered a wrinkle cream. I never went back! That's a touchy subject and they all should take sensitivity training, lol! I think you are right about the skirt. It is not 100% fab. It is not curve hugging and it's a bit long. Thanks for saying what I was wondering out loud.

Deborah, we are age twins! Thank you for your comments on the hair and shoes. How smart to ask what someone means when they say something like that! I usually take it at face value and only start to second-guess it later. I'm going to remember to do that. How simple, just to clear things up from the outset. You are one wise woman. I really will get to work on some fab pants. I really want to get away from black though. Navy, grey or some kind of beige/tan/taupe would be better with my other tops, but you know how everything is available in black, and sometimes not much else. Lucky for you! To answer your question, I LOVE the volunteering and I think I'm fitting in really well there. You guys only hear the bad parts because I don't want to whine about the dress code at work. Today I dressed the cutest young woman who wore a size 00! It was like choosing clothes for a Barbie doll! We had such a fun time together and she left with the most amazing outfit, shoes, bag and accessories. She will knock 'em dead at her interview I'm sure. You'll have to tell us what you're thinking about doing. I know you already work in community service, will this be an offshoot of that? Do tell. I think you'd be great and you have SO much to offer!

Sarah, thanks! Yes #4 are Fidjis. Ok comfy, but not amazing because ot the slight heel.

Lisa, somehow I can't imagine you with all of those hair colors! You're right about the softer colors with the grey. Very nice! And thanks for saying that about my *style*. You've been a big help. (Still don't have those primo denims though. They will have to wait.)

Shannon, hi there! I was thinking about you and wishing I could wear your Docs Saras with this outfit today (in theory, anyway)! It seems like I was missing an element that would say, "In case you're wondering, I have FAB style. Just look at my killer _______!" and I didn't have anything to fill in the blank with, lol! The Saras would have done that. I love your hair too and we see eye to eye on that issue! Thanks for the nice things you said about my ability to wear skinny pants. I guess we all just need to find the thing we can rock and rock it! I wonder what my element of modern/edge/funk will be. Clearly it's not going to be shoes.....

Bj1111. Got it. Gotta get the pants! Thanks!

Late, but your hair is fine! Shoe #3 remind me of AGL's.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/at.....sultback=0

Anna, yep, they are AGL's. They have lots of them at Last Chance.

Get a pair of AGL's they're really comfy.

Claire, one of these days, huh? <<many-many hugs>>
First of all: did you feel frumpy in this outfit before you got a first comment of the day or only after? If it is the latter I would not bother much about it. As Steph pointed you cannot please everybody, you better focus on pleasing yourself and those whose style you love and respect. However if you felt "off" even before the first comment then it may be another matter. How many times I post an outfit here which gets good reviews but I never wear it again because it does not feel right to me and this is the most important thing.
Now to your outfit: I think it is funky, not frumpy. Actually I don't see anything wrong with flats ans skirt combination! This tie and Monty just add the right level of interest and still keep it appropriate.
Now to the comments. The lady in the store: she does not look very stylish in the picture, doesn't she? I agree with somebody's comment that she was projecting her own fear of aging on yourself. Just ignore it! Also I think she was just plainly bad mannered to talk to you like this IMO.
For DFS director: I would not put more into her words than what she said: I would take it as a compliment. As for your teenager: believe me they have pretty rigid opinion on how their parents should dress so don't take it seriously (I have 2 sons!)
As for the hair color I really admire women who let their hair to go naturally grey (I am not one of them OBVIOUSLY :-)) I think it is important to have a great modern and edgy haircut to wear it well. Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada is my inspiration on how to wear grey hair without aging yourself! I think she looks the best with this grey hair!
As for the shoes my opinion is the same as QM.
Again - HUGS!!! Don't try to please anybody but yourself when you dress and stay true to your style. experiment and don't be afraid to make mistakes - this is how we learn after all.
You Look Fab Claire, really. Just believe in it!

People can be so insistent about sharing their opinion. I remember trying to discreetly breastfeed my baby at a restaurant (under a thin baby blanket) and the lady at the table behind me decided it was her job to stroke my shoulder and murmur words of comfort and encouragement. Yuck! If I hadn't been so tired I would have started screaming.

My father always says that free advice is worth what you pay for it. I think this triply applies to strangers in the shoe section.

Ay carumba, Claire! People can be so unbelievably rude. I think you look adorable and fashion forward in photos #1-2. Maybe your coworkers feel a little threatened by your bold style? The shoes in #5 do look a little orthopedic (!), but all the other shoes are super adorable and not "old" in any way. I think the key to wearing oxfords well is a bold overall look...and that's a little tricky. (I know I couldn't carry it off.)

Anyway, I understand your conflict. You don't want to be bossed around by other people's opinions and expectations...yet, you want others to appreciate and like your style. I think your hair is a fine color and I applaud you for letting it remain its natural color. I wonder if you'd consider cutting it short a la Angie or Suz? I think losing a little length might give you a modern bold boost that might kick you into a new style level and eliminate your frump factor worries once and for all.

Just a thought!

Dear Claire: You've gotten great advice from other YLFers tonight. The only thing I have to add is that we live in a culture that feasts on hour upon hour of Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of fill-in-the-blank. You been viewing the amazing style on women around the world -- women who are writing their own script! I always watch for your posts with anticipation. What a gift you are to DFS -- a woman with a big heart and a killer eye for style that feels good and goes the distance!

Oh Sveta, you slay me, you brunette temptress! You are so wise in your observations. The outfit was about a 6 to me, and acceptable given all of the many circumstances. I am about through with the burgundy sweater (it's fading and I'm tired of the color). The shirt was thrifted recently just for work. It's short, and will only work with a skirt. I was planning on letting both go after today. The tie is my husband's. After the comments, I'm ready to let the skirt go too. It's time for pants. I just ordered the GAP really skinny pants in flint grey. Fingers crossed! I'll keep the skirt until the pants arrive. You never know. Look at poor Rae!

IK, I am ROTFL., with tears streaming down my cheeks! I can just picture you with that woman touching you. I think that would have kept my milk from letting down! I can't believe you were so calm.....wait a minute, yes I do. I suddenly remembered the crushing fatigue you have 24/7 with newborns, when you would sell your soul for a few hours sleep. I get it. Thanks for making me laugh. I'm a little slap happy.

Nancylee, thank you. I will have to post some of my short(er) hair pictures. Scary. Hubs and I are in agreement that it needs to stay chin length and no be buzzed up the back. But I *have* tried that! Technically, I agree with you. I just don't think it would work for me.

BethAnn. So true. YLF is the best place to get honest, knowledgable fashion opinions for me. I just told my 18 year old son what happened today because I needed a hug. Hubby is out of town. Son said, "Was this woman happily married for 20 years to a man who thinks she's the most awesome, good looking woman in the world? I doubt it. I'll bet she's a neurotic who stares in the mirror all day looking for a new wrinkle. You have a great life and you're happy doing what you love to do. I think you're awesome and I love you!" -- all this from the one I spend most of my time butting heads with. Wow. Now I can go to bed happy.

Your son is lovely and so wise. Claire you have had so much advice and reassureance there is little more to add, but just wanted to say I really empathise with the shoe issue! It is my achillies heel!

Aw, your son is YLF Hero of the Day. *happy tear*

Claire, when you have an 18 year old son who can say that about his mother, that is FAB!

Claire, I so admire your style and love your classic, Parisian chic-inspired looks. Like you, I'm not inclined to color my hair. Some people have suggested it would make me look younger, but far more often, like you, I get compliments on it. I'm happy to be one of those women whom others look up to as graying gracefully!

I think today's outfit was fun and very work-appropriate. It might actually look a little more "you" (to me)--and probably a little more professional for what sounds like a pretty conservative dress environment--with a chic little scarf inside the shirt collar rather than the tie. If I had to wear hose to work, I might try a very sheer skin-toned look rather than the dark ones. I'm finding myself drawn these days to that look or opaque tights (which you can't wear, right?) and not so much to the in-between dark hose.

I love the AGL's and think they would work with your style very nicely. They are classic, flattering, comfortable, beautiful shoes and work well with skirts or pants. They will also dress up jeans in a classic, chic way. If they are a color that would go with your wardrobe, I'd run back and get them. To me, they are not frumpy. They are a bit dressy, so they'll do nicely for your DSF work. With that little heel, they are not duplicating your flats; they are more like a low pump. If not the AGLs, I think you could use a very sleek, plain low-heeled pump that feels almost as good as a flat.

Skirts are hard! I empathize. I'm trying to figure out myself what's stylish versus frumpy. I'll be following your journey with interest!

Thanks for sharing your experience here. It hits home with me, as I've had people at work tell me, "well, YOU can carry that off, but I never could," and I'm left thinking, Hmmmmmm, now what does THAT mean?

Oy! Claire, I'm very new around here, but I just wanted you to know that the first time --- and every time since --- I looked at your profile pic, I thought, 'She has SUCH a great head of hair! That colour... she looks so stylish, youthful and (pardon me here) sexy!' If that's 'frumpy' hair, I'll take some of whatever you're having to get it that way, please!

Since you said you're looking for honest appraisal rather than commiseration, I won't tell you all the reasons I thought you should be mad, not sad over your shopping mate's 'advice'. I'll just stop at saying that I'm getting a headache thinking of how silly and self-important some people can be. (Feel free to commiserate with my aching head!)

Now to the outfit, I think it's already been said --- but it's funky, not frumpy! In fact, before I read through all the very perceptive and wise comments to your post, my first thought was maybe you're TOO stylish, too edgy for your co-workers? Could they perhaps be expecting a more conservative, buttoned-down business look? It could be (now having read further) that you're aiming for a different style and aren't entirely happy in this set of skins; but on its own, I cannot see much wrong with that outfit.
Sure, you could make it edgier still, funkier still, fab-er still with all the great ideas you've got --- but as is, I repeat, I CANNOT see why it would be a problem unless someone had extremely 'prim' expectations (as in, tuck in your shirt, wear a matched suit, get a proper tie or pearls or pleated scarf, etc)! DFS isn't THAT conservative, is it?

As for the shoes you tried on, I love the look of 4 and 7 the most (especially 7, I confess), but as Fellow of the Fussy Feet Club for Flats Enablers, I agree you should put fit and comfort first... and if these aren't working for you, just keep looking. I love the ones you ARE wearing with that outfit btw.

Finally, he's a bit young for me (okay, like HALF my age!), so if it didn't make me sound like cradle-snatcher, I'd say your son sounds like a guy I'd love to have dated. Congratulations on being a fantastic parent, evidently!

Oh wow Claire. I just read your 1st post - don't have time to read how everyone else has responded right now - but just some initial impressions. First off, the woman in the shoe store was really out of line - but I know you said that that was not what you wanted us to concentrate on in our responses, so . . .

Your outfit that you wore today: its cute and classic - but, to be honest with you, for me a cardigan and a tie that match, black skirt, dark hose and flat shoes would fringe on frumpy if I were to wear that. Whenever I wear a skirt that length (especially if it is black) I make sure that my legwear and shoes are like over the top trendy, funky, edgy, etc. - SOMEthing that balances out the conservative black skirt! I also have a strong dislike to dark hose - so perhaps if you were to swap them out for a patterned design? (that might diminish the frump factor). Also, how about adding a cropped blazer rather than the cardigan? I think the cardigan might be a little bit aging. I hope I'm not being too brutal in my honesty here! If so, I apologize right now!

OOps forgot to respond about the shoes:

3 - NO - step away from these shoes right now Claire. DO NOT buy these shoes. I don't even know for sure what is the problem with them - maybe the way they are cut across the top of your foot? there is a word for that - just can't think of it.

4 - need to see a close-up pic

5 - same as 4

6 - these don't look like sandals to me, but rather like a retro pump - cute, but not sandally looking - dressier than sandals

7 - my favorite of the bunch

8 - no

9 - flat pointed toe - GREAT!

10 - very cute - how/what would you wear these with???? Are they suede?

Also, I'd take what your boss said to you as a compliment!

Claire, I'm so sorry you had to hear those comments and doubt yourself. Having met you, I can confidently say that you do not look old and frumpy!!

Some ideas:
You and I have similar slim hips, calves and ankles. I do find it hard to wear pencil skirts because of my curveless bottom half. So to offset that, I prefer to wear structured tailored tops (or aim to make the appearance of one) and wear a bit of a heel.

So with that in mind, what about swapping out the cardigan and wearing Clay instead? I think the tie would go with the jacket color, no?

Can you wear textured or printed hose to work? I find the little bit of interest helps my chicken bone legs. : )

I also like wearing tall boots in the fall/winter with pencil skirts. My first pair were inexpensive Old Navy flat boots. I still have them too. Bonus: Boots are on sale right now.

I do think that flats look better with a-line or full skirts. Do you not like those?

FWIW I've included some of my more "conservative" looks. I know the footwear will not always be in line with DFS's dress code. I do like to belt to try to give my hips some curve.

I like these low heel (1.5") sandals from Seychelles. I think the ankle strap makes it a bit dressy and I like that it makes my legs more dainty and less fowl. : P
I got mine at Nordstrom Rack and their a little spendy but the leather is soft and it's low heeled and pretty.
http://www.endless.com/dp/B004.....B004HJZBPE

Lastly, I just wanted to say that your son's words brought tears to my eyes. You raised him well!

I feel like I have question marks sprouting from my head. Huh? Ageing? Little old frumpy grannies do not carry their knitting in a python bag! I have no idea what beret lady was seeing.

I'm definitely a grey hair admirer, too. It is far more dramatic and elegant than anything a hairdresser can come up with. Perhaps in the early stages when there are only a few greys, but once you get to the true salt and pepper look I think it looks kinda weird. I like salt and pepper hair too, by the way! I think it looks cool.

And your son rocks.

Claire, as you know I have not been on here so long but first I have always thought you looked amazing - agree with others your hair, slim figure and your warm smile are your real assets. And every comment I have read of yours is so incredibly gracious. I think anyone's negative comments just highlight their lack of style (which their hooker boots obviously reinforce lol!) not yours.
But onto practical matters of hair and shoes. Think your hair looks fab. I am a new convert myself as I have been a dark brunette until the last few months - its become easier to be white than try and stay brown :-). Notice how many stunning women have natural hair and how many "me-too's" hide behind "the bottle"... So leave your hair it looks fantastic!
Shoes - I would have tried on every one off those styles myself So like them all. Then the litmus test is what do you want to wear them with (e.g. strapy nudes are probably not going be any good for this job) and do they have the comfort PLUS make you feel like you walk with a bit of a swank.... Not sure what the science is on that one but some comfortable shoes make you feel blah, some swanky...
And Brenda Kinsel the stylist from San Fran suggests that we add a bit of shine and texture as we get a little "faded" - Kind of makes sense....
Anyhow people who know you obviously know how lovely you are... that is what matters and that is what comes across to the masses... The world could do with more serene and gracious women like you to pretty things up.

Just read your comment that dear son passed on to you - that boy is WISE beyond his years! I hope you had a happy sleep thanks to him!

Oh, Claire, hugs to you! Your son is going to make some woman very happy one day!

So much fabulous support and humor here! I don't have much to add here, other than to express my dismay at Beret Lady and my admiration toward your son--my goodness, what a fellow :)! You've gotten great advice re. the shoes. I actually have the ones you are wearing in 8, in black, and I love them, but I think that nude color is a bit off somehow. I love the booties in the last shot.

About your beautiful hair: I love the color of your hair! I agree with Una, Lisa, Shannon, and others who talked about how we are conditioned as a society to view any sort of silver hair on women as a deadly sign of "aging." But silver or salt and pepper hair can look gorgeous, vital, beautiful, sexy, etc. Somehow it's okay for men (think of George Clooney--I doubt anyone is telling him his hair is aging!), but for women it's perceived as putting one foot in the grave... I am letting my hair do its thing naturally, and I am happy with my decision.

Like a few others, I wonder about a sassier cut for you. Not necessarily shorter, but edgier somehow? If I may be totally frank, to my eye your current cut is very classic looking and pretty preppy. When you wear it naturally wavy it doesn't strike me in the same way, but I know you mentioned that it only does that sometimes, weather permitting :). So if you are trying to move away from preppy and a bit more toward edgy, maybe think about a slightly different cut? Just my two cents...

Thought I'd add a few pics of the fabulous, silver-haired Carmen Dell Orefice, the oldest working model at age 80.

Claire, however bad LC shoe shopper stranger made you feel, it was worth every moment of self doubt to have been the catalyst for the wise, true and loving comment made by your teenage son. You have so MUCH more of real value and meaning going on in your life than looking "young."

I am also touched yet again by the YLF members replies here. What a wonderful group of people you all are. I am proud to be a member.

I am also in the letting-my-hair-go-gray club and have ALWAYS admired your's, Claire. You are not only blessed with physical and internal beauty, the beauty of the men in your family is just unbelievably enviable. Wow, you are such a lucky lady -- and have succeeded in raising the type of son I hope my daughter finds one day. Well done.

Claire,

Not much more to add, but you have my full sympathy. I'll just reiterate 2 things.

1) Don't pay attention to the crazies. Which that woman was; those were totally inappropriate comments.

2). You have an AMAZING son! Words of incredible wisdom and sensitivity from an 18 year old????? Boy????? You clearly have raised him right!

OK 3 things:

3) You have really beautiful hair! Silver is automatically cataloged as older, but so what? Your hair is just gorgeous!

Claire, I agree that an edgier haircut might be just the ticket to updating your look.

Oh my goodness you all are so wonderful, but after this, I MUST go comment on some other threads! Your warmth and support is so encouraging.

Marley, you have definitely "trumped the frump" so your words are like gold to me! Thanks for helping me pinpoint the dowdy factor exactly like I asked. No offense taken at ALL!

AJ, I adore your cute casual style and even though we are close (kind of!) in age, you look much younger than me with your flawless Asian skin and mane of dark hair. I think you can rock some low heels and comfort shoes that would not fly on me. I loved your pictures with skirts, but I think I'm going to try skinny pants for work.

Jenanded, thank you! Yes I like comfy, snappy flats that make me walk with some "swank"! That's it exactly.

Jonesy, you make me smile. I was thinking about asking my stylist to somehow add some edge to this style (like Khris--chewyspaghetti has with hers). I didn't realize they could make minor changes that would read as *edgy* without going super short or adding a pink streak. That's a GREAT idea, thank you! BTW I LOVE the pictures of Carmen you posted. She is FABulous! I also admire Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada and Helen Miren's silver hair. I think I need to go for a more *sophisticated* vibe with my style, but I'm not sure how to do that with a casual lifestyle, and without looking too old.

ETA: If I ever see Beret Woman again, I'll have to thank her. I already see a lot of good coming out of this, thanks to you all! XOXOXOX!

Claire, I love your son, he is my hero and all teens have to aspire to him!:-)

Claire, your son is my hero, too! Give him a big hug from his YLF aunties!!

It's no secret that I color my gray hair but I really and truly love yours on you!! I think it's absolutely the right fashion choice for many women including and especially you, and that woman in the store has no tact, no brains, and no filter! What the heck is the MATTER with people???

As for your outfit, I think you looked great and I honestly don't detect even a hint of frump!

I think your outfit was great! (And I'm a big fan of natural hair). If the skirt is feeling a bit frumpy, perhaps it could be taken in a bit at the hem so it's more tapered and less straight?