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What to wear when your style is incongruent with your lifestyle?

banananutmuffin

I am a SAHM with an infant and toddler. I also have chickens, a large garden, etc.

My style tends to be minimalist with a leaning toward "bombshell." I like shorter skirts/dresses that show some leg, or clinging shirts that show some cleavage. I love to wear heels, whether boots or strappy sandals. I prefer clean lines, body-hugging garments (when my weight is cooperating lol), and solid, neutral colors (with an occasional splash of red thrown into the mix).

However, I tend to the chickens every morning/evening in muck boots, end up with baby food and fingerpaint smeared across my shirt, chase around a toddler all day, and have to keep my long hair tied up so my baby doesn't yank it all out while she's nursing.

As a result, I find myself wearing nothing but jeans (and not expensive ones, because they often get stained) or baggy cheap cargo pants, plain cotton tee shirts, and Teva sandals or work boots (or barefoot).

Some days I run out with the kids and we eat lunch with friends or do some errands, and it just seems like too much effort to do hair/makeup/dress up, especially when I know I'm only going to be out of the house for an hour, and then it's back home to fingerpaints and chicken poop.

Any suggestions?

Dressing

28 replies

Latest reply was from mamaKate

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I found sometimes you just have to take advantage of those 'one hour' opportunities to wear what you truly love to, and then just hang it back up when you get home. Otherwise, when will you put on your favorite things?

Vildy

Veteran

Chickens! Be still my heart. I grew up on a chicken farm.

I feel your pain as to the conflict between lifestyle and style. You're kind of in the position of someone whose job would forbid bombshell clothes, except that your job sounds
24/7 these days.

Some very old fashion advice book used to advise housewives to wear coveralls for their housework - so I guess they could be glam or bombshell underneath! In the end, though, it would just mean wearing coveralls if your housework never ended.

A lot of clothes are easy enough care these days that you could go ahead and wear what you like but would you feel like you were in a coy Playboy photoshoot if you were sporting a lot of cleavage to feed chickens and pull weeds?

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Mo. Take advantage of those times to have some fun with your clothes.

It sounds like you need some capsules:

1) tend to the farm

2) SAHM mom with sticky fingers at home. My suggestion is to get some nice at home or lounge clothes so you feel good even when you are just home with the kids. You never know when a neighbor might stop by or you go for a neighborhood walk with the kids.

3) MOTG where you can have some fun with looks that don't work at home.

4) Bonus capsule: a couple of nice outfits when you can get out of the house without your sticky fingered crew

Ginkgo

Veteran

Wow - you do have your hands full! I don't have the wee ones or the chickens (although the neighbor's goats came into our yard recently and knocked me down), but we're on a big property with lyme ticks dropping from the trees and I"m dodging horse manure while walking down the half mile road to the mailbox, so I spend my time at home in hideous jeans and old race t-shirts. On my run into town and grocery store I now try to change into stylish well-fitting jeans, top and good shoes. Neglected to do this a few months ago for a 9pm emergency Safeway run and of course a neighbor tapped me on the shoulder to say hello and I felt sooo embarrassed at how I looked.

Instead of doing a full makeup/dress up as you would have done pre-babies, could you do a more modified quick routine and have just several SAHM seasonal outfits to throw on? I'm thinking if you keep it more simple it might be easier to do. Maybe just a couple of elements that will give you the bombshell look.

Anonymous

Can you set a ritual for going out? Like a movie night/dance night once a month? Can you get someone to babysit? You'd be creating some stylish outlets. My mom was a SAHM for 5 years when I was a kid, and she was in need for more social outings. I think maybe you can host some work nights: invite some friends over each can knit/craft/sew or a book club, or some form of periodic socialization?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I could have written the title of this post. In doing a bit of style analysis recently, I discovered that what I LIKE and what LOOKS GOOD on me are to a large extent in conflict with my lifestyle. Frustrating.

In your case, have you taken a look at Angie's Mom on the Go suggestions? http://youlookfab.com/category/mom-on-the-go/ They might be helpful. Although it sounds as if you definitely need a "capsule" for barn and yard work. The trouble is that you might find yourself going back and forth a lot (house to barn to grocery store or whatever). But perhaps a big apron or two would not be a bad idea for those days when you know you intend to go out?

Queen Mum

Veteran

I was going to suggest the MOTG formula's that Suz linked to as well. They might give you a good balance between all out bombshell and "I hope to goodness nobody stops by" lounge wear.
And take advantage of date nights to glam up and go all out bombshell.

catgirl

Veteran

Cocolion/Denise also might be able to answer this question..

I feel your pain - I have the opposite problem, not able to dress as rock star/casual or stomp around in big boots all day due to working in a formal profession. Time for a Freaky Friday switch?

Scarlet

Veteran

I was also thinking that a regularly scheduled date night might be a good option, assuming you can find a reliable sitter. Besides that you can always wear clothes that fit you well and colors you like, even when it is for mucking around.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Or even if you CAN'T find a sitter.

My husband and I regularly have "date night" Saturdays at home. When our daughter was younger we simply put her to bed and ate our meal later on our own. Now she stays up but has her own supper earlier and then reads, draws, or watches a movie in her room. And sometimes I "dress" for date night. Why not? It's fun, and gives me a chance to wear something pretty for a change. I admit I don't always bother, but when I do I often ask myself why I don't do it every time!

Beth

Veteran

Banananut, I also have chickens (and goats, ducks and geese) and I definitely have a farm capsule for serious work: jeans that don't creep down, wellies, muck boots and a stained sun hat for mowing on the tractor). Then there's my professional work capsule where I use my full-time job as an outlet for style. The dichotomy between the two is huge...to the point where some people who only see me in one setting have said they can't imagine me in the other:)

Since you're a SAHM, you don't have the work outlet, but Angie's MOTG options are great and with some adjustment can work. Can you structure your day so you get the farm work done at the start and end of the days and then switch to a more stylish option for the rest of the time, wearing lots of easily washable but fab clothes?

Debbie

Veteran

Take every opportunity you have to get dressed up. Even if its for an hour. It will definitely make you feel better. Remember you are important and deserve to feel like yourself even if its just for a little while.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I also like the idea of stepping up the lounge/babywear capsule. Perhaps you could thrift some fitted jersey tops and dresses? Then you could have fitted items that make you feel better, but they would still be inexpensive and comfy enough that a little finger paint wouldn't be a tragedy. You could also consider a pair of wedge boots or sneakers for stability while giving the height you crave.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

hello banananutmuffin! well, a couple of years ago i could've written your post. i'm a 'house spouse' out where it regularly gets in the 100F in summer, hike/walk a lot, don't have much $$$, with a very eccentric/romantic edge to my style.

i'm all for doing what you can to express your style in EVERY aspect of your life! if you were happy just dressing 'bombshell' once a month or so i doubt you'd bother to post your query here. it's a conundrum to fit a style into it's 'real life' opposite!! but it can be done, it will certainly exercise your creativity, and it's a lot of fun!

to start, grooming and accessories can make a big statement. comb your hair, curl the ends, put it in a high ponytail, and put on powder, lipstick and do your brows for the classic fifties pin up look. groom your brows regularly and choose a long lasting lipstick and your look will last.

many earrings, necklaces and scarves can add to a look without interfering with hard work. studs and small hoop earrings, 18" necklaces, and smaller square scarves all work well. well chosen pins can also work. for the most impact make sure that all of your accessories echo each other somehow - all lipstick red, maybe - red sparkle studs, red bead 18" necklace, and a 24" square scarf tied around your ponytail - white with red cherry print. have fun with it!

even the steps i've outlined above can help you give a 'bombshell' vibe to a white tee, jeans, and work boots - especially if the tee and jeans have a sizzling fit i agree with the suggestions to check out the MOTG and flop proof looks - find a couple that attract you and try them out! and again, flattering colors and a fit that flatters will make a huge difference in how you look and feel. patterns are better at hiding.....well, whatever could use hiding you mite look at the MOTG outfits with the idea of switching out tall boots for wellingtons and or work boots........hope this helps!! let us know how it goes!! steph

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

and aprons are genius steph

elpgal

Veteran

Those are great ideas, Steph!

catgirl

Veteran

Steph, I love not only your specific advice but the philosophy behind it.

Kristine

Veteran

Great advice! How about Marilyn Monroe in some of her less bombshell (but still bombshell) looks? White shirts tied at the waist, clamdiggers, barn coats. This has to be Marilyn at her prettiest and she actually looks like she could muck a barn.

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Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

I love the idea of doing make up every day for you to feel more like you!

Also, it sounds as if you have two main areas - chicken feeding, which sounds like one set of grubby clothes, and MOTG. Do you change after the chickens? If not, could you make a system to do that to make that work?

Then you could work on your MOTG capsule to get some more skirts etc. If you choose accessories and heels when you get dressed (but don't wear them because of small children...) then if you're going out it wouldn't be too much work to go upstairs and put them on. I also like the idea of an apron. I wish I'd got into that more when my children were younger (they're 7 and 5) as that would have saved so much bother. I use one more now.

The other thing is to think if there are components of your home outfit that could be incorporated into a going out outfit. I always feel that if eg I can keep either my top or my jeans on it doesn't feel as if getting changed is such a hassle!

Fruitful

Veteran

Lots of amazing advice here, especially from mrseccentric!

It's making me excited to see you post a photo of what you come up with.

I also agree with Rae that fitted clothes and wedge heels will give you more of the bombshell vibe.

I merely had the boring suggestion to get a stretch denim skirt That with boots and tights was my uniform (I didn't have chickens though!)

And I believe aprons are shmexy and practical!

rachylou

Veteran

Total sympathy. I was waify-punk-mod, when I didn't have to do anything but express myself when it came to getting dressed

I like the idea of *thinking Marilyn Monroe.* Do you think jeggings would stand up to farm work? I have some that I really like, and they seem hardy enough. I moonlight as a baker, dragging 50-pound sacks of flour around and covering myself in dough. Also, how about more fitted tees? In the bakery I wear very thin (it's hot!) fitted tees. Most are long-sleeved for protection, but I have some with what I think are cute cap sleeves and funky ruffles or "architecture" at the neckline.

oh... a p.s. - Maybe Chacos or something instead of Tevas? There's just something about Tevas that gives 'em a bad rep...

http://www.rei.com/category/40003532

Fruitful

Veteran

Also - it's not clothes, but may I suggest wearing perfume daily, to make you feel more like you?

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Oh I totally feel your situation! I live on a ranch, in a small mountain town where no one ever dresses up. Actually the coolest looking people are dressed in gear around here -- the climbers or the river rafting guides for example. I have always loved fashion and the fact that gear looks good to me should give you an idea of my environmental norm!

Top that off I work in a restaurant where I have a semi uniform of jeans and tees and 8-12 hour on your feet shoes. I get dirty and I wear an apron.

My approach is like Mo's. I seize every opportunity to dress up! For example today I drove 2 hours to the nearest city to buy restaurant supplies/fresh foods, something I do every week. I could wear cargo shorts and running shoes, but I usually wear a dress. I always bring along a pair of spare, sensible shoes just in case.

I also have some other activities where everyone else is super casual but I may elevate my look to smart casual.

Actually the fact that I purchase 80% of my wardrobe for maybe 10% of my actual time is something I have been *meaning* to reflect upon!

Anonymous

No more advice from me - everyone else has done it too well, except to say I'm a SAHM and I wear an apron every day to cook/do the dishes/messy stuff etc. It's a real 70's number and I used to think it was awful, but now I adore it. I always feel like I'm playing 1950s housewife (or in this case 1970s housewife!).

banananutmuffin

Thanks for all the GREAT advice. I am definitely going to incorporate some of the suggestions into my everyday wear. Now that I'm close to losing all the baby weight, I'm ready to get out of baggy jeans and tees!

Vildy

Veteran

Loved Steph's advice, channeling the inner Marilyn Monroe, jeggings, perfume!

carmina33

Remember to carry the bombshell vibe through to your sleepwear-- a knit chemise is sultry but also super comfortable, WASHABLE!, and priced so that you can realistically get them multiples. I love the Simply Vera Wang line at Kohls-- so feminine. If you feel like you need more coverage around the house, just add a robe (and maybe some quilted satin slippers so you feel like a screen siren!)
Other advice offered on this thread is great-- I especially like the retro apron idea.

mamaKate

Veteran

Think "artist's smock" over "bombshell dress"!