Thank you all of you for your kind, thoughtful and helpful response. And apologies for not answering right away. I had to be away from my computer yesterday, for a meeting with the family of the deceased (in a different city). I realize I should have given some context.
The person who deceased is the father of my new boyfriend. I had a chance to meet him before he passed, two weeks ago. Terminal cancer took him. The whole family prepared with such grace, and this experience is for me a lesson of love and family ties. I feel very privileged to have been welcome into this wonderful family and witness their strong bonds and kindness towards one another.
I will be meeting the rest of his family during the funeral, which is on Friday. This makes me a bit nervous.
Janet, I like your suggestion of a black and white print shirt with black bottoms and a black topper. The white might distract from all black.
Elizabeth, Your visual is most helpful. The belt and the cocktail ring are a nice touch to your outfit. I will try to include something like this to mine too.
Amy, you ask the right questions: in this case, the religion is Catholic. Also, thanks for the reminder about the scarf: good point. You made me smile with your comment about the "Too-many-clothes-ex".
Suz, I fully understand that you can't remember what you wore at your own dad's funeral. After all, it is a very emotional time, and we shouldn't really be thinking about our outfits. Thank you for chiming in. You didn't need to apologize for anything... your comments are always kind and à propos. In these sad moments, it is good to smile too.
Zibbets, you make a good suggestion. Plums and other darker, autumnal colors are a good idea. I agree with you that black is not an absolute requirement.
Aziraphale, you bring up some good points, not to dress too avant-garde. It's a very timely reminder for me, as I tend to have a more avant-gardish style whenever I wear black. So the challenge is to wear black without looking Mod or punkish.
Deb, your suggestions are inspiring.
Donna, good point you make here. It's true that in the end, it doesn't really matter. I just don't want to make a faux-pas for this first contact with my BF's family.
Tracey, I am so sorry for you and your husband that he lost two co-workers at such a young age! I hope your husband is safe in his job. It must be no fun attending two funerals so close to one another. I like your Fall outfit very much.
Crutcher, It is good to be reminded.
A, what an experience! Thank you for sharing it. I will keep in mind.
Sarah, thank you for your detailed description of your capsule. It is most helpful to me as I am putting my outfit together.
Joy, Retailgirl, Shiny, Windchime, thank you for your great ideas. I agree that one can never be too formal. Yes, I will bring a whole packet of kleenexes!
Ornella, reading you blog right now. Great ideas. Thank you for point it out.
Brenda, yes, wearing flats or platforms is key. I will remember to do this.