What role does your SO play in your style journey? - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

What role does your SO play in your style journey?

Jonesy

Veteran

A few recent threads had me wondering about how each of you incorporates input from your SOs (could be spouses, BFs, GFs, sisters, moms, etc.). Do they have a "say" in what you wear? Do you value their opinion but ultimately go with your own gut? Do they have a great eye so you always want to hear what they think? Are they occasionally perplexed by your style choices :)? And so on.

I'll start: My SO and I lead very separate style lives :). I almost never ask his opinion about anything. Once in a while I'll try on something I've just gotten and ask him to tell me what it says to him. For example "What do you think these booties say?" He will then riff for a bit and I will get a sense of what they are conveying. But otherwise I don't really check in with him about stuff. For example, if we are shopping together, I would never leave the dressing room to ask him what he thinks about something I'm trying on. I don't have any close female shopping friends, so I don't get anyone's input that way either. I guess I just like to go my own route; maybe I'm an introverted shopper.

What about you?

Shopping

34 replies

Latest reply was from Jonesy

Vildy

Veteran

Semi-separate lives here. Hubby works nights and since we don't have a car, it takes him a long time to commute. I get up extra early and get tired around early evening and nap. We rarely tend to go anywhere together other than the supermarket. I tend to dress nicely at home but I would rarely get any kind of compliment. Though sometimes he will tease me about something he knows I like.

He looks a lot like something out of the Sartorialist's posts of very functional gear. Definitely a gearhead. He's gone back to bicycling in a big way in the last year or so. He shows me all his techy and practical stuff and I ooh and ahhh. I do like this stuff - on other people.

I am practical in my own way - I want to be able to function with complete ease plus be comfortable weatherwise in all my girly stuff.

If there is something I buy that he cracks as to how much they paid me to wear *that* , then I know that it's exactly what women will stop me in the street to inquire about. It's usually patterned and multi-colored. Hubby has only recently branched out into color. He likes lifesaver colors.

I think that if he *did* have a strong positive feeling for something I wore, it would influence me. But since he doesn't as yet - it's been about 25 years - I consult only myself.

catgirl

Veteran

We are pretty much like you, Jonesy. My husband asks my advice more often than I ask for his. If he really hated something enough to comment, I would consider it. I don't tell him what to wear either. Fortunately he is a nice, if conservative, dresser - though on weekends it's ratty t-shirts and jeans around the house. Okay with me, since I'm often in gear or PJs.

greenglove

(website)

Veteran

Oh, my husband has very good style sense. He really helps me with proportion, texture- really everything. If he is around, I always ask his opinion when deciding on something. He is usually spot on. He works in theater and has to think about costume, set design and all of that. I think that he can relate design to anything. He often will tel me if something I bought does not seem like me.

He is not that concerned about what he wears but is getting better. Comfort is his main criteria.

Lisa

Veteran

My hubby sometimes hits the mark better than I do with selecting outfits for me. And other times, he couldn't be more off base. His classic style rubs off onto me and he always enjoys me in a classic outfit. When I start to go modern or something more on trend (such as say, asymmetrical hem blouses) he can't keep up. So I appreciate his opinion but I get to overrule them too.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

My BF actually has good input on putting outfits together and what shoes go with what, etc. But he does have his own personal biases that I know are there. Denim skirts and dresses and leather bottoms of any kind are the biggies. Luckily, I don't really have a desire to wear leather other than a jacket, which I still haven't found. He does see a dress or top and will say, "that's a Mo dress!", so I know he 'gets' my style overall. But the more daring things aren't his cup of tea. My red moto jeans he thought were either too young, or too old, trying to look young. Perhaps when I pair them with a relaxed white tee and sandals he'll warm to it . . .

Elly

Veteran

I've talked about this before, but I had always been really independent-minded when it came to style. I knew I looked good and didn't care much about what others said-- especially since I lived in a small town and new for a fact that the young men I was dating new nothing about style. However, this changed when I got engaged to my ex. I put a lot of effort into pleasing him and compromising partially because he was a bit stingy with compliments and critical and because he was very integrated into a religious community that had certain expectations about appearance.

That was a big mistake for me. I couldn't keep him happy for long and I certainly wasn't happy and didn't like being judged for dressing like myself. I don't want to do that again.

That said, I do still let clients from work that have cultural expectations and my own father influence my choices-- out of respect. However, I wouldn't sacrifice my own happiness with my style or hair again.

I do have a good friend who has a boyfriend who is very sweet. He doesn't know much about fashion, but he knows her sizes and proportions well and will buy her clothing for the activities they enjoy together. He buys workout and hiking/outdoor centered stuff and things appropriate for lounging or going to a casual ball game-- the stuff most of us neglect to spend money on. I think that is super sweet.

Scarlet

Veteran

I often ask my SO for his opinion about something (like does A or B look better with this), and I think he has a good eye. However this is often also a bit of a farce as I leave for work an hour before him and know full well he is barely opening his eyes. It's sort of a joke between us, but can be earnest sometimes. Many new things that I buy puzzle him, but he usually comes around eventually. It has gotten to the point that instead of saying "I don't like that" he will say "don't worry--I'll get used to it."

Actually, we were recently at a social event where someone commented on my style--I was a bit like, oh, this old thing? This is ten years old. Actually SO does not like this thing at all, so I didn't wear it for awhile because of that, but now he got used to it. SO chimed in at this point to say that actually it just doesn't stop me anymore whether he likes something or not. We laughed.

Anyway, in summary I appreciate help when SO is in the right frame of mind, but I also listen to my own heart.

Kafe

My husband doesn't have fashion sense in general, but he knows what he likes. I am always more than willing to listen to him and wear things he thinks looks good. He and I have very different ideas on shoes though, so I usually just go with what I like in the shoe department.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

My husband asks my opinion all the time. He really wants my input. But he doesn't always listen to it. If it were up to him, he would still be wearing the same styles as he wore twenty years ago. He doesn't understand why they keep cutting clothes differently.

Although, having started out thinking this YLF thing was ridiculous, he is actually getting into it now. He was fascinated by the responses to my winter coat question. And he is very curious about whether or not I am going to listen to advice re my WritersFest outfits. You better believe I'm listening, I told him. These women know their stuff!

I do understand his puzzlement, though, because in the past I never asked advice of anyone. I tend to like to make up my own mind. And I rarely ask him if an outfit looks good. But (rarely) he will come shopping with me, and when he does he has sometimes found me something that I wouldn't otherwise have tried, that ends up a favourite.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I usually only ask him about something if I am unsure, and even then I don't always take his advice - as in, if he likes it, but I'm still unsure, I'll likely still change. He has a pretty good eye for figure flattery, colors, and proportion. However, he is way more conservative about clothes than he *thinks* he is, so he definitely does not like anything too edgy. Still, I appreciate that, because it keeps me from looking like I'm trying too hard.

sarah

Veteran

Jonesy, your post describes my situation pretty much exactly, all the way down to the "introverted shopper" bit. I shop on my own almost exclusively. I will add that, much to my surprise, my husband taken the whole YLF thing in stride. I thought he would react more negatively to it, but he's been pretty good natured about it, and goes along with the whole taking pictures thing without complaint. He thinks I am dressing well these days, but he's not interested in men's fashion in the least.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

A fun read.

Jonesy, I have a picture in my head of your stylish SO! I'd love to shop with you so I hope you aren't too much of an introverted shopper.

High five, Jean! Hubby Greg is very stylish and I LOVE to get his opinion on my outfits and style. I trust them implicitly, and he is usually spot on about proportions and outfit messages - although I must take into account that he does not like ruffles, frills and shiny things.

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

I show my hubby my outfit almost everyday, though i ultimately go with my gut on how i feel about an outfit. My husband is pretty good at giving the thumbs up or down once i have everyone on and styled. If i show him something....a little "crazy" that i just bought or still on the hanger he expresses...doubts. But usually once i have it on he changes his mind says it's actually, "pretty cute". haha.

Both I and my husband are pretty vocal, humorous people so there are some pretty funny comments that get thrown out there though.

ironkurtin

Veteran

My husband is incredibly smart and talented, but whoa howdy fashion is not his thing. At All. It's funny because bad design in any other realm makes him absolutely batshit, but clothing and shoes he couldn't care less. I spent the first few months of our living together systematically eliminating all of his pleated pants (!) and t-shirts with holes and convincing him that yes, that thing he thought was a towel really, truly is a bathmat.

I really only get feedback if he hates something on me, and then typically either during the event or afterwards. Just to cover his butt, at other times he tells me I always look nice and he's proud of me. I'll take that in a pinch!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Jonesy, I'm a mostly solitary shopper too, so I know where you're coming from. I don't often ask the opinions of others. I usually know when I like something and when I don't. And I've got a good eye for proportion. (It's one of the reasons I don't post outfit pictures here, although I'm always happy to see the outfits of others. I just like looking at nicely turned-out women, I guess!)

My husband is a stylish guy, though, and when on holiday we often shop together. (Otherwise, we're both too busy). Our tastes overlap but are not identical. He's normally the encouraging, go for it type. Like, yesterday, before I went for my haircut, I asked him, 'Do you think I should go short? I'm bored of my hair' and he said, 'Sure, why not? It'll be cute'. That's often how he is whenever I find an article of clothing that's a bit of a departure from my normal style.

Once in a blue moon he won't like something I'm wearing, so if he says so, I listen. He will always have a reason. It's nice to have an extra pair of eyes that you trust!

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

My husband is a conservative person: if he did not see some styles on me before he can be in a rejecting mode sometimes. However I trust his opinion on overall proportion / cut because sometimes he is spot on. I usually do not take him shopping with me because he does not like shopping with a vengeance and I don't like to burden him. However when I buy something and bring home (unless it is some basics) I always shoe him and ask his opinion and often return if he does not like it and gives a good reason

cjh

(website)

Veteran

Hmm, how about financier? He usually doesn't have much to say about what I wear, but he has made some comments about what NOT to wear. For instance, I've been ordered to never wear the red hat/purple dress combo... However, he does seem to appreciate the skinny jeans look... ????

But I esp. like to show him the fancy, high-glass shoe flyer from a certain dept. store. Recently we got one in the mail, and he said, do NOT buy any of those high heeled, pointy toe black boots. So there you go. Total input for the season (besides cash.)

Jonesy

Veteran

Thanks so much for the comments! They are so fun to read--it's like having a peek into someone's routine in the morning :). Sounds like most SOs are pretty supportive and only make strong comments when you are wearing something quite out of the ordinary (with the exception of your ex, Elly!). It's so nice to really get to know someone so that you know their likes and dislikes, their sense of humor, etc.

Angie, OF COURSE I would love to go shopping with you! My goodness! I guess I am a loner shopper out of necessity rather than total choice. I buy mostly online and when I do go to a B & M mall, I am usually trying to fit the trip in among a bunch of other errands, rather than doing anything social.

Re. my SO's style: I will have to show off one of his date night outfits sometime :). He is actually pretty into style and fashion and he wears clothes really well. When we go to Chicago, we can shop all day for a few days in a row (with some museum-going, socializing with friends, and good food and wine mixed in there too), so he definitely can keep up with me, though I don't think he would want to do that more than a few times a year!

Sona

Veteran

Fashion is just not hubby's thing. He also is very frugal so shopping gives him palpitations.

The bebe and I do all his shopping and we love it. He is 5ft 8 inches tall and fits like a medium fit model so its really easy to shop for him. I love buying him shirts- my favorite are from a store in Paris across from BHV. But i've now found a local shop that does custom shrits with french cuffs and interesting cuffs and collars, etc. Which is great because i've only been to Paris twice and imagine telling the hubster we needed to shop for him and it needed a trip to Paris!

Hubby loves anything I wear but has a thing for skirts. It is really hard for him to give me a constructive opinion on what I'm wearing so I tend not to ask. He's a little worried my YLF 'life' makes me want to shop more but I tell him its more about constructive criticism and that a lot of people are on SYC. Now that idea this boy from NYC likes!!! ( he grew up in Northern NJ actually bit I couldn't help the cheesy rhyme).

So interesting to see the diversity we have here in answers to this question.

qfbrenda

Veteran

My husband is not that into fashion for himself and dresses mostly like a blue collar working man, which is ok with me. I have to push him to buy himself clothes because he would rather use the money for other things.

He has pretty strong opinions about what I wear, but I don't always follow them. He hates change, so sometimes he rejects a look just because he hasn't seen it on me before. He takes some time to warm up.

That said, even with his occasional objection to something I've gotten, he really likes how I'm dressing these days. Every week or so, he'll pipe up a random, "Boy, it really matters how people dress, doesn't it? I saw this person at the store....." and describes the fashion disaster that he saw. He never used to notice before I found YLF and started improving my wardrobe.

Samar

Like elisabeth's, my husband is a super encouraging and go-for-it type. Occasionally I wonder, can he REALLY think I look good so often? It's much rarer to my eye. But I love that about him, he gives me such confidence.

He is an artist and so VERY good with shapes, colors, balance, etc. I don't know what I would do without him saying, "Do you have something lighter you could wear near your face?" or "I think you need some darker lipstick to balance that out." He used to buy things for me but had a hard time getting the fit right, so now he usually just watches me model new purchases so he can give his (welcome) opinions ---but I love shopping with him when I can. His taste is always spot -on; he encourages me to try things I wouldn't have tried myself but that just *work* once I see them on.

*sigh* I love him.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

My DH, while he has a very good eye and has artistic talent, is not personally interested in fashion. I often ask his opinion, particularly when I am feeling unsure or indecisive. 'Honey, which one do you think...."

I've never totally given up on wearing a item because he didn't like it. In fact, he strongly dislikes figure surrendering, or drapey/billowy styles. He calls them baggy. His tastes lean heavily toward tailored and fitted things. He is totally on-board with edgy styles and actually really likes the Allsaints dress I recently bought.

When I'm putting together dog show outfits I frequently ask his opinion and I take his advice in that regard, especially when it comes to choosing colors, seriously. In more casual settings I tend to go with my gut and, when we disagree I always go with my choice over his.

He never asks for my advice as he doesn't care about his appearance very much (though he likes it when he DOES look good, silly thing), or so he says. When we go out, I pick an outfit for him and set it out within easy reach and don't say a word. On the rare occasion that he doesn't put it on, I do say something and he changes without giving me grief. He is pretty much about comfort and convenience. I have done way with many hideous garments in secret.

Edit - I was trying to add a more boho flair to my style for a while and it was not coming easily. DH's preference for tailored, fitted, military and rocker styles on me and my own fumble-fingered ability to pull off boho has influenced me to go back to my rocker roots. So long term, DH's opinion does influence me.

Anonymous

Mine has excellent taste. He can't always judge the styling potential of an individual item, but he is a great judge of outfits. If I ask and he's doesn't like a look, I usually do need to change something. And he's exceptionally good at troubleshooting when I feel like something's not working.

celia

Veteran

I like to do a pre-selection myself but actually trust his input on things.
In the years we know each other our fashion sense has also developed together so he 'get's me' and usually knows what I want from a certain item or a certain look.
If there is something I'm not very confortable with but want to try(like a pencil skirt) I will trust him if he says it's ok and step out of my confort zone.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

Jonesy, thank you for starting such a fun thread! and Thank You all for your comments!

My husband is insanely stylish. He's the one who can shop for hours on end, finds the best bargains, and can walk into a store and within rive minutes find me exactly what i'm looking for. I've posted his pic at the Dickens Fair - the outfit completely his creation. He also spends far more than i do on his wardrobe and hair.

Sounds great, right? The trouble is when it comes to me he cannot make any sense. I can be putting on mascara or lipstick and he'll tease me about ending up like his grandma, who at age 70+ was certain those burly high school football players were giving her 'improper glances' - she'd read them out for it in public, too, mortifying the whole family. "You young men these days!! Don't think i don't know what you're thinking!!!"

But when it comes to what clothes he likes on me - no jeans are too tight, no heel too high, no top too low cut. Literally, the last time i tried on jeans his favorites were the ones i could not zip up. He loves these little Ann Ferriday tops - to him this outfit isn't particularly sexy or revealing. It's fine, it's nice. To me, it feels pretty much on the 'VaVoom' end of the scale.

What cracks me up is when we're walking around town together, me in a low-cut/revealing top, and he starts complaining about all the guys blatantly staring at my chest. "Jeez, can't they at least try to tone it down? Really, it gives me sympathy for what women have to put up with....."

What does all of this mean? I have no clue. But never a dull moment........steph

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chewyspaghetti

Veteran

My husband prefers not to be solicited for opinions on fashion- he just doesn't care enough to have an opinion. His preference would be that I never buy anything that costs over $5, so we differ on that.

Scarlet

Veteran

You know, thinking about this more, I quite often ask him for advice. I often pull a couple of options and ask what he thinks. He almost never says something looks bad or unflattering, so if he does hint in that direction I take it seriously.

MsMary

Veteran

I don't really ask Mr. K for advice because his taste tends towards serious MDL -- if it's short, tight, low-cut, or sky-high, he'll give it a big thumbs up! Strangely, though, he is more conservative than I am when it comes to work wear. Go figure. Mostly I just fish for compliments and he is happy to oblige!

As far as YLF goes, he is TOTALLY on board! He was a bit skeptical until I had a bunch of YLF-ers over to the house for a clothing swap, and he fell madly in love with each and every one of them! So now he is a big booster of my "dress up friends!"

His own style has definitely picked up, too, since I started getting all fashiony. He's traded in his Kirkland brand jeans from Costco for Lucky Brand jeans for the weekend and Dockers for work, which was a big upgrade all around. And his collection of cool shirts from Nordstrom Rack is about to outgrow his closet! Best of all, he's traded his bright white sneakers and socks for some casual but much more stylish footwear. Yay!!

Scarlet

Veteran

Oh yes, and when it comes to YLF I believe his stance is, it keeps me quiet

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