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Too much housework for an 11 year old?

anne

Veteran

When setting housework tasks for my kids, I was quite influenced by people like Steve Biddulph (Raising Boys) who advocated quite a lot of jobs. So my daughter who is 11 (nearly 12) is supposed to
-keep her room tidy
- do all her laundry (washing, hanging out folding etc)including her bedlinen - which is quite a big job for her
-wash up 2 nights a week
- pack her own school lunch
-help put away cutlery
Plus the sort of general tidying up before visitors that all the kids pitch in on
-he also cooks sometimes although that is mostly when she wants to - or occasionally finishing off something that I start.

Frankly, it is a lot more than I was expected to do at her age and she is struggling a bit. Recently she felt sick after a school camp and took a day off, and yesterday came home with a tummy ache - she has always had more days off sick than the others and seems to find it hard to bounce back after exertion.

All the kids are suffering to some extent from tiredness because the hot weather makes it harder to sleep, though that should improve soon with autumn but DD is a night owl and takes ages to get to bed and also seems to often stay up late with homework.

A few times recently she has said she was too tired to wash up and DH and I said she could opt out of that (with a commensurate reduction in Pocket money) but not the washing. But I have noticed her getting behind in it, and her room, which she had previously been keeping tired most of the time, is also messier.

She started swimming training in September - 2 sessions a week - and absolutely loves it - though even this she occasionally asks to skip because she is too tired. One of our conditions was that she keep up piano, which she also enjoys, but since I am out of the house working, I am not actually sure if she's doing her practise.

Thans for reading this far. My questions that I'd love to hear your opinions on are:
1. Do you think this is too much
2. If so, how would you engineer a retreat!
3. Any other comments?

Oh and we are getting a dishwasher some time soon - so that should ease her burden a bit (and mine - since I do it most of the rest of time time - can't wait!

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39 replies

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Louise

Veteran

It does sound like she's a bit worn out poor lamb. I work with much younger children but it does sound like quite a lot for her to do? But I do think it's important for children to help out.

Here's my two pennies worth
Keep room tidy
I'm totally with you on this one, even the youngest children at my setting (3 y o) have to tidy up at tidy up time.

Laundry
I was in my mid teens before I started to do my own washing. I would perhaps lighten the load a bit? I think kids should definitely be responsible for putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, and they should be able to bring you all the clothes you request for washing, say all their whites or darks. And they should be involved in putting the clothes away. Perhaps also helping to peg out the washing but you could vary this as and when you feel she's not too tired.
Could the 2 of you perhaps do the bed linen together?

Washing up
Does she wash and wipe up on her own? I'm still bunking with my parents but generally 1 cooks and the other 2 wash and wipe up, I'd hate to wash and wipe up on my own for 3 of us. I'd probably keep the 2 nights washing up but get another person to help.
Does the swimming training fall on the same nights as her washing up nights? If so I'd swap it to another night so she's not already tired from swimming.

School lunch
I'd keep this. Kids are often picky eaters so if she packs it herself she can't complain.

Help put away cutlery
Yep keep this

General tidying up
Yep keep this

Cooking
This sounds fair, as she gets a bit older you could allocate her a night to cook for everyone

She could always earn extra pocket money by helping out a bit more, say washing up an extra night.

In terms of engineering a retreat I'd just say ' you seem to be struggling so we'll review the chores' x

Astrid

Veteran

At that age I was responsible for my own room and we had divided the chores for the dishwasher among us siblings. The youngest had to set the table, the rest of us three had to either clear the table or put away the clean dishes when the dishwasher had run its course. That changed from week to week, but it wasn't bad if we missed one day because of hobbies or sickness, my parents did it instead. Although at 11 I probably was the only one who did it, because my siblings are a lot younger. Without any consequences for missing a day though. In the end that meant that I did my chores in the kitchen maybe four or five days out of seven on average. Helping with the cooking was voluntary, but I sometimes did part of the meal (salad or something like that) if my dad asked me. I did school lunch for myself too. I had a small budget I could spend on food in school, since there was a kiosk. But it was my decisions how to spend it or even whether to use it for that at all. Making my own lunches in the morning meant more pocket money. One thing I didn't do was my own laundry. I think that would have been difficult anyway, much more economical to wash clothes from all people at once, depending on temperature and so on. But I helped to peg out washing regularly and always had to put my own clothes in the hamper and back into the closet again.

I'm not sure what you should do about your daughter. I have to say I never had a problem with keeping my room in order, I'm just a person who likes it tidy. My room was never a mess, not even in kindergarten. Having less stress with my room probably meant more energy for other chores.

Summer

Veteran

I'm thinking back here to when my children were this age. I expected them to keep their rooms tidy, help with the small jobs like clearing plates, washing or drying up, putting dirty clothes in the basket, plus lending a hand with general household chores as and when necessary. I think they prepared their own packed lunches at this age, too, and volunteered to do their own laundry a little later - probably mid-teens.

Children do seem to have more extra-curricular activities these days, and these, on top of homework can tire them sometimes, I think.

You are doing a great job in teaching your daughter to accept responsibilities like this, but maybe you could cut back slightly on the laundry side for a while?

By the way, getting a dishwasher will ease the burden for all of you - good call.

Anonymous

Erm, my (11 y/o)son barely does anything!!!! EEK!

We have a dishwasher, so no one in the house does actual washing up. My son never plays in his room as it's really small so it never really gets untidy. He's either on Xbox or the computer or playing with a bit of lego in our living room. Occasionally he empties the dishwasher. Yeah, I'm not very strict I guess, but he's not an untidy lad and at the moment he has a fair bit of homework each week because of SATs exams in May. I have to say though that as a youngster I helped my mum clean a bit and I didn't really mess my room up as I've always been tidy, but I never did my own washing. I helped my mum do the washing and I often ironed though. Maybe lads are in need of a bit more of a shove. I never needed to be asked, but perhaps I should ask my son. Oh, and as for cooking. I think I will wait until he's a fair bit older for that.

Lucy

Veteran

Well, as the mother of a nine yo, I will be reading this thread with interest! Thanks for posting
It seems to me that the issue is not really the amount of chores, but the fact that she is very tired. Perhaps she is growing? My son always gets tired (and a little cranky if the truth be told!) when he is about to shoot up. And I have noticed my nephews all start sleeping a lot before they hit puberty, and it lasts a few years. Not sure if girls grow in the same fashion, but she might be going through physiological changes, as well as an increase in activities. And I am perhaps remembering my own teen years, when I pushed myself really hard with school and sport and ended up with glandular fever that took ages to go away.
In this case, I'd be honest with her about cutting her a bit of slack, 'we know you are looking a bit tired, so we are cutting back on A and B, but we still expect you to do C and D.' And when she starts buzzing around with a bit more energy, then back to the other load?

Helenedith

Hi Anne, I think that the heat makes the children particularly tired and it is only a few weeks and it will be school holidays, which may help with the tiredness. Has she had a check up recently?
She does sound like she has a full schedule, especially with piano practice and homework as well as her chores. Maybe she can tell you which chores she finds particularly hard to manage and she could have a few months break to see if that makes a difference to her well being. Children being responsible for chores is great learning for them, but always a difficult thing to get the balance right. Good luck finding a solution that works for you both .

anne

Veteran

Ahhh. I had a long comment written and then the computer restarted. Now am on my phone. Will type more tomorrow.
Thanks so much everyone!

rachylou

Veteran

Right now out there somewhere is a four year old going to a well to get his family water.

At that age, in addition to school and being honour roll, I had riding, music, and ballet. I was supposed to clean my room, do the dishes every night, cook twice a week, do laundry, and clean my mother's kitchen once a week (which she'd tear up frankly - the woman was messy). I broke all my mother's wedding dishes washing them, one by one, and never brought my snack dishes out of my room.

My dd was supposed to just do her own snack dishes and laundry. Regularly found everything under the bed.

What I think is: It's not really that much, just don't actually expect anything to get done and/or get done well.

Also: children don't get as much sleep as they should. Never have, never will.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I am a mother of four with 3 adults and one 14 year old. My children all did their laundry beginning at age 12... In my house bedrooms and laundry were more on weekends than school days. Unloading a dishwasher when asked and taking out trash were also included , with four that wasn't too much.

I don't know how your school hours run, at your daughter"s age our middle schools get out the latest in the afternoon, so after homework and dinner I didn't expect much else from them during the week...I think you parent the child you have and it sounds to be like something is amiss and needs to be reworked in her scheduling..
I believe very much in sending responsible people out into the world and they all cooked and cleaned well by end of high school. I also believe that childhood is precious and protected that at times...

Jules

Veteran

Is she starting puberty? Teens do need a lot of sleep and often stay up late then have trouble waking up. So maybe it's not just the chores and there is some general schedule changing that needs to happen, or more flexibility if possible. If backing down on chores does seem necessary, I would just tell the truth... you've noticed that she is very tired and has a lot on her plate, so you've decided to ease up a bit to see if that helps.

Jilena

That does sound like a bit much, but then again, I'm not sure, have you tried talking to her and get her input and maybe form a type of compromise? I've never personally had children myself.

Diana

Veteran

Hmm, when I was around that age, I think I was doing:
--keeping my room tidy
--random pitching in around the house, like when guests were coming, etc
--sometimes unloading dishwasher
--setting table (again, not all the time)
--gathering and putting away my own laundry (but not actually doing it)

Keep in mind that my mom is a Control Freak and does not allow anyone else in the house to do dishes, serious cooking, or laundry, because, I don't know, we won't do it right or we'll mess something up, etc. My parents also did not believe in allowance/pocket money (if we wanted to buy something we'd have to ask them for it). Anyway, I did not find the above to be too many chores but I was jealous of my friends who got allowances. I think the idea to make some of the chores optional, but rewarded (i.e. with additional pocket money) would be a good idea.

qfbrenda

Veteran

As a mom of 5, the chore list seems reasonable to me. We all make the messes around here and we all help clean them up. My kids start doing their own laundry around age 11/12 and have been folding their own laundry since they were 5/6 yrs old.

I don't have an 11 yr old at the moment, but my 10 yr old folds his laundry, cleans his room, helps vacuum the house a few times a week, helps dust, helps unload the dishwasher several times a week, and does various things outside as needed---raking, sweeping, etc.

Though throwing in swim training is something we haven't done so I'm not sure how to factor that in. We do piano so that is similar to our house. I'm of a strong belief that kids need to help around the house, partly to contribute to the household, and also to simply learn how. Kids need to know how to clean, do laundry, cook, clean up, etc. it's part of life training. So if I was going to cut something out, chores wouldn't be it.

I would address her getting to bed earlier. It sounds like she definitely needs more sleep. I'm not sure how dropping a few chores would accomplish that.

kellygirl

Veteran

Wow, I have nothing to add because I rarely see my kids these days. I'm pretty sure they still live here though. I *wish* I had thought about chores earlier. Mine are 13 and 16 and are responsible for keeping their rooms clean, cleaning their bathroom and folding/putting away their laundry. Between school, homework and soccer, I'm not sure how they would manage much more household work at this point. It would have been nice to have started this in grade school so they would at least "get" the idea of chores--before their lives got over taken with other stuff.

rabbit

Veteran

I don't have kids, but your daughters chores sound close to mine growing up. I didn't have an allowance but got 'paid' for chores (quarter for unloading the dishwasher, etc. -- adjust for inflation) and 'fined' if I didn't do my required chore. This actually worked great for me and my sister and we'd do extra chores if we wanted to buy something. We could be very stubborn when cajoled but were motivated by financial considerations.

At that age I was responsible for:

-getting good grades
-unloading the dishwasher every day (loading my own dishes)
-bringing dirty clothes to the laundry room and folding/sorting bringing them back upstairs to put away (my mom ran the machine)
-tidying my room
-everything to do with pets
-sweeping basement and kitchen weekly
-cooking (badly) about once a week - this I hated
-vacuuming and mowing on rotation with other family members
-breakfast and packing lunches
-getting to and from school (if I missed the school bus I had to go get a city bus).

It sounds like tiredness could be related to a lot of things, lack of sleep, growth, stress, many activities. I would hide a book under the covers and read until 4 in the morning if no one noticed at that age. What does your daughter think is tiring her out?

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Flylady.net has a lot of great tools, including control journals for kids, to help them sort out their chores and schoolwork, and a lot of ladies have written in to say how much their kids love it.

Wow, lots of great feedback here! Like Rabbit, I don't have kids, but I do work with kids in theatre, and I know that there are the eager, ready-to-grow-up 11-12 year olds, and then there are 'younger'11-12 year olds, who aren't quite ready to shoulder as much responsibility. And of all the kids I work with (ages 6-16), some of them seem to have boundless energy, and some need extra time to sleep, to process their schoolwork and learn their lines, and choreography.

My chore list, at age 11-12, was pretty much the same as your daughter's, except laundry and cooking. Believe it or not, I used to beg to be allowed to cook and run the washing machine, and my mom refused! My sister and I always hung the clothes out to dry though, and we thought it was a fun game.

I think 11-12 is old enough to sit down with you and her dad, and have a family consultation. Ask her. Why are you tired? If we let you give up one chore, what would you choose? See what she says. Ask her to write out her ideal schedule. This isn't a retreat. Explain that you see her effort, you applaud it and are very proud of her. Tell her you want her to excel at school, and at the things she loves: swimming, and piano. Maybe the three of you can work out a schedule that gives her some extra rest and downtime, but still keeps her on-track, being responsible, and helping the family.

I was always a night owl as a kid - even into my late 20's, I knew that I had to be in bed no later than 9:40pm, because around 10:05, my eyes would suddenly be wide open and my mind would be alert for hours. If you can figure out when she gets her second wind in the evenings, you can establish a time for her to be in her pajamas, lying in bed, with lights dimmed or out.

viva

Veteran

Still chucking at Rachylou: "Right now out there somewhere is a four year old going to a well to get his family water." But it's not really funny, because it is in fact true, and also because it cuts right to the heart of this, for me. What is right is set by at least three things (1) cultural norms, (2) family needs, and (3) parental philosophy. It's so hard to feel comfortable commenting.

Since you asked, I will just say that from my perspective, it feels like a lot.

Granted, my kids probably did not do enough by many people's standards, which is clear (even to me) when I see how messy they can be as young women. But they have really strong work ethics (at 19 and 23 both have multiple jobs) and they're interested and curious people, and I think that was where my focus was when they were kids (which meant that at 11, the priorities were pretty simple: homework and free time for creative play). They had some obligations in the home but honestly, not too many: their rooms, bringing down their laundry, clearing the dinner table. When they were teenagers we asked more of them, but they also had jobs outside the home.

It all comes back to those things I mentioned before: what works in your culture, for your family, and for you as a parent. I believe it's going to be different for everyone.

rabbit

Veteran

I'll just add on to what Viva said, since that rings very true to me, I had two parents both working over full time so if me and my sister did less chores the household really wouldn't have functioned. I still find unloading the dishwasher one of the most mentally soothing things ever though, since it's something I've done consistently for so long I guess.

Style Fan

Veteran

I find this very interesting. What Rachylou said and then Viva and Rabbit added to is also true to me. Different families operate and function differently but it can work beautifully. I don't feel I can comment on the amount of chores your daughter does because I don't think there is a perfect answer.

anne

Veteran

Thank you all so much for weighing on this thread - you have given me a lot to ponder and I think things are getting clearer in my mind
I'll deal more with the topics that you have raised rather than going through each response - hope that is ok!! I have read them all several times.

Firstly, HelenEdith's point that this is nearly the end of the summer term is really important context. I kind of forget that every year it is a long slog becaue of the heat predominantly and to a lesser extent because of school swimming lessons (every day for 2 weeks). At least it is only a 9 week term this time. She'll have a chance to rest in less that 2 weeks (well to some extent because she is actually going away for a camp at Easter!)

TrayeyLiz saying " In my house bedrooms and laundry were more on weekends than school days" also set the bells ringing. This SHOULD be true of us too. DD doesn't have any regular Saturday activities and my general expectation is that she gets her room clean by Saturday midday (I don't expect tidiness everyday) and does her laundry on Sat morning too. BUT she was busy with other things all last Saturday and Sunday too, and the previous weekend Saturday was taken up with a school camp. So no wonder she hasn't had the time to do it!

Rachylou's point that "Right now out there somewhere is a four year old going to a well to get his family water" is something that is very close to my mind. I know quite well that many children of her age around the world already work for a living, and that 200 years ago she probably would have been too. She certainly lives a very privileged life (as do I).

anne

Veteran

Louise - she doesn't have to wipe up - just wash. We leave it to dry and it is DD7 puts it away in the morning
Actually that is a bit of a funny story. They were all three supposed to share putting it away but the older girls offered (then) DD6 10cents a day to do it for them - Mine start getting pocket money at 7 so it meant she got some money. Then DD6 decided she didn't want to put cutlery away so she does the rest and the older 2 do the cutlery and they only pay her 9 cents a day (I don't know how exact this payment is as I try to stay out of it - I think they just give her a few dollars every few weeks) It works really well as DD7 is more of an early bird and is quite efficient at it. She is of the bustling type!

Washing - my chief obstacle with cutting this is that I have a whole system set up where "when you are 9 you do your own washing". So DD9 does her too.
They all have had to put their own clothes away even before this. In terms of economy of washing loads, Astrid - they (and I) share loads in the washing machine stage of it. It is the hanging out and bringing in and folding that is the work after all.

School lunches - this wasn't part of the plan actually!! I used to make them for them and they asked to do it themselves and I said go for it!! Sometimes DD is rather fancy and cooks things for her lunch but often she just chucks in a tin of tuna and some baby tomatoes, a piece of fruit and one GF "treat" (we do batch baking and have them ready wrapped in the freezer) I do have an arrangement with them that I will make their lunch IF they ask me the night before (I leave for work quite a lot earlier than they go to school and I have quite a regimented timeline for my morning routine). Mostly it is DD7 who takes up that offer every once a week or so.
Our school only has canteen once a week and DD11 can't eat that for lunch anyway as it isn't GF.

Earning extra money - yes we have an arrangement that there are
1. Jobs you do as just part of the family (eg helping clear up before visitors, helping clear table sometimes)
2. Jobs which you need to have done to get your pocket money (though not exactly as payment for them)
3 Extra jobs to earn money - occassionally offered by me to any takers - but also they can ask me if they want to.
DD11 is not the one to go for number 3, perhaps because she gets the most pocket money!

Cooking - I like the idea of them cooking and had a plan that they would all cook one night a week once they were 10. That hasn't quite happened. When I was a SAHM mum I had a scheme for awhile where they got to be "kitchen helper" for a week at a time and help me prepare meals (I think they got to pick what we ate one meal a week) They were all keen on cooking (somewhat Masterchef influenced) but I wanted them to know ordinary everyday meals as well as making inventions and doing baking. DD11 can certainly cook several different meals and a while ago was often offering to cook Saturday lunch. Given her tiredness issues I am not pushing this one right now.

Echo

Veteran

If a person thinks about it, a child has a full-time job in going to school. Then add to that the piano and the homework and the swimming, and that's a LOT to do - not including any chores at home at all.

I am probably too soft on my kids, but I always figured that if I wasn't prepared to do laundry for them, cook and clean the house, then I wasn't ready to have children. I agree that kids need some responsibilities, but keeping their rooms clean, making sure their laundry lands in the basket (and not on the floor), and minor things like helping clear the dinner table/set the table, sweep up after dinner or help taking turns taking out the garbage is enough, IMO. Kids also need down time to dream, re-charge and imagine.

My kids' main job is their grades, and then their extra-curriculars. It is bad enough for an adult to have to "look forward" to doing laundry, cooking and cleaning after work; it would be overwhelming for a child that has practice and homework as well. As a child, my mum, my sister and I made a "party" of cleaning the house for a couple hours on one of the days of the weekend. We all worked together, and helped dust, vacuum, strip and wash linens and remade the beds together. It felt like teamwork, and we laughed and played music. In that context, it wasn't work, and it wasn't even tiring to think about. Perhaps it is the context of the work that is discouraging your DD? Maybe working together or making things fun (and cutting back in expectations) could help her feel better about things?

Like others have said, every family has a different culture. I can't say what is absolutely right or wrong for other people. But that would, without question, be too much for my DD to handle (she is a year younger, just turning 11 in about a month). She always has her nose in a book, and I want to encourage that, not give her adult responsibilities when she isn't even a teen. "The real world" can be tough, and there will be plenty of years when she will have to maintain a home herself. I see no need to rush things.

anne

Veteran

Oh and she has always been the tidy one (much tidier than I am, truth be told) So this is a recent change.

I enjoyed reading about all your own experiences and what your kids do - of course our families do differ quite a lot with these expectations and our circumstances. I work 4 days a week (and was full-time for 18 months before that) and DD's contribution does really help - as I discovered last year when she had a cast on! DH works full time, though from home, and he already does all the school drop offs, cooks 3 to 4 nights a week, often for a crowd and does 2 school pickups and homework supervisions and some tidying (and that is all less than he did now I only work 4 days)

Tiredness - I think that may of have hit the nail on the head when you said that really this is the issue and we need to look with her at the whole picture and how we can deal with it. I'd say she is beginning puberty though she isn't going through a growth spurt right now, heightwise, and is eating less. She was diagnosed with celiac disease last year, and I do sometimes worry that she may not be getting enough carbs now. DH is a extreme night owl and needs lots of sleep so she could be taking after him.

I was particularly stuck by La Belle Demimondaine's point about a sort of sweet spot go to bed before the second wind comes. Oh and in terms of your 2 groups of kids - she is definitely a responsible type (typical first born!) but maybe she is the "needs extra time and sleep" sort.
Oh and I'll check out Flylady - haven't looked there for a while now but I have found her concepts useful in the past

Thanks so much everybody - you've been really helpful

Echo I have just seen your comment - I do want them to have time to dream and imagine - will think some more.

Adelfa

Veteran

My kids at that age had music and sports, earned good grades, and did their own laundry. I have to admit I wasn't picky about how they chose to keep their rooms. And they didn't do dishes.

The thing is it's not clear that chores are making her tired. If the fatigue persists I'd echo the suggestion of taking her to the doctor. Also, is anything happening that's putting her under stress? There are so many things that could be affecting her emotionally, which could then manifest as fatigue. Good job paying attention to what your daughter is telling you!

Joy

Veteran

You have already gotten many great comments and ideas. I teach religious education to children aged 9-13 and have been astounded by the number who read, play video games, or text their friends after their parents think that they are in bed for the night. It is usually fatigue that alerts the parents that something is going on. Just a thought.
This also seems an age (11-12) when homework can become intense.

Anonymous

I have to say that after reading Echo's comment, I feel a similar way. I do intend to get my son doing a few more jobs around the home, but I also feel that school is a bit like a full time job; plus he's tired from growth spurts. I want him to enjoy being a kid.

But also, everybody has to do what works for them and their families. To each his own.

Editing to add that it may be worth checking out the fatigue. I remember getting a lot of colds at one point and I think I was a bit zinc deficient. Make sure your DD has enough iron too

Aziraphale

Veteran

Anne, I am no help. I also have an 11-year-old and I am struggling with this, because I feel like she should do some chores, but at the moment she doesn't have time. I started another thread about it in Off Topic.

Also, our schedule is all over the map. We don't have a 'regular' family life. My husband isn't home for dinner during the week (not ever), I'm at university, my kids have after-school activities and my in-laws are here several days a week picking up the slack. So it's hard to institute routines.

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't really know if you've assigned your daughter too much. Maybe? I don't know what else she has to do -- i.e. how much homework she has, or what other sports etc she's involved in.

I feel like my own parents had a good handle on this. I know that at her age, I was required to keep my room tidy, and help clean up after supper (but we had a dishwasher, which helped). That was pretty much it during the week. On Saturday mornings everybody had to do an hour or two of housework, although these could vary from week to week. I usually chose vacuuming or cleaning bathrooms. I know I never chose mowing the lawn. (I still don't know how to start the lawnmower).

As for cooking, it's not a bad idea to get her to do some once in a while. I think you're on the right track there. I was never required to cook, and I was lost at sea when I first moved out of my parents' house. (I think my mom hated cooking too, so I don't blame her for this oversight).

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Anne, I'm super late on this but I was very interested in the question and before anyone else had responded, I asked my 15 year old DD what SHE thought. I figured that as someone near the age of your own DD she might have an interesting perspective.

Her answer was essentially the same as Viva's: "It depends." It depends on what else the child has to do during the week, what her temperament is, what the family's needs are. It depends on how well she deals with stress, and whether the other activities are valuable or not.

For my DD, that amount of work would have been too much at age 11. Yet she felt that for someone else, it might be okay or at least bearable.

At your DD's age, she was actually able to do more in the way of chores than she is now that she is in high school! (To Kelly's point.)

But, the truth is, we didn't ask her to. School is already pretty tiring and stressful.

She was responsible for tidying her room and sharing in the major cleans of that room (the kind where you sort through EVERYTHING and edit as well as doing the ordinary dusting, vacuuming, etc.); clearing the table/ loading the dishwasher after some meals; cleaning out her lunch dishes; helping with general family chores when needed. Sometimes folding laundry, depending on when we did it. Always, for putting away her own clothes.

When she was 6 and 7, her dad lived for part of the year away from us for work reasons. So she and I did exactly what Echo says re chores. On Saturday mornings we put on music and did a major clean (shared) of the entire house. Then we usually went out for lunch together and then shopped for groceries and did a big cook when we got back, preparing food ahead for some of the week to come.

In other words, she did more when she was little than she does now. But she knows what it involves and these days is starting to enjoy cooking, so that is another chore she has volunteered to do once a week.

Laurie

Veteran

Ahhh great thread.
I grew up with an Mom a lot like Diana's Control Freak Mom. She complained constantly about how much housework she had to do and what a mess the house was, but there were only very certain chores we were "allowed" to do. For example, no one but she was allowed to do the laundry - there is a very precise soaking procedure to do (to this day) and so on! My father refuses to make their bed to this day after 54 years of marriage because he couldn't do it exactly right! But, what I could do was a long list, believe me! At 11 and older I:

made my bed every day and kept my room neat always
stripped and remade the bed weekly
folded baskets and baskets of clothes and towels a precise way
unloaded (but never loaded!) the dishwasher
babysat for my younger siblings on demand
dusted (does anyone dust anymore?) 2x a week
vacuumed (but only before Dad got home from work)
etc.

My boys (16 and 20 now) have been expected to make beds, get dirty clothes to the laundry, set or clear the dinner table, unload the dishwasher, take out trash, bring in the newspaper. They have also helped with yard chores like grass cutting, leaf raking etc., and helped Dad with other projects in the house.
Allowance - both got a weekly allowance, but not for doing the chores. The chores are expected as part of our family, which was my parents' philosophy.

I'm a little on the, eh hem, neat side, growing up as I did. I have tried to not be as obsessive as my mom was, but I get there sometimes usually 30 minutes before company arrives and I'm not ready! I think it is a courtesy to the family and to visitors to have a nice house. I think it is a duty to raise kids to have good hygiene and house keeping skills because they will be living with others when they leave my house. I have been fortunate to be able to afford cleaning help one or 2 times a month which I have been so grateful for, otherwise I would spend half of each weekend doing the housework, and not spending time with my family. Or my house would be a wreck which would make me very cranky all the time!

I second what Joy pointed out - most kids these days have plenty of time for texting and video games, so that time can be repurposed.

Good luck. It's all Very Hard sometimes, isn't it?!

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