It shouldn't impact your style that she is not motivated to get dressed up in the mornings. I agree, I would be pretty happy to hear that I was looking snazzy

Thanks to all of you for making me feel better! I will have to come back after the kids are in bed to respond to the comments in more detail but for now--thanks so much!

Una, I had to look up the origin of snazzy after you asked. Here is what I found on the Merriam Webster dictionary:
"conspicuously or flashily attractive : fancy <snazzy clothes> <fond of tooling around town in a snazzy car>"
And from Wiktionary:
"Unknown but perhaps a blend of snappy + jazzy, or from Irish snas (meaning polish, good appearance) [1]. The first documented use of the word was on 30 March 1901 on page 3 of the The Evening Post, Wellington, New Zealand. The Reference was to "'Snazzy,' otherwise G.H. Snazelle ." George H. Snazelle was a noted English vocalist, entertainer and actor who was born George Snazel in 1848, and who died in 1912. It is probable that the word was coined to refer to this stylish, well-traveled celebrity of the age."

Vildy, thanks for the link--I will definitely check it out! Sounds fascinating!

Dana and Shevia, yes I agree hopefully my daughter will make her own friends and it won't matter how I dress! She has already bonded with a couple of the girls and I am trying to get to know those moms better. But she's a bit of an introvert like me and often goes to the book corner to read so I want to encourage her to be more social by setting up some playdates. And since the parents are the ones deciding that, you have to get to know them and It's easier to get into the groups earlier before the cliques form. It's kind of tough for me because even if I have time to do dropoff (which I usually don't), I don't have time to linger and chat because I have to get to work. And I don't want first impressions of me to be negative ones because of the way I dress (if they think I'm overdressed). I don't think I will change how I dress necessarily, but like Christy suggested, I'll keep working on my approachable MOTG style! Oh and Elisabeth, I don't think there's anything wrong with being perfectly coiffed and groomed, but I can see how that could give the first impression of "she's high maintenance" and I definitely don't want to be thought of like that!

You know what's overrated? Laziness disguised as "comfort."

Yoga mom probably didn't mean to be hurtful, but I can understand how it felt that way. Like Echo and some others said, it sounds like her own defensiveness for not looking like she put in any effort. Once again, the speaker's words say much more about themselves than about the person they're speaking of!

You keep rocking your playful, totally approachable MOTG looks, Natalie.

What Alicat said - she's 100% right about this.

Don't worry about any comments. Just let stuff like this roll right off your back.

Speaking personally, even though I am not always dressed as fab as I'd like, I'm always thrilled when I see someone looking extra-gorgeous. Makes me happy, actually. It feels like a treat when I see someone looking fab.

Don't change a thing goldenpig! Shine on

LOL, Aida, I am totally on board with your punk self! YES! That chick WAS overrated fo sho!

Natalie, that gal was just a ding-a-ling. Maybe dressing up was over-rated for her: lots of effort but not enough pay off. That's totally cool. -For her.- For you, there is a better pay off: you love it! I also love what Alicat said: Don't hide your light under a barrel! You are wonderful.

I am no help, really because A) I don't have kids so don't get the play date culture and B) I have always been one to rebel against force social norms. Maybe you just need a tattoo!

PS - I love the word "snazzy". It makes me laugh just to say it.

I would try to set up playdates with all the moms except yoga pants mom. It's really rude of her to assume you couldn't overhear her comment. I would bet the other mom was embarrassed

You have to wear what is comfortable for you. We all have various "personas" and styles and occupations and then converge at places like schools, grocery stores, etc. Essentially, life gets in the way right? So the choice is to feel fab and have fun or be boring and non-nondescript I understand being somewhat socially shy (I am as well) but you will be less likely to be shy if you feel good about yourself.

I love how you styled the floral pants this time around!

"What is th root of the word snazzy anyway?"

Snazzy, of course, comes from the Snaz - characters from the Dr. Seuss story The Snaz and the Snooze. That story is also the origin of the expression, "You snooze, you lose." But in light of this, "snazzy" is the ultimate compliment.

Okay, okay, so I like creating false etymologies.

All that aside, I am rather fond of old-fashioned words, like those that might have been used in Dobie Gillis. Snazzy, swell, peachy, etc. I love it when people use unexpected words.

But back on topic, if your DD is friends with a few girls already I 'd make a point of trying to casually talk to a few of the moms. Just mention something along the lines of, "Oh, DD mentioned how your DD showed her a trick on the monkey bars" or whatever your DD may have said. They may like the same book or have the same favourite colour or anything else that will give you the excuse to open a conversation. That will give you an excuse to approach some of the other moms and you might meet others who were standing nearby at the same time. If you have talked with that mom casually a few times, it will be easier to call her to arrange for the girls to play.

Once you have made even one in-road with another mom, it becomes that much easier to get to know others. Just follow your DD's lead and talk to the moms of the girls she mentions as friends. In the end, most of the moms all want the same thing - for their child to be happy. How you dress is really a miniscule part of that if they know their DD likes to play with yours or if they know that you are friendly toward their them and their child. Very soon, people will see YOU and not your clothes, and the way you dress won't matter at all.

My suggestion is to shrug it off and move on. She likes to dress down, you like to dress up. Both valid and OK. Her comment was snarky and not helpful. Heavy sigh. But you don't want to be her best friend, just pleasant for the sake of your daughter. Approachability is all about attitude. Please don't change who you are to make her feel more comfortable.

This outfit is killer, Natalie. I love it and think it is perfect for you and your lifestyle. I wish I had been this chic and appropriate as a young mom. Walk tall!

I hope you're dressing for yourself and not worrying over what the other moms think. You'll easily make friends with the nice ladies. The catty ones aren't worth fretting over.

Over the years, I've made friends with other moms who daily dressed in yoga pants and sneakers, some in boho attire from head to toe, others in suits...dress ultimately didn't matter as much as our shared interests in children and education.

I don't care how nicely or poorly someone's dressed. If they can't be polite, I don't want to spend time with them and I wouldn't be too excited over my children spending time with theirs, since their primary role model's manners are so poor.

Your style is not intimidating at all. It's pretty, professional and feminine, just like you. There are some styles that are meant to be aggressive, but I don't see you sporting lots of tattoos, leather jackets spiked with safety pins and piercings in lots of uncomfortable places. (And nothing's wrong with that either, but it's not what to wear if you want to be super approachable.)

Would you dumb yourself down if she had made a snide remark about intelligence being overrated? Doubt it! your sense of style is no less a part of you than your brains. She made that comment for the reason many have already pointed out: as a self-conscious justification for her own appearance which SHE, not you, deemed inferior.

Have not read the other responses yet, but my first instinct is this:

You are WAY over reacting to this. Be Yourself. do what makes you comfortable and let the other moms do the same and you should have not problems whatsoever making relationships....honestly, it's only an issue if you make it one!

ETA, I highly doubt at this early stage that any of these ladies are out to be snarky; any attempt to interpret their responses and such is probably unfair. YOU know you look fab....do any remarks by other matter in the least? They are prob just trying to make convo and dont' mean at all for you to take offense.

There's already plenty of words of wisdom to soothe you by now, Natalie. I especially loved Alicat's quote (thank you, Alicat!).

I'm going to offer a third perspective here: the shy daughter of the shy mother who dressed differently from the norm. No, my mother didn't manage to fit in --- at all, and ever! My 'friends' plain thought she was weird and said so, they probably thought *I* was weird too and certainly often lectured me on being shy or snooty, whatever they perceived --- thing is, we still ended up on playdates and I got invited over even though my mother for one hardly ever issued invitations herself! We just had enough in common simply going to school together, playing the same games and reading the same books. I remember being desperately glad of the acceptance at first, and also cringing at their lack of manners or thoughtfulness (as well as their mothers' --- naturally children learn somewhere!)... until as I grew older, I grew in confidence enough to be superficially friendly and nice while knowing they weren't my sort enough to be bosom buddies, and I found other friends whose values I was more in sync with.

I still meet them sometimes, and marvel at their children in turn speaking like yoga mom did, or playing in a thoughtless or even downright destructive way that their mothers now dismiss as 'rough and tumble'. I'd not ideally want my children, if I had any, on playdates with those kids and would prefer to choose more polite peers and role models (in line with what Amy's saying). But at the same time, you know, kids choose their own friends --- even sometimes out of line with their own nature or upbringing, like I did. Mostly they outgrow them too. The time to worry is if your kids seem to be borrowing an 'unsuitable' playmates nature to try and fit in!

As for you as the mom, I'd just keep on being you --- I may have been embarrassed at the way my mom stood apart for a few years, but ultimately I was awed and impressed that she stuck to *being herself*, no matter what. It's a surprisingly great way to model self-confidence, I promise. If you change to fit in, your daughter might well get the message that this is the right or acceptable thing to do --- for her as well. And it isn't --- she deserves to know she can grow into being her own person and be applauded and enjoyed for it!

Interesting: http://www.hautedropoff.com

I feel for you, Natalie/GP. I remember how weird and awkward it was to try to make friends with the other parents when my daughter started kindergarten, even though it was a small school that went out of its way to be a real community for the families. I loved looking around and seeing parents (that school was great at getting dads equally involved, so it wasn't just moms) in full goth regalia and colorful hair, in colorful robes and hijabs, in hippie/boho outfits, in crisp business suits, in cycling gear, in Birkenstocks, in high heels, in kippahs, in sleek preppy bobs, in waist-length dreadlocks. There was no worry about blending in or not, because the parents were all so different from each other. I thought surely I could find somebody in such a diverse group to be friends with, but it wasn't that easy at first. DD started 4th grade at a new school this past year, and I have had to go through the process of fitting in with the other parents all over again.

I still remember the parent coffee hour on her first day of Kindergarten and feeling intimidated by the ones who looked more sophisticated than I. I've been a university administrator for most of my career, in settings that are very casual. The moms in more formal business wear all looked so much more dressed up than I ever have to be for my work. I remember one mom who looked so fabulous that I felt she would never have any interest in being friends with me.

If I had found myself in such a conversation with her early on, I could totally have seen myself blurting out something as thoughtless as what that woman said to you, perhaps in an attempt at self-deprecating humor. Then I'd spend the rest of the school year kicking myself for having said such an idiotic thing, and being too embarrassed to ever look her in the eye again! Which of course, would only serve to confirm the initial impression of rudeness.

So, basically I'm saying forgive Ms. UnSnazzy for that one thoughtless sentence, assume positive intentions, and don't carry a grudge against her. Keep being your stylish self and being open and friendly to everyone. She may eventually realize that you don't look down on others for wearing workout clothes or for being less stylish. You may find that she's really a very nice person when she's not feeling nervous or insecure. Or you may end up never getting along with that particular woman, but you will make friends with other people. These things have a way of working themselves out with time and familiarity.

I really like how Isis put it. You and your daughter will find your way at her new school, don't worry. And you have your profession and other moms have theirs, and the environmental norm is not the same for all of them.

Try to just shrug it off and enjoy how snazzy you always look!

Natalie, Sal from already pretty wrote a great article on how to deal with for lack of another work another person's jealousy or passive aggressive words when you dress well. She gives practical pointers on how to deal with these situations:

http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....lousy.html

I haven't read any of the other comments yet, but my first instinct is she was trying to defend her own choices instead of putting anyone else down. She probably feels more like herself in workout wear or plain and simple pieces, and either doesn't have interest in or time for other levels of fashion.

I can relate because I have some same feelings about other issues, and could possibly (flippantly if not thinking) say things such as Super Landscaping is overrated, or Eating at Restaurants is overrated, etc. Just because of the choices I make to have a plainish yard, or eat at home 98% of the time even though it's more work.

This doesn't mean I don't appreciate the beauty of highly designed and high maintenance yards - just that it isn't my thing and my time, money and efforts are expended on other interests.

So to probably repeat what others have said, don't take it personally as directed to you. Most people won't say such a thing as a personal or derogatory comment before they even know a person, unless just expressing their own philosophy.

I echo what Echo said "Her comment was was less of a dig at you than it was a cover for her own insecurity and lack of fashion." When you read good self esteem books they usually point out that nearly every person is MUCH more interested in themselves than in anything anyone else does, says, wears, thinks, etc.

It really depends on what the other people are used to wear, and you just can't control that. I've been asked 'why do you look so pretty today, ah? How come you are wearing a dress today, ah?' as if I was meeting up with Brad Pitt later on and that's because THEY only wear dresses on special occasions. And I know they mean it in a good way, as a compliment, so that's ok with me.

You take extreme care of your appearance every day and pay attention to fashion because you like it and, as many other things, this is part of who you are. Changing that would be like changing other things about you you normally are comfortable with. Just try to seem approachable and fun, and do not judge nor sound like you are judging others for what they wear -I'm saying this because I am guilty of having done this.

Another thing would be if your kids weren't dressed properly, or taken good care of. Or if your house was like a huge mess. Or if your bussiness/job didn't go so well. I do think that those things come before fashion. I remember when I was teaching 5 years old children a few years ago, there were these two perfect mommies with their perfect skinny jeans and matching boobs and bags, and oh so amazing hairstyles and hairdos. The children (two little girls) looked just as great. However, they lacked good manners, self-control and the ability to respect adults. They didn't behave propperly at all and were trouble in most classes while the other kids behaved way better. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with that, or maybe it did. But I always got the feeling that those two mothers were superficial and were spending more time on themselves than on their children, like when they were on the street after school the girls would run around while the mothers talked about THEIR things and without controlling what the girls were doing (with cars and random people around!!), and I didn't like that at all. Also, at the end of the year I took portraits of each kid -for an activity we were doing- and the two little girls show sad eyes in them, which is very sad, especially in children so young. I DO NOT think that's your case though, but just wanted to explore this issue

I'm thinking along the same lines as cjh. I think she was being snarky to the girl who called you "snazzy" in the first place and you were not her intended target. I'm thinking she may have thought the snazzy compliment to you was some sort of backhanded insult to her and felt the need to defend herself.

I'm curious if these women at school and the moms' board are in families of a similar income level to you? They may be intimidated by the name brands, neighborhood, house square footage, etc. I would take the playdate comment to be more about neighborhood than about your outfit posts.

I think what you're running into is a proactive approach to dealing with judging that they assume you'll be doing. They're putting up their armour before you have a chance to put them down. Of course you're not judging them, but women can be pretty darn hard on each other and they're making assumptions of you based on past scars. Try not to take it personally, it's their baggage, not yours.

"...I don't want first impressions of me to be negative ones because of the way I dress (if they think I'm overdressed)."

Natalie - You cannot control what other people think no matter what you wear. Letting what you *think* other people *might* be thinking rule your life and dictate how you act and dress is a sure road to absolute misery. So you might as well dress to make yourself happy!

Sona...great article. Thanks for the link !!!

Sona, high five! I was literally just about to search for that very article.

You're such a fire-starter, GP! Sounds to me like Yoga Mom and Scrubs Mom were just trying to make themselves feel better about how *they* looked.

Change the analogy to housekeeping. Two friends come over to your house for coffee. They remark how clean your house is. You say, "Thanks, I've found this great website that shows you how to keep up your house with a minimum of effort every day; I just love it!" And they laugh (because their houses are in shambles) and say, "House cleaning is overrated!" So really, it's more about them than it is about you.

That said, I just read a very interesting little book called How to Dress For Success by Edith Head. It was originally published in 1967, but was re-released last year. She talked about scoping out a new situation to see what the "accepted look" was (she was a Hollywood costume designer). She recommended doing this with your kids' schools, a place where you might want to get hired, or any new situation. THEN, from there you can come up with a look that's still *you* but also situation appropriate. She talked about using your costume to "fit in make people like you".

I know that might seem like an antiquated idea, not PC at all. I think most of us dress primarily for ourselves and our own happiness. But I am guilty of adopting a more casual style than is my favorite, simply to look like I come from the same planet as the people around me, lol! And the people that know me, know fashion has become and interest of mine and the comments like, "Well aren't YOU all gussied up!" have dried up at last. It's up to you whether you want to dial it down a notch, but either way, I hope you form some great friendships with the other moms and get the whole play date thing going on. I know how important that can be! <<hugs>>

Are you kidding, GP? That comment was rude, no bones about it. If she's THAT insensitive and clueless, do you really WANT to befriend her? I would be offended and hurt - and unless she's dim as rocks, she should know that was an insulting thing to say. Acquaintance, fine. Friend? Highly doubtful.

I wouldn't let yoga mom's comment affect you too much. I don't think you should intrepret it as mean hearted or rude just on that one incident. I agree with echo and clearlyclaire about the comment being more about herself than about you.

I have a close friend who thinks fashion is overrated but I don't think she is being mean about it. We are still friends despite our differences in clothes. Sometimes I think fashion is overated especially then nothing fits right lol.

Regarding the schoolground mom groups, I've been there. People do form opinions based on appearances, just be friendly and use a school/class event to start up a conversation.

Natalie, this is a good related article too: http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....ntent.html

'The core of the idea is that human beings are not inherently malicious, conniving creatures and that most of our ideas and actions are well-intentioned. Even many of the ones that SEEM spiteful and rude are often driven by positively-fueled emotions like concern, compassion, and curiosity. Obviously, some people are just assholes. And some non-assholes occasionally make asshole moves. But to me, “assume positive intent” doesn’t mean, “Be a naive fool who trusts everyone to be filled with Mother Teresa-level compassion.” It means, “Try to examine sentiments and actions from multiple perspectives before allowing yourself to feel hurt or offended.”'

'But faced with the same situation today, I hope I could be more dispassionate. I could say to myself, “This person is making a lot of assumptions about me and voicing his opinions in an invasive way. On some level, he thinks he’s helping me. I’ll avoid him from now on, but it’s not worth my energy to worry about his statements or bother with hating him.”'

I'm not saying that the mother wasn't being catty and rude and wrong, or that you aren't justified in feeling hurt, though. Just that Sally's advice about assuming positive intent has really helped me to allow passive-aggressive comments to roll off my back more than I did in the past.

I am sorry this woman was rude and hurt your feelings. I would have felt hurt as well. You look fabulous and don't change anything about your style to fit in! You are on the right track with smiling and being friendly.

While it's always tempting to respond to an ill-mannered remark by calling the speaker an "idiot" (or words to that effect), I think that Chrizzle and cjh are on the right track. It's easier to make a critical-sounding comment than it is to admit to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. If yoga mom is having a difficult time coping with the demands of her life, her comment is probably more a reflection of her own feelings than an objective assessment of your appearance.

I also think that Claire makes a very good point. While dressing to please oneself is important, it may not always be the only consideration. Whether we like it or not, people form opinions based on the way someone is dressed. Choosing an outfit that feels like "you" but helps you fit in with the other moms might make the "getting to know you" stage a bit easier. Most of us do this instinctively when we dress for certain social situations or job interviews. Maybe think of dressing this way as a fashion challenge?

Natalie, totally forget that rude comment. Be your wonderful self as always and if certain snarky mothers do not want to be your friend, well, then I am certain YOU do not wish your daughter to be around their daughters. Fruit tends to fall very close to the tree.

I think your outfit looks AMAZING.