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Update - Prayers, please

Anonymous

My DD is having some emotional issues, and we're not exactly sure what's going on. She doesn't sleep or eat well, is having major difficulty organizing and focusing, losing things, etc. and it's adversely affecting her school work. I have an appointment to take her to our family physician to rule out any physical reasons for these symptoms and to obtain a referral to see a therapist if needed. I want to get her the help she needs. I've been a nervous wreck over this, as you can imagine.

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123 replies

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Lyn D.

Veteran

I hope you can get to the bottom of her changed behaviour soon!
Getting on to these things early is the best way, and I am sure you will start to feel better when you have a plan in place.

Anonymous

How old is she? I have a 19 year old that went through a period of similar behaviour about 18 months ago. She also lost 25 lbs at the time and I was convinced she was really sick (physically and psychologically) . You're taking the correct first step, and being alert and aware is the most important thing . I can't offer a prayer, but I can offer support and hope for good luck. Hope it goes well with your doctor..

Alassë

Veteran

I'm sorry to hear this, bettycrocker. Praying for you and your daughter.

Isabel

Veteran

I am so sorry. I understand fully. My 13 year old son ( who is mildly autistic and has sever anxiety ) had a breakdown last January. It was hell for 6 months. The upside is that he is doing so much better now. You are wise but throwing as much help at her as possible. Sometimes these kids are just so overwhelmed.... Good luck and keep us posted. i will say a prayer.

Anonymous

I hope you and your DD find a solution to her well being. Hugs to both of you.

Elle

Veteran

You are doing the right thing by consulting her doctor and being willing to see a therapist. It's incredibly stressful to watch your child in such a difficult situation so please take care of yourself too. About ten years ago, we had to deal with our teenager's mental health problems and found therapy (for me too) to be painful but very helpful. Please let us know what happens.

P>S> I'm not sure where you are but don't delay making a therapy appointment -the wait times for new patients in the US can be long. You might think about pushing for a referral even before you get the physical results. You can always cancel if it's not needed.

Summer

Veteran

This must be so stressful for you. Hoping your daughter will soon get the help she needs.

Sal

Veteran

Sending my best wishes, very stressful Betty for you all, it sounds as though you are acting wisely.

Gail

Veteran

Sending my best wishes I know how hard it can be when you see your child hurting. My daughter went through a difficult time freshman year of college. She was attacked and had terrible nightmares about it, she finally did go to talk to a therapist .
As I always say, you are only as happy as your saddest child.
Good news is that you have her going to the Dr and starting the process of getting her back on track:)

rachylou

Veteran

My best wishes too. What does your dd say about it?

Anonymous

This is my DD's first year of college. She seems to think she has ADHD. I'm more of the opinion that insomnia might be the root of all these issues, but I'm not a doctor and won't know anything until she's evaluated.

Kari

Veteran

This sounds a lot like me when I go through a depressive episode. Scattered, can't sleep, feel very unfocused and anxious.

I'm glad you are there to support your daughter and help her get treatment she needs. One idea; if she is under a parents' insurance as a dependent she might have access to an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) that can do an initial intake call, and refer her to a counselor who specializes in what she's struggling with and who provides a certain number of free visits (3 is typical) through the EAP service. I love the counselor I found through my company's plan.

Definitely glad that she's seeing a doctor first though. Hugs to you both.

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

I'm so sorry! Sending prayers and hugs...

Also, at the risk of offering advice when all that is needed is support, I can't seem to shake the feeling, after reading this, that it may be helpful to find out if if she is low in magnesium. The side effects of lacking that one simple mineral can be astounding!

Beth Ann

Veteran

Blessings on you and your DD! It is so difficult to see our precious children (even the full grown ones) struggle. Sounds like you're reaching out! Praying for comfort, assistance and answers.

MaryA

I'm also sending good thoughts. My DS was diagnosed as ADHD after his first year o f college. He was also diagnosed with anxiety from dealing with all of the issues of undiagnosed ADHD. He did have many of the same symptoms. Apparently he has a high IQ and that masked the ADHD. Good luck with finding your answers and please feel free to ask if you have any questions about dealing with these sort of issues with college students. I've been dealing with it for four years now.

Deborah

Veteran

Praying for your lovely daughter. Trust you get to the bottom of it quickly. I do believe there is something greater than ourselves and you don't have to carry it all yourself xxx

Lucy

Veteran

Sending best wishes for both you and your daughter.
Both my DH and DS have ADHD, and it is fairly easy to diagnose if the psychiatrist or paediatrician is looking properly. It is sometimes missed in girls, as the "classic" cases are boys, but I think there is increasing awareness more broadly now.
My DH has a lot of problems with insomnia which I think is related, though my DS does not. Neither are good eaters really, and tend not to notice hunger signs until they are absolutely famished. Even if it is not ADHD all of these symptoms can be inter-related.
I wish you luck with the medical appointment - here's hoping you get some good advice, and if not, don't be afraid to keep trying. As with everything, some doctors are better than others.

Anonymous

Oh, I'm so sorry. I know I feel helpless in similar situations. I'm glad you're seeking help and guidance. I'll be sending positive vibes to you and your daughter.

Anonymous

I do want to get her vitamin & mineral levels checked. I will be sure to ask about magnesium.

Her high intelligence may have indeed masked a problem. At any rate, I do want to figure this all out.

I very much appreciate the thoughts and prayers that are being offered for me and my family. Thanks so much!

catseye

Veteran

First year in college can be a hard year for anyone. She is so lucky that she has you to help her sort through all of this.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I am sending all the best wishes for answers and help. I know exactly what you mean about high intelligence masking issues for a time. We have gone through some very difficult times trying to help my youngest stepson, who was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has always been very smart and very creative, and the odd behavior and mood changes we saw in him when he started college took a long time to make sense. There has been a lot of up and down over the last four years, but he is now doing great -- a combination of medication, staying away from mood-altering substances (including alcohol), and regular visits with his therapist. Good luck to you all!

Anonymous

My older DDs say they have friends who have anxiety, and say that their symptoms are the same as hers. I don't think I can even begin to diagnose this myself, and I want to rule out physical issues such as vitamin or mineral deficiencies before proceeding with therapy. If she does end up needing therapy, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Right now I just need to get her to our doctor. I wish it weren't so difficult to get an appointment, but at least our doctor has limited Saturday appointments available, and we'll be able to go next Saturday the 17th. That's the soonest we'll be able to get in.

Isabel

Veteran

Betty, your comment about intelligence intrigued me. When my son had his breakdown, one of his doctors suggested a neuropsych evaluation. It was the best money that we have ever spent in our lives. It taught us so much about his anxiety, his personality and his learning styles. Testing IQ was part of the test. My son scored near genius ( one point off ) but his "executive functioning " was significantly below what it needed to be for his intelligence. In other words, he is much slower at rioritizing, organizing information, and planning. He literally can't keep up with his processing speed. So he was uber overwhelmed with all the homework that he could no longer just do in his head and he had no idea how to prioritize and plan. This happens in college A LOT from what the doctors said...it just happened very early for us. My son is old enough that we can explain this to him and he is learning to adjust. His social worker and point teacher also work with him on this. It could absolutely be that her intelligence is masking something. Her intelligence may have been enough to get her through and it longer is. College involves a whole set of other skills AND it comes with so much emotial and social skill sets too.

One final note, my husband's cousin has a similar experience his junior year of high school . He was an A+ student who just crashed junior year while takinng all advanced courses. Everyone was mystified. It turned that he was dyslexic and with such hard material he could no longer keep up fast enough or memorize the lectures - because he had trouble reading !
He is now one of the top oncologists and cancer researches at a large teaching hospital.

THis is a long way of saying that these are very bleak, lonely, scary times....but there is HOPE. Please know that, believe it. Keep saying it until you become it. It is important to give her hope too.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Anonymous

Isabel, what you say makes a lot of sense to me. My DH and I already know that it takes her longer to solve problems, even though she knows the material and the steps she needs to take. This semester, it's showing up in her Calculus class. She studies for hours on end, thinks she's fine, and ends up making stupid mistakes (her words, not mine) on her tests. It's baffling. She dropped her Chemistry class because she was doing poorly and wanted to focus all of her efforts on Calculus. Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to help. This is a girl who took AP classes out the wazoo in high school--much more than most students take--and had a very high GPA. It's not like she doesn't know how to study and take tests. Her AP test scores permitted her to clep out of all of the college freshman courses, so she's taking harder classes and experiencing a lot of stress. I can only conclude that, as some of you have already mentioned, she managed to get by and now it's catching up with her.

Eliza

Veteran

All the best to you and your daughter. Obtaining a well evaluated diagnosis will likely be a road map forward. Some challenges have a genetic or biological component, so being aware of family history can be relevant. All good thoughts being sent your way. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart. This stuff can be tough, yet assembling the right team often makes the difference. Trust your gut, keep loving your daughter and be open minded about the diagnosis. Kids with these problems can make huge strides with the relevant supports. Hope helps!

Isabel

Veteran

Betty, when she studies, does she write out step by step the solution to the problem ? If she is doing most of it her head then has to show work on the test, this will impede her. College is tough, in and of itself. I am sure that she is feeling like a "fraud" and a "failure". I learned a long time ago to not portray being smart as a "character issue". Instead, we focus on trying hard. But for so many kids who are smart, they self-identify that way and suddenly struggling with academics rocks their world because they lose their identity.

And it may not be about knowing to study and test taking....it could be that her successful strategies no longer work for her new environment. It may be that she gets so nervous she tries too hard and misses things. Is there anyone at school that she could talk to about different study strategies ? She may need to try a few different things. It might help to see the professor and say, " I feel as if I am getting all the concepts and study problems - but I can't seem to translate that into successful test taking. Do you have any suggestions ? How can I approach this ? "

She obviously has the intelligence...so you are right in searching other things out. Good luck. I will be thinking of you guys.

Isabel

Veteran

Betty, one final note. Khan academy is great for review and lessons.

https://www.khanacademy.org/se.....e+calculus

I also just found out that most schools have Academic Support Services that do what I talked about above. : )

tolkitty

Echoing some of the other comments, I would encourage including an evaluation for ADHD, which has now been categorized into 7 different subtypes (see books by neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, who has done extensive analysis of brain scans). ADHD can be strongly linked to other issues like depression, anxiety, and hypersensitivity.

Speaking personally, I went undiagnosed until my mid-thirties, and reflecting back on my experiences I can see that my ADHD showed up big time in college. I had had straight A's up until then, and had enough structure in high school to cope with the challenges. Going away to college I really struggled, and I thought emotional issues were the cause. (In reality my struggles were primarily connected to "executive functioning", a term that has already been referenced by a previous poster.) I ended up seeing 8 therapists over the next 15 years before someone finally thought to test me for ADHD. I can't describe the deep relief of finally knowing that there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, I was simply wired differently.

Whatever comes next, your daughter is fortunate to have your support and your determination to get to the root of her experiences and find answers!! And the good news is that there are so many more resources available today, and less stigma attached to counseling, therapy, and medications. It's important for her (and you!) to understand that's she's not alone.

tolkitty

Oh, and in case it's not obvious, I'm female. Even doctors these days aren't necessarily familiar with the ways that ADHD can manifest itself differently in girls vs. boys.

After struggling so long myself, I'd encourage women of ALL ages who struggle with feeling overwhelmed or depressed to take a simple diagnostic questionnaire to rule out (or in my case, confirm) ADHD. It takes minutes, and can seriously be life-changing, even well into adulthood!!

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