Loft lace jacket ok for wedding? ETA going to wear something else - YouLookFab Forum

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Loft lace jacket ok for wedding? ETA going to wear something else

pil

Veteran

After deciding on the petite version of this jacket, I'm now having second thoughts. Is the cream color appropriate for a wedding as long as it is with the black dress or another color?

ETA: (posted this at the end of the thread)
Mother of the groom and I talked this morning. She likes the jacket, commented on lace being on trend and thought it would be fine.
BUT, she did comment that the bride would be wearing cream lace. I think the bride's family is fairly conservative and we are in the midwest. SO, I will be playing it safe and find something else. As I was lying in bed last night I got to thinking about how I didn't want to take a chance on being 'that' friend of the new mother in law. Along the same lines of LBD's comment about in laws and Echo's 'Old Hens' not letting go of even a perceived breach of etiquette.

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Dressing

34 replies

Latest reply was from pil

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

No more second thoughts. Killer outfit. A billion percent appropriate. xo

pil

Veteran

Whew, thanks for the reassurance! I was talking to the mother of the groom this week and suddenly wondered if the cream jacket would be rude to wear.

MsMary

Veteran

Gah. I hate to disagree with Angie but I wouldn't wear cream lace to a wedding, even over a black dress.

Keep in mind that I'm an old fuddy-duddy, but if old fuddy-duddies will be well-represented at the wedding, you might be more comfortable in something else, and save this amazingly fab outfit for another occasion. If not, by all means knock yourself out!

Sorry, Angie. The traditionalist in me can't help but speak up!

ETA: If you are close to the families, the best thing to do is just ask 'em!

pil

Veteran

MaryK, thanks for the suggestion - I don't know why that didn't occur to me - Doh! Mother of the groom is one of my best friends.

Diana

Veteran

I'm not sure. I always feel a little uncomfortable in solid pieces of white or cream at a wedding so I tend to avoid them because I don't want to worry about potentially offending anyone. Although I think most of the time everyone is cool with it to be honest. So I guess it's about your personal comfort level more than anything else.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Mary -- Ask!

If I were the bride (or the bride's mother) I wouldn't give a hoot!

But others might feel differently. So ask, and either way, you have a great jacket.

And if the mother says, "Over my dead body you wear the cream," then (alas, alack!) you will simply have to go shopping again!!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Because you plan to wear it over black I would never have given it a second thought (myself) but I guess there are people who might feel it is inappropriate. But then again, wouldn't those same people maybe think black is inappropriate for a wedding?

Me? I'd wear it without reservations unless I knew the wedding colors were ivory and black specifically or something...

But you're right to just ask in this case.

It looks fantastic on you.

carambola

Veteran

Sounds like you're all set to ask. Just wanted to say you look amazing! Love the cream lace over black with gold shoes.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

No worries, Mary. You have to say it how you see it.

The way I see it, there is truly no way to outshine the bride unless you wear a wedding dress too. I do find the "never wear white to a wedding" awfully extreme. And this is over a black dress with Pill's bright red specs. I've worn a white shirt and black skirt with red shoes to a day wedding - and felt 100% appropriate.

Pill, ask your Mother of the groom friend the question for sure - just so that YOU have peace of mind.

Echo

Veteran

Keep in mind that if you ask, even a best friend, they will feel obligated to tell you it is okay, regardless of how they actually feel. Asking and putting someone on the spot is not the solution, IMO.

And I will have to take up the old fuddy-duddy baton with MaryK here, because the combination of cream and lace makes this inappropriate to me. And we aren't just talking about outshining the bride. In photos - even casual photos of the reception - a person in white stands out and your eye is immediately drawn to them. When someone else is wearing white or cream, especially on top, the viewer's eye is drawn to all the bright spots in the photo first. It is drawing attention to yourself in an unnecessary way and is thus rude, IMO.

Of course this combination looks fab and will be appropriate for another event. The issue isn't looking like a bride, but being the other white spot in pictures or when someone scans the room. People WILL talk, even if it is only old fuddy-duddys like me and MaryK.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I dunno, the cream is really cream, not white or off-white, which would make it totally fine to me when paired with a non-white dress. It's the black dress that would make me hesitate - I tend to avoid solid black for weddings (an evening black-tie event would be the exception, I suppose).

This must be a culturally/regionally extremely variable thing, given everyone's responses.

missvee

Veteran

You look sensational, and I would say it's totally appropriate for a wedding.

chadya

Veteran

it's a lovely jacket but to me it doesn't go with the dress. How about finding something to go with the jacket, or another jacket for the dress. Too much contrast with the feeling and fabric of both.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Echo, if it's about drawing attention away from the bride, then any eye-catching dress or outfit is going to do that don't you think?

pil

Veteran

So many good points! This brings me back to my own wedding 29(!) years ago. The girlfriend (uninvited) of one of the band members was quite a spectacle on the dance floor in her tight, brightly colored strapless jumpsuit.
I don't have any photos of her!

So many details to keep in mind and I'm not even planning the event It will be a mid-morning wedding/brunch reception. The photograph aspect is something I hadn't considered either.

Have no fear, this friend will not hesitiate to tell me not to wear the jacket! Or if she thinks the bride or bride's parents may have an issue. As far as black at a wedding, friend/mother of the groom wore a black dress to another friend's daughter's wedding so I don't see that as an issue.

Echo

Veteran

Angie, actually yes. Generally speaking, a person doesn't want to wear anything that is "too" anything to a wedding because the day isn't about that particular guest. So too sexy, too low cut, too short, too loud, too tight, etc. are all frowned upon and will likely be talked about because they are in poor taste.

But in photographs, nothing draws the eye like white or cream. That, specifically, is why people say that wearing white "competes" with the bride. It isn't that a guest looks like a bride or would be mistaken for a bride, but rather that white is such an eye-catching colour. The person wearing white will stand out, even if their outfit isn't bridal at all, and most people don't want to be that person. Bright colours are not the first things that draw the eye unless it is a sea of black. Among varied outfits, white is always what is noticed first.

There are photos that demonstrate this beautifully, but of course I cannot find them.

Emily Post on this issue:

http://blogs.dexknows.com/wedd.....ore-white/

Aida

Veteran

I think it looks fabulous! I would wear it. But if you really are unsure then asking is a good course of action. I have not been to many weddings, but FWIW the one I went to last spring (on the cruise) I wore a lot of white and it was perfectly acceptable.

EDIT: This is what I wore. Pardon the silly photo, that's all I've got access to right now ^^ Hubby is on the right and brother-of-the-bride in between us.

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viva

Veteran

This is such an interesting thread, and there are lots of strong opinions here!

I am with Angie on this one. I'm not really a maverick but I am very much in favor of loosening socially binding rules, which I guess plays a big part in my opinion here. Weddings now are such creative events -- if they can evolve, why can't our thinking about what is appropriate for the guest to wear? I would wear this outfit without batting an eye -- or calling a soul. It's nothing like a wedding dress, it's completely demure, and it's lovely. I honestly cannot see it competing with any bride.

Who writes these rules anyway? My sister got married for the third time a year ago (we think this is finally the one) and she wore a full-on bridal gown (no train or headpiece though). We don't even get along and I admired that she did it. It's 2014! We should be freer to make personal choices.

As an aside, when another sister of mine died six years ago, I wore a kelly green sleeveless silk dress to her funeral, because I knew she would have loved it -- and I got up to deliver a reading wearing it. I hope someone does something like that at my funeral too.

Okay. End of rant.

Isis

Veteran

I would wear it. I haven't even heard of this rule, so perhaps it is regional. I cant imagine that this outfit will outcompete the bride in photographs; it's quite different than a bridal gown....

But then I wore a simple white skirt, an embroidered Mexican blouse and red huaraches to my wedding. I can't even remember what the guests wore, but I do remember that it was pretty fun!

And I've been known to wear white shoes after Labor Day....

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Echo, I'm having a hard time understanding your reasoning, so I'm boiling it down to strong regional differences. FWIW, at our wedding 18 years ago - people wore white (similar to Aida's gorgeous outfit), and the occasional white dress was spotted too. It was very clear that I was the bride. It didn't occur to me that our guests were being rude, and drawing attention away from me. I would have found it disrespectful if they pitched up in jeans.

Pill, we haven't really helped you at all. Just made things more confusing I'm afraid. If you are in ANY doubt, find another outfit to wear. I would hate you to feel uncomfortable, especially when your outfit is soooooo stunning. xo

Echo

Veteran

Angie, that is very possible. Additionally, keep in mind that I live in a very, very traditional, conservative (perhaps backwards) area. The "old hens" at weddings absolutely DO talk when a guest wears white. Then again, it often takes a year for fashion to reach this far inland, if at all, so perhaps this area simply hasn't received the memo! I'd be interested to hear what Thistle has to say, given that she is from my state (though a larger city).

Karie

(website)

Veteran

OK, I simply must throw my two cents into the ring. I saw Pil try this blazer on in Boston. Yes, it's gorgeous and eye catching, but she's wearing it with a black dress, and the blazer isn't white, it's cream. I would wear the outfit without hesitation. But to be on the safe side, ask your friend - especially if she will give you an honest answer.

Just don't wear a brightly colored, strapless jumpsuit instead!

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

My common sense agrees 100% with Angie, but I grew up in the Deep South, where someone will smile all sweet, look you in the eye, and say "well isn't that a precious dress?" and then proceed to stab you in the back the moment you turn it. And keep on stabbing. For years. Without naming names (*coughexinlawscough*), I have noted that certain people have never been willing or able to ever, EVER give it a rest, when it comes to a perceived breach of wedding guest etiquette.

I would ask. Especially if the wedding is in Mississippi or Louisiana.

Diana

Veteran

(Thinking about this some more). I think perhaps the reason wearing white to a wedding makes me uncomfortable is not because I might upstage the bride. It's more that I don't want to upset someone's old fashioned grandma, kwim? Also, I have a lot of Chinese relatives and so does J. Traditionally, white is a color of mourning in Chinese culture so traditional folks think its bad luck to wear it to a wedding. It's a pretty modern change that even Chinese brides wear white dresses at all. The traditional dresses are "lucky" colors like red or gold. For the record, at my wedding, my grandma told my mom that she was not allowed to wear a beige dress (not clear if it was because it was unlucky or just a drab color) but approved a gold one. Grandma herself always wears red to weddings (which in itself might be controversial as it is supposed to be the brides color) because she thinks it'll bring good luck to the couple. So you could look at it that way too with your white jacket (ie honoring or wishing luck to the bride and groom).

kellygirl

Veteran

Wow! I never knew this was an issue. I just assumed you weren't suppose to show up in a wedding dress! Glad you asked and let us know the outcome!

Missey

Veteran

I love the jacket and think it is very appropriate for a wedding...dressy and festive! I wold love to see it with a bright dress for a wedding though, like coral, cobalt, or orchid!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I'd turn into a bridezilla if someone showed up in jeans.... but I think solid off-white cream should be okay

At a Chinese wedding, the colour to avoid is blue.

MsMaven

Veteran

I would wear the jacket. I've worn a beautiful off-white to a wedding before, with a black and gray skirt. I always thought the rule was not to wear an entire white outfit or dress, but white or cream with a color is okay.

My SIL wore a white dress and white jacket to my son's wedding. I don't think anyone minded. Some of the women guests were wearing rather daring dresses that showed too much--I kind of minded that.

LindaSoCAl

Hmm, interesting discussion. I was brought up with the rule of no white, no black clothes at a wedding (Midwest U S). Then I attended a wedding in Mississippi in the 1990's, and every female in the groom's family wore either black or white! Certainly cream is no problem in Southern California. So I think it's more generational even than regional. If it was me, I would ask.

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