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Hair help! To grey or not to grey, that is the question.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So. On Thursday, my stylist told me that she thought I have reached the magical 60% grey mark. Meaning that if I want to let my hair go natural, I can.

(Well, obviously, I could have done that at any point. But this is the point where typically, there is a chance of its looking good and intentional, you know?)

So. I left the salon thinking: Yeah! This is it! Time for the transition!

And I came home all excited about it. In four or five months I'd be able to bookend with grey, wear my cooler colours with even more authority, graduate to more charcoals, silvers, and winter whites for neutrals, and give up on the hassle of highlights (maybe) or at least on the frequent root touch ups. (I might in fact need blending highlights and lowlights for a while -- it's tough to say how grey my grey really is at this point.)

To my shock, Mr. Suz did not share my joy. He said, "But I like the blonde!"

I confess, my friends, I am puzzled. Why?

1. He is not a "blonde haired babe" kind of guy.
2. For years he used to tell me he preferred dark hair. (Well, too bad, I said, it's not what I've got!)
3.It's not like he is younger than me -- he is totally silver himself.

So. Now I'm confused. With a fresh haircut and no new colour, I have time to watch it grow out a bit further to see what I think before reaching any decisions. Right now, the natural colours seem to blend really well with the highlights that are there...unless I'm kidding myself beyond belief, with six weeks' growth I don't have "skunk line" and overall there's just a fun mix of colours on my head.

But what think you? Should I take the plunge or leave the blonde for a while? I'm not talking in general -- I don't think any one rule will work for all women. I'm talking about me, given my personal style.

For reference: My complexion is fair and cool toned and I look good in grey, blue, and all cool colours. Both my parents went grey gradually -- my father changing from towhead to charcoal brown (almost black-seeming, in some lights) to steel grey with lighter sideburns (and finally, to white) and my mother changing from mid ashy blonde to mousy salt-n-pepper, to steely charcoal with brilliant silver (in her 50s) to the most beautiful clean snow white (by her 70s).

So -- Yay for Let it Go Grey; Nay for Wait a while.

General

96 replies

Latest reply was from Elizabeth P

Kyle

Veteran

Nay. Don't mess with perfection.

Anonymous

I would say let it go grey, but I am one who is kind of impatiently waiting for my hair to go greyer so I can stop hennaing it.

You can try it out, and if it really doesn't suit, you could then go back to high/lowlights or whatever.

catgirl

Veteran

I think you would be a stunning silver/grey-head, and it would not be as big a transition for you as it would for me (completely changing my bookending, for one thing!). Did DH explain himself? I know my dad didn't want my mom going grey because he liked her looking youthful. But honestly at some point the maintenance is overwhelming, especially with black hair where the growout is SO obvious.

I would let it go grey and see how you feel - you can always go back if you hate it! With short hair it won't take that much time to find out.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Una, DH could not explain himself. It could be just the usual -- he resists ALL change -- until he embraces it, and then he embraces it beyond belief! Just a personality thing. I sort of love it in him, actually. He's a real enthusiast about anything he's changed his mind on. But it's probably partly about the perception of youth, yeah...

Ceit, you totally understand. I have actually been waiting DECADES for this day! I started going grey in my 30s. But I was never grey enough.

Kyle, I hear you. I don't really mind the upkeep so far -- it's an expense, but not an insane expense....I highlight about four times a year and get touch ups to the roots every second haircut.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

It sounds like you are really excited about going grey so based on this I say - go for it! After all you can always color it again if you decide against it larer

catgirl

Veteran

Well, if you have been looking forward to it, then I think you should give it a bash! You are stunning now and I foresee that you will be equally so with grey hair.

Beewee

I made the jump to grey a couple of years ago, thought I made a mistake and colored it again. I then thought it looked almost artificial and went back to the grey.
I really enjoy my color and I am always getting complements. That includes my DH who was not happy with my initial decision to go grey. But he was probably my biggest cheerleader when I decided to go grey the second time. I get tickled at the younger people that compliment me on my hair too.
The key to carrying off the grey with spunk is to have current hair and clothing styles...which you obviously have! I have a cut very similar to yours and the edginess balances any preconceived ideas of age.
My motto is "it's just hair". If you don't like it you can always color it again. Try it...you might like it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It's true...with short hair it is probably like a 5 or 6 month time investment to grow it out -- no biggie. As long as I don't have an important public engagement in that growing out phase. A few times I have been tempted before, i was dissuaded by my stylist saying there was not enough natural grey there, and the fact that I had some big public speaking engagement.

Gaylene

Veteran

Maybe your husband just isn't sure what you will look like with grey hair? Your current color is a known quantity, so he knows he is safe in saying he likes your hair in its current state. My husband had a similar reaction to my decision to crop my hair and wear it curly as opposed to my "signature" straight bob style that I had worn for years. It took him almost half a year before he turned to me and said "You know, I really like your hair these days; it looks really good on you." Looking back, I think part of his hesitation was due to a couple of bad shorter cuts that I had tried in the past.

I'd say take the plunge, give it a couple of months, and then make a final decision. Your husband might be be suffering from a knee-jerk reaction to the thought of you as a grey-haired woman.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I agree with the others - it isn't something irreversible so I say do it & see how you feel.

Grey Rainbow

Hi Suz, I'm new to posting here (following for years). I vote yay, give it a try. As a blonde, you're not challenged overmuch by skunk lines. A gradual return to blonde highlights (or more) is always possible if you don't like the end result. My experience says you can't really know just how your grey will come out. Mine is a warm shade of grey and darker underneath, with a range of light grey tones and white streaks on top. Lots of dimension, and better with my skin tone than the medium warm brown imitation of childhood color I'd been doing. I couldn't have know, nor my stylist, even though the white streak front and center always showed at the roots. The overall impact just couldn't be seen until I let it all grow in. My mother's grey is uniform steel grey, and she kept coloring until she was 80 because that color on her felt too flat.

shedev

Veteran

go for it.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Do you have a "grey hair" pinterest board? I wonder if it might help DH imagine how you might look with grey?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Gray Rainbow, that's a really good point -- the colour needs to have dimension and variety or it won't work. All my life my hair has been a big mix of tones -- from strawberry to silver to gold to taupe to charcoal -- both in its natural state and with salon assist. Actually, the salon assist has always been, mainly, to preserve that dimension, because it seems to be necessary to me. Both my parents definitely had a mix, eventually, but my mother's hair did not have that mix until she was at least in her mid-50s. Before that, it just looked mousy, and I guess that's what I am scared of.

Thanks for the wisdom -- I am inclining towards giving it a try and then gently highlighting back if I don't care for it.

You know --- I think my main thing is...I really WANT to love it. So I'm sort of waiting for the time when I feel almost guaranteed that it will grow brilliantly, you know?

Echo

Veteran

I think grey would go fabulously with your colouring, and it is worth investing the short amount of time it will take to see whether you like it.

Regarding the DH, I know where you are coming from. My DH resists ALL change. Until something is done and he realizes he likes it, he will push back on anything different. His hesitation might simply be because he cannot picture you with your hair different and he is not sure that different would be good when he thinks you look good now.

But the odds are that you will look good with the transition to grey, too, and then your DH will see that the change wasn't as "scary" as he thought it might be. And, if it doesn't work out or look the way you like, there is no harm in going back, either. So IMO it is at least worth the try.

Carole

Veteran

I can totally picture you looking fabulous with silver gray hair. It seems like it would be worth a look see and you can always go back to being a blonde after experimenting.

Dottie

I say go for it! It'll be exciting for you. He may not even notice as you make the subtle transition over the next few months. Then he'll say, "I really like your hair! Are you doing something different?" (smile)

Eliza

Veteran

Suz- no worries! As others have stated, either will let the essential Suz shine!

As a former brunette who has colored my hair for a couple of decades, I must admit to a bit of jealousy about how relatively smoothly you could determine your preferences, vs. the almost "black and white" situation I find myself in approaching 60. I have to color every 4 weeks to feel put together and I expect growing it out to be a big challenge due to it being largely white and the subsequent high contrast. I likely have snow white, thick hair awaiting me and if I could just be there, I think I would enjoy it.

It seems you have a great opportunity to both satisfy your curiosity about how you would like it and give Mr. Suz a chance to weigh in on it as an actuality, rather than in the abstract by continuing to grow it out and assess it as you go. Sounds like the odds are high you will both be believers shortly. If not, back to the hairdresser for a color.

I appreciate the question and think this is an area where the journey varies quite a bit depending on personal preferences and coloring. If you don't want to feel locked into coloring indefinitely, going it gradually with natural blending could help you bypass a more cumbersome process later. However, that could just be "brunette" me looking backwards, with little relevance to your gradually graying blond situation.

Best with the decision.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Suz your DH sounds like mine in terms of his reaction to change. You can just imagine what happened when I showed up with a major crop and let my hair grow in at the same time. Now he is completely used to it (and my DH is annoyingly youthful looking) and can't imagine it any other way. So I would not let your DH's initial resistance to change affect your decision.

Of course I am coming from very different coloring, but I have received lots of compliments on my grey hair and I am almost always glad I did it. Once in a while I will get a glimpse of myself in an odd mirror and wonder if I am crazy, but most of all the relief from constant root maintenance and the feeling that salt and pepper suit me so much better than the warm brown that normally is used to cover my sort of color makes is a clear win. The most important thing to remember it it can all be changed so why not try!

NDMom

I think you would be beautiful as a grey! Funny, I was thinking about posting this very question today as my first post question..... I am going to see my stylist on Wednesday and consult with her! Thanks for the inspiration!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Eliza, you are right -- I really ought to be grateful that the change would not be so obvious, at least at first. And Shevia, you give me hope. I think you're right that Mr. Suz would adjust pretty fast and grow to love it. It's his typical pattern, after all.

Deborah

Veteran

I am hoping Joy might chime in and share how and when she transitioned to grey and how her hubby responded. I reckon my DH would jumping for joy. I am a 6 weekly cut and colour gal and I don't think he would miss that from our budget lol.

Suz, I think you would look great grey! And probably once Mr Suz sees it, he will think so to.. Change can difficult for men. I wonder if it can also be confronting for man when his partner is going grey, it may be a reminder of his own mortality?

I so do it. You can can go back to colouring easily if you don't like it. You can even make it a longer process to help DH get used to it. Our hair (particularly blondes) seems to be made up of many tones or shades so you could add minimal highlights here and there and lengthen the process of going grey so that it appears to happen in the most natural way and DH will just grow with it.

Misia

Veteran

Go gray! I know your husband will love it too.

Nicole D

Veteran

Suz, I love grey hair on most people, and I think grey hair can be stunning. I agree with all the points you make about how it could enhance your style. But, here's the thing:it will make you look older. There are no two ways about it. If that is OK with you (and DH) then that's fine, but it's just a fact. I plan to dye until it looks stupid or obvious to keep doing it. So I say now...that may change of course!

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I would give it a go - as the gray starts to take over, you'll be able to see if it's what you like. You can highlight or add dimension to it, or change it completely if you don't like it. Yay for gray!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Ok, so here are my thoughts based on my own experience.

When I first decided to go natural after colouring my hair for 23 years I was so worried it would age me and was concerned that being a brunette, the growing out process would be horrendous. It only took about 3-4 months to rid myself of all the dye but I did cut my hair very short to help speed up the transition.

Rather than aging me, I found it made me look better. Not younger or older, but more natural. My skin colour had also started to change with age and I didn't realize how harsh my coloured hair looked against my skin tone. My new salt and pepper hair made my skin look brighter.

This would be different for you because the change from blond to grey is less severe.

For me, going grey was incredibly liberating and empowering and I never once regretted it. Mr Shannon was on board but that he would tell me if he hated it once the transition was complete. But he didn't hate and was surprised at how good it looked.

It sounds to me like you really need to find out how it looks and how you feel about if and there's only one way to do that. The great thing is if you hate it, you just colour it again.

Peri

Veteran

I can't help. I think you are beautiful so I would say no, but you will probably be beautiful gray also. I love gray hair with a modern cut like yours. But...if you go gray and then decide later you want to be blonde again it will be pretty obvious. Entirely doable, but everyone will know it's dyed. Right now you can get away with it. I think there is plenty of time later to be gray. I think I would wait. But, you really can't go wrong cause you will look great no matter what.

Gaylene

Veteran

I just wanted to jump back in to say that I really love my greying hair for exactly the reasons that Shannon has mentioned. My hair looks shiny and healthy, the mix of tones brightens my skin, and I can spend my $$$ on a great cut instead of coloring and touch-ups. And, yes, like Shannon says, choosing not to color does seem oddly empowering and liberating--maybe it's my way of saying that silver-headed women have more fun than either blondes or brunettes.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It's interesting...my stylist said that people often feel it ages them...but then when I look at women with grey hair I do not think the colour of their hair ages them. It's something else that does the aging. Except when their hair colour is super mousy, like my mother's was -- and I fear mine would be!

Ah well. The only way to know for sure is to see what it looks like! And on the plus side, while my mother's truly was mousy in her 40s, it looked pretty darn good by her 50s and by her 60s it was gorgeous. So...assuming genes play a role, I can at least look forward to a lovely white!

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