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Green Dressed Monster - Warning: Rant Ahead

rae

(website)

Veteran

Having a frustrating day today. It started off when I got stuck in the parking garage because some guy tried to exit without a ticket and then refused to even pull over to the side so others could go around him. He just sat there, punching the "call for assistance" button over and over and over and over and over, even after I asked him reallllly nicely if he'd let me by... He'd still be there if I didn't look up the number to guest services and ask security to come down. But by the time they let us out, I was totally late for DFS. Had to pay $10 for parking because I missed my bus, and now, I'm looking at this picture and... really hating it.

I liked the outfit, and I still think it's okay. But I feel so... ugly in my photos lately. I look so much shorter in my outdoor photos, my face looks fatter despite actually losing weight, my complexion is always washed out even though I'm wearing more makeup than ever, my poses look awkward, and - most tragically - I think the honeymoon period may be over with my haircut. I KNOW!

It's just... I thought shorter hair would be more easily mussed up and bed-headed, since it wouldn't be so weighed down. But nope, the 'do is looking more sleek and irritatingly perfect than ever. It's driving me nuts! I want it to come across as relaxed and natural and mussy, but it comes across like I stand there with a flat iron and spray can and shellack every strand into submission, even when I stand there with three kinds of waxes/texture products and try my darndest to apply some gorram chaos.

Ugh. I don't know why I'm in such a crabby mood today, but I'm ready to go all G.I. Jane up in here. I think I'd really do it, too, if only my face didn't look so oddly square-jawed in these pics. -_-

Some distant part of my brain knows that I need to practice my photos more and find the right angle to stand at, the right way to tilt my head, et al. I know I need to play with more hair products and really get into the groove. It's just hard to hear that part of my brain what with all the whining and complaining I'm doing. :T

Siiiiigh... just one of those days.

As MaryK would say, "/rant."

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38 replies

Latest reply was from Carole

Aziraphale

Veteran

My dear, you are beautiful. And what you say about your hair is nonsense. It's fabulous! Trust me, all the frizzy gals out there are flatironing their locks for hours in the vain hope of having hair like yours (and it pretty much never works). Long or short, it looks amazing.

And your face looks just like it always does to me. Picture-perfect! I tell you this: when I look at my face in the mirror in the morning (makeup on, hair tamed, that is), I usually feel pretty OK. I mean, my face isn't the sort to inspire massive ship-launching, but it's all right. And yet, if I had a dollar for every time I've been horrified by a picture of my face -- the exact same face that I've deemed acceptable before I've left the house -- I'd have a lot more money in the bank. Or possibly more boots.

We're always our own worst critic. You are truly lovely-looking.

deb

Veteran

You look beautiful!!!!

anne

Veteran

I love how Elisabeth puts it!!!

Sorry you had a bad day - but we really can't see it in the photo!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Aww; poor Rae! I'm sorry you had a nasty-no-good day! *HUGS*

1) Parking - ugh; I hate it when people are so inconsiderate. If I didn't care more for my car, I would ram it into these people so they would get out of the way.

2) Hair - My hair won't stay mussed either. Is it because we have thicker hair? One of the things I have resorted to doing is since I wash it at night, I just kind of keep clips in it and just randomly clip pieces all over the places while they're still wet. In the morning, I take all of the clips out and my hair looks kinda mussed, but falls back into place a little bit too! And bonus: extra volume!

*HUGS* Hope tomorrow will be better!

suzyq

Listen to Elisabeth. Truer words have never beeen spoken.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Lyn: your hair won't stay mussed because it's Asian hair. Each hair shaft is strong, smooth and thick, and resistant to fraying. Frayed hair strands catch on each other and encourage mussing. (If you look at a strand of my hair under the microscope, it looks like a frayed rope). Did you know that they almost always use Asian hair to make wigs? No matter the final colour they make the wig? It's because it tends to be more resilient than Western hair.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Yeah, my hair is half Asian, too.

catgirl

Veteran

Rae, you look gorgeous as always. I think all your concerns are indirectly tied to the end of the "honeymoon" with your hair... I've been there too!

Trust me, a short haircut takes time to develop and your first cut is never the ideal one. As I said before, two words: razor cut. I can't stress it enough. The first chop is always hard - then you refine, refine, refine and you also need to find the person who gets your hair AND your sensibility. I've basically invented my own hairstyle by tweaking over three or four years, to the point where I can make little shifts in length and color to feel a change, but still feel like ME.

Do you love your stylist? My stylist knows what I mean when I come in and tell her I want to look like an anime character. She spends her time making my hair as imperfect as she can and never judges me for not wanting my straight, unmessable hair that many women would love to have.

You will fall back in love, I promise!

Diana

Veteran

Aww, I'm sorry you had a crummy day, Rae, but it truly does not show in your photos.

I sympathize about the hair. At the moment, I wish I had my short hair back. Right now it is just long and unruly and still annoyingly helmety/straight on top and weirdly wavy on the bottom.

One thing I do is wash my hair at night and sleep on it wet, and I do NOT brush it until the morning. Asian hair is so straight that it doesn't tangle much anyway. It literally takes me 5 seconds to brush my hair. Of course this is very unpredictable and sometimes you end up with hair sticking in weird directions.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I apologize for the Asian in your hair Bad asian hair and won't stay mussed-ness!

ETA: I never brush my hair. And it's getting like shoulder-length too. I do what Diana does a lot, especially when I am feeling lazy.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Rae, I've just had a thought. I used to have this hairdresser whose wanted her hair to look like Rod Stewart's (for reasons I can't fathom), and she complained about how her hair was "too healthy" and had to be colour treated a lot so that she could mess it up. She said she used colour treatments that would strip the hair of its natural colour, a process which roughs up the hair shafts. Then she would colour over top with a semi-permanent colour. Anyway, it worked.

Also, I think there was a lot of backcombing involved.

Sometimes I style my hair to resemble Tim Minchin's (for reasons you, or anybody else, probably can't fathom), and backcombing + tons of heavy-duty hairspray does the trick. I don't know if this would work for you, since my hair is a different texture from yours, but it's worth a try.

Ingunn

(website)

Veteran

Rae, you are beautiful! You always look stylish in your posts, and the short hair is very pretty on you. I hear you about not finding your way to style it, but it will come, like Una said. Don't let it put you down!

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Oh golly, Rae, I am so sorry you feel unhappy with your looks/photos.

You're beautiful. Your hair is WONDERFUL. I missed the lead up to the new do, but when I saw your new photos I loved it!

You want photo problems? You want weird facial stuff? Hair that refuses do be properly mussed OR impeccably groomed? Come on over here, baby!

I know that may not really help you feel better but all of us can empathize. You're a beautiful, stylish young woman. We all think you are fabulous.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Thank you for the empathy and the suggestions, everyone - really. I can be a real control freak sometimes and it gets under my skin when too much goes awry.

Diana and Lyn, it is oddly soothing to know that there are others out there with this hair type. I had the same issue as Diana with the waves on bottom and heavy straight-ness on top. I don't own any clips, so I've done up some strands in pin curls to see if sleeping on them adds some body. Lyn, I've always thought your hair looked really cool... maybe I should go short like your old style....

Elizabeth and Una, funny that both the color stripping and razor cutting is damaging to hair. I guess I like my hair as distressed as my clothes! You are both right that it takes time to dial it in.

Andrea, it really does make me feel better, lol. Not because I'm glad to hear you get frustrated, but because it makes me feel like it's just one of those grass-is-greener things that everyone deals with. I have always liked your hair, too!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Rae, you look gorgeous as usual and I love your hair. I get what you're saying about your hair not looking as RATE as you'd like but I think it looks great on you and I'm jealous! I'd kill to have a sleek bob like yours but when my hair is that length, one side curls under but the other side always flips out and I don't have the time to curl or style it to make it look right. So I just leave it long so I don't have to do anything with it.

Sounds like you had a really frustrating day. You looked great though even if you weren't feeling it. Hope tomorrow is much better!

Anonymous

Get outta here... You look ah'mazing.
About the cut, I love it, I think there is something really strong about that perceived neatness that plays so nicely with the UWP element, but if you want to mess it up, I think what's happening is that the length is mostly at one layer, that would weight the hair down. For the next one, you can try a subtle layering or a razor cut, as Una suggested. I no longer get razor cuts because my hair is very prone to split ends, but your hair is much stronger and can take it.
Also, too much product can add weight as well. I actually learned to finally tame my frizzy hair, by using ZERO product, just shampoo and conditioner. All of the other stuff was just adding to a very messy situation. Just go with one thing at the time, until you find your groove.

Scarlet

Veteran

Seriously, you look gorgeous. I wish I could trade you a little of my hair's wildness. I have spent years figuring how to tame it. By the way, if you find a way to try some on the cheap, redken's wool shake is a really nice product for body and texture without weighing hair down. Admittedly my hair is hard to weigh down, but I would estimate this to be true for other people as well as long as your hair isn't greasy.

ETA: Raise your hand if you are dying to see Elisabeth's hairdos *raising hand*. This is not the first intriguing style I have heard mentioned...

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Sounds like one of those days where one aggravating event makes everything seem even more aggravating. You truly do look wonderful though. I am trying with all my might to muster up sympathy for the plight of the perfect haired, but as the keeper of perpetually frizzy, never neat and totally fly away hair in every direction, it is a stretch!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Have a hug, Rae... and believe that you're beautiful, even unmussed! Strikingly so.

That said, I can understand the frustration with hair (or indeed any body part) that refuses to go along with the plan. And I'm sure there's enough rationality left in your smart, striking head to know that common and understandable as that feeling may be, going too far that way... there lies madness.

Yet having just had a haircut and spent all afternoon trying to turn one stubborn bunch of strands around to curl the *other* way, I can certainly sympathize...Right now, I'm wondering if I have turkey feathers on my head :-/

If it's any help, I was about to suggest what Zap did for the short term. Don't use product to try and 'stick up' straight hair; instead go as low as you dare on product. Rough up the individual strands themselves further, if you want, by skipping conditioner too. Your hair seems to be sleek (smooth flat keratin scales, hence it is also shiny), straight, thick and heavy --- all qualities that will tend to make it lie flat. Adding the weight of product only makes this MORE likely.

And for the long term, ask for the edges to be chopped into or sliced into randomly, and then razored. It will add 'untidiness' as well as remove some of the weight at the ends, allowing for more muss

I'm so sorry you had a bad day, and not just a bad hair day either. Your desire for 'distressed' hair made me smile though --- so very Rae!

ETA: ::Yeah, raising hands to see Elisabeth's 'do, along with Scarlet::

Anonymous

I think it is the cut too, Rae. When I first got mine cut shorter, I had it all pretty much one length, and it just hung there. Now, my hair is fine, and tends to be frizzy, but getting a more layered razor cut really made it piecier and look intentional.

I was thinking about growing mine again, but I think I might go back to jagged layers as it certainly is easy to style in the morning - wash or rinse, towel dry, add some kind of texturiser, scrunch, and leave to air dry.

Kristin L

Veteran

I'm sorry Rae. If I could swap hair with you', I'd do it in a New York minute. Short hair can take a LOT of getting use to. One of my old friends from undergrad had her hair stylist cut very short layers under longer, bob length ones to help create a more spikey look. Maybe you can ask yours if the same would work for your hair.

You do look beautiful and it was kind of you to find someone to help with that guy in the parking garage. For other poses, have you thought about trying to put one foot out in front?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Well, I'll also chime in to tell you that you look beautiful, and agree that the grass is always greener.

I've made a lot of peace with my hair over the years, after battling it fiercely when I was young. I had to either learn to tame it or live with the unruliness. Now that I'm in my 40s, it's getting thinner and the curl is relaxing, so it's easier to manage, and im thankful for that. But now my hair has this neither-here-nor-there quality -- I can't get it glossy and straight even though my stylist can, and it scrunches up into loose messy waves but they never look as good as I want them to. But lately I seem to be letting the waves win. I figure I'm already damaging my hair by coloring it, so I'll save a little wear and tear on it by reducing the use of the blow dryer and flat iron. This may be the first time in my life I'm actually working with the nature of my hair rather than fighting it. In fact, I was even thinking yesterday of posting a "straight or wavy" poll to see what the forum thought of my hair in its various states.

I think you'll find the right styling to make you feel fab, and I even wonder if a little shorter and more layered might help you achieve the look you're aiming for. But I will let the other smooth-haired ladies advise you on that, since I have the opposite problem!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh Rae - you look GORGEOUS my dear and couldn't look any other way if you tried! Fat face??? Who are you looking at?

As for the hair, it's a shock going from long to shorter and you need to get used to a whole other way of doing your hair. I have poker straight hair but I don't like it to look like I'm wearing a skull cap because it's so short. My stylist does the initial cut and then razor cuts it over top of that to get some lift and "ooomph" so I totally agree with Una's razor cut suggestion.

As for the dude in the parking garage - what a moron!

catherine

Veteran

Rae, as others have said, you are just beautiful. Seeing you on the street, I would say to myself, "now there's somebody that's cool, casual, and exceedingly stylish".

LizL

I haven't been on the site for a while, and when I saw your new photo I thought your hair looked great and the green dress is lovely on you ,sometimes we are our own worst critic. I agree with everyone else, razor cut or highlights or those weird scissors with teeth to take some weight out. Bumble & Bumble surf spray and some molding paste works a treat on my messy bob, but I have fine straight hair.
As for the guy in the parking garage, I'll give you advice my sister gave to me in a similar situation. Some people are just a-holes, no point wasting your energy getting frustrated with them, they can't help it.

cheryl

Veteran

Hugs for your bad day, but you are always adorable and I like this pic a lot!

Day Vies

Veteran

green and gray is one of my favorite combinations. I love the texture in the gray and the gray/green shade of the boots contrasted with the vivid emerald shade of your dress. Your look is so cool and confident. Bravo!

Sara L.

Veteran

Bad days suck and can make everything else suck too. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. My hair has razor cut ends that make the bottom sort of spiky and that might work with your's as well. I just got a trim and now it's a tad shorter and spikier than ideal. My hair grows so fast that in a couple weeks it will probably look fine again (at least that's what I keep telling myself).

When my hair was longer, I would do something similar to what Lyn suggests - I would braid and twist up some sections to get different textures in my hair. I would make sure that the sections were a mix of different sizes, some small braids mixed with larger braids. I don't do it with wet hair though - my hair is so thick that they never dry. I do it with dry or almost dry hair.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Haha, Scarlet, Manidipa...my hair's pretty normal right now. Wouldn't want to disappoint you! I just got it cut into a chin-length wavy shag, and I haven't tried the flatiron/backcombing thing on it yet. (Might be too short for that look). Usually I don't do that unless my hair is desperately in need of a cut and looks terrible anyway. If you make it look deliberately dragged-through-a-bush-backwards, it can make the hair look kind of cool rather than merely ugly.

Rae, I'll chime in about razor cuts too. Now that I think about it, my hairdresser always uses a razor on mine after she's done with the cutting part. She always asks me if I'm OK with her using a razor, presumably because it's damaging to the hair. But since I want a messy shag, I always say yes.

By the way, I was only half-joking about backcombing and hairspray. You say you use styling products, but I'm guessing you're using waxes or styling mud? Anyway, give hairspray a try. A really strong one, like Bedhead Hard Head.

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