Hmm- good debate! I NEVER dress to be pretty. Attractive, polished, cool, fun, I'll even take hot, but I never think of myself as pretty nor do I wonder if I look pretty. I think it is the connotations the word brings...pretty seems juvenile and twee to me. I am not conventionally attractive. I like my hair short, I have a big nose, I'm getting close to middle age (technically I'm there, but who gives a sh*t). None of this makes me pretty. But, do I feel good about myself? Hell yes. Do I like myself? Again, yes. Do I think I look good and I'm attractive? Yes. Do I think I'm pretty? No.

Dressing "pretty" is not my style either, I would feel awkward and not quite myself in something that was considered "pretty" (ie floral tee). So, if an item doesn't resonate, even though its "pretty", it won't be worn because you'll never really connect with it on that visceral, "this is me" level.

coming back around to add that although I don't purposely seek to dress pretty, I have no problem being complimented with the word, or sexy for that matter. I see them as compliments, not loaded words.

Fascinating! Thanks for a very thought provoking thread...as a native Texan and of a certain age, I tend to think of "pretty" in a nonpejorative way. And yes, even in my mid50s, I will look at myself in the mirror and think "awesome! you look really pretty!" I think Helen Mirren is pretty. There's an elegance but also a delicacy that fits the definition. Perhaps those cultural/life stage influences inform my response more than I would have been aware of prior to reading the thread. LOTR...batting for Team Faramir, lol...he was pretty without being too sweet!

Should clarify that my "mirror moments" usually occur when I've pulled together a nice outfit...lol!

What an interesting discussion! I acknowledge the problematic aspects of 'pretty,' but I also think it's possible to be a feminine feminist, aka still appreciate certain actions/attitudes/characteristics/etc. traditionally associated with women while abhorring patriarchy, sexism, and misogyny.

With that disclaimer out of the way, many of the clothes I'm drawn to probably fall in the pretty category: I like pintucks and bows and muted colours and soft fabrics, among other things. I'm not consciously aiming for pretty when I shop, I'm buying things I love, but the result is a closet with quite a few pretty clothes, and it makes me happy.

*Being* pretty seems to be a different matter. On a day-to-day basis, looking pretty myself is not one of my top goals (being true to my style persona, comfort, and weather appropriateness are probably my big ones), but I certainly enjoy the days I feel pretty! I spent my adolescence, from age 12 to about 18, believing I was ugly, deeply ugly to the point that there were days I didn't want to leave the house because I didn't want to inflict myself on the public. That was not a fun time! Around age 18, I decided I was sick of feeling that way, and began a conscious campaign to improve my self esteem, and thank goodness it eventually worked, because that kind of self-loathing is exhausting. I do aim for pretty during 'events' when I'm seeing family/friends/etc. or at something like a party or gathering where I'll be meeting lots of new people or for a date, because I feel most confident & outgoing when I've got my 'pretty' armour on. When I want to look pretty, make up is definitely my first focus, then hair, then clothes. I'm also aiming for 'interesting' though for those events!

I'd prefer to be perceived as beautiful vs pretty, but considering I have a number of 'cute' characteristics, I think pretty is a more realistic aim. hehe I definitely take pretty as a compliment, although that OED definition seems a bit harsh. I suppose as a legacy of those ugly duckling years, I'm always just thrilled to feel extra good about myself, and I take joy in any compliment. If I could pick anything, though, I'd love to be striking! Attractive isn't really a word that I use to describe anything, so it's not on my radar. Perhaps I use the word 'pretty' in the same context others use 'attractive'? I equate it with looking my best.

I don't know if my ramblings made any sense, but I suspect I'll be mulling this over for awhile yet. Thnx to Una & Catnip for starting the discussion!

P.S.: Another Aragorn girl registering her vote! ;D

I am not pretty and anyone who calls me that has a different definition of the word. It's not a style goal or an aspiration of mine. If someone tells me I look pretty, I am happy to accept that as a compliment, as not everyone is good with words. However, if someone were to ask me "why don't you want to look pretty?", I would be deeply offended. Because annoying value judgement on their part! And I may not be pretty, but I kick ass.

: )

This is such a fascinating, unexpected topic!

I think the word 'pretty' has gone the way of 'nice' or 'vanilla'... it has become sort of pedestrian, and has an almost derogatory association of what is, after all, a lovely word with loving intention behind it.

Or maybe it is that 'pretty', like 'young', is a descriptor that one eventually grows out of. Or perhaps not. My grandma is 88, and I think she's very pretty. But then I think 'lovely' is a better, more all-encompassing word.

I never think of 'pretty' in terms of myself - how I look, what I wear, how I decorate, the things I seek out or create, or pursue. To me, 'pretty' is a watered-down word. The exception(s) is(are) very small humans, and non-humans. I have never met a dog, cat, bird, or baby, that didn't LOVE being told how pretty they are

For me pretty is the light that shines from your eyes when you feel good, you feel like you look good, and your happiness factor is high.

So yeah, I'd like to be pretty.

Question, for those of you that take offense at the word pretty: Do you have a significant other?

And for people who view the word pretty in a positive light (as I agreed it is usually intended as a compliment), why is the way Una dresses normally automatically NOT pretty? What makes flowers and twee pretty, but darker colours, flattering cuts, interesting combinations, and perfect fits... something else, not pretty? Perhaps that's part of the issue, too. I can fully agree that many people intend the word pretty as a positive thing, but to pose the question that was asked takes it for granted that the way the person normally dresses is NOT pretty. If pretty is used as a synonym for attractive or beautiful, great, and I think Una and many women here who might otherwise bristle at the term would find that complimentary. But that's not at all what the implication was in the question, and that's why it is problematic to me. A woman doesn't need to conform to flowers and sweet in order to be viewed as attractive.

I think the reason, or at least part of the reason, that this question is stirring up some debate is that the word "pretty" is a bit like the word "nice" in that it is not very descriptive. Its meaning is too broad, or maybe ambiguous?

<deleting pedantic dictionary stuff>

cciele -- well, sure, "pretty" has a collection of definitions in the Oxford Illustrated. But it has been overused, which has drained it of some of its oomph as an adjective.

Echo, the original comment was in response to words that Una herself used about the top being "pretty", not a dig at her not dressing prettily

I don't strive to be pretty but I am not sure what that means. I like RATE, edgy and challenging the norm. I do like to look attractive. Pretty means different things to people. Reading the posts was very interesting. I have never liked floral, pinky, poufy things. I have always been more drawn to earthy colours and textures. I am not insulted if someone calls me pretty unless it is at work or another inappropriate situation.

Aziraphale -- very true! But when it comes to an agreement about the definition of a word, I always turn to the dictionary for common ground. Or else get everyone to agree on what we're talking about, but as you know that is hard to do, so the dictionary it is for me!

cciele and Aida, while it is true that Una herself said the top was far prettier than her normal style, the response began with this, "You look more attractive in this photo than any other I've seen of you." The poster herself equated pretty with attractive and was not just mirroring Una's own words back. The more I read the entire statement, the more offensive it gets...

ETA: I have given my opinion, and will now bow out of this thread. It isn't my fight (not that it is actually a fight at all - a good discussion actually - but it's just an expression) and I have no need to be invested in this. I'll just read from here on out.

It sounds like there are as many "prettys" as there are fabbers. As I said on the other thread there is nothing wrong with pretty if that's what you want. As a child of 1960s feminism I think when pretty becomes something we need to aspire to to be considered attractive to others that's when the trouble starts.
It's a yin & yang thing for me without the balance of light & dark there is no sustained attraction to something or someone. I'll take womanly androgyny over pretty any day

No worries, cciele. Normally it's me who gets pedantic.

When i was much younger I often compared myself to other girls and even then I never thought I was as pretty as them. But there was this one guy in college who out of the blue told me that I was beautiful. He was not trying to go out with me or anything. I told him how flattered I was and how there was this other girl in our class who was gorgeous and he said sure, but she was fake. He told me that every time I walked into the class that I exuded such confidence that it made heads turn (not in these exact words).

When I first met my husband at a college function, there were girls flocking around him, yet he had a mutual friend introduce us to each other. I later asked him why did he want to meet me and again I heard the same thing. I just exuded confidence in how I entered the hall and he had to meet me.

I don't think it is the clothes that make a woman pretty or attractive, or whatever you would like to call it, but how a woman makes what she wears look pretty or attractive by how she carries herself and her demeanor.

Even today at age 57, I get complimented, oftentimes by strangers.

AG, I have a SO. Why?

My connotations of pretty go back to my childhood in the 50's and I was never pretty.  That title went to a blonde, blue-eyed cousin a year younger.  As a very skinny dark-eyed brunette, no one ever called me pretty.  My mother would try with clothes that I hated because they failed miserably...ruffled pink dresses with puffed sleeves and white lace gloves.  I aim for elegance and looking interesting.  If I aimed for pretty the way that I think of it, I would fail.  Yes I have a SO.

This thread has hit my hot button.

*smiling*

Parsley, Diana, MaryK and Shannon articulated how I feel about the word pretty - just so perfectly. I have never understood the negative reaction to the word pretty - and I still don't. Looking pretty and wearing pretty clothes doesn't mean you're weak, silly, girly, juvenile and unintelligent. It also doesn't mean wearing bows, skirts, frills, florals and pink. You can absolutely look pretty wearing tomboy attire, edgy and avant-garde clothing, punk, RATE looks and menswear inspired clothes. And of course you're intelligent and capable when you look pretty.

I will not stop telling you that you look pretty if I think you look pretty. It's meant as an absolute compliment. I love pretty wardrobe items, pretty outfits, and I personally strive to look pretty. I totally bat for Team Pretty.

I can't wait to read this thread thoroughly, but right now I have a house guest, blue cheese burgers coming off the BBQ, and a sweet crying 2yo who missed me while I was at work.

My first reaction was "No." After a bit of thought, though, I realized I do think I aim for a certain type of pretty, some of the time. I don't do girly or frilly or ruffly, but that's not the only type of pretty. I'm sure that's already been said more eloquently by someone else... more to follow when I've been fed

I'm so glad you've chimed in, Angie. Even though I posted about the challenges of "pretty" as a defining term, I don't have a problem with the word "pretty" being used to describe me or what I'm wearing (even if it's not a word I typically think of as relating to me or my style). It is a word people use when they are making a compliment. Even though someone might not love that particular word, I think it's important to take compliments in the spirit in which they are intended, rather than getting hung up on semantics.

Bless you, Janet. I always think you look pretty in your edgy and rock 'n roll outfits. And I tell you - you look pretty too. I've told you many times how pretty your eyes are and I won't stop telling you that. It's high praise - and thanks for taking it in that spirit. xo

Well, the thread's hit hot buttons for many people!

I agree with Janet about taking compliments in the spirit that they're given. "Pretty" seems to be a word that people often use in a complimentary sense, much like the way people use "cute," I suppose. And I don't think pretty implies weak, unintelligent or anything of those things! But I don't really relate to the word as it applies to myself. As one who doesn't bat for Team Pretty, I reserve the right to not use that word in reference to me or my style!

Just as I reserve the right to call you pretty when I think you look pretty, Cathy. xo

Heehee, thanks Angie!

I think this is where the shifting sands of definition and whether the word 'pretty' is or isn't equivalent to 'attractive' or 'beautiful' make things murky.

Compliments are compliments, and I receive them in the spirit they are intended. I also give them a lot. I tell my husband he's beautiful all the time.

I think where it can get into trouble is if a more conventional or narrow definition is used to exclude or devalue other definitions.

So for example in art, a friend who makes edgy work told me that her MFA advisor said 'there is so much ugliness in the world, why don't you make something beautiful'. She basically asked for another advisor because that one wasn't willing to expand her definition of beautiful to consider what my friend was making on it's own merits or to understand why and how my friend found beauty in her subject matter.