DD 18 is going to get a tattoo! HELP - YouLookFab Forum

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DD 18 is going to get a tattoo! HELP

karymk

Veteran

My girl just HAS to have a tattoo now that she's turned 18. I am angsting so bad about this. She is so beautiful and has the most beautiful skin you have ever seen. She wants to put the "geo coordinates of her birthplace" on her torso right where her bra band would go, sort of under the arm pit. I know this is a thing of her generation but never again will my baby be "spotless" as the day she was born....

I can't stop her. I am not paying for it obviously but I have NOT the slightest idea where she is going to get it and it's too late now. So all I need is some tea and sympathy.

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34 replies

Latest reply was from crutcher

retailgirl

Veteran

I feel for you! She is so beautiful. And I don't like tattoos, either. At least it's not going to be in an easily visible spot. It's what people her age do, she'd be in the minority without one but I don't know why you want something so permanent on your body. But then, my mother couldn't imagine why I wanted to get my ears pierced, fifty, ( yikes!) years ago.

Astrid

Veteran

She's beautiful. So she's doing it right now? Both the place and the motiv are rather trendy, if you're browsing Pinterest. I don't have anything against tattoos in general when they're well done and well thought out, but I have to say this sounds a bit like the of the moment equivalent to the tribal of the 90s... But I guess it's her body. And it's not going to be very in your face and not too big either.

Anonymous

My DD wanted one too when she was 18. I asked her to wait 3 months and if she still wanted one to go and do it. I told her that once she got that tatoo it would be very difficult to remove so she should think it through. She is now 21 and never got one.

Runcarla

Veteran

I feel for you! So far 2 of my nieces have felt compelled to alter their beautiful, perfect bodies - so far DS's have not felt the same...fingers crossed.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry you're so worried and hurt. It's hard for both parents and kids at that age to figure out how to separate and shift to a new kind of adult relationship.

To play the other side, she's 18 now, so it's her decision about what to do with her body, and there are far worse things to do with yourself than get a small tattoo that won't show when you're wearing regular clothes. I'm sure you've raised a bright and thoughtful daughter and she'll make decisions wisely (at least most of the time - all of us made some mistakes when we were 18, it's part of the process of growing up). I don't have any tattoos, but I know for my friends that do, it's not marring their skin; it's making an important statement that they want to carry with them always. Even if it's just something fun that she might wish she hadn't done in a few years, it's not the end of the world. None of our bodies are 'perfect', even when we're young, and it's a lot of pressure to put on a young woman to have an unflawed body, especially in today's climate of unrealistic beauty and body standards.

She's not your baby anymore, and if she's anything like me, trying to control her behavior inappropriately will backfire and push her away from you faster. I remember when I was a teenager fighting mightily with my parents - my mom especially - about getting my ears pierced. For a while they insisted I had to wait until I was 18, and I finally convinced them to let me earlier if I got it done at the doctor's office rather than at a piercing place. Too bad the nurse didn't really know what she was doing, used the same auto-gun they had at the mall store, and had no idea how to advise me how to take care of them, so I spent until my early 20s having periodic infections, until I met friends in college who had 'serious' piercings and taught me all the things I was doing wrong.

Gaylene

Veteran

Well, you could act excited, telling her how much you LOVE the idea, and might even consider one for yourself. Parental approval can be a huge turnoff at 18.

But, honestly, if that is going to be her way of asserting her independence as a young adult, thank your lucky stars. Being the parent of a young adult involves a lot of watching from the sidelines, gritting your teeth, and faking a smile. Substituting "hmm, that's interesting" for "why on earth would you do/want something like that" doesn't come easily for a mother.

And, by the way, your baby girl is as gorgeous as her mother--that picture of the two of you is simply beautiful.

Anonymous

Hmm, I've never been a fan of tattoos myself. I guess as others have said, If you disagree you will only make her more determined, though I like Lara's idea of asking to wait and then decide. It does sound like a very discreet area of here body that she is planning to have the tattoo.

You and your DD look like so alike in the photo. Both very beautiful!

Sal

Veteran

That must be hard...have a big cup of tea (or a strong gin and tonic) and grin and bear.

Mochi

Veteran

I felt the same way (to a lesser degree) with my daughter, who now has two tattoos. One on her wrist, and the other on the back of her neck, which is usually covered by long hair. So at least they're not prominent or covering the length of her arms or anything.

I also don't like tattoos, most of them...I think they're usually not well designed, and kind of tacky looking. Occasionally I'll see a really beautiful one. And I also feel like nothing's more beautiful than skin in its natural state. However, as others have stated, it's her body and she's an adult...unless you can get her to hold off, it's going to be something you need to get used to.

Interestingly, I've heard that tattoo removal is a rapidly growing industry. : )

Summer

Veteran

Tea and sympathy coming right up. I'd be upset, too, but at least the tattoo should be quite discreet.

Your daughter is beautiful.

karymk

Veteran

Waaaaaah you are all such sage ladies. Thank you for listening!

Deborah

Veteran

Just read your other post:). I don't mind the odd, carefully placed tattoo:). In fact if I could choose a design I would have a small one myself;). I think you did good checking out the place and at 18 it is a decision she can make. I understand where you are coming from, but perhaps now switch gears and tell her how cute it looks:).

Debbie

Veteran

As a Mom of two adult women I can tell you that Gaylene is correct. Practice saying oh really and that's nice in the mirror. This is the first if many times you are going to need to use it. Both of my girls have tatoos. One is now in her early thirties and would like hers removed. My daughter in her mid twenties is still In love with her's.
Have a stiff cup of tea.
She is beautiful just like her Mom.

rachylou

Veteran

Remind her that hipsterdom has jumped the shark! Exclaim, 'It's on your head!' Call her 'my poor defiled baby' every chance you get for the next 60 years to everyone within earshot!

Well, I'm just sayin' - these are the traditional forms of payback... ahem, parenting... Won't fix the tattoo, but you'll have extra leverage with regard to law school...

Karie

(website)

Veteran

She might regret it someday, but at least it's not in a place where it's very conspicuous. I have two - the only one I regret is the giant heart shaped scroll on my leg, I just wish it was a lot smaller.

Echo

Veteran

Like in the thread on the main page. alcohol is better than tea in this situation!

My DD is only 11 and thus far has rejected the idea of ANY body modification, from pierced ears to tattoos. I keep reinforcing her view by telling her that being unmarked is as alternative as a person can get now. But who knows what the future holds? I give you kudos for her being able to tell you at all, though, because I got my first tattoo while I was halfway across the country from my mum (who would have had a heart attack)!

And both you and your DD are beautiful. It runs in the family!

DonnaF

Veteran

My sympathy, and how timely! Last night, DD21's WiFi was down and laptop was acting up so she called the parents. I took the opportunity to remind her that she didn't have White Privilege when it came to tats, and that if she were ever to travel to Japan or Korea wearing tats she would be regarded very negatively -- and that youth hostels have shared bathing so they would show, and I told her about comic Margaret Cho's experience at a spa in L.A.'s Koreatown. I also reminded her that skin sags in places unimaginable when one is younger, and I think I have some credibility because I tell her this at age 62. So far, no tats; only a nose piercing.

Yes, I would get over it if she ever got a tat. But I've seen the stories about the bad ink, so maybe these days that's a greater concern than dirty needles. That, and bad art.

I rather like culturally appropriate tats like Maori tats on Maori. Or even gauges in the ears of those who can trace ancestry back to gauge wearers. But not others. Just call me conservative that way.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I don't like tattoos at all, nor body modifications except ear piercing. also a religious/cultural no no in our family.

When my daughter got her ears pierced at 11 or so, at the dermatologist, it was a disaster of infection and asymmetry. On the recommendation of friends, we later took her to a tattoo parlor to have them re done. They did such a good job and it was super clean. She also got that little frisson of counter culture experience checking out the other customers. They asked her if she wanted to have her picture taken with the big needle through her ear but she declined.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Does she live at home? You could threaten making her move out. ;-). Seriously, I don't know what I would have done. I'm not a fan of tattoos and am very glad I never got one.

annabelle

Veteran

My dd carefully chose her hummingbird tattoo, and researched which local artists had the best reputation (including the safety of the shop, btw, which all is mandated by law), and chose the artist. She had it put on her ribs (cannot even imagine how that hurt) which shows when she's in a sports bra or swimsuit or little boho dress but not in her unisuit for rowing. Before she was 18 she wanted a little tattoo on her hand, and the artists recommended she not get one in a visible place until she was sure about it. I'm so glad they recommended that. She wanted a little heart, like she and her friends had been drawing on themselves since third grade! Be thankful your dd has the common sense to get one she can hide when she wants.

Like your daughter, mine had chosen the design as something very family significant and personal to her. They want to carry family with them, even when they move away, it seems.

Bra band on her ribs, though. Ouch. Anything near a bone is the worst.

rachylou

Veteran

Sometimes I want a tattoo, because how can I be a real artisan baker without one? But then A) I have no ideas B) even the original ideas get trite fast C) my religiosity gets the better of me (tattoos generally prohibited) D) it's like you have something to hide and E) you have this smudge that can't come off, which seems irritating...

Anyways, what would be a good artisan baker tattoo? A cupcake is too Hello Kitty... and anyways, I bake bread.

MsMary

Veteran

Wow, you two could be twins! You are both gorgeous!

Tea and sympathy by the bucketloads coming from here, but really... her body, her choice. There is zero upside to making a "thing" about this. Just grit your teeth and smile and nod and don't let her see you sweat.

unfrumped

Veteran

Y'all are both gorgeous!
More sympathy here. Tatoos and nose piercings, even though both small, just drove me nuts (inwardly) but there's nothing you can do.
What's worse, you're not even able to just "be yourself" and say, well, it's not for me, but that's your choice" because sometimes that's just what they want to hear as justification. I could not bring myself to say, how pretty, though so just tried to ignore it.

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I don't mind small tattoos as long as can be hidden later on in life because there's nothing more horrible looking than a old faded tattoo on aged skin.

My sister got a small one her lower hip/back so it can't be seen unless at the beach. I have small tat on my left shoulder which I now hate (I had gotten in my 20s). I don't even like to show it off anymore.

So, even if you can't change your daughter's mind, at least her tattoo will be somewhere less noticeable.

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

I'd feel exactly the same way that you do, truly. My eldest daughter is 25 and one of the (only) things I've learned is that the more you protest, the more she'll want to do it in order to exert her independence. If you're all on board with it, it will lose a little of its allure if she's doing it as a statement of "you're not the boss of me." My friend whose beautiful blonde daughter spent her 20s with dreads taught me that.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I got my 1st about 2.5 yrs ago, and I love it. If it's well- thought out, not a spur of the moment thing, and she researches the artist and BBB about the place, I think its great, honestly. I wish I had started getting ink at her age, rather than get my 1st at 51. I plan on getting at least 2 more, if my health permits. This is my first , and only, so far....

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biscuitsmom

Veteran

I got my 1st about 2.5 yrs ago, and I love it. If it's well- thought out, not a spur of the moment thing, and she researches the artist and BBB about the place, I think its great, honestly. I wish I had started getting ink at her age, rather than get my 1st at 51. I plan on getting at least 2 more, if my health permits. This is my first , and only, so far....

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biscuitsmom

Veteran

sorry for double post, trying to fix it Your reply

Kari

Veteran

I am a rarity in my city and age bracket for having no ink at all.
It's pretty common. I'm glad she's getting it in a place that's meaningful to her but where it can be easily concealed; I've had friends who had tattooed arms or legs and had to cover their ink with long garments or heavy makeup, and that sounds like a pain. That being said, I've thought about it when I saw really beautiful, meaningful designs.
(love yours, Biscuitsmom!)
I hope she is getting it from somewhere safe and with a design she really likes.

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