I think you look great Janet. In both pictures. The first thing I saw were your beautiful eyes...

But then most women around me don't have cosmetic surgery, so the "improved" version is the one I'm less used to seeing. I'm not even thirty yet and I also look way better when I'm smiling. I guess most people do.

Janet - this may be coming waaaay out of left field, and pardon me if I'm an idiot, but have you ever considered lightening your hair a little? Or adding in highlights right around your face? Your photos show a fairly strong contrast between your paler skin and darker hair.....which can often bring things on our face into stronger focus than necessary.....
Ignore this completely if you want - it was just a thought that occurred to me while examining the last two photos like the forensic scientist I think I am You have the biggest, most beautifully coloured eyes too....

Janet and Debbie, thanks for your good wishes. My surgery is scheduled for May 5. I'll spend one night there in recovery, then home the next morning. I think the first 48 hours are the most uncomfortable, and then after that it's just a matter of waiting for the incisions to heal and the bruising to fade. I'll probably hide out for about 3 weeks so I don't frighten the general population. I'm stocking up on good books and movies to tide me over until I unleash my new mug on the world! Thanks again for your positive support, it really helps to go into something like this knowing others are sending you positive energy. It means a lot!

Lisa, I did have my hair a bit lighter around my face a couple of years ago, but tired of it. I am not as dedicated to prompt salon visits as I should be to maintain my color, I know. So, in addition to the grey roots growing out, I had the highlights turning brassy and growing out as well, resulting in a three-toned hair thing going on, which I didn't love. At least now, with the color pretty much matching my natural base (non-grey) hair color, the grow out blends a bit more. I know the adage about choosing lighter hair color as one ages, but for a while there it just seemed like every soccer mom and their sister in their 40s had the highlighted look, and I felt like rebelling (and nothing against soccer moms, one of my BFF's proudly identifies as one!).

I wouldn't rule it out to try it again, I just started to feel like the "highlighted" look was getting old for me, and I do like the drama and slight bit of edge that a darker color adds. I switch my hair up pretty often, so who knows what I'll do next. I certainly welcome suggestions!

Xtabay, one thing I've heard is that drinking fresh lemonade (not from concentrate) is excellent for healing as well as hydration. I buy fresh frozen lemon juice and use it instead of lemons which are expensive here. Best of luck to you - I plan to do a lot of reading and catching up on movies during my post-surgery as well. The silver lining to being stuck in bed....

Janet, what about ombré hair? My stylist suggested I dye my ends dark blue to follow my cheekbone like contour makeup would, I thought she was cuckoo but it really does create a subtle flattering effect and is not all that common among soccer moms (my peers!) yet.

Una, I would love ombré hair but I don't think it would work as well on my wavy hair (especially since I'm laying off the blow drying lately). It looks amazing on sleek, straight hair, and it's a lot of work to get mine straight. I dunno, has anyone seen successful wavy ombré hair? I also think it looks best on blunter cuts than mine.

Alaskagirl, I'm going to do that lemonade thing for sure. I didn't know you can buy lemon juice in frozen form, so I'm putting it on my grocery list. Well, I guess we'll be recuperating at the same time, so we'll have to keep each other's spirits up. I'm glad you'll have the fab hair to sustain you along the road to recovery. Thanks so much for your good wishes, and I send them right back to you. I'm very glad you're taking care of yourself.

I'm not sure where you live but it's Minute Maid - it comes in a frozen bottle. I buy at my local grocery store but I see it's also at Walmart if you shop there.

Well I'm waiting for wimples to come back in fashion. Maybe when the Boomers get just a little older?

Seriously, look at Mothers Superior. Or Eleanor of Aquitaine. Or Olenna Tyrell. As I imagine it, back in the day, if you actually survived to menopause and beyond, you had a kind of power and wisdom that commanded respect, and the right to cover up the droopy bits.

I now get what Nora Ephron was about when she wrote "I Feel Bad about my Neck" (book title).

Wimples would be a very cost-effective, solution! But I don't think they have them at Nordstrom or even on Amazon.

Yes, droopy is the operative word here. I feel like the human version of Grumpy Cat because my droopy face is making me frowny. Which would be okay if I were a grumpy person, but I'm actually pretty upbeat and cheerful. So the droops have gots to go.

Janet - I hear you re: the highlighted hair thing. I'm wrestling with that myself . It was just a thought, and nothing else

Good luck whatever you decide. These decisions are hard. My main bug is sun damage on my face- I have brown spots and broken capillaries. i am pondering treatment but have not decided if it is too slippery a slope or not. I am 45.

I've always had a bit of droopiness there too, and now that I'm growing my hair out, it seems to be even more obvious. (Back when I had a bob, it wasn't so apparent, I think because long hair tends to elongate the face, emphasizing anything that's drooping.)

Everyone above has a lot of good ideas. If I were you, I would just start with an appointment at a good esthetician's to get more info; that shouldn't cost too much. I recently had a facial, and I saw Botox ads up in the treatment room, so she must do Botox. (I had been under the assumption that that was done only by doctors.) So an esthetician would be able to advise you if that would be the best course of therapy. Mine also does microneedling, which is supposed to stimulate collagen production. So estheticians can be pretty sophisticated.

Is the droopiness from less collagen production? I took a collagen supplement recently (had to stop it because of some health problems I'm dealing with, so I can't tell you what the results would have been). Maybe that would be worth a try. It is Neocell Super Collagen, and it says on the container that it is clinically tested, and 92% had increased skin hydration. There is hardly any taste to the powder; it's not disgusting or anything. I actually thought the taste was pleasant.

There is also a supplement called BioSil, which is another collagen booster. It is by Natural Factors, which is a very highly respected supplement company.

For temporary help, you could perhaps try a facial with egg whites. Egg whites are supposed to tighten the face (albeit temporarily). I've never tried this myself.

An interesting read and topic Janet!
I was very concerned about my face about a decade ago and tried botox, fillers and had eye surgery too. I found it to be expensive and a waste of time and energy for me.
I look at my Mother and her beauty grounds me and takes away the yearning for 'perfection'.
I watched my Father die and all I wanted was for him to live a while longer in the time-worn body he had.
Yet I understand your thoughts and concerns, and will follow your journey!

Janet, this is such a hard decision. I do not know your analytical process but as I sat here pondering this thread these questions came to mind if I consider this issue for myself.

If my jowls are improved what will I see next that bothers me?

How much money am I willing to spend on this endeavor?

How much pain am I willing to go through?

What if I am disappointed after?

What are all the options that will improve my feelings, surgery, Botox, makeup?

I think you are entirely entitled to what you want to do with yourself...
Though if I see something approaching Brazil the movie level...
While going through my mother's paperwork while cleaning out her estate I found a consultant for plastic surgery for her double chin. She never did it. It was genetic for her as she was always slim. I have one too, but it reduced when I lost weight...though it's sorta back now.
I accept aging and really although I have a certain level of vanity, it's tempered as I never had that golden years youth...I never got what I call the "young, pretty and in love" phase.

If you do go through, do research and get more than one consult.

Janet forgive me but I haven't had time read all the comments yet. I understand where you are coming from and I have been travelling a similar road in relation to ageing, how I feel about it and how I feel it is impacting on how I look.

I am quite sceptical of beauty products as I find most of them doing nothing and I concentrate on health and well being hoping it will bring out the best in my skin etc. Having said that I recently tried a product that I feel has made a quite a difference. Not miraculous, but a noticeable difference. I am using something called Manuka Doctor Age Defying Serum - it has bee venom in it and it's the only thing I have ever used that seems to actually reduce puffyness and firm my skin. My area of concern has been under my eyes and the difference has been noticed by my sister and some friends.

My sister on the other hand, she is 48 this year, has been very stressed by what she perceives as changes to her face. Sagging skin in the area of her cheek bones and the jaw line. She suffers from anxiety and her appearance factors into this (btw she is 6ft, blonde and an hourglass - she's a stunner) and she has recently had some botox and fillers. I have only seen photos (we live a few hours from each other) and she looks lovely.

I think it's something we all have to work out for ourselves. I am not anti cosmetic procedures, but I don't feel inclined to go that way.

For what it's worth, I think you look gorgeous but I do understand how you feel. My eyes were getting me so down that I was contemplating my options

One thing I have had to work on is 'smiling' that lifts everything! As you have mentioned about yourself, I also have a shocking case of resting b$%#& face and it doesn't help with looking youthful lol.

I look forward to hearing what you surmise.

xxx

Janet I have not read all of the responses but I did want to say that it would be useful to consult with a dermie and plastic surgeon. Maybe a few. I think you are beautiful but I have a naturally sad face so I can empathize with your concerns. Now that I am older my face looks sad when I am quite happy. DH will ask me if I am upset and I am fine.
When I went to the derm for a skin problem he suggested botox for my sad face. I had asked him if there was a solution other than surgery. I passed on it because as Lisa says it is a money pit.

I do have to agree with many others that you look great in all the photos you shared. Maybe it's partly an eye adjustment thing just like many fashion trends. I know I have to get used to changing face and body things as I age, and sometimes I forget when I look in the mirror expecting to see the "much younger me." I'm not a good candidate for any type of surgery (I don't even have pierced ears) but for those who feel they are, then I'd just say do a lot of homework first.

Some things to try (in addition to whatever you decide to do) might include taking vitamin E on a regular basis and possibly using a Hyaluronic Acid face cream (maybe also take the supplement). I take E twice a day and have noticed an improvement in my skin over several months now. I don't always take or use the HA but I know I should as the results are quite good and it's also suggested for arthritis. The vitamin E has the added advantage of keeping hormones in better balance. If you eat nuts/seeds on a daily basis, maybe you don't need the extra E, but for me it's made a big difference.

My first thought was Botox too, for non-surgical options. But 1) for me, I think that would probably get tiresome, like colouring my hair did and 2) you don't want to end up like Carrie Fisher, who talks like she's had a stroke or too many sessions of electro shock.

Actually, my first thought was of my old stylists' daughter, who told me about people having 30 year cosmetic surgery plans. As I grow older, I feel more sympathy with this idea. But 1) I'm thinking $20K for dental implants will be more pressing and 2) I've had a couple of surgeries and you're really never quite as good after being hacked up and sewn back together. Some sort of integrity is violated. I'm rather concerned about saving strength for big life-saving operations down the road. Or just knee replacement.

I'm trying to listen to my mom's friend: the body betrays! And look way down the road.

ps: meanwhile, I've developed a wrinkle-crease this year down alongside my nose. I want to retinol it out...lol.

Janet, you are a beautiful woman. Yes, I do see the lines you're talking about, but they are very subtle. Remember that people don't see a still picture of you in real life -- they see a living, moving, talking, and smiling person. So what you see when you pose, unsmiling, in the mirror is a way exaggerated version of what everyone else sees.

I think most of us have some insecurity when it comes to aging. (Mine is my eyes. They are becoming more hollow as I age, and I don't like it. Droopy eyelids can make you look tired, but hollow eyes make you look a bit ill. I don't even think it's fixable -- some people just naturally don't have a lot of fat above their upper eyelids, and I'm one of them. Waah. First world problems). This is unsurprising, considering how much women are judged by their looks -- and how youth-focused our culture is. But while everyone has a right to deal with aging by having plastic surgery, I have to admit that I admire those who forego such invasive treatment. There's something about allowing lines and sags to develop that broadcasts a woman's strength of character.

Coming late to this but I am all for cosmetic surgery if you want it and can afford it! As Angie said, I had mine because my weight loss turned my double chin into a turkey neck, but I also had my lower eyelids done and I'm super happy with the results. I will say if you think you want to do it, go ahead and do it now. My surgeon says people our age are super happy with the results and people who wait are sad that they waited so long! Also I think it's important to keep it subtle looking. Out here in So Cal there is definitely a cosmetic surgery "look" that I would avoid at all costs, but apparently the people who have it think it looks good. I'd rather look a little saggier if it means looking more like myself!

And of course it goes without saying that you are gorgeous as you are, but I also get where you're coming from!

Ms. Mary, my stylist's daughter explained to me about the surgery look. She says this group wants you to know they've had surgery. It's not about beauty at all; it's about the surgery. I think that's amazing.

I'm sure I'll have the droopy eyelid surgery at some point, because I'm a contacts wearer and won't be able to see.

This might be something worth looking into as well:

Hyaluronic Acid is also being injected into skin much like Botox, in the
form of Restylane. Since Hyaluronic acid is what gives skin its volume
and fullness, Restylane is injected into wrinkled skin to add fullness
and reduce the prominence of the wrinkles. Hyaluronic acid also attracts
and binds water, and this also helps maintain fullness in the area of
injection. Restylane was approved by the FDA in 2003 for this use.

Hi Janet, I haven't had chance to read all the comments, but I ready your initial post last night and have been thinking about it since.

I thought very seriously about breast surgery several years ago, as I have very small breasts. I took the decision to not have it done, when there was a scare over a certain type of inserts (PIP I recall, a French product). I know that my moment for that type of surgery has past now, but I would think about other surgery.

For me, I am conscious that my face moves and I look very much better when I am smiling, or at least the corners of my mouth are vaguely turned upwards. So, I try to remind myself that faces aren't static, good hair and make up help a great deal to draw attention away from things we may not wish to draw attention to.

So, if I was considering facial surgery, I would make sure my hair and make up were tip top, and then make a decision.

To me, you always look very polished, Your hair and make up look very good, and your eyes are gorgeous. Your wardrobe is lovely. So, with all those aspects resolved, if it were me having given it a great deal of thought, I would feel that it was okay to consider thinking about surgery very seriously.

I agree with Annagybe and XtaBay: It's your choice. You have to live with yourself regardless and you might as well be happy. I know that everyone on the planet tells me how they think I am beautiful. I just do not see it. It is how you view yourself that is key. There are women who do go round the bend with this (there are plenty of examples of celeb women who are unrecognizable now due to over doing surgery). But you will not be among them. I at least would do a couple of consults with a couple of different well-recommended board-certified surgeons to at least get an idea of what might be done.

I had eyelid surgery about a year ago, and I'm so glad I did. My eyelids were drooping and not symmetrically, either. I always looked like I was winking in photos. It was an outpatient procedure. I had to keep my eyes closed the next day, but everything was fairly painless. I never needed to take the pain pills that were prescribed to me.

I don't think your chin area looks bad at all. I understand how you feel though, as my MIL has jewels and hates them (but she's 79...). I'd visit a cosmetic surgeon, gather all the information, and then decide whether to proceed or not. Some even offer free consultations.

Thank you so much for all of the excellent information, and therapeutic feedback! I knew I was not alone, but it's really helpful to hear about various approaches people have tried, and about each of your experiences and ponderings as well. I'm on the go a lot these last few days, so mostly responding on iPhone, and it's too difficult to respond to each person directly, but please know that I am very grateful for all of the constructive comments! Maybe after I get some other personal/business matters sorted out, I'll have time to think about this more later. You've given me some excellent advice to start with. Mwah!